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In the Name of God بسم الله

Living with in law's

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Guest Cute12

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Guest Cute12

Asalamun Alaikum 

I need advice on my situation as I don't know who to go to 

I am married for almost 4 years. After the first year I have been having problems in the house I live with my in laws in the starting it wasn't difficult but as days go by it is becoming extremely difficult to live with them as i am not given any respect, even the house help is given more respect the me and that's why even the house help disrespects me. And as for my husband he doesn't support me and when I tell him all this the only thing he will do is listen and that's it nor reaction or any action being taken about it. I don't know what to do or what to feel anymore 

Please give me some advice 

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Guest Cute12

But my husband wants to live with his parents but his parents or his sister do not respect me and I don't have peace in the house 

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Your husband needs to man up. He needs to be a mediator between you and his family. If you speak up it makes you look bad in front of his family. He needs to talk to his family about the situation, and not let them attack you. At the same time as a man it is difficult, you cannot blame him for what others are doing. He cannot control your in laws. 
 

Definitely ask him if he can make changes and possibly a timeline if moving out is a possibility.

if he has the finances available then I would recommend moving out. Tell him you will have a healthier relationship with his family if you are able to have some space. He can always visit his parents and you don’t necessarily have to move super far away….so he can talk to his family and tell them he isn’t abandoning them. 
 

 

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Does he want to live with his parents because of financial issues or he can actually afford living on his own?

If he cares about you and love you, he would try to sort out this issue, otherwise he doesn't really care and would take his family side.

You're in a difficult situation, does your family live in the city or area where you live? Perhaps say you want to visit your family for few days and explain the situation to your family perhaps they will support  you in this situation.

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On 8/6/2021 at 10:16 PM, Guest Cute12 said:

And as for my husband he doesn't support me and when I tell him all this the only thing he will do is listen and that's it nor reaction or any action being taken about it.

As a husband, he is responsible for supporting you. He should manage the family dynamics to ensure he keeps you happy, as well as his parents and siblings.

As it has been 4 years now, you should give an ultimatum to your husband regarding his lack of action, and to mention that you won't put up with the treatment you've been receiving for much longer. You should mention to your husband that if he wants you stay with his family, then at the very least, he should manage the environment to ensure there is respect and good family values.

If he doesn't do anything, you should consider taking a step back from the relationship and moving back in with your own parents for a while.

If nothing changes after some time away, then it might be time to reconsider your marriage.

Marriage is about equal compromise, not one person bearing all the weight and burden to make the other happy.

12 hours ago, Guest Cute12 said:

But my husband wants to live with his parents but his parents or his sister do not respect me and I don't have peace in the house 

If everyone is to live under the same roof in harmony, then he has to take control of the situation so whenever someone is at fault within the family, he should tell them to fix up.

I hope you find peace and happiness insha'Allah. 

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You need to straight up ask him if he thinks this treatment by them is right. If he expects you to suffer, is that a man you want for life? He's supposed to protect you not feed you to the wolves. 

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Guest Cute12

Thank you everyone for ur advice my parents don't live in the same country where I live but my mother's father does live here. I had a talk with him and i am taking his advice. As for my in law's I asked if we could sit at talk all the problems out but they want to do it after 12 days of muharram and I have a feeling that it might even get extended as I know for a fact they don't like facing problems they like ignoring it as they think by ignoring the problems will go away. 

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