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In the Name of God بسم الله

Haram to stop taking birth control without husband's knowledge?

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Guest Wantababy

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14 minutes ago, notme said:

you should consider divorce

Why jump to divorce so quickly? :3

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2 hours ago, Zaidism said:

Why jump to divorce so quickly? :3

Irreconcilable differences. 

I don't recommend jumping quickly to divorce. The two should try to reach an agreement first.

Definitely the wife should not, whether Islamically permitted or not, stop taking birth control in order to force a child on an unwilling father. Even with birth control there is always a chance of pregnancy so if they really don't want a child they should avoid physical intimacy, but birth control reduces probability, and stopping it would be a violation of trust. 

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5 hours ago, Guest Wantababy said:

Hello all

I know it's allowed to take birth control without husband's knowledge but what about NOT taking it without his knowledge if he wants you to take it? Thanks

I've listened to speech of a scholar on it on Madraash Tul Qaim YouTube Channel ( Urdu ).

Its Allowed. Obedience to husband is obligatory only in four things. This doesn't come under those four.

But allowed doesn't mean you should do it.

Edited by Syed Ali Mehdi Shah Naqvi
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Guest Wantababy

Thanks for the replies

I completely agree with you notme. I know it's a really dumb thing to want to do and I love my husband too much to do something like that. I was just wondering about it. He does want kids just not yet. I'm tired of waiting and I'm getting older. I want to be able to tale time off for the baby and I'm at the point in my career that I would be able to take off quite a while. Anyway hopefully someday God willing.

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I think rather than just stopping the birth control, you should sit down and have a talk with him about your feelings regarding having children. If he also wants children, then its just the timing. Maybe you can come to an agreement about the 'when'. You might need to stay on it a little longer, and he might have to change his 'when' to a little earlier. If you both want kids, then this is not that difficult of an issue. You just need to agree on the 'when'. Stopping birth control without having some kind of an agreement about the 'when' for kids would be a bad idea, although it might not be haram. It could create distrust in the marriage. Because then he might start wondering what other 'unilateral' decisions you might make without consulting him. 

BTW, having raised three children myself, I can tell you that there is no 'ideal' time to have children. It is always going to be a struggle, whatever time you choose. Its a struggle but it's worth it in the end. I can tell you that it's easier to have children, especially young children, when you are young yourself so that you have the energy to deal with their energetic nature. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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On 11/29/2021 at 6:25 PM, Guest Wantababy said:

Thanks for the replies

I completely agree with you notme. I know it's a really dumb thing to want to do and I love my husband too much to do something like that. I was just wondering about it. He does want kids just not yet. I'm tired of waiting and I'm getting older. I want to be able to tale time off for the baby and I'm at the point in my career that I would be able to take off quite a while. Anyway hopefully someday God willing.

Salam

Question: If a man is not satisfied with his wife's pregnancy despite having two children, can a woman get pregnant without her knowledge, for example, saying that she is taking birth control pills but not using them?

Response:
Supreme Leader: In any case, lying is not allowed. [1]
Ayatollah  Makarem : if there is no impediment to getting pregnant, but refrain from lying. If it is possible to get rid of it through Toryah, it is a precaution to use this method. Toryeh/Toryah (on the weight of advice) is a word from which the listener understands something and the speaker wills something else from it, or in other words it is a two-sided word, which means both twists, and people who They are bound to avoid lying, sometimes resorting to it, so that they do not lie and the listener is not aware of their secrets. [2]
Ayatollah Sistani: The example mentioned is not haram if it is Toryah. [3]
Ayatollah Vahid: Husband's consent is not a condition for pregnancy, but do not lie, there is nothing wrong with Toryah. [4]
Ayatollah Shobiri Zanjani: Lying is forbidden for such a thing. [5]
Ayatollah Fazel: A woman can get pregnant from her husband without her husband's permission, and there is no problem. [6]

----------------
PS:
[1]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Khamenei information base, referendum number: 619395.
[2]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Makarem information base, tracking code: 9410250014.
[3]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Sistani information base, referendum code: 435273.
[4]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Vahid information base.
[5]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Shobiri Zanjani information base, question number: 25967.
[6]. Internet referendum of Ayatollah Fazel Lankarani information base, tracking code: 9404201.

https://btid.org/fa/news/138138

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notme said: "if they really don't want a child they should avoid physical intimacy"

Yes. People can be in all sorts of situations. Some people must avoid pregnancy due to health reasons and cannot take the chance of having a failed contraception leading to pregnancy. So they avoid physical intimacy and remain sexually abstinent. That is the only method which gives 100% guarantee. 

Edited by Maisam Haider
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This is a one-way ticket to make your spouse hate you forever.

I’m not trying to be rude, but I wonder what’s going on with the OP in their life to do something so dangerous to the well-being of her marriage? Are you feeling pressured because of culture? “Baby Fever”? A desire to nurture out of vulnerability? Maybe selfishness or entitlement? There are so much going on that we can’t just say to either “divorce” or “wait” — we don’t simply have enough information. 
 

Assuming your husband is a good man: If you logically know that your husband doesn’t want to have kids now, you have to accept than you can’t have things your way all the time. In an ideal world, everyone would get married, have a house, and have kids when they’re relatively young. But adults know that life isn’t like being a kid in a candy store. Bad decisions have consequences. Are you also impatient in other areas of your life that would prompt you to make hasty, sole decisions without considering other people’s needs or wants? Lapses of empathy? Or maybe it’s anxiety? In any case, talking with your husband about your thoughts on stopping birth control on your own might help you pinpoint why you feel this way. 
 

If he’s a bad man/husband: Why are you thinking about having kids with him? 

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