Intro to Shia Islam for a potential Sunni wife prospect

[coldcow]

Salaam.  So, I'm on the search for a wife, and I've run into a few sunni girls that were great, but they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them.  I was wondering if anyone has a list of key points to explain to Sunnis about Shia Islam.

My goal isn't to convert her to Shia Islam, but to make her more understanding of it, and to make her realize that a lot of what she hear about us is probably false.

So what are the key points that I should bring up, or be prepared to answer questions about?

[Ashvazdanghe]

Salam there is many stereotypical  issues likewise accusing  Shias to having different  Quran & insulting Companions  & elffagation which these issues have been responded in https://www.al-islam.org which you can find books & answers  there which one of recommendations could be books of Dr Tijani who has explained  it in his books  from Sunni viewpoint .

https://www.al-islam.org/person/muhammad-al-tijani-al-samawi

[guest 2025]

I would really recommend watching this

 

 

[coldcow]

Came across this link written by a Sunni girl who married a Shia boy.  Just her perspective on how they made it work.

https://aquila-style.com/my-sunni-shia-marriage-isnt-easy-but-not-as-thorny-as-youd-think/

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

What's wrong with with our Shia sisters?

How can you embrace someone who is going to raise your children according to her religious leanings?  

Her love of Aisha and Aisha's malice towards our Imams is something not to be taken lightly.  Same with the other usupers.

I don't understand why the sunni preference over our Shia sisters.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

[coldcow]

On 2/16/2022 at 10:53 PM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

What's wrong with with our Shia sisters?

How can you embrace someone who is going to raise your children according to her religious leanings?  

Her love of Aisha and Aisha's malice towards our Imams is something not to be taken lightly.  Same with the other usupers.

I don't understand why the sunni preference over our Shia sisters.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

I have no preference of Sunnis over Shias.  I simply want someone that is Muslim and compatible with me.  Sunni/Shia is a man-made distinction.  All relevant practices and preferences should be discussed prior to marriage.

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

It's a fact that Allah choose Imam Ali 3la salam as the divine leader after the departure of Rasoul Allah.

Sure you can discuss your preferences, but that doesn't mean it will be implemented towards your children.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

[coldcow]

1 hour ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

It's a fact that Allah choose Imam Ali 3la salam as the divine leader after the departure of Rasoul Allah.

Sure you can discuss your preferences, but that doesn't mean it will be implemented towards your children.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

It's cool that you think that, although it is technically opinion.  But that doesn't make Sunnis any less of Muslims.  I'd rather marry a practicing sunni than a shia who is muslim in name only.

[Guest Psychological Warfare]

fyi

[Mod Note: Click "Expand" to read the viewpoints of these Shia scholars:]

Quote

These are the viewpoints of Shia scholars regarding your question:

Question: What is the ruling on the marriage of Muslims with Non-Muslims and Shias with Sunnis?

The office of Ayatullah Fazel Lankarani:

The marriage of a Muslim woman with a Non-Muslim man is batil (void), the marriage of a Shia woman with a Sunni man is makruh, the marriage of a Muslim man with a Non-Muslim woman is also void unless the marriage is a temporary one (mut’ah), and the marriage of a Shia man with a Sunni woman is okay.

The office of Ayatullah Bahjat:

Temporary marriage with the People of the Book (Ahlul-Kitab) is correct and as an obligatory precaution it isn’t permissible to perform the marriage contract of a Shia girl or woman and Sunni man.

The office of Ayatullah Sistani:

Getting married to the People of the Book isn’t permissible as an obligatory precaution. On the other hand, it is okay to get married with Sunnis if there isn’t any fear of going astray and losing Shia beliefs as a result.

The office of Ayatullah Makarem Shirazi:

It isn’t permissible for a Muslim to get married to a Non-Muslim, while it is okay for Shia men to get married to Sunni women, but taken into consideration that there are chances of going astray for Shia women getting married to Sunni men, such a marriage isn’t permissible.

