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In the Name of God بسم الله

Should a man work and also clean and cook? [POLL]

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Should a man work and also clean and cook?  

15 members have voted

  1. 1. Select which lifestyle you agree with

    • Husband works, doesn't clean and cook + Wife cleans and cooks, doesn't work
      5
    • Husband cleans and cooks, doesn't work + Wife works, doesn't clean and cook
      0
    • Husband works & cleans and cooks + Wife works & cleans and cooks
      10


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  • Advanced Member
Posted (edited)

Some notes:

THIS IS NOT A REAL-LIFE SCENARIO; I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE GENERAL PREFERNCES FOR THIS

This poll is anonymous

 

Scenario:

-In this scenario, working means a standard 9-5 job for 7 days a week which earns sufficient money for the whole household and covers expenses such as insurance, rent/mortgage, clothes, food, water, gas, electricity, petrol, household items, Wi-Fi, phone bills, school items etc…

-Cooking and cleaning also involves jobs such as laundry, ironing, vacuuming, dropping off and picking up the children at school, taking care of the children after school while the working spouse is at work etc…

-Also, on the weekend and after work, the working spouse contributes towards looking after the children

 

I had the idea to make this poll as recently I have been a lot of discussion online between young men and women.

The women tend to say:

"Cooking and cleaning are basic life skills, everyone should do them"

"A man should help a woman with cooking and cleaning as this is the equal way"

"Cooking and cleaning are the responsibilities of both people in a marriage"

The men tend to say:

"One person working and the other cooking and cleaning is the most logical and practical way"

"Islam states it is an obligation for a man to provide financially, this should be his main priority"

"Men already fulfil their half by default as Islam requires them to work"

Edited by Vindemiatrix
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  • The title was changed to Should a man work and also clean and cook? [POLL]
  • Advanced Member
13 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

I don't think marriage is about making a checklist and splitting tasks. You simply work together to do what you need to do. Whether that means working, cooking, cleaning or all three shouldn't really matter.

 

Well I would say that largely depends on a different side of the mindset of a person, some people like to have everything set in place and in a routine and that works for them, others prefer to take each day as it comes, without so much so as a plan but just getting it done. 

Furthermore, neither mindset can really be said to be advantageous or "better" as everyone is simply different, the routine will work for some people quite well, for their entire lives even, however other people don't function like this and prefer to be more flexible. 

Overall I guess what you've mentioned is another topic altogether, whether a couple is set in stone and has a routine or whether there's a freestyle approach, however it does link in with the original point and it could definitely be put down as a 4 option. 

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  • Advanced Member

If they both work, then they should split the housework. If only one is working then then other should do the house work majority of the time while the one who is working should help with the housework too. My cousin is a housewife, she always cook and clean but sometimes her husband helps her with the housework or cooking. 

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  • Basic Members

It really depends on the whole situation and isn't as black and white like the answers in the polls are suggesting. But, I do feel like if the man works and the woman doesn't, then it's fully logical if the woman does most of the work in house. This doesn't mean that the man get's so sit on his butt on his days off tho.

The last option is my ideal. 

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Well as many said above it depends,  if the man works, the wife will clean and cook but the man will have days off so the wife wants to have days off, so if he have free time should help her and you have to know doing something together will make you closer to each other whatever it was cooking, cleaning. finally they need to be fair to each other.

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  • Moderators

The poll options are no good. 

In almost all cases the husband should work outside of home to support the family. Together they should discuss needs and preferences and then the wife should decide if she wants to work outside of home. Household work and family care should be completed by whichever family member is available and capable. If one spouse is home all day, naturally that person will do more of the household work. When both are home, both are responsible for the work getting done. 

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  • Moderators

Cleaning a house is a full job. Caring for children is a more than full job, especially when the children are young, or if they have many activities, or if a child has medical needs. Working in most outside employment is just one full job. 

The division of work should be fair. Earning money is important, but not more important and not more difficult than caring for home and family. 

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  • Advanced Member

 

Quote

Regarding this division of duty, the best women are those who are not involved in conflicts and responsibilities, which are beyond the limits of chastity. Depending upon the circumstances, one may be obliged to do something outside the spheres of duties as well. Of course, His Holiness Ali (P) was helping Her Eminence Fatimah (P) in the household chores during his leisure time and Zahra (P) was doing tasks outside household duties when His Holiness Ali (P) was in holy wars.

https://www.al-islam.org/articles/womans-dignity-words-amir-ul-muminin-ali-ibn-abi-talib-abbas-ali-shameli

Pin by Hasan Raza on Imam Ali A.S Quotes | Sayings, Wisdom, Martyrs

 

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  • Advanced Member

You are sitting down idle (doing nothing) and the lady is busy (doing the household chores)!

If on any day that the lady prepared the food and it was not to everybody’s taste yet nobody had the right to pass judgment on it and the Imam would lavish praise on it even if it was not well prepared. If the lady would be busy performing a task in the house even if it was simply changing the position of the tumblers and he saw us sitting idle, he would remark to us disconcertingly: “Why are you sitting down idly and the lady is doing all the work!” If on any day he saw the lady doing the household chores, God have mercy on us for that day would be the Imam’s most moody day and he would ask why the lady was doing the household work and comment: “Your mother is better than all of you; nobody is like your mother.”

