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In the Name of God بسم الله

You guys are very lucky, may Allah make you always be happy

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Wa alaykumassalam,

What you've described are wrongs done to you for sure. I don't think anyone have their ideal parents and this includes both things that are related to the religious level practiced at home but also parent's who oblige you to carry out wishes, not necessarily haram things but what one personally don't want to be doing.

It's not on you that you've had to deal with haram beverages by serving them cups, from a young age.
As for what they've done to you when you were young, their disrespectful behavior you can try to forgive and forget that. Having despise about wrongs/abuse done to you in the past will do you no good and will make you to only grow hate in your heart for them. It will not help your personality in any way and it will not change the past. Look forward.

You need to break the silence with your parents, let them know that you don't tolerate the things you've just described. You might not have any control over them but you can show them with actions that you're someone who wants change and that your approach to religion is different than theirs', that you don't want to lie or do any thing that would be seen as haram. Leave their company if they do a haram activity and let them know that you're displeased with it. You've listened to their wishes too much and they've grown accustomed to it. Don't be quiet, show your resistance, be tough in your approach towards them but with a respectful manner.

Let also your siblings know that you're displeased with your parents behavior, whatever age your siblings may be, they will still understand. 
If you're worried about what path they might take, I would advise you that you don't need to be, you simply don't need to be worried about that now. Spend good time with your siblings and do fun activities together. Because you've said that you're young, leaving your parent's house is not an option for you nor do I think that it would solve the problems you have, for example by having to sign incorrect information on papers. Pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that He will make a way out to you so that you don't have to lie when signing papers.

Do your qadha fasts and namaz as you've said. Don't be shy to pray infront of your family, leave your door open, don't do all of your namaz in reclusion. Let them know that you're someone who carry out the prayers and the fasts. Show them what kindness is, if you wish to take it a step further, behave with them in a good way and hope that they will see your genuineness. Do any simple act of kindness that you're not used to be doing and do it for them. You might see them as bad and wished for better parents, but parents also change, relationships changes, children also have an impact on their parents even though it may be small, it's still worth it. Continue talking with them and spend time with them in permissible activities.

Most importantly, your worth is not at all measured by the degrading words they throw at you. Don't take it in, ignore it, whatever bad word they call you. Don't let their emotions cause you to feel less than what you are. Your worth is not measured by who your parents are, their personality, their background or what they're doing. Work on yourself and build your confidence, don't pity yourself, you're still young and have a great way ahead of you. You will be met with other type of hardships when you grow up. Dua is your weapon in every one of them.

So start doing any little change you're able to carry out, no other day than today!
I hope you will inshallah be successful :) 
You will be in my prayers.

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On 12/24/2021 at 6:51 PM, Ahlulbaytlover83 said:

Hello,

I don't know where to begin

My parents are very bad to me.  They make me lie.  I love the scholars.  However my parents insult the scholars and call them horrible things, when I mean horrible I mean to the extent of calling their wives the b word.  I don't know what to do.  My parent has called me horrible things which have degraded me and made me feel worthless.  My parent has done actions to me that have degraded me such as spitting on me when I was a young child.  I wish I could have lived the life of some of you who have good Muslim parents.  You guys are very lucky.  You guys are really really lucky.  I wish so much that I could've lived the life of you guys.  Since a young age I have seen my parents lie daily. I have seen them get into many fights.  I have seen my parents gaining money from haram means and I have consumed that money when I was a young child.  They purchased haram food and my parent drank haram beverages.  My parent made me hold a cup for him so he could pour liquor in it. They would listen to haram music and watch haram things.  You guys are very loved by you parents.  I feel like I'm worthless, I just want to hide in a corner.  My parent have also did things that are very in humane like  pouring drinks on me.  I have been hit in front of my grandparents when I was younger.  The thing that aches me a lot is when my parent makes me fill an application with false information so we can gain money for things like rent.  If I don't do it my parent calls me very bad words.  Sometimes I lie in order to prevent filling the application, such as saying things like it's giving me an error.  Sometimes I have to fill them and now when I get older I will have to pay the organization  which I stole from by lying. My parent called me very bad words in the house of some of my family members.  This has degraded me a lot.  Some other things have been done to me that I don't want to mention.     I want to leave my house but I'm young and I don't have money.  I also have younger sibling.  If I leave my sibling wont have any good influence, and what if my sibling god forbid follows my parents bad way.  I have sinned so so so so so much.  I have picked my acne sometimes due to stress.  My face has scars.  I don't have any Shia friends where I live.  

Please don't report this comment to anyone like the police.  I don't have any thoughts like hurting myself.  

Thank god I have all necessities such as a bedroom, water, food, clothing, healthcare , etc.  however my mental state is terrible I suffer so much.  I have so so so so so so so so so much waswas.

I wish someone would be my friend and hug me.  Inshallah you guys will all continue to live great lives.  Please please make duas for me. If you know a very pious person like a scholar please ask him to make dua for me.  My name is Hassan.

You guys have great lives Alhamdulillah but I really don't.  Can someone please help me and be my friend.

Sorry if I wasted you time.

I hope you guys are successful.  
Can someone also tell me what it feels like to have good Muslim parents? For example mothers who wear hijab and parents who pray.  I just want to know how it's feels to have good Muslims parents even if I don't physically experience it.

My parents barely taught me Islamic things.  I don't recall my parents even teaching simple things like wudu and namaz.  I don't recall doing one prayer with my parents.  Now I have qadha namaz's and fasts to do. 

Please help me out :)

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim

مَن كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِ وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُۥ مَخْرَجًا...

وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُۥٓ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بَـٰلِغُ أَمْرِهِۦ قَدْ جَعَلَ ٱللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَىْءٍ قَدْرًا

And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things

Holy Quran 65:2-3

Salam. I am sorry to hear about your situation. 

First, if you want help. you need to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for help thru the Wasilat (no good translation but closest is means of approach), Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). In these days, since they are the day of remembering Fatima Zahra((عليه السلام)), and her trials and tribulations, you should ask thru Haqq of Fatima((عليه السلام)) that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will help you to resolve these issues, either by changing the heart of your parents so they no longer abuse you in this way or thru giving you a way out of the difficulties. 

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O God, whatever word through which they have transgressed against me,
أللَّهُمَّ وَمَا تَعَدَّيَا عَلَيَّ فِيهِ مِنْ قَوْل،
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act through which they have been immoderate with me,
أَوْ أَسْرَفَا عَلَىَّ فِيْهِ مِنْ فِعْل،
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right of mine which they have left neglected, or obligation toward me in which they have fallen short,
أَوْ ضَيَّعَاهُ لِي مِنْ حَقٍّ أَوْ قَصَّرا بِي عَنْهُ مِنْ وَاجِب
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I grant it to them and bestow it upon them,
فَقَدْ وَهَبْتُهُ وَجُدْتُ بِهِ عَلَيْهِمَا،
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and I beseech Thee to remove from them its ill consequence,
وَرَغِبْتُ إلَيْكَ فِي وَضْعِ تَبِعَتِهِ عَنْهُمَا
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for I do not accuse them concerning myself,
فَإنِّي لا أَتَّهِمُهُمَا عَلَى نَفْسِي،
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find them slow in their devotion toward me,
وَلاَ أَسْتَبْطِئُهُمَا فِي بِرِّي،
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or dislike the way they have attended to my affairs, my Lord!
وَلا أكْرَهُ مَا تَوَلَّياهُ مِنْ أَمْرِي يَا رَبِّ
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They have rights against me which are more incumbent,
فَهُمَا أَوْجَبُ حَقّاً عَلَيَّ،
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precedence in beneficence toward me that is greater
وَأَقْدَمُ إحْسَانـاً إلَيَّ
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and kindness toward me that is mightier than that I should settle accounts with justice
وَأَعْظَمُ مِنَّةً لَـدَيَّ مِنْ أَنْ أقَاصَّهُمَا بِعَدْل،
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or repay them with equivalents.
أَوْ أُجَازِيَهُمَا عَلَى مِثْل،
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Where then, my God, would be their long occupation with bringing me up?
أَيْنَ إذاً يَا إلهِيْ طُولُ شُغْلِهِمَا بِتَرْبِيَتِي ؟
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Where the hardship of their toil in taking care of me?
وَأَيْنَ شِدَّةُ تَعَبِهِمَا فِي حِرَاسَتِيْ ؟
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Where the stinting of themselves to provide me with plenty?
وَأَيْنَ إقْتَارُهُمَا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمَا لِلتَّوْسِعَةِ عَلَيَّ؟
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What an idea! I can never discharge their right against me,
هَيْهَاتَ مَا يَسْتَوْفِيَانِ مِنِّي حَقَّهُمَا،
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fulfil my obligations toward them,
وَلاَ اُدْرِكُ مَا يَجِبُ عَلَيَّ لَهُمَا
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or accomplish the duty of serving them.
وَلا أَنَا بِقَاض وَظِيفَةَ خِدْمَتِهِمَا.
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So bless Muhammad and his Household
فَصَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّد وَآلِهِ
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and help me, O Best of those whose help we seek!
وَأَعِنِّي يَا خَيْرَ مَنِ اسْتُعِينَ بِهِ.
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Give me success, O Most Guiding of those whom we beseech!
وَوَفِّقْنِي يَا أَهْدَى مَنْ رُغِبَ إلَيْهِ،
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Place me not among the people of disrespect to fathers and mothers
وَلاَ تَجْعَلْنِي فِي أَهْلِ الْعُقُوقِ لِلآباءِوَالأُمَّهاتِ
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on the day when "every soul will be repaid for what it has earned, they shall not be wronged" (45:22).
يَوْمَ تُجْزى كُلُّ نَفْس بِمَا كَسَبَتْ وَهُمْ لاَيُظْلَمُونَ.
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O God, bless Muhammad, his Household, and his progeny
أللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّد وَآلِـهِ وَذُرِّيَّتِهِ،
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and single out my parents for the best which Thou hast singled out for
وَاخْصُصْ أَبَوَيَّ بِأَفْضَلِ مَا خَصَصْتَ بِهِ
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the fathers and mothers of Thy faithful servants, O Most Merciful of the merciful!
آبَاءَ عِبَادِكَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَاُمَّهَاتِهِمْ يَا أَرْحَمَ الـرَّاحِمِينَ.

https://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/s24.htm

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Alsalam alaikum, 

We all think we have the worst parents but someone out there has it even harder than us.

I can not even imagine how you feel or what you go though. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and Ahlul Bait AS protect you and your siblings and keep you on the straight path.

You don't realise how Lucky You are.

To be able to understand good from bad...growing up around that kind of things and still being able to differ halal from haraam...you are very special and lucky.

Do not think too much on what your parents do... concentrate on your study and improve your imaan.

Once you are old enough and independent you can get a place and do all the right things.

Guidance only comes from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so i can not suggest anything for your parents.

But be thankful to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) as much as you can...inshallah things will get better for you.

Try to join the imam bargah in your city...try to talk to someone there...and make friends into the shia community.

Once someone on this forum told me the only thing we should care about is what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) think of us...nothing else matters. Just remember that... doesn't matter what your parents say or do... you try and have a good connection with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى).  

The only things you owe your parents is respect. Thats it.

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