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In the Name of God بسم الله

Mut’ah with a

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I asked the office of sayed sistani the following question

 

I am a man living in America and am not able to get married now, one of my biggest problems is the sexual desire, I have tried abstaining from masturbation but it never lasts too long. 
The only solution I can think of is Mut’ah, and the only kind of girls I think wouldn’t mind doing that are escorts. These escorts are usually found on special sites and are not widely known to the people. So is it allowed for me to do Mut’ah with and escort?

 

The answer was

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Based on obligatory precaution, one should refrain from marrying a woman whose notorious for adultery, unless she has repented.

Wassalamu Alaykum
 

now I don’t understand if I can or cannot because it says obligatory precaution and he said that the woman is “notorious” for this act, these women might not be widely known for what they do, since the first connection is online through a private conversation

i need guidance on this 

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Posted (edited)

My advise, if may not be ok to you.  But, you are as a person "seeking heaven", it may help..

Light up a candle and put your finger on that small burning fire.  What will happen to your finger?  It that can be painful experience  right? After 2 minutes on the burning  candle and what will happen to your finger?  How about after days or years and you cannot remove your finger?  Now imagine that is not your finger, but your own.....  Do you like this event to happen to you in the future?

If you want to avoid the above then love Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) by

1.  Fasting and seeking His help to give you strength to overcome the sexual drive.  Fasting teaches us effective way to control the physical and mental drives, in particular the drive for sexual and food. It also teaches us to lean on Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) instructions than to  control our own physical needs. 

2.  Get married (permanent or temporary) with decent woman.  

Both 1 and 2 are not easy because all of us will be tested.  Try your best.  However, avoid the burning candle because that option will make us regret that we wish we will go back to the world and chose option 1 or option 2.

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guide us all and accept our repentance.

Doa Juasyan Kabir teaches us to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for His Protection from that burning candle...

Wallahualam.

 

Edited by layman
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15 minutes ago, layman said:

My advise, if may not be ok to you.  But, you are as a person "seeking heaven", it may help..

Light up a candle and put your finger on that small burning fire.  What will happen to your finger?  It that can be painful experience  right? After 2 minutes on the burning  candle and what will happen to your finger?  How about after days or years and you cannot remove your finger?  Now imagine that is not your finger, but your own.....  Do you like this event to happen to you in the future?

If you want to avoid the above then love Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) by

1.  Fasting and seeking His help to give you strength to overcome the sexual drive.  Fasting teaches us effective way to control the physical and mental drives, in particular the drive for sexual and food. It also teaches us to lean on Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) instructions than to  control our own physical needs. 

2.  Get married (permanent or temporary) with decent woman.  

 

 

Brother, my question is about doing a temporary marriage not committing haram

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Posted (edited)

Brother, i was reading your scenario that leading to your question.

The answer given by one of most reliable Aalim was very clear.  Avoid the unsure method.

For permanent or temporary marriage, we have to be sure about the woman status.

Then if we are stuck and cannot have a partner, we have to deal with the self.  We have to teach the self to avoid what is haram.  It is a struggle that worthy of winning.  It is an act of worship.  The reward will come.

Edited by layman
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Brother if you scan your surroundings there will be better women also looking for a relationship. The connection you will develop with such a woman will be real, lasting and very great compared to your desire for quick gratification and relief. It will give you deeper involvement and enjoyment in life. It will feed your soul.

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32 minutes ago, The Green Knight said:

Brother if you scan your surroundings there will be better women also looking for a relationship. The connection you will develop with such a woman will be real, lasting and very great compared to your desire for quick gratification and relief. It will give you deeper involvement and enjoyment in life. It will feed your soul.

Absolutely agree with this. It would be better for you to try and find someone within the community. I'm reminded of this ayah;

"And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you."     2:221

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Obligatory precaution here means that they do not consider it permissible but you may refer to another learned jurists opinion.

Notorious would refer to the fact that someone is known or reputed for something, in this case, for being an escort girl.

In simple terms they don't consider it permissible.

 

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6 hours ago, layman said:

Doa Juasyan Kabir

This is extremely powerful dua. I believe if you read it, you are bound to see it's benefits - in one way or another, either you will get married (temporary/permanent) or will be able to effectively suppress the natural urges to the lowest level, inshaAllah. The other thing which is recommended is daily reading of Surah Al-Ahzab. 

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My sincerest advice to the dear brother asking the question and any other brothers in the same situation; I know a man can be bashful or have difficulty approaching women. Its natural. But you have to take small steps, nudges in the direction to establish a link. This is how it has always been. I would add that the consent of parents or the knowledge that they will be okay with your decision is also good to have. If its halal then it is fine.

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:salam:

What answers can one expect by asking about marrying a prostitute is halal or not ? 

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) placed limits, they are not for one to try bypassing them. 

Seriously, I see less haram in western style relationships than in such questions. At least they don't involve prostitution in their actions. 

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14 minutes ago, realizm said:

Seriously, I see less haram in western style relationships than in such questions. At least they don't involve prostitution in their actions. 

To add to this, if one really thinks marriage is not possible and they need to have a temporary marriage instead then there are much more sensible routes to take.

