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Understanding men

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Guest Sister Sakina

My fiancé is very weird. Some days he wants to speak to me everyday and every moment and won't leave me alone and says he misses me. Other days he just doesn't make any time for me at all and can go on not speaking to me for days and weeks.

Why is he like this? And if I feel unhappy is this reason enough to leave? 

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3 hours ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

My fiancé is very weird. Some days he wants to speak to me everyday and every moment and won't leave me alone and says he misses me. Other days he just doesn't make any time for me at all and can go on not speaking to me for days and weeks.

 

Why is he like this? And if I feel unhappy is this reason enough to leave? 

Ukhti, I'm going to give my personal opinion. I don't have an ayah or hadith for this, but straightforward we are just wired different. Women love to talk a lot. Us men, yes there are some that are very chatty, but for the most part we have a balance of that and wanting to be left alone. Now he could be doing this as is natural or he could be doing this as playing 'the game'. Unfortunately, the game has to be played to keep a female interested. Sometimes it works and sometimes it may push them to a 'safer' option and thus the relationship ends. I say you should just directly ask him. Real men are direct in what they want. I am sure he will let you know why he is like that, but you have to understand its not necessarily malicious. I'll give an example, currently I have a mutah contract with this one woman and she talks a lot so much so that not only does she talk but i notice many women get lost in their thoughts, the chatter in their head. Anyways, she just recently was fussing about 'How I feel about her' and that I wasn't responding to everything she said in a voice clip. I had to remind her that previous to her sending me that I was telling her I am busy with work and when I did respond I left out something and she went on this tangent about feelings. I let her know straight up that she was making irrational conclusions based on my 'lack of a thorough response'. I told her I didn't have time for that and I was meeting friends after work. I told her I am unavailable for the night. That was my way of expressing my annoyance but also making her reflect on the incidence. I reached out the following day and she changed her tune. Let me just say if I was just laying over saying "oh sorry about not giving a detailed response in between meetings, but I really love u and the sky is blue when I see you" sure enough this would cause boredom. Space allows for an increase in attraction. I doubt shes the one for me, but nonetheless she showed increase attraction to me for being rational, standing my ground and giving stepping back. In conclusion if your fiance was showing you all this lovey attention every single day, you'd get bored and this is my opinion. He might be a decent guy, don't throw it away just yet. And Allah knows best. 

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55 minutes ago, MexicanVato said:

Ukhti, I'm going to give my personal opinion. I don't have an ayah or hadith for this, but straightforward we are just wired different. Women love to talk a lot. Us men, yes there are some that are very chatty, but for the most part we have a balance of that and wanting to be left alone. Now he could be doing this as is natural or he could be doing this as playing 'the game'. Unfortunately, the game has to be played to keep a female interested. Sometimes it works and sometimes it may push them to a 'safer' option and thus the relationship ends. I say you should just directly ask him. Real men are direct in what they want. I am sure he will let you know why he is like that, but you have to understand its not necessarily malicious. I'll give an example, currently I have a mutah contract with this one woman and she talks a lot so much so that not only does she talk but i notice many women get lost in their thoughts, the chatter in their head. Anyways, she just recently was fussing about 'How I feel about her' and that I wasn't responding to everything she said in a voice clip. I had to remind her that previous to her sending me that I was telling her I am busy with work and when I did respond I left out something and she went on this tangent about feelings. I let her know straight up that she was making irrational conclusions based on my 'lack of a thorough response'. I told her I didn't have time for that and I was meeting friends after work. I told her I am unavailable for the night. That was my way of expressing my annoyance but also making her reflect on the incidence. I reached out the following day and she changed her tune. Let me just say if I was just laying over saying "oh sorry about not giving a detailed response in between meetings, but I really love u and the sky is blue when I see you" sure enough this would cause boredom. Space allows for an increase in attraction. I doubt shes the one for me, but nonetheless she showed increase attraction to me for being rational, standing my ground and giving stepping back. In conclusion if your fiance was showing you all this lovey attention every single day, you'd get bored and this is my opinion. He might be a decent guy, don't throw it away just yet. And Allah knows best. 

You wanna mentor me bro? 

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5 hours ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

My fiancé is very weird. Some days he wants to speak to me everyday and every moment and won't leave me alone and says he misses me. Other days he just doesn't make any time for me at all and can go on not speaking to me for days and weeks.

