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In the Name of God بسم الله

I really need help . A muslimah I want to marry is hurting me extremely

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I'm feeling extremely sadness and anxiety . So basically I've been in relationship for almost three years with a woman in my home country but I'm living in USA . I need to go propose to her parents as we for three years only have relationship on the Whatsapp and phone and due to job problems mostly buy not having a degree we haven't been able to proceed ahead .  I'm in my late 20s . For all this time we been in love with each other and we had been so intimate with each other in deep love . We had promised to stay together forever and we even promised to God . Some terrible misfortunes happened between us that I doubted her love and argued about it for so long and for the first time in three years she says her love has literally decreased. She's so scared to marry me and she doesn't promise to stay with me . She even told me for the first time that everyone faces misfortunes in life as people do in Yemen and you must accept if we can't be together . I'm extremely hurt and heartbroken . She hadn't broken up but she just doesn't guarantee to stay with me or to insist on it and doesn't want to talk to me like she did for three years . I told her I only want firm love  relationship . After three years of love  she decided to change her mind about me 

Edited by Mahdavist
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The mistake was to have this relationship for three years without being married to one another. Unfortunately you will have to accept the consequences.  

At this point she must either decide to marry you or to end communication with you. These are the two permissible options available. 

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The trust has broken to pieces.  It is difficult to glue it together.  It is painful.  You are holding on to whatever pieces left but not a complete or intact trust.

If she said misfortunes happened, just accept her words and move on and make effort to focus your heart to something else...not easy but can be done if you know how to steer your heart to higher value than stuck with broken trust.

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and Ahlulbayt never break our trust to them.

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On 6/24/2022 at 8:28 PM, Guest Guest said:

I'm feeling extremely sadness and anxiety . So basically I've been in relationship for almost three years with a woman in my home country but I'm living in USA . I need to go propose to her parents as we for three years only have relationship on the Whatsapp and phone and due to job problems mostly buy not having a degree we haven't been able to proceed ahead .  I'm in my late 20s . For all this time we been in love with each other and we had been so intimate with each other in deep love . We had promised to stay together forever and we even promised to God . Some terrible misfortunes happened between us that I doubted her love and argued about it for so long and for the first time in three years she says her love has literally decreased. She's so scared to marry me and she doesn't promise to stay with me . She even told me for the first time that everyone faces misfortunes in life as people do in Yemen and you must accept if we can't be together . I'm extremely hurt and heartbroken . She hadn't broken up but she just doesn't guarantee to stay with me or to insist on it and doesn't want to talk to me like she did for three years . I told her I only want firm love  relationship . After three years of love  she decided to change her mind about me 

If she doesn't want to stay with you, why are you forcing her to stay. Sorry to say this but she does not feel you bro. You should find a better one who could stay with you. Find one who loves you not that which blackmails you.

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Guest Abdul

Sorry to be that guy but your entire relationship was built on haram, may be that's why it wasn't successful. You are not allowed to talk and text a woman who is not a mahram without a marriage contract, you even went deeper and started loving and being intimate with each other which is a sin.

From the start, you should of contacted the father and asked for his permission to do a temporary marriage so you can text and talk and get to know each other in a halal and right manner without feeling guilty of sinning. You can do the contract over the phone since you are not in the same country. 

This is perhaps a test from Allah عز وجل or he knows there is someone out there which is more compatible with you so he is moving you away from this woman. Its really up to you but you need to be wary of warning signs which may cause problems for you down the line in your marriage and this does sound like a warning sign.

May Allah سبحانه وتعالى help you. الله يوفقك 

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