Be Nice and Welcoming even to Those You Don't Like

[SoRoUsH]

سلام

Here's a Mawththaq narration: 

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ عَنْ عُثْمَانَ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ سَمَاعَةَ عَنْ أَبِي بَصِيرٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ: إِنَّ اَلنَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ بَيْنَا هُوَ ذَاتَ يَوْمٍ عِنْدَ عَائِشَةَ إِذَا اِسْتَأْذَنَ عَلَيْهِ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ بِئْسَ أَخُو اَلْعَشِيرَةِ فَقَامَتْ عَائِشَةُ فَدَخَلَتِ اَلْبَيْتَ وَ أَذِنَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ لِلرَّجُلِ فَلَمَّا دَخَلَ أَقْبَلَ عَلَيْهِ بِوَجْهِهِ وَ بِشْرُهُ إِلَيْهِ يُحَدِّثُهُ حَتَّى إِذَا فَرَغَ وَ خَرَجَ مِنْ عِنْدِهِ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ يَا رَسُولَ اَللَّهِ بَيْنَا أَنْتَ تَذْكُرُ هَذَا اَلرَّجُلَ بِمَا ذَكَرْتَهُ بِهِ إِذْ أَقْبَلْتَ عَلَيْهِ بِوَجْهِكَ وَ بِشْرِكَ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ عِنْدَ ذَلِكَ إِنَّ مِنْ شَرِّ عِبَادِ اَللَّهِ مَنْ تُكْرَهُ مُجَالَسَتُهُ لِفُحْشِهِ .

Source: الکافي ج ۲، ص ۳۲۶

The prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) spoke behind the man's back to Ayesha, but when the man entered his home, the prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) was nice and welcoming to him. 

[Ashvazdanghe]

 

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1- Imam Sadiq (عليه السلام) said:
One day the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was with Ayesha. Suddenly a man asked for permission to be honored and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: He is a bad man in his family. He gave him permission  and when he entered, the Messenger of God, peace and blessings of God be upon him, welcomed him warmly and talked to him until he left the Majlis. Aisha said: O Messenger of Allah! He came and you received him well. The Messenger of Allah( may God bless him and grant him peace,) said: Indeed, the worst servants of Allah are those who do not associate with him because of his blasphemy and consider him bad.

http://vasael.ir/fa/news/7709/بررسی-ادله-حرمت-پیام-رسانه-ای-مقارن-با-فحش

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Question: What was Aisha's interpretation that she expressed in this way?
Answer: Ayesha did not have a cognition on the person. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) put a question mark in her mind so that Aisha could react; That is why she asked the question.

http://vasael.ir/fa/news/7709/بررسی-ادله-حرمت-پیام-رسانه-ای-مقارن-با-فحش

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Description:
The Majlis (رضي الله عنه) said: What the prophet said at the end of the hadith: that he is one of the worst servants of Allah ... It is permissible to tolerate the wicked and the permission of backbiting about him, and it is said that the man, Aynah ibn Hus al-Fazari, was one of the evil leaders of Arabs.

http://moudeomam.com/kotobe-hadis/osule-kafy-4/2970-osule-kafy-42636.html

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 پيامبر اکرم(ص) فرمودند: «إِنَّ شَرَّ النَّاسِ‏ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ مَنْ يُكْرَمُ اتِّقَاءَ شَرِّهِ» 

prophet  Muhammad (pbu):On the Day of Judgment, one of the worst people, those who are cherished, we give them a special place for fear of their evilness.

 

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A father at home, but out of fear the children respect him and he has a place. Someone has a sharp pen. The media is in his control, they are afraid that he will come tomorrow if they criticize him . These are the worst people. Someone who is abusive. They talk behind our backs, they bring evil. It ruins the party. How low and lime it is and this dignity is the worst dignity. That they honor you for fear of your evil.

 

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The assassins of Sayyid al-Shuhada(عليه السلام) were like that. Even the money which they had spent to buy ammunition was not returned. They spent ten dirhams and bought weapons. When they returned , they gave them three dirhams from the treasury. Their hereafter have became miserable, and their world have became miserable

https://samtekhoda.tv3.ir/content/202282

[313_Waiter]

Isn’t it backbiting to talk about someone negatively behind their back? How can we conceive of the best creation of God doing such a thing??

[SoRoUsH]

9 hours ago, 313_Waiter said:

Isn’t it backbiting to talk about someone negatively behind their back? How can we conceive of the best creation of God doing such a thing??

It is not the case that Ghaybah behind everyone is forbidden. 