Name of the narrator: Farideh Mostafawi

Title of the Book: Impressions and Memoirs about Imam Khomeini's Practical Behaviour, vol. 1, chapter one, page 85

http://en.imam-khomeini.ir/en/n12497/Memoirs/Environment_and_surroundings_of_house_and_family/You_are_sitting_down_idle_doing_nothing_and_the_lady_is_busy_doing_the_household_ch ...

http://en.imam-khomeini.ir/en/s348/Memoirs/Environment_and_surroundings_of_house_and_family

Quote

He would clean the toilet

One day in Paris when the weather was cold and snowy, the Imam came out of his room to perform ablutions. I had earlier gone and cleaned the toilet area. Before the Imam entered the toilet, Hossein Aqa, the late martyr Hajj Mostafa Khomeini’s son came from outside and went into the toilet. Because the sole of his shoes were soiled the toilet area became soiled as well. After he came out of the toilet and the Imam had gone inside, Hossein Aqa called me saying: “Come and see what the Imam is doing.” I saw the Imam holding the mop and cleaning the floor of the toilet. My body began to shiver. When the Imam came out of the toilet I told him: “I truly felt ashamed of myself for what you did.” The Imam stated: “No, you had cleaned this place” and the turning to Hossein Aqa remarked: “You should have consideration for this lady; it is not her duty to do anything here but you should have consideration.”  

Name of the narrator: Marziyeh Hadidchi,

Title of the Book: Impressions and Memoirs about Imam Khomeini's Practical Behaviour, vol. 1, chapter one, pages 89 & 90

http://en.imam-khomeini.ir/en/n12503/Memoirs/Environment_and_surroundings_of_house_and_family/He_would_clean_the_toilet

Quote

He used to see off the lady
ID:   40345   14/07/2015
At times when the lady wanted to travel, whatever the time of the day it was—even if it was two o’clock in the afternoon which was the Imam’s rest hour—and despite all the intense discipline he exercised in his daily routine, yet in honour of the lady he would walk up to the main gate of the house and give her a warm send-off.

Name of the narrator: Zahra Mostafawi

Title of the Book: Impressions and Memoirs about Imam Khomeini's Practical Behaviour, vol. 1, chapter one, page 87

 

http://en.imam-khomeini.ir/en/n12501/Memoirs/Environment_and_surroundings_of_house_and_family/He_used_to_see_off_the_lady

Quote

Man is incapable of bringing up children
ID:   40887   30/08/2015
The Imam considered the woman’s role in the house to be an extremely critical one and gave a lot of importance to the upbringing of children. Sometimes when we would joke and say that in that case the wife needed to stay always inside the house, he would say: “You should not underestimate the home; rearing of children is no small job. One who succeeds in bringing up a single individual properly has indeed done a great service to society.” He believed that a man was incapable of rearing children and this task was specifically designed for woman because a woman has more affection and the family’s stability ought to be based on love and affection as well.

Name of the narrator: Fatemeh Tabtabaie, special issue of Etelaat daily dated July 03, 1990

Title of the Book: Impressions and Memoirs about Imam Khomeini's Practical Behaviour, vol. 1, chapter six, page 283

 

http://statics.imam-khomeini.ir/UserFiles/fa/Images/NewsPhoto/2015/55_55_55_55_Untitled-1.jpg

preperation of tea for early morning/breakfast  has been a daily usual daily routine  of Imam Khomeini (رضي الله عنه)

http://www.imam-khomeini.ir/fa/n25511/سرویس_های_اطلاع_رسانی/امام_خمینی_و_انقلاب_اسلامی/همیشه_آماده_کردن_چای_های_اول_صبح_خانه_با_امام_س_بود

Quote

 "A woman is a flower and not a servant at home." Islam tells men, "The best of you are those who treat their wives best." These are the views of Islam, and there are many such views in Islam. However, practicing the Islamic view in the family environment is not possible through these narrations alone: it requires a legal guarantee and it is necessary to provide this guarantee. This has not been done over the past years. Faithful families and well-behaved and pious men have taken Islamic views into consideration. But in other cases, Islamic views have not been taken into consideration and women have been oppressed in the family.

Leader’s Speech to Prominent Iranian Women; May 22, 2011.

http://en.imam-khomeini.ir/en/n13043/Memoirs/Environment_and_surroundings_of_house_and_family/Man_is_incapable_of_bringing_up_children

https://english.khamenei.ir/news/4360/Women-are-flowers-evil-is-a-man-who-treats-them-violently

https://english.khamenei.ir/news/6855/An-important-prerequisite-to-women-s-social-activity

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  • Advanced Member

The best thing is once I’m done cleaning or cooking, my mom will make a dua for me. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Veteran Member

So marriage is about compromise and equality.

If a husband works 40 hours per week and the wife stays home, then she needs to put in 40 hours of work and then the husband/wife should split up the remaining work.

If a wife works 40 hours per week and the husband stays home, then he needs to put in 40 hours of work and then the husband/wife should split up the remaining work.

If both work, then they should split the work at home equally.

This has worked well for my wife and me.

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