Note: Marriage between Shias and some “Muslim” sects such as: The Ghulat, The Nasebis and The Khawarij, who falsely claim themselves Muslim, but in reality are Kafirs, isn’t permissible.[1][2]

https://www.islamquest.net/en/archive/fa1852

Kindly, understand that the Islamic Scholars ( Fallible men) tend to define Islamic Knowledge in three broad categories (1) Fundamental of Faith ( Aqeeda), (2) Islamic Ethics, (3) Islamic Fiqh / Jurisprudence. 

Jurists are experts in the Third Category i.e Islamic Fiqh / Jurisprudence.  

"Marriage" is governed by All Three categories, and the "Marriage Contract" is governed by Islamic Fiqh / Jurisprudence. 

This is why the clause of "Fundamental of Faith ( Aqeeda) is included in the Fiqhi / Jurisprudence Opinion i.e Legal opinion, dealing with the Legality of the Contract. 

If a Jurist say it is Mubah ( Allowed/Permissible / Optional- Meaning the legal opinion is Neutral/Optional, The act is permitted/permissible/allowed at the same time you can refrain form it. At your Discretion)

In this case if there were three Variables which will influence your decision One - the Legal aspect is Neutral/Optional so need to relay or take direction form the other two, of which the Faith ( Aqeeda) has priority.  

Commonsense dictates that two people can't enter into a contract with opposing view or vision the partnership will not flourish. Even in a business contract both partners need to have a same vision for the business otherwise the business will fail.  Is it illegal for two people to enter into a business contract. From legal point of view, It is permissible/optional. However, if the parties to the contract have different intentions or vision, this contract or partnership will fail. 

Edited February 19, 2022 by ShiaChat Mod
Mod Note

[VoidVortex]

8 hours ago, Guest Psychological Warfare said:

 

Commonsense dictates that two people can't enter into a contract with opposing view or vision the partnership will not flourish. Even in a business contract both partners need to have a same vision for the business otherwise the business will fail.  Is it illegal for two people to enter into a business contract. From legal point of view, It is permissible/optional. However, if the parties to the contract have different intentions or vision, this contract or partnership will fail. 

This, OP if you have the option then try marry a shia girl. The reason is because you will eventually clash, especially with the children. You do not have to settle for a shia by name. Ask Allah to grant you a pious shia wife. It's permissible but you have to think carefully and not rush.

[Abu_Zahra]

Wa alaikum as salaam

Keeping in mind the wide range of thoughts and stances that people of different schools of thoughts have on one another, it's probably best to ask the individual what their objections specifically are and then to determine if they apply to you or not.

[Abu Hadi]

On 1/17/2022 at 9:09 PM, coldcow said:

Salaam.  So, I'm on the search for a wife, and I've run into a few sunni girls that were great, but they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them.  I was wondering if anyone has a list of key points to explain to Sunnis about Shia Islam.

My goal isn't to convert her to Shia Islam, but to make her more understanding of it, and to make her realize that a lot of what she hear about us is probably false.

So what are the key points that I should bring up, or be prepared to answer questions about?

I have said this before, and I think it's appropriate here. Don't marry a 'project'. The vast majority of people don't change, no matter what evidence you give them. If you are going to marry a lady who is Sunni, expect that she will always be Sunni. If she embraces path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)), consider this a 'bonus', but don't expect it to happen. If she fits all your other criteria, except that she is Sunni, this shouldn't stop you from marrying her, and you shouldn't expect her to 'change' in order to marry her. Obviously, finding a lady who is on the path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) is very much preferable, if you can find one.  The main reason is that the mother is the primary influencer of the children when they are young. For the children to start out life having their primary influencer being someone who is not on the path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) is a kind of injustice to them. 