Here's a Mawththaq narration: 

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ عَنْ عُثْمَانَ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ سَمَاعَةَ بْنِ مِهْرَانَ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ قَالَ: مَنْ عَامَلَ اَلنَّاسَ فَلَمْ يَظْلِمْهُمْ وَ حَدَّثَهُمْ فَلَمْ يَكْذِبْهُمْ وَ وَعَدَهُمْ فَلَمْ يُخْلِفْهُمْ كَانَ مِمَّنْ حُرِّمَتْ غِيبَتُهُ وَ كَمَلَتْ مُرُوءَتُهُ وَ ظَهَرَ عَدْلُهُ وَ وَجَبَتْ أُخُوَّتُهُ . 

Source: الکافي ج ۲، ص ۲۳۹

If someone passes certain conditions, as the ones in this narration, then Ghaybah behind them is prohibited.

[SoRoUsH]

And in this famous verse:

O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful. (49:12)

This verse is addressing the believers, and is commanding the believers to not backbite each other.

[SoRoUsH]

Here's a relevant Mawththaq narration: 

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنِ اَلْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ سَعِيدٍ عَنْ فَضَالَةَ بْنِ أَيُّوبَ عَنْ عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ بْنِ بُكَيْرٍ عَنْ أَبِي بَصِيرٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ : سِبَابُ اَلْمُؤْمِنِ فُسُوقٌ وَ قِتَالُهُ كُفْرٌ وَ أَكْلُ لَحْمِهِ مَعْصِيَةٌ وَ حُرْمَةُ مَالِهِ كَحُرْمَةِ دَمِهِ 

Source: الکافي ج ۲، ص ۳۵۹

This narration is in line with the verse above. Backbiting against another believer is like eating his meat. 

The same warning has not been given about backbiting against everyone, non-believers and non-muslims. 

[Dave follower of The Way]

On 1/18/2022 at 6:20 PM, 313_Waiter said:

Isn’t it backbiting to talk about someone negatively behind their back?

Another word for this is "slander".  See what is writen in the Trustworthy Injil about the way God expects his followers to behave.  (Colossians chapter 3)

⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. ⁷ You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹ Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

This is a very high expectation.  But it also contains a cause for hope; When we are in Jesus the Messiah he gives us a new self which is changing all the time to reflect more and more of God's purity.  May we all be transformed so that we do not backbite or slander or use our tongues for evil.

[313_Waiter]

On 1/19/2022 at 6:03 PM, SoRoUsH said:

Here's a relevant Mawththaq narration: 

عِدَّةٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِنَا عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنِ اَلْحُسَيْنِ بْنِ سَعِيدٍ عَنْ فَضَالَةَ بْنِ أَيُّوبَ عَنْ عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ بْنِ بُكَيْرٍ عَنْ أَبِي بَصِيرٍ عَنْ أَبِي جَعْفَرٍ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اَللَّهِ صَلَّى اَللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَ آلِهِ : سِبَابُ اَلْمُؤْمِنِ فُسُوقٌ وَ قِتَالُهُ كُفْرٌ وَ أَكْلُ لَحْمِهِ مَعْصِيَةٌ وَ حُرْمَةُ مَالِهِ كَحُرْمَةِ دَمِهِ 

Source: الکافي ج ۲، ص ۳۵۹

This narration is in line with the verse above. Backbiting against another believer is like eating his meat. 

The same warning has not been given about backbiting against everyone, non-believers and non-muslims. 

 

Discounting kāfireen makes sense in the context of 7th century Arabia. However, whether all non-muslims (e.g. Jews and Christians) constitute mu’mineen still seems to be debatable given verses 2:62 and 5:69.

Like al Qushayri writes:

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“The differences in paths, with the oneness of the origin, does not hinder the beauty of acceptance. Whosoever affirms [God] the Real in His signs, and believes in the truth and His Qualities of which He informs them—namely, the Truth and His Qualities—then the differences in religious paths [or laws, sharʿ] and the differences in the appellation of names do not impinge on the realization of the good pleasure [of God].”

As for backbiting exceptions I have read that it is acceptable when seeking reparations from a Mufti or the like, but there didn’t seem to be any mention of such exceptions in the above hadith.

Edited January 26 by 313_Waiter

[SoRoUsH]

3 hours ago, 313_Waiter said:

whether all non-muslims (e.g. Jews and Christians) constitute mu’mineen still seems to be debatable given verses 2:62 and 5:69.

There's no debate here! Non-muslims (including the Ahl al-Kitab) are definitely not Mu'mineen. 

