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In the Name of God بسم الله

Fighting Sexual desires

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TheHsn

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Anyone got advice on how to fight sexual desires it’s like I’m having a constant battle with  the urge and if two people a pulling on a rope sometimes one side pulls harder than the other 

opposing it >———< desires 

when I think about Allah I stop then 15 secs later I’m fighting it again then I stop then 10 sec later I’m fighting constantly. 

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If you want to win against your urges you have to be more smart than strong. When Prophet Yousef s.a was approached by Zulaykha he went for the door, when the Prophet s.a was starving he tied rocks against his stomach to ease the pain of hunger, when Imam Ali s.a was angry he would distract himself.

The point is, when you are facing your urges, you can't sit there and fight them head on. You have infinite energy and the thing that's tempting you can go all day long, eventually you're going to get tired and break.

Brother if you want to succeed then you have to take physical practical steps. Imagine your sexuality is a fire, and doing haram actions is like throwing coal into the fire. Every time you look at a woman you throw coal, every time you fantasize you are throwing coal, every time you watch something bad on the internet and do something that you shouldn't be doing you are pouring gasoline into the fire. If you abstain from these things the fire will get weaker and weaker until it is easy to tame.

Of course you will have to be strong in the beginning, but trust me these battles will be rare and short. I think if you're serious, and you stop doing the things I listed, you can overcome this issue in 3 months.

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20 hours ago, TheHsn said:

when I think about Allah I stop then 15 secs later I’m fighting it again then I stop then 10 sec later I’m fighting constantly. 

Salam in your situation  just thinking  is not enough which as @guest 2025 has said you must spend your energy for doing Mustahab deeds with high level of focusing on doing Mustahab  deeds likewise saying Dhikr or praying Mustahab  Salat/Namaz of infallibles which you can find in book of Mafatih al Jinan.

http://alhassanain.org/english/?com=book&id=928

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You have to sit down and reflect with yourself a bit. Why do you turn to sexual desires is because of stress or thinking too much about sex or frustrated for not having a partner.

I 'm going through this struggle too. There is no point of lying.

This is something that a lot of muslim men young and old experience.  This is one of the tests that we go through, some of us fall for it, some of us fall but recover, some of us recover straight away.

The whispers of shaytan will constantly tell you its ok, one more time then repent, or don't worry I got excuses that will cover me etc. The Whispers of shaytan will sound exactly like your voice otherwise it would've been easier for us to overcome it.

When we reach certain ages, we look at ourselves in disbelief why did I do these things, why didn't I do something about back then.

1. Turn to God, Prayer to God to help you overcome this test, to protect from the whispers of shaytan, be sincere and tearful. Seek Guidance from God. God wants to seek guidance from him at all times.

2. Find ways to distract yourself from sexual thoughts.

3. Look at yourself, are you happy with your behaviours, will you partner be happy with what you doing etc

4. Tell yourself enough is enough !!! Save yourself before you destroy yourself.  Focus on strengthening your faith.

5. You may fall back into the habit again but don't fall to despair. Keep fighting back.

I apologise if my advices are wrong.

 

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On 12/19/2021 at 11:21 AM, Meedy said:

1. Turn to God, Prayer to God to help you overcome this test, to protect from the whispers of shaytan, be sincere and tearful. Seek Guidance from God. God wants to seek guidance from him at all times.

Hi there - it's good to see someone refering to God in these discussions.  So often we focus on what we have to do to overcome - more prayer more dkhir etc or things we shouldn't do - don't look at porn etc.  Yes these things are good and helpful, but ultimatly the only place we can find victory over the whispers of satan is in the victory of God.

Satan is devious and strong he wants us to fall and feel shameful when we think of our actions and struggles.  But I know that through Jesus the Messiah satan has been defeated and God invites us into the fruits of that victory.  He offers to cover our shame and strengthen us by his powerful Holy Spirit living within us so we become those who can resist the devil in the name of Jesus the Victor.

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Salam Alaykum Brother.

First find out what triggers lustful thoughts. It could be - watching haram (p**n), fantasizing about sex, or looking at na mehram.

Try your best to lower your gaze, it would appear to be difficult at first but after a while it would become second nature. Any means through which haram could be accessed should be blocked. Keep your mind occupied with other thoughts, take up sports or any other hobby you like.

If possible, surround yourself with pious friends as much as you can. 

Fast at least once a week , and eat less spicy foods.

Take up Salat al lail 

At start it would seem very difficult. The accursed satan magnifies such task in our minds, so we wont leave sin. Practice continuosly for at least 40 days to build the habit

And ofcourse , ask from Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

“There is no power nor strength except Allah”

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I'd love to join the neo-religious people in saying that you need to fight your desires for years, fast for most of your teens and 20s, maybe find a fatwa by a half-scholar who says masterbution to be allowed, but..

The only possible solution is finding a wife, whether from a normal marriage or a temporary one, with the second one being far easier to do.

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On 12/27/2021 at 4:15 AM, Mark Enlightment said:

The only possible solution is finding a wife, whether from a normal marriage or a temporary one, with the second one being far easier to do.

I'm sure that marriage is about far more than satisfying sexual desires.  If that is all you marry for then I can assure you, you will be sadly disapointed.  Life consists of far more than sex.  It is also about commitment, companionship, cooperation, hospitality, community, these things continue far beyond when sexual desires start to fade.  They keep a marriage together through hard times and good times, when your wife/husband wakes up or goes to bed grumpy or sick, when sex is not possible or unwanted.

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Dear friend,

Instinct and desire are natural.  There’s no sense in shaming yourself for having them.  You can’t beat them into submission either, without distorting your relationship with them.  So what to do?  

Thoughts have power over us because we think that we can’t help but have them, because we identify with those thoughts so strongly that they literally pull us along with them.  The only thing that has ever worked for me is to engage in mindfulness exercises.  The ability to sit and simply observe my thoughts - to let my desires rise up, acknowledge them, and let them pass - creates space between myself and my desires.  That space allows me to turn to Allah for guidance and strength and then evaluate how to best focus my desires (or let go of them for the moment).  Desires will come back, but over time we gain control over them.

Even when we get married, love requires the exercise of respect and restraint in our desires.  Otherwise our intimate relationship becomes selfish (and not an expression of intimacy and trust).

Wa Allahu a’alam.

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Fasting helps.  I believe this was suggested by the prophet at one point.  Another thing is avoiding sexually explicit content - pornography would be the main thing, but there are other things that I'm sure come to mind for you.  Avoid as best as possible.  I know one christian kid from college who used to go for a run anytime he felt temptation, and you know what?  By the end of a year that kid was in better shape than most people I know.

Honestly, you should look into something called the NoFap movement.  Look on Reddit, or just google it.  They'll have some good tips.  They're all about no masturbation, no artificial sexual stimuli (pornography), etc.  And I'm sure they'll have plenty of tips that may help you as well.  Sometimes religious tips help (as others have stated above), but sometimes tips that have nothing to do with faith also help.

In the end though, put your energy into finding a wife.  It's not easy, both in the sense of finding someone, as well as in the sense of supporting them.  But at the end of the day, I truly regret letting small things get in the way of seeking marriage earlier.  Trust me, you do not want to get to my age and look back and wonder why you didn't try earlier.  There are lots of ways to solve problems related to getting married.  Don't rush into it, especially don't rush into it for the intimacy.  But don't delay.

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