Among the muslimeen, one should consider the possibility of a marriage with a divorcee or a widow. It is important to be clear and honest about the situation from the start.

If not, women of the ahlul kitab would be a permissible alternative. Again, one should be clear from the start about the religious requirement of a marriage, albeit temporary.

With matrimonial websites and the like, this process has become much easier in this day and age. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect us all from major and minor sins. 

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8 hours ago, The Green Knight said:

My sincerest advice to the dear brother asking the question and any other brothers in the same situation; I know a man can be bashful or have difficulty approaching women. Its natural. But you have to take small steps, nudges in the direction to establish a link.

Can you expand on this brother? About overcoming shyness 

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Akhi I would advise against relations with escorts. The risk of STDs are high. Remember to even oral sex can spread STDs. 
 

There are plenty of women in this world. You can find one from among the people of the book. If you have charisma they may be willing to do mutah. 
 

On 5/6/2021 at 2:33 PM, Guest bro said:

Can you expand on this brother? About overcoming shyness 

Akhi we are men. We are to be dominant. We cannot let women intimidate us. Many women are very insecure. This should at least give you more courage. Ultimately the intimidation factor or shyness is fear of rejection. Well life is short. Rejection won’t kill you, so seize the moment. 

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5 hours ago, MexicanVato said:

Akhi we are men. We are to be dominant. We cannot let women intimidate us. Many women are very insecure. This should at least give you more courage. Ultimately the intimidation factor or shyness is fear of rejection. Well life is short. Rejection won’t kill you, so seize the moment. 

agreed but also the fear of being tense or stumbling in conversation happens

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Posted (edited)
On 5/6/2021 at 6:27 PM, Mahdavist said:

if one really thinks marriage is not possible and they need to have a temporary marriage instead then there are much more sensible routes to take.

Actually I think many young men are those for whom any type of marriage, either permanent or temporary, is not possible. In fact, temporary marriage which is supposed to be a solution when permanent marriage is not possible, is itself often even more difficult to perform than permanent marriage.

The main issue that unmarried people have to face is how to follow Islamic rules which demand that they must remain completely celibate, however long it may take to get married or do mutah.

For example if a man has to wait for 10-15 years before his nikah (or mutah) becomes possible, then during this time, he is expected and required to remain completely celibate and will not be allowed any sin at all, thereby indicating that it is possible to do so. Otherwise if complete celibacy had been impossible before a very delayed marriage, then sinning would have been allowed in such cases. 

I think unmarried people should not believe that just because they have no halal sexual outlets, they have to sin. They should instead feel that because sexual sins are not allowed even if someone is to remain unmarried for decades, then it must be possible and doable to suppress the sexual desire for so long. This thought process will give them hope and ambition to stay celibate until marriage. Otherwise, telling them that the only solution is marriage is only going to make them feel that they are justified in their sins if marriage gets delayed for long periods.

In summary, I think the hope of chastity, the hope of suppressing the desire to the lowest level, the hope of celibacy before marriage, the hope of a sin-free unmarried life should be the driving force for those who will have to stay unmarried for years. One should believe this is possible because this is what is obligatory for unmarried people. Even very genuine reasons for delay in marriage are not valid excuses or justifiable leeways for any sin. 

Edited by Maisam Haider
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On 5/9/2021 at 12:29 AM, Guest bro said:

agreed but also the fear of being tense or stumbling in conversation happens

That’s intimidation. Overthinking. We do not have to do circus tricks for women. You have to learn to speak slowly too. Don’t rush your words. Simple conversation is enough. Stop putting them on pedestals and you won’t care. It might be easier for me because my heart is dead lol. So I am indifferent. But to be clear shyness can be overcome. 

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Guest bro
On 5/10/2021 at 10:21 AM, MexicanVato said:

That’s intimidation. Overthinking. We do not have to do circus tricks for women. You have to learn to speak slowly too. Don’t rush your words. Simple conversation is enough. Stop putting them on pedestals and you won’t care. It might be easier for me because my heart is dead lol. So I am indifferent. But to be clear shyness can be overcome. 

I agree with you but for example. Last year there was a good hijabi in my class. We sat across the classroom from each other, not next to each other, so I could only really attempt conversation before and after class. I'm not extremely shy but I don't know how to approach someone without overthinking that I am coming off as too direct or the attention is unwanted. I stayed away from namahram when I was young but now I feel that might be a bit of a handicap to me, in terms of experience. :\

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7 hours ago, Guest bro said:

I stayed away from namahram when I was young but now I feel that might be a bit of a handicap to me, in terms of experience. :\

No, this is the correct way in our religion. If you are interested in someone then usually it's best to enquire via a trustworthy 3rd person. 

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, Guest bro said:

 

I agree with you but for example. Last year there was a good hijabi in my class. We sat across the classroom from each other, not next to each other, so I could only really attempt conversation before and after class. I'm not extremely shy but I don't know how to approach someone without overthinking that I am coming off as too direct or the attention is unwanted. I stayed away from namahram when I was young but now I feel that might be a bit of a handicap to me, in terms of experience. :\

It can be overcome bro. I used to be timid. Now I just don’t care if they accept or reject me. Works out a lot better for me accept  I still attract the bad ones.

Edited by MexicanVato
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