 

Why is he like this? And if I feel unhappy is this reason enough to leave? 

Salam,

Try to manage your expectations positively. Building a relationship takes time and trust.  At the same time, be aware of personal weaknesses.

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5 hours ago, MexicanVato said:

Ukhti, I'm going to give my personal opinion. I don't have an ayah or hadith for this, but straightforward we are just wired different. Women love to talk a lot. Us men, yes there are some that are very chatty, but for the most part we have a balance of that and wanting to be left alone. Now he could be doing this as is natural or he could be doing this as playing 'the game'. Unfortunately, the game has to be played to keep a female interested. Sometimes it works and sometimes it may push them to a 'safer' option and thus the relationship ends. I say you should just directly ask him. Real men are direct in what they want. I am sure he will let you know why he is like that, but you have to understand its not necessarily malicious. I'll give an example, currently I have a mutah contract with this one woman and she talks a lot so much so that not only does she talk but i notice many women get lost in their thoughts, the chatter in their head. Anyways, she just recently was fussing about 'How I feel about her' and that I wasn't responding to everything she said in a voice clip. I had to remind her that previous to her sending me that I was telling her I am busy with work and when I did respond I left out something and she went on this tangent about feelings. I let her know straight up that she was making irrational conclusions based on my 'lack of a thorough response'. I told her I didn't have time for that and I was meeting friends after work. I told her I am unavailable for the night. That was my way of expressing my annoyance but also making her reflect on the incidence. I reached out the following day and she changed her tune. Let me just say if I was just laying over saying "oh sorry about not giving a detailed response in between meetings, but I really love u and the sky is blue when I see you" sure enough this would cause boredom. Space allows for an increase in attraction. I doubt shes the one for me, but nonetheless she showed increase attraction to me for being rational, standing my ground and giving stepping back. In conclusion if your fiance was showing you all this lovey attention every single day, you'd get bored and this is my opinion. He might be a decent guy, don't throw it away just yet. And Allah knows best. 

Thank you brother the thing is I am more like you and not the typical 'all in his face female'. I get busy with my work and studies but I always believe I should make time for him. You know at least speaking once a day is not too hard? 

I literally asked him 'are you busy' ? And he said, 'no no I want to keep talking' and completely ignores me. I wouldn't mind if he just told me he just doesn't want to talk. I just find it disrespectful because I'm not asking for much... I just a bit of communication. 

I've told him before and he had no reason and he kept apologising. 

I just don't understand how someone can be so unstable. How can one day he be so obessed and the next day so indifferent ? 

Im really thinking about leaving because marriage needs maturity and sacrifice and communication and he acts too immature and says really childish things. I want someone to support me and bring me closer to the imam not someone to make me feel ashamed. 

I just feel really down and disrespected because I don't ask for much and I'm not annoying at all. 

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37 minutes ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

Thank you brother the thing is I am more like you and not the typical 'all in his face female'. I get busy with my work and studies but I always believe I should make time for him. You know at least speaking once a day is not too hard? 

I literally asked him 'are you busy' ? And he said, 'no no I want to keep talking' and completely ignores me. I wouldn't mind if he just told me he just doesn't want to talk. I just find it disrespectful because I'm not asking for much... I just a bit of communication. 

I've told him before and he had no reason and he kept apologising. 

I just don't understand how someone can be so unstable. How can one day he be so obessed and the next day so indifferent ? 

Im really thinking about leaving because marriage needs maturity and sacrifice and communication and he acts too immature and says really childish things. I want someone to support me and bring me closer to the imam not someone to make me feel ashamed. 

I just feel really down and disrespected because I don't ask for much and I'm not annoying at all. 

I think what the brother was trying to say is that many times. women mistake talking for communication. They are two different things. You can talk without communicating, and you can communicate without talking. 

As a man, I can tell you what is extremely annoying to me, and annoying to most men, is mindless banter. This is talking without communication. It is basically one person (usually a women, sorry for that) dumping everything that is currently rolling around in their brain onto someone else (usually a man). Then they expect the other person to listen closely and react appropriately to that. I am not saying this is the case with you, because I don't know you, but this is something that is common. This is not communication, it is just talking. Communication is a two way street (both people go into it seeking some sort of mutual understanding in compensation for their efforts) and there is usually a topic and a purpose that is mutually agreed upon, or at least implied. 

