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In the Name of God بسم الله

Husband actions not able to understand

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Guest Shabi

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Salaam alykum 

During lockdown I find out 10 yrs of my marriage was my husband talking to many women online and talked to over the phone. He been cheating on me.. because I give him more chance and stay with him. He says he loves me but when we have arguments he never say sorry or hug… it’s has always to go to him and try to finish the augment. 
I also find out he takes pills for sexual but he says he take for his blood circulation and good for his health. I have check it online and even spoke to pharmacy about they says it’s not good to take like he says but it is for sexual help. 
problem is he never come to me…. It’s has always me to go to him or sometime he ask him for it… 

he says he have family problems which his 3 sister don’t want to get marry and he support them. I don’t mind but they don’t want marry and have rejected many proposals 

it’s not my fault as wife that he is always thinking about them 

I have 2 kids allhamdullah 

what should I do…? 

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Walaikumasalaam

It seems to be a toxic relationship in which your spouse is taking advantage of your loyalty to him.

As you've given your husband multiple chances, you should now walk away from the relationship.

You need to think about your two children, and what is best for their future, as well as your mental wellbeing.

You will be causing yourself more harm by giving him further chances because of the innocent children involved.

Be strong in your actions.

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On 8/23/2021 at 3:12 AM, Uni Student said:

If that was the case, he would have made sure there was a healthy environment in their home, not one permeated with scandals

This does not causal to whether father loves the kids or not.Have you ever seen how children become the only causality of divorce. Either go without one parent or end up guests at both of their places.I said more then I should have. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 8/25/2021 at 7:25 AM, peace4alltheworld said:

This does not causal to whether father loves the kids or not.Have you ever seen how children become the only causality of divorce. Either go without one parent or end up guests at both of their places.I said more then I should have. 

But what about the alternative then? Should the children live with parents who do not love each other?

A result is that they might have to witness their parents fighting and end up trapped in the politics between them. And sucking it all up as a mother and enduring it is not going to help since children can pick up on that. Why should a child feel the extreme burden of their mothers pain? They would end up preferring not to have been born.

I think when a relationship falls apart, children will become casualties regardless of whether or not a divorce occurs. The choice is to take the path that is best for all parties involved. And if divorce is a better option then it should be considered.

Inshallah the best for Guest Shabi.

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Salaam sister,

Have you considered whether your husband knowingly or unknowingly suffered from a sex addiction prior to your marriage and did not resolve it up until now?

Whilst many brothers and sisters on here and even some scholars recommend marriage as a means of ridding oneself from certain sins such as pornography/masturbation or multiple sexual partners, long term use of pornography or unhealthy sexual habits in ones youth can lead to addiction as bad as addiction to cocaine.

This is in no means an attempt to justify what your husband is doing, but it is a reality that many couples deal with, the husband keeps it secret thinking possibly that marriage will resolve it but his brain has been trained over the years to seek unhealthy forms of sexual pleasure and marriage just doesn't magically solve it, medicine and therapy do though. How many are willing to take that path with the bad social stigma surrounding it?
The reason I'm assuming that might be the case is that he is also taking pills to help him perform sexually which is very common nowadays with those with sex addiction.

In the case that your husband IS suffering from addiction, then it would be wrong to expect him to just quit his habits through choice without medical help or help from an expert you will only be more disappointed in the future.

Consider speaking to him and setting an ultimatum that he must get help for his sex addiction and make sure he follows through as addicts will always say yes to get out of the situation at hand.

 

All in all, we don't know the details of your situation, so all of us can just make assumptions at the end of the day.
Read all the replies given and make the choice you feel makes sense and is relevant to your situation.
 

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