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In the Name of God بسم الله

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1 hour ago, Mondella said:

I can't help but feel at fault, like I did something wrong. My instagram photos were just the past and I just recently accepted islam.

You are not at fault. When you converted to Islam, all your previous sins were forgiven. 

If you want - and only if you want - you can delete or restrict access to your photos online. But do not allow your future in-laws to bully you into feeling that you are in any way "bad" or need to be ashamed of how much you have grown and changed over time. 

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Guest Molana

If you are indeed sincere, visit their home, tell them beforehand that you are coming over to see ONLY his mom and sisters. Request them to give you an hour or two of their time, but only you, a young girl, and them, the most important women of his family.  
 

Once you arrive, don’t go empty handed, take small but meaningful gifts for the mom and the sisters, like some beautiful headscarfs, or some small inexpensive locally made jewelry or something. Nothing expensive, just something that represents you in your natural, inexpensive way. 
 

Once there, be yourself, hug them, say Salam to them, kiss them, and once inside, come and sit very close to his mom, as close as you sit with your mom. Hold her hand, kiss her hand, seriously… I’m not kidding, people of East are very warm and gestures like these melt our women’s hearts. Be genuine, don’t fake it, and don’t be fake. 
 

Once you have  broken the ice, tell them point blank that whatever was your past, was in past. You are truly into Islam … and convince them of it. Tell them that you are virgin (if indeed you are) and would never go close to alcohol or the other filth. 
 

Now this is the most important part.. tell them  very frankly that I know that you are worried about our kids, who are your next generation. Tell them that you promise that you would raise them in Islam, and would need his mom’s guidance, his sisters’ help, they would attend the Sunday school, would attend all Muharram programs, all Ramadhan programs with them, and with their dad. And be truthful about it, it requires lots of sacrifices down the road, when the kids want to go to the soccer practice and you are pulling them to the mosque.. but you need to tell them point blank that you will raise your kids as truly Muslim kids and that you would need their help and guidance in it. Other sacrifices include insulating them from your non-Muslim family, and this is a big sacrifice for reverts. Because Islam and Islamic values are indeed 180 degree opposite to the Western secular cultures. Alcohol, dogs, and to some extent, extra marital relationships that are essential part of most Secular/Christian/Jewish homes is a total NONO for Muslim households. 
 

Years ago, this open and genuine conversation by another young girl worked with a friend of mine, they have four kids now, the girl (our common college mate) is more dedicated Shia Muslim mother I’ve seen than many women from my friend’s own cultural background. Their kids are among the best kids in our Mosque community. Many here may know her through al-Islam but I won’t reveal her identity. 
 

You just need to be true to yourself and to them, have a heart to heart talk, and later stick to your commitment to your kids and their religious guidance. Again it would require lots of sacrifice so be ready for that part. 
 

If you are true and sincere, then God will open ways for you InshAllah. If not, it must not be in the books for you both. 

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Dear sister, welcome to Islam,lots of duas for you. 

His family is being unfair, even more so because their son was also involved in the unislamic activities with you but they are judging just you.

5 hours ago, Mondella said:

But yesterday he told me that his family said that if we have our kitab they will disown him for marrying a girl like me

And what did was his response to this? Does he have a father? Where does he stand?

You are a fairly new revert so I can understand some of the apprehensions of his family members(still doesn't give them a right to judge you on your past though). I would advise giving things more time. Work on being a better Muslim, learn Islamic practices and attend the local Islamic centre regularly to learn more about religion and try and integrate with the community. His family might change their mind about you, or they might not, in which case you and your fiance can work on the next course of action and that would be based upon his willingness to go ahead with it (or not) despite his family being unhappy about it 

Either way you will have learnt more about islam and given his family a fair chance to know and observe you as a Muslim. I read a quote yesterday 'there are eyes that look and there are eyes that see' Maybe the women in his family possess eyes that only look and cannot see, their loss!  

P.S in case you try the feat mentioned in the post above, which I don't recommend visiting his family etc

 a. make sure your fiance is on the same page as you about it 

b. Be prepared for some heartbreak

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11 hours ago, Mondella said:

His sisters took my private instagram and showed old photos of me to his mom and said how could she let her son marry someone like me. In this photos I wore "shorter" clothes and occasionally had a drink, it was before I was muslim.

salam, now that you have reverted maybe it's better to remove those old pics that might not be appropriate, that might also solve some problems for you.