'to make her realize a lot of what she hear about us is probably false' is a good goal to have, but don't mix this goal with marriage. You don't have to marry someone to convince them of this. It is easy to do. The only Sunnis who believe these ridiculous things about Shia, like we worship (astaghfirAllah) Imam Ali((عليه السلام)), or that we have a different Quran, or that we believe Angel Gibrael made a 'mistake' when he gave the wahi to Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h), etc, are those who are ignorant by their own choice. If they talked to one knowledgeable Shia person and asked them, or were around them for any length of time, they would stop believing that. The only people who believe in those ridiculous things are like the Christian Zionists who live in a bubble which they made themselves and never bother to look outside of it. These are the truly 'Jahil', i.e. ignorant by choice, and there is no amount of facts that will convince them. It is better to not talk to those, and definitely don't marry them. Most Sunnis are not like this, btw. 

 

[coldcow]

10 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

Wa alaikum as salaam

Keeping in mind the wide range of thoughts and stances that people of different schools of thoughts have on one another, it's probably best to ask the individual what their objections specifically are and then to determine if they apply to you or not.

This is true.  And I will ask them sometimes.  The vast majority of Sunni girls that see my profile and message me say "no thanks" as soon as they find out I'm Shia.  So it fixes itself pretty often.  But this one girl I was talking to started asking questions, and when I answered them, she was like "it doesn't seem like we should be so different." And it's for those that I would like to potentially explore more with.  

On 2/19/2022 at 5:29 AM, VoidVortex said:

This, OP if you have the option then try marry a shia girl. The reason is because you will eventually clash, especially with the children. You do not have to settle for a shia by name. Ask Allah to grant you a pious shia wife. It's permissible but you have to think carefully and not rush.

Yeah, I'm certainly not ignoring shia girls.  But the vast, vast majority I have come across that are within my age range are either not religious at all, or view me as not Shia enough for them.  

7 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

I have said this before, and I think it's appropriate here. Don't marry a 'project'. The vast majority of people don't change, no matter what evidence you give them. If you are going to marry a lady who is Sunni, expect that she will always be Sunni. If she embraces path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)), consider this a 'bonus', but don't expect it to happen. If she fits all your other criteria, except that she is Sunni, this shouldn't stop you from marrying her, and you shouldn't expect her to 'change' in order to marry her. Obviously, finding a lady who is on the path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) is very much preferable, if you can find one.  The main reason is that the mother is the primary influencer of the children when they are young. For the children to start out life having their primary influencer being someone who is not on the path of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) is a kind of injustice to them. 

'to make her realize a lot of what she hear about us is probably false' is a good goal to have, but don't mix this goal with marriage. You don't have to marry someone to convince them of this. It is easy to do. The only Sunnis who believe these ridiculous things about Shia, like we worship (astaghfirAllah) Imam Ali((عليه السلام)), or that we have a different Quran, or that we believe Angel Gibrael made a 'mistake' when he gave the wahi to Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h), etc, are those who are ignorant by their own choice. If they talked to one knowledgeable Shia person and asked them, or were around them for any length of time, they would stop believing that. The only people who believe in those ridiculous things are like the Christian Zionists who live in a bubble which they made themselves and never bother to look outside of it. These are the truly 'Jahil', i.e. ignorant by choice, and there is no amount of facts that will convince them. It is better to not talk to those, and definitely don't marry them. Most Sunnis are not like this, btw. 

 

All excellent points.  I definitely agree that people don't change.  And in the rare instance that they do, they can always change back.  Gotta marry them for who they are today.  

Not trying to marry someone to convince them about Shias, but I mean if someone is otherwise pious, and of good character, and we get along great for multiple reasons, then if I can get them to accept my views, and we can come to an agreement on raising kids, and all the other issues, then why not try?

[coldcow]

https://www.al-islam.org/inquiries-about-shia-islam-sayyid-moustafa-al-qazwini/who-are-shia

For future reference, if anyone needs it.  

[Cool]

On 1/18/2022 at 7:09 AM, coldcow said:

but they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them.

I find this demand quite strange...

If you are not asking the potential candidates to become Shia, why the girls are demanding from you to become Sunni?

