Praying for someone else's guidance

[Guest Sayyeda]

Assalamu Alaikum, 

Unfortunately, I have made a mistake. I have lowered my guards around a male, who couldn't be a potential spouse, as he was sunni. We were just friends and even became bestfriends in college. I fell in love with him, because of many reasons. His akhlaaq, his iman, his faith, his personality, his intelligence and wisdom, his jokes, everything. He was basically ''the one for me'', except that he was not. There is nothing more important to me than Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and I strongly believe in nabuwwat and imamat.

Yes he had love for the Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام), but we all know that is not enough. I tried to convince him, but he was too manipulated by the reasoning that the scholars of ahlul sunnah uses for every bit of proof we have for imamat. Unfortunately, it took too long for me too realize the chances of him becoming a shia were too little (and for him , me becoming a sunni). Of course, we 'broke up', as our deen was more important to us than our strong bond. That day I lost my best friend and a piece of myself. It wasn't just useless love, it was love which brought me closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). He taught me many things about iman and motivated me in my ambitions. Not only does it hurt very much, I also feel empty. Of course, I will not run back to him as long as he does not have faith in the infallibility and the leadership of my imams (and as long as he praises the enemies of my imams), but I still have hope/faith in him becoming a shia one day, him seeing the light and proof. 

I also catch myself asking Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to guide him, so that I can marry him and be with him forever, but it sounds so selfish... Iknow Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grands us whatever is best for us and I won't stop thanking him for guiding me through this test (I couldve stayed with him) and perhaps there is something better for me. But still, I hope HE is the best thing for me & will be my future.

I dont know if anyone has an answer to the question but: Is it selfish for a human being to ask guidance for another person, in order to be able to marry that person? The reason im asking this is because I dont wanna be selfish or rude towards Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) & and the same time I cant stop asking for his guidance, as i miss him..

[Hameedeh]

On 5/30/2022 at 6:07 PM, Guest Sayyeda said:

Unfortunately, I have made a mistake. I have lowered my guards around a male, who couldn't be a potential spouse, as he was sunni.

Salam. I have read your whole post and know that you have learned from this mistake. You are smart and have looked at all the pros and cons and know right from wrong. Making a mistake is always painful, but it is part of growing up. There won't be a next time like this, because you won't make that mistake twice, InShaAllah. 

On 5/30/2022 at 6:07 PM, Guest Sayyeda said:

perhaps there is something better for me. But still, I hope HE is the best thing for me & will be my future.

Giving up on him as a spouse because he is a Sunni could definitely lead to a better spouse selection. You need someone who loves Allah, the Holy Qur'an, and the Holy Ahlul Bayt AS.

I don't know why you did not mention your parents. Are you an orphan? Are your parents distant and don't care about you? Are they pushing you to marry your cousin?

Whatever the sadness you are feeling from that Sunni guy, remember that it was not meant to be. Stop thinking about him. Stay positive. Tell yourself that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has better plans for you. Make dua.

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 5/30/2022 at 6:07 PM, Guest Sayyeda said:

I dont know if anyone has an answer to the question but: Is it selfish for a human being to ask guidance for another person, in order to be able to marry that person? The reason im asking this is because I dont wanna be selfish or rude towards Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) & and the same time I cant stop asking for his guidance, as i miss him.

Salam surely it's not selfish or rude   that you pray for guidance  of another  person  especially him  for guidance  & marriage  which Allah has said that ask me everything  even your shoelaces  .

Quote

The Holy Prophet (S) is reported to have said, “Ask Allah, the All-mighty, the Majestic, whatever crosses your mind of your needs, even for the lace of {your} shoe; for if He does not make that easy, it would not become easy.”

He (S) is also narrated to have said, “Ask Allah for all your needs, even for a broken lace.”67

In another tradition, the Holy Prophet (S) says: “Do not get waried of supplication (du’a’); for none has perished with supplication. Ask Allah even for the lace of your shoe if it gets broken; and ask Allah of His grace, for He loves to be besought.”68

67.Makarim al-Akhlaq, pg.312; and Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.295.
68.Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.300.

 

Quote

Sayf at-Tammar says: “I heard Abu ‘Abdillah {as-Sadiq} saying, ‘Keep on praying (du’a’), for indeed you cannot attain proximity {to Allah} with the like of it. And do not desist from asking for a small {thing} because of it being small, for the one who owns the smaller is the very one who owns the bigger.”69

A Divine Narration says: “O Musa! Ask Me whatever you need, even for the fodder of your cattle and the salt of your bread.”70

69.Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.293; al-Majalis, pg.19; Wasa’il al-Shi’ah, vol.4, pg.1090, hadith no.8635; and Usul al-Kafi, pg.516.
70.‘Uddat ud-Da’i, pg.98.

https://www.al-islam.org/supplication-eyes-ahl-al-bayt-muhammad-mahdi-al-asifi/lawful-and-unlawful-requests

[Ashvazdanghe]

 

Ayatollah Sistani (ha): Getting married to the People of the Book isn’t permissible as an obligatory precaution.  On the other hand, it is okay to get married with Sunnis if there isn’t any fear of going astray and losing Shia beliefs as a result.

Note: Marriage between Shias and some “Muslim” sects such as: The Ghulat, The Nasebis and The Khawarij, who falsely claim themselves Muslim, but in reality are Kafirs, isn’t permissible.

