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In the Name of God بسم الله

Would you consider marrying someone who doesn't observe proper Hijab?

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Posted (edited)

For women, it is to cover their hair. 

And for men it is to lower their gaze. 

My question is for men who are looking for prospective spouse, would you consider a shia-Muslim who does not observe Hijab currently? 

And should I? 

I know people can change in the future and some may say that after marriage she may observe the hijab, but I am just unsure, what if they don't. 

Thoughts and advice? 

Should this be a criteria for judging someone during the selection of spouse candidates? 

 

P.S. I know I'm in no way an amazing Muslim, but I try. I am not judging anyone for their choice of a lifestyle or religious practice. 

Also we haven't gone through the beginning of courtship yet, we are practically just relatives at this point. I was curious about people's take and opinion on this 'factor'. 

Edited by Zavon
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  • Advanced Member
2 minutes ago, Zavon said:

My question is for men who are looking for prospective spouse, would you consider a shia-Muslim who does not observe Hijab currently? 

Although I am not looking for "prospective spouse" :blush: but I think there is no problem in it. One can educate the "prospective spouse" and convince her the need of hijab. 

Wassalam!!

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Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Cool said:

Although I am not looking for "prospective spouse" :blush: but I think there is no problem in it. One can educate the "prospective spouse" and convince her the need of hijab. 

Wassalam!!

Thank you for your response!

With all this messed up form of feminism going strong in my country (Pakistan), I am unsure how effective this 'convincing' can be, since you can't really force someone to change their lifestyle. 

But yes, I just wanted a subjective answer of what 'you would do'. So I guess you may be right. 

In Shaa Allah, we all will find practicing and loving spouse!

Edited by Zavon
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Some times people takes time to realize what is good for them. So there is no need to force someone. Let everyone adopt the goodness on their own, in that way it will be everlasting otherwise you may force someone to wear hijab but you cannot enforce the spiritual purity which would be the outcome of doing hijab by own will and by realizing its importance and its reality.

Wassalam!

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5 minutes ago, Cool said:

Some times people takes time to realize what is good for them. So there is no need to force someone. Let everyone adopt the goodness on their own, in that way it will be everlasting otherwise you may force someone to wear hijab but you cannot enforce the spiritual purity which would be the outcome of doing hijab by own will and by realizing its importance and its reality.

Wassalam!

I realize I was being short sighted. As long as the person's character is good in general, everything will work out In Shaa Allah. :)

Also, thank you for responding! 

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You would find many good people not doing proper hijab. If they are roaming around half naked, then it’s a different story altogether and I won’t touch them with a 9ft pole.

You would find many people corrupted but doing hijab too. 

Hijab or beard in itself is not a measure of person being marriage worthy or not. Look for 80% likemindedness, if there are important overlaps in principals and values (religion is big part of it) that you hold dear, then go for it.

If she started doing hijab later on due to you, there would be a bonus Houurr waiting for you in the next world -:)

For now, there is noting wrong in informing her beforehand that you would prefer for her to start doing all things wajib in Islam including the observance of Hijab. 

For marriage, commit to grow better in relationship to Allah in future, and as long as you both agree to it, go for it. 

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12 hours ago, Zavon said:

For women, it is to cover their hair. 

And for men it is to lower their gaze. 

My question is for men who are looking for prospective spouse, would you consider a shia-Muslim who does not observe Hijab currently? 

And should I? 

I know people can change in the future and some may say that after marriage she may observe the hijab, but I am just unsure, what if they don't. 

Thoughts and advice? 

Should this be a criteria for judging someone during the selection of spouse candidates? 

 

P.S. I know I'm in no way an amazing Muslim, but I try. I am not judging anyone for their choice of a lifestyle or religious practice. 

Also we haven't gone through the beginning of courtship yet, we are practically just relatives at this point. I was curious about people's take and opinion on this 'factor'. 