I would suggest you to rather look at Shia families. You probably find one from there. The reason is very simple, don't bring "confused sushi" offspring in this world. 

[Dubilex]

On 2/17/2022 at 4:53 AM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

What's wrong with with our Shia sisters?

How can you embrace someone who is going to raise your children according to her religious leanings?  

Her love of Aisha and Aisha's malice towards our Imams is something not to be taken lightly.  Same with the other usupers.

I don't understand why the sunni preference over our Shia sisters.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

Love is blind. When looking for a spouse, their akhlaq and character of the potential wife/husband is more important than what religious group they belong to. 

Edited March 14, 2022 by Dubilex

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Ali is with Truth, and Truth is with Ali.

We are not talking about any individual, this is Amir al mo2mneen.

And when you marry, it's about procreating children.  Who is raising them, who will nuture them and sprout the love of Rasoul Allah and his progeny to their hearts?

We know what the enemies of Ahulbayt did to them.  If not, go watch Hajj Khalil Jafar and the Orthodox of Islam videos.  A whole series of what those tyrants did to Amir al mo2mneen, Sayyida Fatima Al Zahra and the grandchildren of Rasoul Allah.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

[Ashvazdanghe]

On 1/18/2022 at 5:39 AM, coldcow said:

My goal isn't to convert her to Shia Islam, but to make her more understanding of it, and to make her realize that a lot of what she hear about us is probably false.

So what are the key points that I should bring up, or be prepared to answer questions about?

Salam although  providing answers & sources is good but on the other hand your deeds & action will be more important  than discussion  

Quote

امام صادق(علیه السلام) كونوا دُعاةً لِلنّاسِ بِغَيرِ ألسِنَتِكُم ، لِيَرَوا مِنكُمُ الوَرَعَ وَالاِجتِهادَ وَالصَّلاةَ وَالخَيرَ ، فَإِنَّ ذلِكَ داعِيَةٌ

الكافي : 2 / 78 / 14 ، وذكر أيضًا في : 105 / 10  

Imam Sadiq (as): Invite people without your tongue [to your religion], so that they may see piety and hard work [in action and worship] and prayer and goodness from you; Because these are the [best] preachers.

Al kafi :14/78/2 also it has been mentioned  in:10/105

https://www.hadithlib.com/hadithtxts/view/700758

Quote

محمد بن يحيي عن احمد بن محمد عن الحجال عن العلاء عن ابن ابي يعفور قال قال ابو عبد الله (عليه السلام) كونوا دعاة للناس بغير السنتكم ليروا منكم الورع والاجتهاد والصلاة والخير فان ذلك داعية

Muhammad ibn Yahya has narrated from Ahmad ibn Muhammad from al-Hajjal from al-Ala from ibn abu Yafur from abu Abd Allah (ع) who has said the following: “Abu Abd Allah (ع) has said, Preach to people without your tongue. You must show them restraint from worldly matters (sins). You should perform hard work, prayer and good deeds. Such behavior includes preaching.م

https://hadith.academyofislam.com/?q=_id:hGY5Ln0BGWfjTl3qIAfZ

https://hadith.academyofislam.com/?q=كونوا دُعاةً لِلنّاسِ بِغَيرِ ألسِنَتِكُم ، لِيَرَوا مِنكُمُ الوَرَعَ وَالاِجتِهادَ وَالصَّلاةَ وَالخَيرَ ، فَإِنَّ ذلِكَ داعِيَةٌ

[Ashvazdanghe]

addendum  for more details

Quote

 AL-KAFI | الكافي HADITH #14 RESTRAINT FROM WORLDLY MATTERS (SINS) THE BOOK OF BELIEF AND DISBELIEF | كتاب الايمان و الكفر AL-USUL (PRINCIPLES) / أصول الكافي VOLUME 2

AL-KAFI VOLUME 2 page 78

https://hadith.academyofislam.com/?q=_id:hGY5Ln0BGWfjTl3qIAfZ

https://rasekhoon.net/hadith/show/1413144/دعوعت-عملی-نه-زبانی

[Dubilex]

10 hours ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Ali is with Truth, and Truth is with Ali.