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15 hours ago, Mondella said:

His sisters took my private instagram and showed old photos of me to his mom and said how could she let her son marry someone like me.

The so called "Sisters" should've talk to you or your fiance in respectful manner and to remove those photos.

1. You haven't done anything wrong. The past is the past.  They should be welcoming you, supporting you and helping to learn more about islam.

2. Your Fiance need to man up, he needs to talk to his family in respectful manner that what they're doing is wrong and God is witness to what they're doing to someone who is trying to be a true muslim. He needs to explain to them, that they should supportive in repentance, learning and becoming muslim.

Your Fiance needs to take some of the burden, he shouldn't just sit and just watch. Again I said he should do it in Respectable way

3. In current times, it takes courage and bravery to become/convert to islam considering with everything is happening around muslim world (in fighting, terrorism etc).

4. Be kind to them, be polite to them, be respectful to them, explain to them you're sorry about the past, you're truly trying to be a muslim, your fiance needs to be supportive and be there as well to witness this. If they change their behaviors to good, accept you etc then That's Good, God Bless.

However Now after this, if they're continue to treat you badly, disrespectfully, bullying you, so forth and they threaten him to disown him then my dear you and your fiance needs to make an important decision<< otherwise you will end up suffering abuse after abuse.

Please Let Us know how we go.

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On 10/18/2021 at 2:37 PM, Mondella said:

I feel so so so lost and so broken. I have been waiting to marry my best friend so long. We are supposed to get married in 5 days. I recently converted, maybe 2 months ago. His family has acted supportive but now they are bullying me, they are judging me, they are making me feel as if I am a fake muslim. I am still so new I have not learned anything. His sisters took my private instagram and showed old photos of me to his mom and said how could she let her son marry someone like me. In this photos I wore "shorter" clothes and occasionally had a drink, it was before I was muslim. I never was sinning to anyone. He partook in these activities with me. But for the past 1.5 years me and him have been trying to be more halal each day. Even before I was muslim I respected that he did not want to be intimate or and that for him he had to be married. Before to me there were "restrictions" but now that I have accepted god, I look at them like guidelines and I don't fight it. I accept that this is mine and his paths. But yesterday he told me that his family said that if we have our kitab they will disown him for marrying a girl like me. My fiancé knows every single thing about me and vice versa we accept each others pasts and move forward in the best way. I have been so polite, I have been so kind, I am never rude to his family. I never judge them even when they are being so horrible to me. I support him in his family as well, I understand how much they mean to him. But what do I do. I can't help but feel at fault, like I did something wrong. My instagram photos were just the past and I just recently accepted islam. I have learning why things are good and why things are bad. I cannot figure out everything over night especially with no help from anyone. They are quick to target anything I do. I am so lost. I don't understand how someone could treat me like this. 

First of all always be at peace , comfort , happiness and never panic or worry no matter how bad things get in life . and I would say make dua sincerely in seclusion an ample amount and talk to his parents and explain to them how as long as you are trying to make commitments In Islam being a good muslim sincerely to God then the past doesn't matter .TEll them you will always help them out and be there for them and take full responsibility. Just say you were too young and didn't know enough  and just struggled with finding haPpiness as it does take more extensive time to learn how to be happy . Just tell them you are now willing to submit yourself to Allah worshipping him and becoming his best servant and you are more serious to be Allah's servant than education . And say all sins are forgiven when you accept Islam and the sins you committed on Instagram doesn't represent you anymore and your soul . Make agreements to his family to do whatever they expect so that way they accept you . Please email me at *censored* so we can discuss more solutions inshAllah . Maybe you can use another person to explain more about yourself like a family member or a friend . I definitely suggest emailing a mufti or imam asking for help and ideas . Just tell the parents you will help them out and do absolutely anything for them and you will always be there for them and helping the family a lot . 

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Guest Didi

InshAllah you are well. 

I can’t emphasize enough how important the communication is in this case.
 

Isn’t it true that 100% of the relationships are never built due to the absence of communication, and 100% of relations are broken or go sour due to the lack of communication or miscommunication.  
 

Contrary to the above advices, I would highly recommend you to communicate to them, hear their concerns, let your concerns be known and build your new family on trust and mutual respect. 
 

Lack of communication would only allow more assumptions and wasted time and emotions. 

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