Do Shia parents allow daughters to marry converts?

[Lion of Shia]

Do Shia parents allow daughters to marry converts? i heard in some cultures they cant marry converts or they choose not to.I heard this was true in shia islam, is it?

[Ali_Hussain]

Some do, some don't, there is no rule. It varies from family to family.

If it makes you feel any better the type of family that wouldn't allow their child to marry a convert probably wouldn't allow them to marry someone of a different ethnicity that isn't a convert either.

[Abdul-Hadi]

Usually being a "convert" has nothing to do with it, it's a race and/or ethnicity thing. A lot of Middle Eastern parents don't want their daughters marrying people of different ethnicity or race. It's unfortunate and I think pretty shameful to be this way, but that's how people are and it's viewed as OK for some strange double standard reason, because I guarantee that if a White Irish father said that he didn't want his daughter marrying a non-White Irish person, it would make the news, be treated like the end of the world, Antifa would come set fire to his house, he'd lose his job, have to go on CNN to "take a knee" and make some apology, and this story would stay in the news cycle for two months.

Generally you don't want to get involved with a family that is that uptight about race/ethnicity.

[ali_fatheroforphans]

Yes it happens and some parents care more about preserving their culture rather than preserving Islam. 

[Diaz]

I wouldn’t mind if my future daughter want to marry a revert man, as long as he is pious believer, I don’t care about the ethnic as well. My father is very strict about this, he want my sister to marry a man who has the same nationality as us, should be a Shia, has an American passport, rich, has PhD and all these nonsense. Many Arab think like this xP

[Abdul-Hadi]

If I had a daughter, I wouldn't care whether the man she married was brown, black, yellow, or white. Just as long as he was a religious man who treated her well and took pride in providing for her. A man who could control himself and wasn't just looking to get married so that he can "fulfill his desires".

But I don't have a daughter and doubt that I'll be getting married because I want to marry a Shia girl who takes her faith seriously and I do not have riches, the PhD, or any of the stuff that's necessary to get with a girl like that. I don't even know any other Shia men who would be willing to set me up with their daughters, so it's not looking like marriage is in my future. I'm 35 and have made it this long without being married, so it's not looking highly likely for me. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

A lot of the time I think that I am actually not supposed to get married. I've come close to marrying someone but she was not a religious woman and I think that everything that happened in the fallout from that was a warning from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to stop trying to make it happen and just wait to see if he's going to lead a righteous woman who can deal with my very specific problems my way. It may be that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has not destined for me to be married and if that's the case, then I accept it and will live for whatever purpose he has created me to live for... I'm just not sure what purpose that is, because I do not possess any sort of special skills, do not have a degree, and now have a criminal record to go along with all of that. Maybe Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) just wants me to find some sort of menial job and be a humble man and then eventually he's going to bring me a widow or a divorced woman who is suitably religious? I don't know and don't pretend to know, but I trust that his plans for my life are the best because I have seen where ignoring his plans for me leads to (a jail cell) and I don't want to ever go back on that road regardless of if it involves a woman and a kid to be a stepfather figure to.

Edited June 21, 2021 by Abdul-Hadi
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[3wliya_maryam]

14 hours ago, Lion of Shia said:

Do Shia parents allow daughters to marry converts? i heard in some cultures they cant marry converts or they choose not to.I heard this was true in shia islam, is it?

No, in many cases unfortunately. Shia Islam does allow interracial marriage as well as marriage to converts, but not only shia parents, many muslims in general see it as a taboo. However, you find that males have a bit more leeway as to marrying who they want.

Edited June 22, 2021 by 3wliya_maryam

[Guest Window]

15 hours ago, Abdul-Hadi said:

Usually being a "convert" has nothing to do with it, it's a race and/or ethnicity thing. A lot of Middle Eastern parents don't want their daughters marrying people of different ethnicity or race. It's unfortunate and I think pretty shameful to be this way, but that's how people are and it's viewed as OK for some strange double standard reason

There absolutely is a double standard. Men are allowed to marry whoever they want, ethnically-speaking. But as soon as a woman does it, it's regarded as almost taboo. There is an expectation that a convert from a different ethnicity will assimilate and take on the cultural customs of her husband. But if a woman marries outside if her ethnicity, then she is giving up her parents' culture. Or something along that vein. It's stupid how some parents think. Someone i know married a convert woman, who didn't even convert to islam until they had children. And yet, when his daughter wanted to marry a convert, he refused to let his daughter get married to the guy because "he doesn't know enough about the religion/wouldn't lead your children to know Islam enough."--what the hell does that even mean? It's patriarchal oppression on men just so they can have control over their daughters. In some countries, there are laws in place that when a woman gets married to someone outside of her ethnicity, her children won't be recognized as citizens of that country. It's so messed-up. Then they claim it's from Islam.

[Guest Mullah_Sadra]

On 6/21/2021 at 5:31 PM, Lion of Shia said:

Do Shia parents allow daughters to marry converts? i heard in some cultures they cant marry converts or they choose not to.I heard this was true in shia islam, is it?

I am a mixed race revert from New York. I met my wife on Shiamatch.com in 2012, we got married in 2014. We got married in her Canadian hometown. Her family are pious Pakistani Sayyids. They did their due diligence and "vetted" me, as they should, and ultimately gave their blessing. We are now settled and have two children. Trust in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and he will open doors for you.