The debate is whether non-Shia can be Mu'mineen. Our narrations convey that they can't be. A Mu'min must believe in the wilayat of Ali and the Imams (عليه السلام).

Edited January 26 by SoRoUsH

[Ashvazdanghe]

8 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

There's no debate here! Non-muslims (including the Ahl al-Kitab) are definitely not Mu'mineen.

Salam respectfully disagree with this because  you can find people with Mu'mineen attributes but because of some conditions  likewise propaganda  against  muslims & pressure  of their community  they has not  become Muslim.

[Cool]

10 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

There's no debate here! Non-muslims (including the Ahl al-Kitab) are definitely not Mu'mineen. 

وَلَوْ آمَنَ أَهْلُ الْكِتَابِ لَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَّهُم مِّنْهُمُ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَأَكْثَرُهُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ

3:110

ثُمَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَى آثَارِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِعِيسَى ابْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَآتَيْنَاهُ الْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِي قُلُوبِ الَّذِينَ اتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةً وَرَحْمَةً وَرَهْبَانِيَّةً ابْتَدَعُوهَا مَا كَتَبْنَاهَا عَلَيْهِمْ إِلَّا ابْتِغَاء رِضْوَانِ اللَّهِ فَمَا رَعَوْهَا حَقَّ رِعَايَتِهَا فَآتَيْنَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مِنْهُمْ أَجْرَهُمْ وَكَثِيرٌ مِّنْهُمْ فَاسِقُونَ

57:27

Salam!!! 

It appears that Quran al-Hakeem is not in agreement with your statement. Would you like to elaborate your point in light of above verses and the following?

لَيْسُوا سَوَاءً ۗ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ أُمَّةٌ قَائِمَةٌ يَتْلُونَ آيَاتِ اللَّهِ آنَاءَ اللَّيْلِ وَهُمْ يَسْجُدُونَ

يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَيُسَارِعُونَ فِي الْخَيْرَاتِ وَأُولَٰئِكَ مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ 

3:113-114

[SoRoUsH]

We are not permitted to initiate Salam to Ahl al-Kitab or respond to their greetings with Salam.

Imagine not being allowed to say Salam to a Mu'min. 

مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى عَنْ أَحْمَدَ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عِيسَى عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ غِيَاثِ بْنِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ قَالَ أَمِيرُ اَلْمُؤْمِنِينَ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ : لاَ تَبْدَءُوا أَهْلَ اَلْكِتَابِ بِالتَّسْلِيمِ وَ إِذَا سَلَّمُوا عَلَيْكُمْ فَقُولُوا وَ عَلَيْكُمْ

 

The mistake is that you are conflating "believing in God" with "Believers." Not all people who believe in God are Believers (Mu'mineen), however, who ever is a Mu'min believes in God. In other words, to be a Believer (Mu'min), it is necessary but not sufficient to believe in God. Another necessary condition for a person to be a Believer (Mu'min) is to believe in the wilāyat of Ahl al-Bayt. 

Keep this in mind, when you read the verses above. 

Edited January 27 by SoRoUsH

[SoRoUsH]

Here's a Mawththaq narration:

حُمَيْدُ بْنُ زِيَادٍ عَنِ اَلْحَسَنِ بْنِ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سَمَاعَةَ عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ سَمَاعَةَ عَنْ أَبَانِ بْنِ عُثْمَانَ عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ اَلْفَضْلِ قَالَ: سَأَلْتُ أَبَا عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ عَنِ اَلاِفْتِرَاءِ عَلَى أَهْلِ اَلذِّمَّةِ وَ أَهْلِ اَلْكِتَابِ هَلْ يُجْلَدُ اَلْمُسْلِمُ اَلْحَدَّ فِي اَلاِفْتِرَاءِ عَلَيْهِمْ قَالَ لاَ وَ لَكِنْ يُعَزَّرُ 

Source: الکافي ج ۷، ص ۲۴۰

If a Muslim slanders/vilifies/defames a person from Ahl al-Kitab, the rules of Hadd do not apply. In other words, they do not need to be formally punished. 

 

[SoRoUsH]

As for the Ahl al-Dhamma, those from Ahl al-Kitab, who are under the protection of Muslims, their status is that of the slaves of the Imams. 

