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In the Name of God بسم الله

feeling fake after cosmetic surgery

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Guest naturelistener

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Salam'aleykum.

About a month ago I've underwent cosmetic surgery, the surgery i'm talking about is a rhinoplasty (nose surgery). I was severely unhappy with my side angle since in my early teen years, now I'm in my early twenties and I finally went for it. The surgeon shaved down my bump, so my side profile is now straight. I've done it because I was self conscious about it, it affected my mental health a lot. I would always place a hand in front of my nose when passing by strangers, when I laughed I would place my hand before me mouth/nose so no one saw my side profile, when meeting new people I was anxious about the fact that they also taught my nose looked ridiculous (astagfirullah) from the side. I was self conscious about wearing hijab and my nose sticking out so much. Anyway, there's a lot more but those are the main things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think I was ugly, far from that. I was not self conscious about the way I looked, but I was self conscious about my side profile and I hated the fact that it kept me from so many things and I was just so sick of thinking about it all the time, so I decided to do something about it. I was not influenced by social media or anything, because as I said I've struggled with it from my early teens, back when social media wasn't even 'big'. 

But now, I can't help feeling fake. Did I give in society's beauty standards (eventhough I didn't get influenced by anything), am I not a good muslimah anymore, will a potential future spouse ever accept me? 

By the way, the change is not dramatic. From the front I look the same, you can only notice it from the side. My nose still points downwards when laughing etc., it's still an imperfect nose but better? But still, I feel disgusted because how can I, an hijab wearing practicing muslimah be so 'vain' and 'shallow'. Someone who never touched make up, who didn't wear the prettiest clothes, who couldn't care less about her dark circles or other 'imperfections', go under the knife?

I do not understand why I've been feeling this way, since I've also got braces in the past to get straighter teeth and not because my teeth were disfunctioning. But somehow I don't care about that, but I do care about this.

Can anyone please give an honest perspective on this, am I being overdramatic or too harsh on my self? 

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1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

Wa alaikum as salam

I would say, what is done is done. Feeling bad about it and beating yourself up will not bring anything. 

Just consider it as your 'natural' look, because this is now a feature of yours even if it was modified through surgery.

I hope with time I'll get used to it and it will feel normal to me. I do like the result, but something is holding me back from liking it. I hope this feeling will also resolve over time. 

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Wa alaykom al salam 

You are definitely being too harsh on yourself. You’re overthinking things sis!

5 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

Did I give in society's beauty standards (eventhough I didn't get influenced by anything)

No, you addressed an insecurity. Whether or not societal influence played a part in this is irrelevant as it has always been an issue for you. So I’d say it was more of a personal decision devoid of adventitious circumstances. 

6 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

am I not a good muslimah anymore

Absolutely not. Being a good Muslim is about sincerity in action and worship. Modifying your appearance does not fall in either category. 

6 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

will a potential future spouse ever accept me? 

Why wouldn’t they? And if they don’t, would you really want to marry someone that shallow? Someone who would reject you because of your nose? Focus more on developing qualities that you would like to see in a suitor, like religiosity, akhlaq, modesty etc. The right guy who will accept you for you will come along in no time inshallah. 

6 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

By the way, the change is not dramatic

This alone should eliminate all the concerns you have! 

6 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

But still, I feel disgusted because how can I, an hijab wearing practicing muslimah be so 'vain' and 'shallow'. Someone who never touched make up, who didn't wear the prettiest clothes, who couldn't care less about her dark circles or other 'imperfections', go under the knife?

As brother @Mahdavistsaid, it is what it is. I think you just need to work on embracing this new change. And that starts by trivialising it. Your situation is not as bad as you think! 

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1 hour ago, User 313 said:

Wa alaykom al salam 

You are definitely being too harsh on yourself. You’re overthinking things sis!

No, you addressed an insecurity. Whether or not societal influence played a part in this is irrelevant as it has always been an issue for you. So I’d say it was more of a personal decision devoid of adventitious circumstances. 

Absolutely not. Being a good Muslim is about sincerity in action and worship. Modifying your appearance does not fall in either category. 

Why wouldn’t they? And if they don’t, would you really want to marry someone that shallow? Someone who would reject you because of your nose? Focus more on developing qualities that you would like to see in a suitor, like religiosity, akhlaq, modesty etc. The right guy who will accept you for you will come along in no time inshallah. 

This alone should eliminate all the concerns you have! 

