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In the Name of God بسم الله

Parents not allowing their son to marry a girl who has become Shia

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sonos

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I am a 25 year old woman who is a divorcee. I have been looking for a future partner and began speaking to a good man who is Shia. We both live in different cities, I live in Canada and he lives in the US. Many of my friends have gotten married to people in the US and I have seen it workout great for them. We have been speaking for 4 months now and we are very compatible. I come from a Sunni family and I myself have become Shia because I did a lot of research and wanted to this for myself. Regardless of whether I marry this man or not, I have become Shia for myself. He is also 25 years old. His parents do not want us to get married because I am a divorcee, and because he is still young and my family does not come from the same socio-economical background as his. He comes from a family of doctors and he is becoming a doctor as well. His parents also don't like that my family is Sunni. Me and the him have spoken about everything, including our values and how we choose to raise our children. As well as finances and what type of life we would want to live. Everything matches up for us including our personalities, but his parents don't want us to get married. I could not find anything online, but I just want to know if in Shiism there is a specific guide to choosing a spouse? I watched Sayed Mostafa Qaswini's videos on marriage but none of it made me feel like we should not get married. My family is very supportive and are very open minded. They do not mind if he is Shia or if i am Shia or if my future children are Shia. Are his parents right in refusing to allow us to get married? 

I hope someone can help me out with this. Thank you.

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Salam, 

Based on what you have said, I don't see any reason why you can't get married. According to the majority of Shia ulema, the rules for marriage are that the women is

1) Muslima (for zawaj tul nikah)

2) Baligh and Rusd (of appropriate age and of sound mind. She understands what it means to be married and what her duties are as a wife)

3) Not in any of the prohibited categories of women listed in the Holy Quran (not his mother, sister, aunt, etc)

4) Not already married

5) Not in her iddah(waiting period)

6) The man consents to marry her and she to marry him. This might seem obvious, but just for completion, I thought I should include it

If she meets those criteria, she is eligible. I would say for a #7 criteria, it is highly, highly recommended that she is a follower of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)), i.e. Shia, which you have stated you are. I would say for #8 it is highly, highly discouraged to marry a women who is known for doing zina (i.e. a prostitute). It is in the category of strongly makroh (hated by Allah), though I haven't seen a fatwa that says it's absolutely haram. I'm sure this doesn't apply to you, but you asked for a complete list, so I put this. 

At the same time, some men and some families start adding additional criteria to this list that are not part of Islam, and actually against the teaching of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)), i.e. her culture, her economic status, her families economic status, etc, etc. These criteria could possibly be endless (which is why they are against teachings of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). IMHO, this is the main issue in marriage today and the main reason why so many brothers and sisters are single. My recommendation is that if you don't see a way forward for this marriage, don't give up hope and keep trying. You will find someone with the help of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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