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In the Name of God بسم الله

A problem I am having

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14 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

So I don't know what to do in this situation. I need to pick up my son, but I don't want to scare anyone, especially Muslima young ladies. Dearborn is next to Detroit, which is a high crime area, so these ladies are already on edge, not much I can do about that but I don't want to add to their problems. So I though about asking my son to wait for me somewhere else, that is away from this area. The problem is that any other area is far for him to walk and it is cold right now (temperatures below freezing), so I also don't want to make him walk somewhere far in the cold. 

I actually have no idea what to do. Suggestions ? 

Thanks for sharing the scenario that is being faced by yourself and your nice intentions to take care of Muslimah young ladies.

As far as i am able to understand the scenario the suggestion can be given is that you might  recognize / identify your vehicle by some slogan / title words placed on your vehicle "Subhan Allah", "Masha Allah" or "Allah hu Akber" etc, if possible.  This is alike we see in some countries where these words are put on the side, back or front of vehicle for representing their love and respect for Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), the prophet or some imams as well.  This identification may at least let those ladies know that your are a muslim and not what their mind as first sight thinks about Police etc or others.

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You may also call by son with Salam loudly when you reach to pick him. I hope this may give some solution / improvement for the problem being faced in the described scenario.

This is my sincere  suggestion in the light of described situation that i have imagined. 

Wasalam

Edited by Muslim2010
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Perhaps park a bit further away in the parking lot and stay in your car, and have your son walk to the car? Or point them out to your son and have him go let them know they don’t need worry 

Edited by Uni Student
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Thank u all for your kind replies. I think i am just going to stay in my car and park further back from the roundabout. My son will have to walk a little further than normal but not too much and i think its worth it. I will tell him why i am doing it and i think he will agree with me.

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Salam alaykum,

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here! I just wanted to add that eventually you are likely yo be seen with your son and will be known as a father of a student. Inshallah it won’t take too long for them to see you are a-OK.. In the meantime, I wonder if wearing a salah cap a couple of times may highlight that you are one of them?

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect all our children.

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1 hour ago, Iman said:

Salam alaykum,

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here! I just wanted to add that eventually you are likely yo be seen with your son and will be known as a father of a student. Inshallah it won’t take too long for them to see you are a-OK.. In the meantime, I wonder if wearing a salah cap a couple of times may highlight that you are one of them?

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect all our children.

they'll take him for a jew thats come back to avenge the synagogue hostages :itsok:

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Wa alaikum as salam.

The most straightforward way would be to speak to them briefly and explain that your son goes to school there and you come to pick him up. 

Moving the car doesn't solve the issue it just disguises it. Maybe these girls will reevaluate their mindset and realize that there wasn't anything to be scared of in the first place. 

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14 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

So I don't know what to do in this situation. I need to pick up my son, but I don't want to scare anyone, especially Muslima young ladies. Dearborn is next to Detroit, which is a high crime area, so these ladies are already on edge, not much I can do about that but I don't want to add to their problems. So I though about asking my son to wait for me somewhere else, that is away from this area. The problem is that any other area is far for him to walk and it is cold right now (temperatures below freezing), so I also don't want to make him walk somewhere far in the cold. 

Salam as @Mahdavist  has mentioned moving car doesn't  solve your problem which I recommend  to find a way for picking up your son with some of his friends  in school or if it is possible  talk with parents of Muslima young ladies in order to you can pick up them with permission  of their parents which if your wife accompanies  you in your car then Muslima young ladies can trust you which I think it helps problems  of both two sides because they won't stay longer in cold also you will earn more trust & probably  new friends in muslim community .

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Salaam Alsykum,

First, I want you to know that I like your police car. Is it as big as Tahoe?

It's good that you think of those muslim girls. You don't need to get out of the car. Call and tell your son that hey I'm outside. Come here. Give him direction on the phone. Or if you have another car, preferably small car like civic, go with that car.

If you have to get out of the car, you can wear muslim dress like arab men. You just wanna be out with that dress for 5mins. Who cares? Or else, wear old dress and walk like a humble person very slow. Another thing, those girls walk away first 1, 2, 3 times. Eventualy they see you with your son and realize you are just there to pick up your son. I mean you can give it some time.