We are not talking about any individual, this is Amir al mo2mneen.

And when you marry, it's about procreating children.  Who is raising them, who will nuture them and sprout the love of Rasoul Allah and his progeny to their hearts?

We know what the enemies of Ahulbayt did to them.  If not, go watch Hajj Khalil Jafar and the Orthodox of Islam videos.  A whole series of what those tyrants did to Amir al mo2mneen, Sayyida Fatima Al Zahra and the grandchildren of Rasoul Allah.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN ALLAH 

Really, this sectarian mentality is what is destroying Islam. Both Sunnis and shias have this sectarian mentality.

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 2/21/2022 at 1:50 AM, coldcow said:

But this one girl I was talking to started asking questions, and when I answered them, she was like "it doesn't seem like we should be so different." And it's for those that I would like to potentially explore more with.  

Akhi, if you feel you can make this work, then well and good. But once the family and the ulama from her denomination get involved- as they inevitably will- I am afraid it's not going to be that simple. Most Sunni ulama that I know of forbid marrying a Shi'a, more so Shi'a men, and I have nothing against them for this. In fact, I appreciate their strictness and far-sightedness. 

There's this book called 'The Five Schools of Islamic Law', I believe it's available on al-Islam. Org as well. Try looking it up. It explains well the commonalities and differences between our madhab, and the four Sunni madahib. 

Also, figure about what you people are going to do about the children in advance. It shouldn't be so that every Muharram, the household is rent apart. 

On 3/5/2022 at 12:26 PM, Cool said:

The reason is very simple, don't bring "confused sushi" offspring in this world. 

Most of these 'sushis' are actually Sunnis with occasional Shi'a aesthetics. 

Your typical confused Sushi: "Well, I don't identify with any sects. I'm just Muslim, y'know! "

Me: Lel, how do you pray, laddie? What time do you break your fast, and where do you get your Aqa'id from!?

Don't tell me 'I dO mY oWn rEseArCh I'm nOt a SeCtAriAn sHeEpLe! ', that makes you look more foolish and delusional!

Edited March 16, 2022 by AbdusSibtayn

[Panzerwaffe]

On 3/16/2022 at 9:17 AM, Dubilex said:

Really, this sectarian mentality is what is destroying Islam. Both Sunnis and shias have this sectarian mentality.

No this mentality is sustaining it 

[ya ali madaad]

Brother my honest advice would be don’t pursue marriage with a girl who’s family have issue with your Shia faith. 
You will not believe the problems you will face decades from now. Sure if you meet a girl who isn’t Shia but is researching and considering conversion then consider her. Do not try to persuade  a girl to convert who doesn’t have the love of Ahlulbayt in her heart or promises to convert just to marry you. 
 

I speak from experience. 
 

 

[Dubilex]

On 4/3/2022 at 5:25 PM, ya ali madaad said:

Brother my honest advice would be don’t pursue marriage with a girl who’s family have issue with your Shia faith. 
You will not believe the problems you will face decades from now. Sure if you meet a girl who isn’t Shia but is researching and considering conversion then consider her. Do not try to persuade  a girl to convert who doesn’t have the love of Ahlulbayt in her heart or promises to convert just to marry you. 
 

I speak from experience. 
 

 

If I may ask, what sorts of problems would you face down the road if you marry with a sunni?

[Ghadeer313]

Salaam

All the best in your search.

I married a sunni myself. 

Go for what's in their heart as opposed to a 'label'. 

And naturally discuss and have respect for each other beliefs.

[Laayla]

On 2/18/2022 at 7:56 PM, coldcow said:

It's cool that you think that, although it is technically opinion.  But that doesn't make Sunnis any less of Muslims.  I'd rather marry a practicing sunni than a shia who is muslim in name only.

Did you end up marrying a Sunni?