Here's a Saheeh narration: 

أَحْمَدُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ عَنِ اِبْنِ مَحْبُوبٍ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اَللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ اَلسَّلاَمُ قَالَ: «لَيْسَ بَيْنَ أَهْلِ اَلذِّمَّةِ مُعَاقَلَةٌ فِيمَا يَجْنُونَ مِنْ قَتْلٍ أَوْ جِرَاحَةٍ إِنَّمَا يُؤْخَذُ ذَلِكَ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُمْ مَالٌ رَجَعَتِ اَلْجِنَايَةُ عَلَى إِمَامِ اَلْمُسْلِمِينَ لِأَنَّهُمْ يُؤَدُّونَ إِلَيْهِ اَلْجِزْيَةَ كَمَا يُؤَدِّي اَلْعَبْدُ اَلضَّرِيبَةَ إِلَى سَيِّدِهِ» قَالَ «وَ هُمْ مَمَالِيكُ لِلْإِمَامِ فَمَنْ أَسْلَمَ مِنْهُمْ فَهُوَ حُرٌّ

Source: تهذيب الأحکام ج ۱۰، ص ۱۷۰

 

Again, there's no debate here! Non-muslims (including the Ahl al-Kitab) are definitely not Mu'mineen. The more narrations you read, the more this fact becomes clear to you. 

 

[Ashvazdanghe]

20 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

Again, there's no debate here! Non-muslims (including the Ahl al-Kitab) are definitely not Mu'mineen. The more narrations you read, the more this fact becomes clear to you. 

Salam this is not mean that we must not treat them with kindness.

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It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; had you been harsh and hardhearted, they would have surely scattered from around you. So excuse them and plead for forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affairs, and once you are resolved, put your trust in Allah. Indeed Allah loves those who trust in Him. (159)

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ‎﴿١٥٩

https://tanzil.net/#3:159

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The charities are only for the poor and the needy, and those employed to collect them, and those whose hearts are to be reconciled, and for [the freedom of] the slaves and the debtors, and in the way of Allah, and for the traveller. [This is] an ordinance from Allah, and Allah is all-knowing, all-wise. (60)

 إِنَّمَا الصَّدَقَاتُ لِلْفُقَرَاءِ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْعَامِلِينَ عَلَيْهَا وَالْمُؤَلَّفَةِ قُلُوبُهُمْ وَفِي الرِّقَابِ وَالْغَارِمِينَ وَفِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ ۖ فَرِيضَةً مِّنَ اللَّهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ ‎﴿٦٠﴾

https://tanzil.net/#9:60

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In the night of 21st Ramadhan, your master Ali as a part of his will to his sons, said: My will to you two of my sons (Hasan and Husain) and to every Shia and every Faithful believer till the Day of Judgment is piety. Do not follow your heart’s inclination beyond a limit. Do not become angry to much extent on the basis of desire. Observe God’s commands. Look at God. Let bygone be bygone for God’s sake. Then said, “Make peace between people. I have myself heard my cousin, the last Prophet Muhammad Mustafa say, ‘Reconciliation between people is more virtuous than all prayers and fasts.’”

https://shiastudies.com/en/5125/reconciliation-between-parties-is-compulsory/

[SoRoUsH]

6 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam this is not mean that we must not treat them with kindness.

سلام

Of course not! We ought to be kind with everyone. However, there are certain rules that apply only to Mu'mineen. There are specific relationship guidelines only between Believers. And the Ahl al-Kitab, definitely, are not considered Believers (Mu'mineen). Consequently, they do not receive that special treatment that Mu'mineen receive from one another. 

 

[Ashvazdanghe]

18 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

Believers. And the Ahl al-Kitab, definitely, are not considered Believers (Mu'mineen)

Slam bleivers as Mu'mineen can be from any religion which treating with Ahl al-Kitab is a different issue that you are mixing it with definition of Mu'mineen.

[Dave follower of The Way]

I'm interested in that this thread has become a question of who is Mu'mineen or not and who is a Believer or not, and what position do people of the book have.

The OP was about being nice to people and not saying negative things about them behind their back.  This kind of talk is something distructive to relationships, communities and society.  It can destroy a person's reputaion.  It also makes us two faced and hypocritical.

My answer is who ever we are talking about irrespective of their faith possition, saying bad things about people behind their back is wrong and should never be found in the mouth of a person who seeks to live the pure life that God expects of his people.

On the other hand, being nice to people you don't like is an important charactaristic of someone who God is transforming to be more like himself.  Who ever it is you "don't like" whether Mu'mineen or not should make no difference - God is kind to all his creation.  He is even merciful to those who don't acknowledge him.  Our life should be marked by our kindness to all.  Each person reflects God's image and we should respect that fact in our engagement with people.