So when a man is engaged, he is very careful about not offending his 'wife to be' in any way because most of the time he does love her and care about her because usually she has other good qualities which he likes and he is willing to overlook this aspect of her personality. He is sitting there polite, and maybe even smiling, but in his head he is thinking 'wth, when is this going to stop'. The women see him smiling, and maybe even looking at her, so she thinks he is listening. Most of the time he isn't. 

After marriage, he is usually less polite, and then she will figure out what is going on. That is usually when the communication takes place. She realizes that this is not something he enjoys, and the couple finds ways of communicating that work for them. They key is flexibility and tolerance for the differences of the spouse. Couples who are not flexible and not tolerant of these differences usually end up getting divorced or have a very unhappy marriage. Men and women are equal in the eyes of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), but they are not the same. 

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I completely agree with you! I dont have time for baseless talk and I have tried many times to explain to him the things that are bothering me but he just doesnt listen. Khair insh'Allah. I guess I can't change anyone but i am trying to understand him and I can't 

I think weirdly in our case the male and female role has swapped he is much more talkative and I am more quiet 

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1 hour ago, Sister Sakina said:

I completely agree with you! I dont have time for baseless talk and I have tried many times to explain to him the things that are bothering me but he just doesnt listen. Khair insh'Allah. I guess I can't change anyone but i am trying to understand him and I can't 

I think weirdly in our case the male and female role has swapped he is much more talkative and I am more quiet 

If you want to do a little experiment, try reversing the roles on him. When he starts to chatter away, do the same thing as he does to you. Wait awhile (the dramatic pause which is the most powerful form of communication, by far), then tell him that this is how you fell when he does this. See what his reaction is. If he thinks about it, and becomes empathetic to your position, then that is definitely a good sign. 

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As-salam alaykom Sister,

Firstly, what are you are experiencing is not uncommon in engagements that last more than a coupe of months. When you decide to get married, do not delay.

Why is this a fact? Because we are in the battleground of the Massieh al Dajjal and s/he uses his/her will to pull every filthy, vicious, cruel witchcraft trick to separate straight couples.

Why is your relationship "set-up" from the beginning that your fiance' decides when you will speak to each other? He has to do the first moves always? Are you allowed to contact him daily just to say "As-salam alaykom" "are you safe?" are you in good health?" "Is there anything I can do for you?"

The Massieh al Dajjal will want you and others to see your fiance' as 'inconsiderate', 'irresponsible', 'negligent' and 'impolite' ....'taking you for granted!' You have to be seen as 'needy', 'weak', 'boring', 'the wrong choice'.  These are lies the Dajjal uses to ruin your love and future by implanting negatives into your minds. The Massieh Dajjal wants to make us all look bad. We are not bad - s/he is bad. The "he said -she said" "he didn't say - she didn't say" is a dark battleground of lies.

Do not quit. Do not break your engagement.

Have your wedding as soon as possible, then you will be living in the same house and you will have the security and privacy you both need and deserve to build your life together.

An engaged couple should maintain the commitment of marriage through regular communication--short engagements! Your fiance' knows this, but the Dajjal can take him and his mind away from the phone and it is possible that your finace's memory could be attacked so badly that he might not remember to call you.

Why does he have to be responsible for keeping the relationship together?

You can contact him whenever you want. You are engaged to be HIS WIFE.

Sister, do not break your engagement. Get your courage, power and voice, take control of the situation. You take responsibility for contacting him and making the arrangements for the marriage.

Get married as soon as possible.

(Are you suddenly having doubts in your mind??? Where did they come from? hmmm I dunno?).

Watch and listen to this video by Haaj Mahmood Karimi everyday until you get married and when under attack from dajjal and send it to your fiance' to do the same. It has the Power to Jumble up the massieh dajjal's witchcraft. 

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12 hours ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

My fiancé is very weird. Some days he wants to speak to me everyday and every moment and won't leave me alone and says he misses me. Other days he just doesn't make any time for me at all and can go on not speaking to me for days and weeks.

Why is he like this? And if I feel unhappy is this reason enough to leave? 

