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In the Name of God بسم الله

Struggling - sensitive topic

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I apologize for this thread, but I'm on edge and really struggling.

I'm not sure how to word this without sounding too inappropriate, but here goes.

I've really been struggling to control my urges as many others have, but I really give up at this point. I've been relieving myself ways I shouldn't have, I'm talking to girls online and sexting with them which just fuels my urges even more. Some of these girls even tell me to find someone and get laid, and even guaranteed me I could. 

I'm in my early twenties and I've been abstaining from zina this whole time, but at this point I give up. I've tried tinder, without much luck, tho I haven't put in much effort. I'm really considering putting in the effort and just pull the trigger to get laid. 

I've been struggling with mental health issues as well for a long time and this just adds to it, it's making me feel worthless and suicidal. I just can't take it any more.

I hope this thread gets approved even though it's inappropriate, but at this point, if I don't get any help I'll just screw myself over and pull the trigger. 

What the hell do I have to lose anymore anyway.

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The good news is that you haven't yet gone ahead and committed the act so there is still time for you to work on protecting yourself from this great sin.

Firstly stop all activities that trigger these urges (inappropriate texts, photos, videos etc). 

Secondly you are at an age where you should be considering marriage. Rather than browsing websites for partners in zinah, you should be looking for someone who you can marry. 

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I have been considering marriage since I can remember, nothing just ever works out for me, so this won't do me any good. 

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1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

Secondly you are at an age where you should be considering marriage. Rather than browsing websites for partners in zinah, you should be looking for someone who you can marry. 

Or at the very least, please do not commit zina and make sure you have the temp marriage contract done before you get any action

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As brother @Mahdavist has said, it is a good idea to try and get rid of the factors that get you feeling this way. This is the key to solving these problems. Try to figure what causes you too feel this way and discontinue that action. For example, speaking to the opposite gender in a certain way causes these feeling to spike so it is best to avoid talking to the opposite gender. 

Any other factor that fuels your urgers should be removed. 

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The Door of Repentance is always open.

I have been through the struggles that you're going and few times I fall back into it again.

Somethings you can do:

Avoid constantly touching private area.

Think of other hobbies that you enjoy or may enjoy doing.

Think Sex as a disgusting act

Deal with your mental health issues, write down what's bothering and how you can overcome it.

If struggles continue then seek help (its okay to seek help)

hmm with marriage, it depends on your situation. Perhaps examine and determine whether your situations (aside from the struggles) is marriage is possible.

The other thing with marriage, she may not be have the same sexual desires as you do ( To be honest with you, I really don't know, perhaps others know more about it)


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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Meedy said:

Think Sex as a disgusting act

For an unmarried person, sexual pleasure is categorically and absolutely forbidden....so yes, it is a disgusting act for an unmarried person to satisfy his sexual urges in any way. 

So if an unmarried person can think of all the options he has for pre-marital sexual pleasure as utterly disgusting and unnecessary and useless and destructive....then he will not find it very difficult to stay away from sins. 

The reality of pre-marital sexual pleasure is just that....so disgusting that one would not even think about these sins, let alone committing them, even if Allah had made them halal....if only we knew how disgusting they are! 

The Imams knew the reality of sins. For example, they said that they don't drink wine because it appears to them as a glass full of fire. 

I think if an unmarried person can develop the feeling of complete disgust for pre-marital sexual pleasure, then it will go a long way in helping him to remain chaste and away from sins, and that too easily, without hardship. 

Most normal people feel the concept of homosexuality is utterly disgusting; they will not engage in it even if it were halal. Similarly, if an unmarried person can think of pre-marital sexual pleasure in the same way, he will not sin even if sinning were halal. 

We should be thankful to Allah that he has forbidden unmarried people from getting any sexual pleasure...He wants to save men from this disgust. 

Edited by Maisam Haider
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  • 2 weeks later...

The struggle is real especially when someone has a very high sex drive such as myself

I myself went through a really hard time quitting sex, masterbation and let me tell you I got a really high sex drive

At first it was extremely difficult, so I started looking for people in the same situation as me, looked online and found this page, it was around muharram time also and I read something from a brother on this page about how important it is to remember at the time of urges and struggles, that it does not go unnoticed, Allah sees your struggle and he understands it very well

If quitting all of those is really really important to you, you have to find a motivation and what better motivation is there than to getting closer to Allah, start from the minor things and try to get closer to Allah everyday, even the smallest things have the biggest reward

No one will ever understand you better than Allah himself, so turn to him and talk to him, get closer to him in anyway possible, let your motivation to quitting sinful acts be to get closer to Allah, if you fail do not give up, keep struggling, your sins are not bigger than Allahs mercy

My situation may not be the same exact as yours, I just know that Allah does not burden his servant with more than he can bear, so don’t think changing is something thats impossible for you, it is very possible, if you could only see where I was to where I am now Alhamdulilah, you would be shocked, everyone thats knows me seems to be, but it was the mercy and guidance of Allah that I am where I am

My struggle has not ended and it will not end, but one thing is for sure, my struggle has become easier and Im all better for it mentally and physically.

Allah sees it all and you will be rewarded in this world and akhirah. Please do not give up

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