[coldcow]

On 9/3/2022 at 2:09 PM, Laayla said:

Did you end up marrying a Sunni?

Nope, not married yet.  Been talking to a Sunni girl for the past 8 months though.  Unfortunately she lives overseas, so we just vent to each other and talk about how frustrating this process is, and joke about getting married to each other if we lived closer.

[ShiaMan14]

On 1/17/2022 at 8:09 PM, coldcow said:

Salaam.  So, I'm on the search for a wife, and I've run into a few sunni girls that were great, but they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them.  I was wondering if anyone has a list of key points to explain to Sunnis about Shia Islam.

My goal isn't to convert her to Shia Islam, but to make her more understanding of it, and to make her realize that a lot of what she hear about us is probably false.

So what are the key points that I should bring up, or be prepared to answer questions about?

Marry shia or stay single. Why would you ever want to marry someone who has a soft corner for the enemies of AhlulBayt?

[coldcow]

On 9/11/2022 at 7:08 PM, ShiaMan14 said:

Marry shia or stay single. Why would you ever want to marry someone who has a soft corner for the enemies of AhlulBayt?

Because I don't have an insecure small mindset that makes me reduce everyone's character down to something that we make up to give ourselves a victim mindset.

[ShiaMan14]

13 hours ago, coldcow said:

Because I don't have an insecure small mindset that makes me reduce everyone's character down to something that we make up to give ourselves a victim mindset.

You should question the mindset of these sunni girls who want you to:

On 1/17/2022 at 8:09 PM, coldcow said:

they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them.

Furthermore your stance of

 

On 1/17/2022 at 8:09 PM, coldcow said:

My goal isn't to convert her to Shia Islam, but to make her more understanding of it, and to make her realize that a lot of what she hear about us is probably false.

Is you being nothing more than an apologetic Shia. 

Here is a key point you can tell these fantastic sunni girls. Hz Fatima (عليه السلام) died angry with Abu Bakr and Umar. Whoever angers Fatima (عليه السلام), angers the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and whoever angers the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم), angers Allah.

They will either love you for showing them the truth or hate you for showing them the truth. 

I am sure the irony is lost upon you for labeling me as someone with a small mindset when you started this topic because you are pursuing girls with small mindsets who can't accept you for your beliefs. 

Good luck in your quest.

[AbdusSibtayn]

On 1/18/2022 at 7:39 AM, coldcow said:

Salaam.  So, I'm on the search for a wife, and I've run into a few sunni girls that were great, but they took issue with me being from a Shia family, and wanted to fully embrace Sunni Islam if I was interested in pursuing them. 

Is it really worth it? 

That's just beneath the average Shi'a's self-respect. 

That being said, there's no evidence whatsoever that they'll actually change their minds about our beliefs once given an explanation. There's a reason the rancour has persisted for a millennium and a half. 

Edited September 27, 2022 by AbdusSibtayn

[coldcow]

On 9/25/2022 at 11:32 PM, ShiaMan14 said:

 

I am sure the irony is lost upon you for labeling me as someone with a small mindset when you started this topic because you are pursuing girls with small mindsets who can't accept you for your beliefs. 

Good luck in your quest.

Who said I'm pursuing the girls that have that rigid mindset that I must accept Sunniism all the way?  Those are the girls I usually say bye to.  They're a lost cause.  The ones I'm talking about are the ones that seek a greater understanding of my position, and question the differences between us and why they exist, and even what they are in the first place.  

 

But thanks for your well wishes.

[SafiyyaM]

Sunni sister married to a Shia man and we have a very happy marriage.  Maybe because I am a newer revert (4 years ago) and don’t hold any animosity towards one sect over another.  I am learning about the differences and embrace that Imam Ali sa should have been first, not because my husband “forced” me but because I read.  If you hold animosity in your heart your marriage will never work.  If you cannot look at both sides and be respectful, your marriage won’t survive.  It’s the people and Allah that make it work, not the sect.