Quote

The viewpoints of Shia scholars regarding the marriage of Shias with Sunnis are as follows:

Ayatollah Fazel Lankarani (رضي الله عنه): The marriage of a Muslim woman with a Non-Muslim man is batil (void), the marriage of a Shia woman with a Sunni man is makruh, the marriage of a Muslim man with a Non-Muslim woman is also void unless the marriage is a temporary one (mutah), and the marriage of a Shia man with a Sunni woman is okay.

Ayatollah Bahjat (رضي الله عنه): Temporary marriage with the People of the Book (Ahlul-Kitab) is correct and as an obligatory precaution it isn’t permissible to perform the marriage contract of a Shia girl or woman and Sunni man.

Ayatollah Sistani (ha): Getting married to the People of the Book isn’t permissible as an obligatory precaution.  On the other hand, it is okay to get married with Sunnis if there isn’t any fear of going astray and losing Shia beliefs as a result.

Ayatollah Makarem Shirazi (ha): It isn’t permissible for a Muslim to get married to a Non-Muslim, while it is okay for Shia men to get married to Sunni women, but taken into consideration that there are chances of going astray for Shia women getting married to Sunni men, such a marriage isn’t permissible.

Note: Marriage between Shias and some “Muslim” sects such as: The Ghulat, The Nasebis and The Khawarij, who falsely claim themselves Muslim, but in reality are Kafirs, isn’t permissible.

http://askislam.ir/en/category/islamic-laws/marriage/

[Guest Abdul]

There is nothing wrong with praying and making dua for others, its actually advised and mustahib but know that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has saved you something better in the future for you, if this guy doesn't work out. I know it's hard and difficult to accept sometimes because we human beings are stubborn and question why is this happening to me and such and such. 

I would advise you against marrying this man because I want you to look in the future and think of your children, don't be selfish and only think of yourself, the man will obviously make your children follow him. There is many men similar to what you described around, don't limit yourself and be blinded by just 1 person.

Keep in mind that love without a marriage contract is haram so your relationship with him is not permissible.

[Ashvazdanghe]

Salam related thread

[Abu Hadi]

On 5/30/2022 at 7:07 PM, Guest Sayyeda said:

Assalamu Alaikum, 

Unfortunately, I have made a mistake. I have lowered my guards around a male, who couldn't be a potential spouse, as he was sunni. We were just friends and even became bestfriends in college. I fell in love with him, because of many reasons. His akhlaaq, his iman, his faith, his personality, his intelligence and wisdom, his jokes, everything. He was basically ''the one for me'', except that he was not. There is nothing more important to me than Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and I strongly believe in nabuwwat and imamat.

Yes he had love for the Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام), but we all know that is not enough. I tried to convince him, but he was too manipulated by the reasoning that the scholars of ahlul sunnah uses for every bit of proof we have for imamat. Unfortunately, it took too long for me too realize the chances of him becoming a shia were too little (and for him , me becoming a sunni). Of course, we 'broke up', as our deen was more important to us than our strong bond. That day I lost my best friend and a piece of myself. It wasn't just useless love, it was love which brought me closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). He taught me many things about iman and motivated me in my ambitions. Not only does it hurt very much, I also feel empty. Of course, I will not run back to him as long as he does not have faith in the infallibility and the leadership of my imams (and as long as he praises the enemies of my imams), but I still have hope/faith in him becoming a shia one day, him seeing the light and proof. 

I also catch myself asking Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to guide him, so that I can marry him and be with him forever, but it sounds so selfish... Iknow Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grands us whatever is best for us and I won't stop thanking him for guiding me through this test (I couldve stayed with him) and perhaps there is something better for me. But still, I hope HE is the best thing for me & will be my future.

I dont know if anyone has an answer to the question but: Is it selfish for a human being to ask guidance for another person, in order to be able to marry that person? The reason im asking this is because I dont wanna be selfish or rude towards Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) & and the same time I cant stop asking for his guidance, as i miss him..

Your case is exactly why we have strict rules about mahram / non mahram. It is to prevent these types of situations from happening. If there is a man, whether he is Shia or Sunni, Christian, Jewish, or Atheist, who is not mahram to you, you cannot have any type of a friendly, informal relationship where you are hanging around together, joking, conversations that are not specific to work or a task, etc. When men and women who are non mahram and physically attracted to each other are in these situations, automatically and without conscious thought attachment will develop. This attachment will get stronger. This is lust and not love, love is something entirely different but some people confuse this with love because it has some of the same characteristics. 

As a human being, you have a dual nature, an animal nature (nafs al ammara) and an angelic nature (many different levels of this). Lust is from the animal nature and love is from the angelic nature. Lust in necessary for survivial / reproduction of the species and we have this in common with animals because they feel lust also. At the same time, as muslims we are commanded by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to only allow lust to enter into the relationship when it is husband and wife. 

[Guest Umme_mustafa]

Been there done that, just don’t pursue this. Wilayate Ali and azadari e hussain is more important than these filthy boys.

They will only be nice in the beginning and till you realise that their nice behaviour and jokes are not everything it’s going to be too late. 
 

Please sister, I wish someone would have explained me this but I made a huge mistake due to no guidance 

[ireallywannaknow]

In this circumstance time is really the best healer. Just give it time and you will be able to see things more clearly and be over him to some extent. Also you can make dua to Allah to remove the love and infatuation you have for him from your heart if he is not right for you. Most likely in a year or so you will look back at this and thank Allah for the huge blessing and mercy of saving you from yourself.