Is this reason enough to leave?? 
what is happened to this world if husband stop talking (for days or months) he became just an option to women,,,?? this is what we are seeing world journey started (or may be reaching) to travel to judgement day 

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If this is a deal breaker, then I recommend telling him that you are considering leaving the relationship. If you leave it unsaid and then you end the relationship, this may cause some resentment on his end. He should at least become aware of what it is you want or are lacking. 

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First of all there is no such thing as an engagement in islam. If you aren't married to him then there isn't really any reason to be chatting.

Secondly, he sounds like he has self esteem issues or an ego problem. Unfortunately this is common among insecure men. If you want to help him then be supportive and try not to be too sensitive about these things. 

Thirdly, note that islam is serious about marriage and divorce. Be careful not to break off your marriage over something trivial.

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4 hours ago, Tabassum Iman said:

Watch and listen to this video by Haaj Mahmood Karimi everyday until you get married and when under attack from dajjal and send it to your fiance' to do the same. It has the Power to Jumble up the massieh dajjal's witchcraft. 

Slightly off topic, but I do find it strange that in a madhab based on the Qur'an and the sunnah of the prophet and his progeny, peace and blessings on them all, people are still able to come up with these invented practices of listening to a 21st century song everyday in order to apparently fight witchcraft.

Incredible.

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7 hours ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

I literally asked him 'are you busy' ? And he said, 'no no I want to keep talking' and completely ignores me. I wouldn't mind if he just told me he just doesn't want to talk. I just find it disrespectful because I'm not asking for much... I just a bit of communication. 

Yea this is very weird. Says he wants to keep talking and then just doesn't talk? Agreed that it's rude. 

7 hours ago, Guest Sister Sakina said:

I just don't understand how someone can be so unstable. How can one day he be so obessed and the next day so indifferent ? 

Im really thinking about leaving because marriage needs maturity and sacrifice and communication and he acts too immature and says really childish things.

Also agreed that if he continues that behavior into the marriage then it won't go well because like you said marriage requires communication. But don't break off the marriage. Just resolve this with him before the wedding

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On 5/17/2021 at 6:38 AM, Tabassum Iman said:

As-salam alaykom Sister,

Firstly, what are you are experiencing is not uncommon in engagements that last more than a coupe of months. When you decide to get married, do not delay.

Why is this a fact? Because we are in the battleground of the Massieh al Dajjal and s/he uses his/her will to pull every filthy, vicious, cruel witchcraft trick to separate straight couples.

Why is your relationship "set-up" from the beginning that your fiance' decides when you will speak to each other? He has to do the first moves always? Are you allowed to contact him daily just to say "As-salam alaykom" "are you safe?" are you in good health?" "Is there anything I can do for you?"

The Massieh al Dajjal will want you and others to see your fiance' as 'inconsiderate', 'irresponsible', 'negligent' and 'impolite' ....'taking you for granted!' You have to be seen as 'needy', 'weak', 'boring', 'the wrong choice'.  These are lies the Dajjal uses to ruin your love and future by implanting negatives into your minds. The Massieh Dajjal wants to make us all look bad. We are not bad - s/he is bad. The "he said -she said" "he didn't say - she didn't say" is a dark battleground of lies.

Do not quit. Do not break your engagement.

Have your wedding as soon as possible, then you will be living in the same house and you will have the security and privacy you both need and deserve to build your life together.

An engaged couple should maintain the commitment of marriage through regular communication--short engagements! Your fiance' knows this, but the Dajjal can take him and his mind away from the phone and it is possible that your finace's memory could be attacked so badly that he might not remember to call you.

Why does he have to be responsible for keeping the relationship together?

You can contact him whenever you want. You are engaged to be HIS WIFE.

Sister, do not break your engagement. Get your courage, power and voice, take control of the situation. You take responsibility for contacting him and making the arrangements for the marriage.

Get married as soon as possible.

(Are you suddenly having doubts in your mind??? Where did they come from? hmmm I dunno?).

Watch and listen to this video by Haaj Mahmood Karimi everyday until you get married and when under attack from dajjal and send it to your fiance' to do the same. It has the Power to Jumble up the massieh dajjal's witchcraft. 

