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In the Name of God بسم الله

Love vs Arranged

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Guest Syedd

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Is love marriage allowed in Islam? And if so, is it better than arranged? What's the pros and cons of each? Jzk

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It is allowed but there are things to consider:

- Both Family Consent

- Are they from same religion If not then there is more issues to consider (children's religion etc.....)

- If from different cultures, family have to learn something about each other cultures

For arrange marriage:

There has to be consent or both female and male have agreed to the marriage. For some people, that might be the only option left to get married (like Myself)

You have to look at your situations and analyses it. So both will depends on your situations you are in.

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Arranged marriages are the biggest risk. And not worth it. Most couples in arranged marriages are not thriving, theyre just going through the motions, playing house. Some people like mediocrity. Some people like the thrill of an arranged marriage. These are the kind of people who scoff at love thinking it doesnt exist. 

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It depends what country you live in. If you live in the west where Muslims are already scarce then you will probably not have a love marriage because that requires some luck of meeting them at school or work. You will probably need to actually search for a spouse that meets your standards, which would be arranged. 

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Marriage based on mutual respect, mutual trust, compatibility, honour and with the love of Allah is the best. 

weather you find this thought love (yourself) or arranged won’t make a difference too much on the marriage in my opinion.

Nowadays arranged marriage also allows people to get to know each other to discover if they are compatible or not. 

I say look both ways ? Why limit yourself to find someone through one method ? But obviously in a halal way if you are looking yourself.

Just do your research, get to know the person in a halal way etc 

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There is no concept of love marriage in Islam. Even if you find a man/woman on your own and you want to marry them, the parents should get involved as quickly as possible. Not much "love" should develop before marriage

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On 6/4/2021 at 12:40 AM, Guest Syedd said:

Is love marriage allowed in Islam? And if so, is it better than arranged? What's the pros and cons of each? Jzk

I think people have different definitions of what a 'love marriage' is. I know in Indo/Pak culture, this means a marriage where the spouses self select, i.e. the marriage is not arranged by the families. But you have to understand that for someone coming from a non Indo/Pak background, your question would be an odd questions. The first time I saw this (not being from an Indo/Pak culture myself) I was like 'Why would someone marry someone they didn't love ? '. It seemed a very odd question to ask. Now I know what you mean by it. 

I don't think it matters very much whether spouses self select or the marriage is arranged, so long as they have affection for each other and a commitment to make the marriage work and they are both dedicated to following the religion (i.e. doing the wajib and avoiding the haram) and striving to be better muslim/a s. If those things are there it will work (regardless of the circumstances of their meeting). 

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Whether it is an arranged or love marriage isn’t the problem. I’ve seen love marriages thrive. I’ve also seen very successful arranged marriages too. It’s the intentions of the parties in question. It takes two to tango so the success of a marriage largely depends on the willingness of both parties to commit. And I think you can find someone compatible using either avenue

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I wonder about this too, because I have no way of meeting a potential spouse as I do not know anyone with a daughter to marry off. It's different when you live in a culture where marriages are not generally arranged-- you're expected to go out there and find someone on your own. Non mahram men and women cannot interact, so I have no idea how I would go about finding a spouse if I was ever financially prepared to get married.

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1 hour ago, Abdul-Hadi said:

I wonder about this too, because I have no way of meeting a potential spouse as I do not know anyone with a daughter to marry off. It's different when you live in a culture where marriages are not generally arranged-- you're expected to go out there and find someone on your own. Non mahram men and women cannot interact, so I have no idea how I would go about finding a spouse if I was ever financially prepared to get married.

I mean I know people who got married but first spoke to get to know each other and see if they were compatible. Of course this was done with the permission of the girl’s parents and the conversation was devoid of lust. Arranged or not you’d still need to have a rough idea of who the person is. Don’t ever lose hope though, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will send you someone out of thin air when the time is right. 

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3 hours ago, User 313 said:

Don’t ever lose hope though, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will send you someone out of thin air when the time is right.

I haven't lost hope, I'm just ok with whatever His plan for me is, because His plan is going to be better than any lame plan that I could come up with for my life. I've tried doing things my own way, doing things the Western way, and they haven't worked out yet and just left me with a broken, pained heart and feeling empty and used up on the inside.

If it's meant for me to get married, He'll make it happen. The only reason I think about it a lot is because I'm selfish and want to be seen as a "normal" and "functional" man by the ummah and being married is a big part of that. In short, it's a character flaw that I need to work on. I shouldn't even be thinking this way though, because His approval is all that really matters at the end of the day.

If it's meant to happen, it will happen. I'll meet a guy and he'll arrange for me to meet his daughter.

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27 minutes ago, Abdul-Hadi said:

I'm just ok with whatever His plan for me is, because His plan is going to be better than any lame plan that I could come up with for my life.

I really commend this approach.

We all have a lot to work and we need to trust that the timing of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is perfect. Hindsight is a powerful tool and in due time you will know exactly why certain things in your life were delayed. 

There’s this quote I once read that I think perfectly sums up God’s mercy:

‘God answers your prayers in three ways: ‘Yes’, because you deserve it, ‘No’, because you deserve better and ‘Not yet’ because the best is yet to come.’ 

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