As brother @Mahdavistsaid, it is what it is. I think you just need to work on embracing this new change. And that starts by trivialising it. Your situation is not as bad as you think! 

thank you for your kind words. I've never done anything about myself (like make up, plucking eyebrows, removing hairs on my upper lip eventhough I should really do that lol) because I was not bothered about it. But it is painful when every time you smile, you feel disgusting if you look from the side. My nose was also pointing downwards and with the combination of a hooked nose I was not happy, now my nose is still turned downwards but I like it like that. 

It feels like a huge change to me, even though I still look the same, my sibling even said I did surgery for nothing because I look the same haha, but yeah the peace of mind and not thinking about my nose 24/7 is all I wanted. 

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Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

Salam'aleykum.

About a month ago I've underwent cosmetic surgery, the surgery i'm talking about is a rhinoplasty (nose surgery). I was severely unhappy with my side angle since in my early teen years, now I'm in my early twenties and I finally went for it. The surgeon shaved down my bump, so my side profile is now straight. I've done it because I was self conscious about it, it affected my mental health a lot. I would always place a hand in front of my nose when passing by strangers, when I laughed I would place my hand before me mouth/nose so no one saw my side profile, when meeting new people I was anxious about the fact that they also taught my nose looked ridiculous (astagfirullah) from the side. I was self conscious about wearing hijab and my nose sticking out so much. Anyway, there's a lot more but those are the main things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think I was ugly, far from that. I was not self conscious about the way I looked, but I was self conscious about my side profile and I hated the fact that it kept me from so many things and I was just so sick of thinking about it all the time, so I decided to do something about it. I was not influenced by social media or anything, because as I said I've struggled with it from my early teens, back when social media wasn't even 'big'. 

But now, I can't help feeling fake. Did I give in society's beauty standards (eventhough I didn't get influenced by anything), am I not a good muslimah anymore, will a potential future spouse ever accept me? 

By the way, the change is not dramatic. From the front I look the same, you can only notice it from the side. My nose still points downwards when laughing etc., it's still an imperfect nose but better? But still, I feel disgusted because how can I, an hijab wearing practicing muslimah be so 'vain' and 'shallow'. Someone who never touched make up, who didn't wear the prettiest clothes, who couldn't care less about her dark circles or other 'imperfections', go under the knife?

I do not understand why I've been feeling this way, since I've also got braces in the past to get straighter teeth and not because my teeth were disfunctioning. But somehow I don't care about that, but I do care about this.

Can anyone please give an honest perspective on this, am I being overdramatic or too harsh on my self? 

If it makes you feel better about yourself, and the money you used for the operation was halal money, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. BTW, your body, including your nose is not you. You soul (nafs) is you. Your body is merely a vehicle, like a car, that you use to survive in this world. When you die, you leave this body and enter a new body and this one turns to dust. So you shouldn't feel fake, you are still you, lol. Nothing has really changed.

Now if you changed your nose because you wanted to look more European(unless you're actually European in which case that makes no sense) , etc, then, yes that is not the most productive attitude to have. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) put beauty in everything, every race, every tribe, and every one. Your goal in life should be to recognize that beauty in yourself and others. This takes a while to learn how to do this. Maybe make this a goal and let the past be the past. 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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8 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

now my nose is still turned downwards but I like it like that. 

You’ve successfully addressed the insecurity which is great! Now you just have to deal with the aftermath which shouldn’t be too difficult or tedious. 

8 hours ago, Guest naturelistener said:

the peace of mind and not thinking about my nose 24/7 is all I wanted

Trust me that will go away over time. Just don’t beat yourself up about it. You haven’t done anything wrong :)

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9 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

If it makes you feel better about yourself, and the money you used for the operation was halal money, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. BTW, your body, including your nose is not you. You soul (nafs) is you. Your body is merely a vehicle, like a car, that you use to survive in this world. When you die, you leave this body and enter a new body and this one turns to dust. So you shouldn't feel fake, you are still you, lol. Nothing has really changed.

Now if you changed your nose because you wanted to look more European(unless you're actually European in which case that makes no sense) , etc, then, yes that is not the most productive attitude to have. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) put beauty in everything, every race, every tribe, and every one. Your goal in life should be to recognize that beauty in yourself and others. This takes a while to learn how to do this. Maybe make this a goal and let the past be the past. 

 

No, I don't want to look European or white at all. My nose (and face) still looks ethnic since the surgeon didn't change other things, luckily I don't have a button or ski slope nose all of a sudden (not that there is anything wrong with that, it just wouldn't suit my face).

I'm trying to accept myself the way I am and see beauty in my self, which I already starting to do so I guess I'm on the right track. But it's just easier for me to point out thousands things of other people which are beautiful in my eyes, than recognizing things that make me beautiful. 

thank you for your comment

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