A person can say 'I will not marry a woman unless her hijab is 100% correct' only if this person's hijab is 100% correct. Did the guy 'lower his gaze' 100% of the time and never deviated. If he did that, then he has the right to ask for the same level of hijab in his wife. If he didn't, then he must realize that both spouses are 'on the road' to having 100% correct hijab and they can help each other out if they encourage each other in matter of Iman and Taqwa. This is one of the main reasons for marriage. 

I think the criteria should be that a man should look for a woman whose hijab is as correct as his hijab is. 

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I think it can certainly be a criterion but should not necessarily be the only one. Remember that nobody is perfect and remember also that marriage is recommended and even becomes obligatory if you are falling into sin. 

If there are no major red flags and you don't have a lot of alternatives then you should at least consider it. 

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12 hours ago, Zavon said:

With all this messed up form of feminism going strong in my country (Pakistan), I am unsure how effective this 'convincing' can be, since you can't really force someone to change their lifestyle. 

Wouldn't it be better to tell her upfront that you are looking for a wife who would wear hijab? If she is against hijab or hates hijab, it could be difficult to convince her. Make a compromise with her. Tell her that hijab is her own personal choice, but there are certain events in life where you would want her to accompany you and her wearing hijab would be required (masjid, Islamic Center, Husseiniya, wedding, funeral, etc). 

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I would expand on the sisters comments by saying that, at a minimum, she should at least be open to the idea of wearing the hijab that is required by Hukm Sharia, i.e. the covering of the hair and the rest of the body except the hands, feet, and face in a way that doesn't reveal her form. Some sisters are not aware of what the requirements for hijab are, what are the basis for them in Hadith and Quran. They haven't been convinced thru rational discussion of the need for it. Also, some might have wrong ideas about what is required, Islamically, and what is not. There are various other reasons, but she should be open to discuss the topic. If she is not even willing to discuss the issue, then I think this is a red flag. 

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You can classify the kinds of women who don't wear hijab:

1. Those who don't know they should wear it.

2. Those who don't believe they should wear it.

3. Those who by force can't wear it.

4. Those who don't wear it, but would like to in the future once they build the strength/iman.

5. Those who know that they should wear it, but choose not to.

 

I don't think there's really an excuse for #5. Sure you can be mostly good and get into Heaven, but to deliberately go against what you believe is a command from Allah is not a quality that I seek in a spouse. It's "fine" if it's out of ignorance, weakness, or oppression. But to choose not to when you do know better tells me that we're not on the same page and won't make for a successful couple.

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Salaam, 

If hijab is important to you, then she should already be wearing it of her own accord when you marry and in sha Allah she should have a good heartfelt  understanding for why shes wearing it, not cuz her dad or her brothers or so and so expect her to wear it...because if she doesnt have this knowledge or if you try to convince her yourself to wear it, she may actually do so for awhile, but the likelihood that she will eventually take it off is pretty good..

For many sisters, hijab is not easy. Not because they want to be sexy and run around wild with their hair showing, but because it can be very difficult to manage. Its hot, makes your scalp itch in warm weather, flies in your face while walking down stairs which can momentarily blind her, can fly up onto her ice cream cone or other food when eating getting it all filthy and sticky, theres almost always tiny hairs that escape at the edge of the scarf cap that tickle and itch the side of the face, depending on how its worn, when she uses the public restroom or any other sink or wash space, if its long enough it gets wet and rubs against the counter which is nasty, it can be an impediment for seeing the peripheral while driving, and im sure it is difficult to deal with when trying to tote around an infant/unruly toddler etc, and on and on and on.

( Pinning it down all over the head to keep it from moving isnt an option for every female because it can become quite frustrating when your scalp is itching and driving you mad cuz its a hot day but youre unable to effectively scratch the itch because there are sharp pins all over your head)

A sister has to have pretty good resolve to put up with all the irritants that wearing hijab can cause. That resolve should stem from religious beliefs and understanding cuz without that, its very difficult for quite a few sisters to stick it out, so again, if hijab is important to you, you best find someone who already is accustomed to and believes in wearing it for the right reasons.

And i could be wrong, but I believe men having a beard is a major part of the male hijab, which many men themselves complain of their beards itching and other issues, but that is a subject for another thread.

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