Want to get Married

[S Hussain]

Salam - 

hope you are doing well ? 

just wanted to ask if anyone one has any advice ? Or experience they wanted to share in regards to finding someone to get married too ? 

any Amal’s ? And preparations on how find someone and how to know more importantly the person is the correct person for you ? 

I have started working out, reading, growing etc. Alhamduillah I have a decent career and am ready to take on this new responsibility... and a intellectual companionship doesn’t sound too bad either haha 

Just wanted any advice on someone who has been in my shoes ? Any Amal’s ? 

also how does one stay patient during this period ? I asked my mother for help to find someone but she mentioned it might take a year or two.

are soulmates a thing in Islam ? I don’t think I’m actively actively seeking ... but I really do want to be married as soon as possible.  

I haven’t ever been with someone (halal or haram) so I want someone who hasn’t either but people tell me “my standard are too high” and this could cause it to be basically impossible. Any opinions ? 

Thanks

Edited April 23, 2021 by S Hussain

[Guest Guest]

Your standards may be a little high in terms of wanting to marry someone who has never been in a relationship so your mother is right it may take a little longer, you don't have to but I feel that you should be more open to marrying someone who has had a halal relationship, especially when nowadays many people choose haraam.

[S Hussain]

Ok - thanks makes sense in regards to a halal relationship. But what if someone did zina ? Or kissed etc ? In a haram relationship.

i don’t think I’ll be ok with that as I haven’t. 

[Guest Guest]

2 hours ago, S Hussain said:

Ok - thanks makes sense in regards to a halal relationship. But what if someone did zina ? Or kissed etc ? In a haram relationship.

i don’t think I’ll be ok with that as I haven’t. 

No problem with not wanting someone with a haram past. Inshallah you find someone who is best for you good luck

[Anonymous-Male]

On 4/23/2021 at 5:49 AM, S Hussain said:

how does one stay patient during this period ? I asked my mother for help to find someone but she mentioned it might take a year or two.

I think Islam is quite clear about this: 

Basically, an unmarried person has only two options: 

First option, get married (or do mutah)... and since this option is out of reach for many people, so....

Second option, fast continuously. This is designed to suppress the sexual urge to such low levels that there is no need to commit any sin. 

If someone is unmarried, then his sexual desire is meant to be suppressed. It is not designed to be fulfilled before marriage (nikah/mutah) and the way to make sure that it gets suppressed to the lowest level, one has to fast, even if that means fasting for months or years. Of course, this is not easy (and the reward for this is immense) but this is what is the line of action which Islam has advised for those who have to remain unmarried for long periods. 

[Guest Guest]

2 hours ago, Anonymous-Male said:

If someone is unmarried, then his sexual desire is meant to be suppressed. It is not designed to be fulfilled before marriage (nikah/mutah) and the way to make sure that it gets suppressed to the lowest level, one has to fast, even if that means fasting for months or years.

How does one deal with the feelings of sexual frustration? 

[Guest HONEST BROTHER]

Salam, 

Dear Brother don't wait, wasting time

Go ask the society active imam(Shaikh/Syed) in your city if there is a girl for marriage and he most likely will appoint several for you in sha Allah,  there are many girls and their families asking  the imam to find a good person like you for marriage,  

If none available(taken), I suggest you go back home if you can travel and find a girl through someone you trust and might be better but not necessary. 

Good luck 

[Guest HONEST BROTHER]

21 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

How does one deal with the feelings of sexual frustration? 

Get married, and then this issue will be dealt with. 

[S Hussain]

What if I’m ok with my sexual desires ? I’ve never been with a woman, I still got some patience left... but I’m longing for a emotional connection? How do I remain patient then ? In the emotional aspect ? 

[Anonymous-Male]

2 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

How does one deal with the feelings of sexual frustration? 

The Islamic rule is that if one is unmarried, then he has absolutely no right or justification or reason or excuse at all to fulfill his sexual urge in any way. Although this is difficult, at the same time, Islamic rules are not meant to cause frustration, rather these rules are ideally meant to be followed without any frustration. So this means that an unmarried person should be able to stay unmarried even for long periods of time, without getting frustrated.