Edited by Quran313
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The suggestions are good, but here is the problem.

1. It is not one group of young ladies. It changes all the time. I have lived in the community for a while so some of them know who I am and are not scared. The college is constantly getting new students, and others are leaving so the group is mostly new. Dearborn is a big community (not sure if everyone knows this), probably 250,000  plus Muslim families live in the city and surrounding areas. Talking to the ladies in the group is not really an option. I would have to constantly be talking to the new ones, and that's a problem for obvious reasons. It might actually make the situation worse

There is another issue, which I know is hard for people living outside the US to understand. I didn't really want to go into this here, since it is probably OT, but I need to explain a little. In most places (I have traveled to different countries), these ladies would stand together as a group, at least for safety reasons, then there wouldn't be an issue. In this community, although they are all Muhajibah, some are Iraqi(first generation), some Iraqi(second generation, third gen, born in the US), some Lebanese(first gen), Lebanese(second, third, fourth gen), Iranian, some Egyptian, Jordanian, Palestinian, Indo/Pak, Yemeni, a few  are American reverts to Islam, etc. These groups don't tend to get along with each other or communicate with one another, although they are all Muslima. I know it's weird and difficult to understand for some. 

Instead of standing as a group, at least for safety reasons, they won't. They'll see if anyone else from their little group is there. If there isn't one, they will stand by themselves, which increases their fear level, probably although I don't know for sure. They call this 'being independent' ? . So that is part of the problem. 

2. I would like to go with my wife, but she works during that time (on the days I pick my son up). 

3. Its a Ford Explorer. (7 passenger). Smaller than a Tahoe, 8/9 passenger. The Dearborn Police drive Explorers, although these have modified engines so they are alot faster than mine. You can't tell that by looking at it from the outside. 

I know the parking thing isn't an ideal solution, but I think it's better than what I am doing now. I'm still taking suggestions. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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If you are there every week, they will get used to you, but to be proactive, parking a little farther away seems a good solution. 

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Don't get out of the car with a gun in your hand cause this makes them more scared :)

Buy a used car for your son or see if he can buy himself with his own money, and ask him to come home himself from now on. He learn responsibility towards his car, feel more independent, doesnt need to wait for you in winter, and you don't need to worry about those girls. A used toyota is like $5k and works very well. My student car was a mazda3 2007 with 115k mileage that I bought from a guy for $2k.

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6 hours ago, Quran313 said:

Don't get out of the car with a gun in your hand cause this makes them more scared :)

Buy a used car for your son or see if he can buy himself with his own money, and ask him to come home himself from now on. He learn responsibility towards his car, feel more independent, doesnt need to wait for you in winter, and you don't need to worry about those girls. A used toyota is like $5k and works very well. My student car was a mazda3 2007 with 115k mileage that I bought from a guy for $2k.

Used cars are going for really high right now!

Speaking of which, want to buy a 2005 Lincoln Aviator?  I'm planning to ask $4K OBO. It's got heated seats and a moonroof. 

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1 hour ago, notme said:

Used cars are going for really high right now!

Speaking of which, want to buy a 2005 Lincoln Aviator?  I'm planning to ask $4K OBO. It's got heated seats and a moonroof. 

Yep, used car prices went really high recently. I remember I could buy a reliable budget car under $3k 5,6 years ago, but it costs $4k or 5$k now. It may deviate us from the OP topic, but I don't care about heated seats or moonroof, fancy stuff. I want a car that takes me from point A to B without any problem within a time span of 5,6 years. This particular car you said seems to be good one though (I'm not sure). 

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3 hours ago, Quran313 said:

This particular car you said seems to be good one though (I'm not sure). 

No, it's really not. I need to get someone much less honest than me to sell it! The heated seats and moon roof are the only good things I have to say about it. 

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Ok if it is a different group of students each time then I agree that going and speaking to them isn't the solution.

Seems to me that the problem is on their side rather than yours. Even if you try to park elsewhere, there will always be someone who doesn't notice such things or wouldn't bother to do so. These young women simply need to get used to the fact that they live in a multicultural society. 

I don't think you need to do anything differently. With time they will simply learn that a person's character is not defined by race, gender or physique. 

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