Wa alaykoum al salam,

Your words really touched but due to COVID and travel restrictions we were unable to live together sooner (but we are Islamically married). The thing is i am always the one to initiate the conversations and try - and I honestly don't mind but a relationship is two ways. I agree marriage is very sacred but I am unhappy khair insh'Allah. I had these doubts for a while but khair 

thank you for the video 

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5 hours ago, Deep1414 said:

Is this reason enough to leave?? 
what is happened to this world if husband stop talking (for days or months) he became just an option to women,,,?? this is what we are seeing world journey started (or may be reaching) to travel to judgement day 

Sorry i didn't understand

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1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

First of all there is no such thing as an engagement in islam. If you aren't married to him then there isn't really any reason to be chatting.

Secondly, he sounds like he has self esteem issues or an ego problem. Unfortunately this is common among insecure men. If you want to help him then be supportive and try not to be too sensitive about these things. 

Thirdly, note that islam is serious about marriage and divorce. Be careful not to break off your marriage over something trivial.

Sorry I meant 'aqd qur'an' so I am Islamically married, we didn't 'chat' before marriage only with the permission of our families

inshallah i will try my best. i know divorce should be the last resort but words aren't working and he's really hard to get to.

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52 minutes ago, Uni Student said:

Yea this is very weird. Says he wants to keep talking and then just doesn't talk? Agreed that it's rude. 

Also agreed that if he continues that behavior into the marriage then it won't go well because like you said marriage requires communication. But don't break off the marriage. Just resolve this with him before the wedding

inshallah i will try my best, the only issue is that he doesn't listen I am doing all I can to speak to explain things. but it's very tiring to repeat the same things that are really very basic and should be a given. I honestly don't ask much from him and I am simple in my needs.

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4 minutes ago, Sister Sakina said:

Sorry I meant 'aqd qur'an' so I am Islamically married, we didn't 'chat' before marriage only with the permission of our families

inshallah i will try my best. i know divorce should be the last resort but words aren't working and he's really hard to get to.

Ok alhamdulillah you are married. Try to move in with him asap. You will get to know and understand each other better inshaAllah.

Long distance relationships are complicated.

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23 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

Ok alhamdulillah you are married. Try to move in with him asap. You will get to know and understand each other better inshaAllah.

Long distance relationships are complicated.

Thank you for your advice inshAllah i will do my best to make it work

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On 5/17/2021 at 12:45 PM, Sister Sakina said:

Wa alaykoum al salam,

Your words really touched but due to COVID and travel restrictions we were unable to live together sooner (but we are Islamically married). The thing is i am always the one to initiate the conversations and try - and I honestly don't mind but a relationship is two ways. I agree marriage is very sacred but I am unhappy khair insh'Allah. I had these doubts for a while but khair 

thank you for the video 

As-salam alaykom,

Dearest Sister, I understand your worries and unhappiness about this unpleasant behaviour. It is most stressing when things do not go according to the correct way. In these times we need extra Sabr and Clarity. Some very profound and successful marriages start off with a few hiccups. We would all like the most agreeable situation, but all of us struggle with the "spells" "attacks" "reversals" and "incantations". It is a real test of determination and battle of wills.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has permitted your Islamic marriage. Nothing stopped it.

So why would Allah Ta'ala want to reverse His Permission and Blessing?

Make plenty of Dua Sister and ask Sayiddina Zainab (SA) for the Truth, the Pure, Clear Truth.

In sha Allah all will be made easy for you.

In the meantime, read some stories about the women of Ahlul Bayt and here is a documentary (4 episodes) from Safeer TV about the Women Of Karbala that will help you pass the time in case you have not already seen them).

I will make Dua for you. 

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3 hours ago, Tabassum Iman said:

As-salam alaykom,

Dearest Sister, I understand your worries and unhappiness about this unpleasant behaviour. It is most stressing when things do not go according to the correct way. In these times we need extra Sabr and Clarity. Some very profound and successful marriages start off with a few hiccups. We would all like the most agreeable situation, but all of us struggle with the "spells" "attacks" "reversals" and "incantations". It is a real test of determination and battle of wills.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala has permitted your Islamic marriage. Nothing stopped it.

So why would Allah Ta'ala want to reverse His Permission and Blessing?

Make plenty of Dua Sister and ask Sayiddina Zainab (SA) for the Truth, the Pure, Clear Truth.