My understanding is that this can only be done through the method advised by the Prophet (s). Continuous fasting will suppress the sexual desire to such a low level that there will be no sexual frustration, even if the person stays unmarried for long periods of time. We have examples of Prophets and imams who spent decades without fulfilling their natural desires like Yousaf (عليه السلام), Isa (عليه السلام), Imam Musa Kadhim (عليه السلام). I think these personalities should be the role models for unmarried people because they spent either their whole life without getting married (Isa as.) or were imprisoned for years, and yet remained completely patient (and not frustrated like the way the unmarried men of today get frustrated).

If the christian priests and buddhist monks can remain celibate without getting sexually frustrated for their entire lives, then Allah can certainly save unmarried muslim men from sexual frustration, even if they are unable to marry for years, but provided they follow the Islamic guidelines about how to suppress the sexual desire before marriage - fast, fast, fast.

I think if someone follows this, then instead of getting frustrated, he will feel the sweetness, the pleasure and the comfort of staying chaste and will enjoy the taste of pre-marital divine blessings of purity without feeling the urge to fulfill the natural desire in any wrong way. This isn't easy, but this is what would be the ideal situation and the goal of those who can't get married for very long periods. I think unmarried people should not assume that just because they can't fulfill their sexual needs, it means they will get frustrated. Rather they should explain to themselves that if it is forbidden for them to fulfill their desires in any way before marriage, then it is only because the desire is not meant to be fulfilled, not designed to be fulfilled, not programed to be fulfilled before marriage. This is my personal view and I don't claim any infallibility for myself either, but just expressing my thoughts about what the "ideal" situation for an unmarried person should be. Any criticism of this view welcomed. 

Edited April 24, 2021 by Anonymous-Male

[Guest Guest]

5 hours ago, Anonymous-Male said:

 

If one can not fast on some days is it recommended to then eat as little as possible? 

[S Hussain]

For anyone interested in resolution - I emailed a scholar. 
 

to get married - recite 100x astagfar after isha salah 

For patience etc recite Salawat as much as possible 

[Zainuu]

On 4/23/2021 at 6:19 AM, S Hussain said:

any Amal’s ? And preparations on how find someone and how to know more importantly the person is the correct person for you ? 

Salaam,

1. Namaz e Jaffer at Tayyar

2. Dua Mashlool.

Several more amals (simple as well as complex) you will find on duas.org. 

These are not just theoritical but practical. I am not married but I have prayed for marriages and adviced these amals. They work. For two people I did. One is married and other's proposal is finalised. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless you.

 

[S Hussain]

8 hours ago, Zainuu said:

Salaam,

1. Namaz e Jaffer at Tayyar

2. Dua Mashlool.

Several more amals (simple as well as complex) you will find on duas.org. 

These are not just theoritical but practical. I am not married but I have prayed for marriages and adviced these amals. They work. For two people I did. One is married and other's proposal is finalised. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless you.

 

Jazakallah appreciate it - keep me in ur Duas ❤️

[Anonymous-Male]

On 4/25/2021 at 7:25 AM, Guest Guest said:

If one can not fast on some days is it recommended to then eat as little as possible? 

As a general islamic advice, one should not eat till the stomach is full. That is something highly disliked by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Also, there are certains foods which increase sexual urge; these should be avoided too. But the benefit of continuous fasting can be that the frustration will vanish and the person will feel satisfied, contended and relaxed. I believe Islamic rules are not meant to cause frustration, so if the rule is that unmarried people should not fulfill their sexual desires in any way, then ideally this shouldn't cause any frustration. 

[Guest Guest]

https://www.duas.org/matri1.htm

you may find this useful brother

[Maisam Haider]

On 4/24/2021 at 11:52 PM, Guest HONEST BROTHER said:

Go ask the society active imam(Shaikh/Syed) in your city if there is a girl for marriage and he most likely will appoint several for you in sha Allah,  there are many girls and their families asking 

I've seen a lot of people on this forum who recommend to go to the Imam of their local mosques, the sheikhs/Syeds for finding proposals. 

I think this is a valid suggestion for some parts of the world where this trend exists that the Imam masjid takes active part in match-making. I think this is applicable in Arab countries and the West where imams do this job.

