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In the Name of God بسم الله

Parents won't allow marriage

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Guest Veintedos

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Guest Veintedos

Salaam all. I am 22 years old and recently finished school. I want to get married but my parents are opposing me, claiming that I "look too young, like a child" I don't know if they want me to grow a long beard first or what :ko: I've tried every argument but they still oppose and I also have no idea how to go about finding a wife on my own without help

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Guest Veintedos said:

Salaam all. I am 22 years old and recently finished school. I want to get married but my parents are opposing me, claiming that I "look too young, like a child" I don't know if they want me to grow a long beard first or what :ko: I've tried every argument but they still oppose and I also have no idea how to go about finding a wife on my own without help

Salam. If your parents are Shia, they are probably not in the mood to deal with it. Wait until after the Holy Month of Muharram and the Ominous Month of Safar. 

Edit: Imam Hussain AS and his companions were martyred in Muharram. The family of Imam Hussein AS was held captive and dragged through the streets. We have other mourning days in Safar as well. 

Edited by Hameedeh
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Guest Veintedos
2 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Salam. If your parents are Shia, they are probably not in the mood to deal with it. Wait until after the Holy Month of Muharram and the Ominous Month of Safar. 

This argument with them was months ago I haven't brought it up again for a while. Just wanted to come here and ask what other options I have

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Wa alaikum as salam

If have a religious community/center nearby then sometimes there are people there who arrange events or meetings between people looking to get married. You can also discuss it with the sheikh, if there is one.

Otherwise there are online platforms available for the same purpose.

Once you find someone you're interested in your parents will hopefully understand that you are serious about getting married. 

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14 hours ago, Guest Veintedos said:

Salaam all. I am 22 years old and recently finished school. I want to get married but my parents are opposing me, claiming that I "look too young, like a child" I don't know if they want me to grow a long beard first or what :ko: I've tried every argument but they still oppose and I also have no idea how to go about finding a wife on my own without help

This is what most young adults don't understand about 'Obedience to Parents' in Islam. 'Obedience to Parents' is only an absolute (wajib) when what they are telling you is the same as what the clear guidance of the religion is telling you. For example, if your parents tell you not to drink alcohol, it is wajib for you not to do it. It is wajib for you not to do it even if your parents didn't tell you. When it comes to your parents telling you things that are against the clear guidance and teachings of Islam, it is wajib to disobey them. For example if they tell you not to pray or they tell a girl or young lady not to wear hijab. 

If they tell you something that is not in either one of these categories, i.e. it is not haram or wajib, then you have a choice, but you should obey your parents out of precaution, if it is possible for you to do that and it doesn't affect your life in a negative way. This is 'respect' for parents, which is something Islam very much encourages. When it comes to marriage, if not being married is causing you to go toward haram, commit haram, or causing negative consequences in your life, then you should try your best to get married, despite what your parents tell you. That is because you will have to live with the consequences of your sins or the negative consequences that are happening to you as a result of not being married, and your parents won't. If you are not going toward haram and not having any negative consequences in your life as a result of not being married, then you should respect the wishes of your parents. At the same time, you should talk to them and try to convince them on the merits of you getting married, then maybe they will change their mind. 

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Respectfully disregard what they say. Find a girl around yourself, mosque, talk to shaykh, go to islamic conferences, etc. Find someone and tell your parents you want to get to know her for marriage. Don't expect your parents to do everything for you. Do it yourself.

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