In sha Allah all will be made easy for you.

In the meantime, read some stories about the women of Ahlul Bayt and here is a documentary (4 episodes) from Safeer TV about the Women Of Karbala that will help you pass the time in case you have not already seen them).

I will make Dua for you. 

 

 

Wa alaykoum al salam,

Thank you so much, everyone has really helped to add peace to my heart. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help you all 

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On 5/17/2021 at 4:15 AM, Guest Sister Sakina said:

My fiancé is very weird. Some days he wants to speak to me everyday and every moment and won't leave me alone and says he misses me. Other days he just doesn't make any time for me at all and can go on not speaking to me for days and weeks.

Why is he like this? And if I feel unhappy is this reason enough to leave? 

 

19 hours ago, Sister Sakina said:

lol I mean when he actually talks to me he's much more talkative 

 

14 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

Secondly, he sounds like he has self esteem issues or an ego problem. Unfortunately this is common among insecure men. If you want to help him then be supportive and try not to be too sensitive about these things. 

Salam These signs are result of bipolarity issue which one day he is too talkative & other day he completly ignores you which you have two options which one is submitting his issue & continue your life with it or kindly  talk to him & presuade him to ask a therapist to help him for reaching to balance between his polars.

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On 5/16/2021 at 8:19 PM, MexicanVato said:

"oh sorry about not giving a detailed response in between meetings, but I really love u and the sky is blue when I see you" sure enough this would cause boredom. Space allows for an increase in attraction. I doubt shes the one for me, but nonetheless

I'm disturbed by what I have just read. Women, the ones who are emotionally mature, want men who explain themselves when they ghost them for days. It takes literally 2 seconds to say, "I really love you, but tonight I am going out with my friends. Wish you were here. We will talk when I get back. Sorry about not responding and making you worry." Space doesnt create attraction. Emotional intimacy creates attraction. If my husband ever acted like the OPs fiance when we were getting to know each other, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection.

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12 hours ago, Guest Intoseen said:

I'm disturbed by what I have just read. Women, the ones who are emotionally mature, want men who explain themselves when they ghost them for days. It takes literally 2 seconds to say, "I really love you, but tonight I am going out with my friends. Wish you were here. We will talk when I get back. Sorry about not responding and making you worry." Space doesnt create attraction. Emotional intimacy creates attraction. If my husband ever acted like the OPs fiance when we were getting to know each other, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection.

First of all, if you ingested what I was talking about, I was only giving a hint of what may be happening, but did I not advise the OP to speak to him about what is going on and what she wants? How can you talk about emotional intimacy if you can't put emotions to the side for the moment in order to understand logic that is being presenting in a post? Space does increase attraction. A wise person once told me: "Don't watch a woman's words, watch her actions.". Example many women will say they want a guy that is going to be romantic, giving them flowers, chocolates yada yada yada. The romantic man then proceeds to spoil her with flowers, chocolates and if they are really gullible they may write a poem (lol). In reality this does not catch a woman's attention. A woman wants a nice guy as they say, but when that guy is too nice and doesn't speak his mind or stand up to the woman when she is out of line, the woman ends up losing attraction. If a guy is saying every few hours "I love you", sending texts and calls throughout the day and expressing his love, the woman is going to get annoyed. You can wear out the word 'love' quickly. 

Now I want you to reread your last two sentences:

Quote

If my husband ever acted like the OPs fiance when we were getting to know each other, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection.

In one statement you're saying drop him like a hot potato, in the next you say women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection. This is irrational, illogical and is contradiction to your said views. Why not instead she do as I suggest and communicate this problem with him and let him know that she is considering leaving the relationship? 

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15 minutes ago, MexicanVato said:

First of all, if you ingested what I was talking about, I was only giving a hint of what may be happening, but did I not advise the OP to speak to him about what is going on and what she wants? How can you talk about emotional intimacy if you can't put emotions to the side for the moment in order to understand logic that is being presenting in a post? Space does increase attraction. A wise person once told me: "Don't watch a woman's words, watch her actions.". Example many women will say they want a guy that is going to be romantic, giving them flowers, chocolates yada yada yada. The romantic man then proceeds to spoil her with flowers, chocolates and if they are really gullible they may write a poem (lol). In reality this does not catch a woman's attention. A woman wants a nice guy as they say, but when that guy is too nice and doesn't speak his mind or stand up to the woman when she is out of line, the woman ends up losing attraction. If a guy is saying every few hours "I love you", sending texts and calls throughout the day and expressing his love, the woman is going to get annoyed. You can wear out the word 'love' quickly. 