But this isn't very common, or even heard of in other parts of the world. For example, in Pakistan, I doubt if most people would even think of, or consider consulting the local imam for this sort of help. They would instead refer to marriage bureaus or advertise in newspapers or try to find a match-making lady in the community....but most probably not the local Imam. The reason for this is that in Arab countries and US etc. it is assumed that the local imam will take up this responsibility, but in Pakistan this trend doesn't exist.

It's an interesting difference in culture. Maybe other Pakistanis can agree (or disagree) with me. 

Edited August 4, 2021 by Maisam Haider

[Andrew Israel]

Use shiamatch.com …That is how I found my wife alhamdullilah.  I consider her my soulmate.

[Sister Sakina]

Assalamu alaykoum brother,

My take on this, is that during the time of Ghayba (absence of our Imam), our community will generally be very corrupt. There will be only a handful of genuine and clean servants of Allah and Ahlulbayt. And this makes marriage very hard for those who adhere to halal and stay away from haram. And even harder for those who are very special servants and work hard on perfecting their deen. It will be very very very hard, but don't give up! There are many good females out there and I'm sure if your mother looks out in mosque/Hussainya she can find one. 

I believe in a3mal and there are many many for marriage, but I truly believe changing yourself and bettering yourself is much more important. Why do I say this? Because insh'Allah if you meet an amazing and religious girl, you should actually deserve her and she should deserve you too. Your preparations are all good, but all for the Dunya and Allah can change all that. But your imaan and aqaeda and Islamic knowledge is much more important, as our ahadith reiterate time and time again. I advise you to take an internal kheera/istakara and ask Allah for guidance. Insh'Allah He will give you comfort if the girl is good and if not, you'll get a bad feeling. I have done this and every time I was right. 

The best way to stay patient is to busy yourself with valuable things, and to fast!

And yes soul mates do exist! But sadly some of us marry the wrong people or mess up our relationships with our soul mates! In the end, Allah made us free through free will. 

Lastly, your standards are not high. You deserve a wife who is just as good as you and just as pure. So don't ever accept someone who did zina!! However, there are many women who went through bad experiences in perfectly halal situations and it would be unjust to not consider them too. Remember the great Lady, Sayeda Asma who was married 3 times and was one of the greatest women in Islamic history. In fact, there are narrations which advise and recommend marrying a non-virgin. 

 

I hope i answered all your questions and I apologise if they aren't in the correct order 

 

Edited August 5, 2021 by Sister Sakina

[S Hussain]

@Sister Sakina

Jazakallah that’s was very helpful.  I agree, and have been working on myself and my Amal’s and aqeeda my whole life and am always trying to improve and better myself deen and duniya. 

I also can appreciate, I am ignorant and Allah would delay this process of finding a spouse to purify me more.  

this whole process has been so amazing in my character development and trust in Allah, so I’m content as I’ve already seen many improvements, and new ideas and reliance, and endurance built on Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so clearly there is good in the journey and the end.  

it’s my job to seek, and Allahs to give result. Keep me in your Duas. Jazkallah

[Sister Sakina]

12 hours ago, S Hussain said:

@Sister Sakina

Jazakallah that’s was very helpful.  I agree, and have been working on myself and my Amal’s and aqeeda my whole life and am always trying to improve and better myself deen and duniya. 

I also can appreciate, I am ignorant and Allah would delay this process of finding a spouse to purify me more.  

this whole process has been so amazing in my character development and trust in Allah, so I’m content as I’ve already seen many improvements, and new ideas and reliance, and endurance built on Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so clearly there is good in the journey and the end.  

it’s my job to seek, and Allahs to give result. Keep me in your Duas. Jazkallah

Alhamdilah! All the best insh'Allah

So long as you trying to seek hidaya and the noor of guidance, then Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wouldn't delay the process. As i mentioned, the issue is with this time/zaman. I'm sure if you wanted to marry just anyone you could very easily. But you deserve better and a person just as good as you! Have sabr and insh'Allah Allah will ease it for you.

[Maisam Haider]

30 minutes ago, Sister Sakina said:

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wouldn't delay the process

Yes, although sometimes people can be in situations where marriage isn't possible and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) himself mentions this:...

Sura 24 - Ayat 33

"And those who do not have the means to get married must keep chaste till Allah provides them the resources by His munificence...."