Now I want you to reread your last two sentences:

In one statement you're saying drop him like a hot potato, in the next you say women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection. This is irrational, illogical and is contradiction to your said views. Why not instead she do as I suggest and communicate this problem with him and let him know that she is considering leaving the relationship? 

I agree with you brother, but i also understand where the sister is coming from. I personally don't care about physical gifts or 'I love you's, I prefer that he communicates and listens to me. I definitely agree it is important to speak about things, because humans are complicated and Allah made the man different from the female. Marriage is too sacred to just break it over these things, but it does make me unhappy and considering leaving isnt the same as doing it. 

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Sister Sakina said:

I agree with you brother, but i also understand where the sister is coming from. I personally don't care about physical gifts or 'I love you's, I prefer that he communicates and listens to me. I definitely agree it is important to speak about things, because humans are complicated and Allah made the man different from the female. Marriage is too sacred to just break it over these things, but it does make me unhappy and considering leaving isnt the same as doing it. 

I’m not combating that communication should be ignored, but what I’m saying if communication is so important, than this should be communicated to him instead of “dropping him like a hot potato”. Btw I had an issue with an ex about communication. I was trying to communicate but she wasn’t. So I get it. Now she’s left on read in my phone lol. 

Edited by MexicanVato
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4 hours ago, MexicanVato said:

statement you're saying drop him like a hot potato, in the next you say women want men who are comfortable communicating and aren't afraid of building a connection. This is irrational, illogical and is contradiction to your said views. Why

The OPs fiance is blowing hot and cold. Thats not cool at all. No loving, mature guy would do this. I am not contradicting myself: no woman wants a guy who plays games. I dont think you read my post at all. Its not okay to go several weeks without contact and pretend nothing happened. Connection means building consistant emotional intimacy, being transparent and honest, and seek to meet their other half's needs, and connecting/reaching out.

 

4 hours ago, MexicanVato said:

Space does increase attraction. A wise person once told me: "Don't watch a woman's words, watch her actions.". Example many women will say they want a guy that is going to be romantic, giving them flowers, chocolates yada yada yada. The romantic man then proceeds to spoil her with flowers, chocolates and if they are really gullible they may write a poem (lol). In reality this does not catch a woman's attention. A woman wants a nice guy as they say, but when that guy is too nice and doesn't speak his mind or stand up to the woman when she is out of line, the woman ends up losing attraction. If a guy is saying every few hours "I love you", sending texts and calls throughout the day and expressing his love, the woman is going to get annoyed. You can wear out the word 'love' quickly. 

I strongly disagree with everything you have said. Poems, flowers, and chocolate does catch my attention. I am married and from this post, it seems like you're not. My husband and I say I love you a million times a day and we never get bored. I wanted and married that sweet and nice guy. If a woman isn't receptive to that stuff, then she isn't your person.

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3 hours ago, MexicanVato said:

I’m not combating that communication should be ignored, but what I’m saying if communication is so important, than this should be communicated to him instead of “dropping him like a hot potato”. Btw I had an issue with an ex about communication. I was trying to communicate but she wasn’t. So I get it. Now she’s left on read in my phone lol. 

I definitely agree brother! This is the most logical and reasonable solution 

Alhamdulillah that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) gave you better. All the best 

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20 hours ago, Guest Intoseen said:

I strongly disagree with everything you have said. Poems, flowers, and chocolate does catch my attention. I am married and from this post, it seems like you're not. My husband and I say I love you a million times a day and we never get bored. I wanted and married that sweet and nice guy. If a woman isn't receptive to that stuff, then she isn't your person.

I’ve been married and have had some mutah contracts. Perhaps I should write poems and maybe I’ll find the right woman so we can finish each other’s sentences lol. I jest, well if your happy with the constant lovey stuff you one of the rare ones. I’m not hating on you, but I’d hate for you to advise young men on getting a woman and how to keep her. 

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