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In the Name of God بسم الله

How to Deal with Transgender Thoughts

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5 hours ago, Guest Academic Citation said:

Theology of A Third Gender: https://brill.com/downloadpdf/journals/rag/7/2/article-p164_2.pdf

"Transgender Identity, The Sex-Reassignment Surgery Fatwās and Islāmic Theology of A Third Gender"

I've read this before. Are you trying to say I should transition?
 

24 minutes ago, Bakir said:

Any type of repression on this issue won't let you move forward on the gender identity crisis. Merely because you reinforce the original notion of the existence of two genders with certain characteristic. This deconstruction of the meaning of gender, regardless of how you choose to live your life, is also a necessary step to know yourself better.

I believe there is much time to be a woman, so there isn't really need to rush anything, to choose to live as a man, as a woman, or even NB. Take your time to explore genders and to deconstruct them to understand what is what you really desire, what path you really want to take in your life. You can explore your own masculinity, what is what you dislike, what it means to you to be a "man".

And I highly recommend you to talk to other trans people. They can bring you some perspective.

1) Gender abolitionism is an idealist antihuman notion usually propagated by men who think they're "nonbinary" because they use they/them pronouns while still being misogynistic and masculine in appearance and demeanor. Humans express gender because we have sex. Men and women are different biologically and sex-based oppression of women is real.

2) You are saying there's no need to rush anything. I am suicidal. I want to die because of this struggle. I am asking for help but you're just saying to explore my gender. I have already. I have already tried presenting as masculine for years in public since childhood but always I would be perceived as feminine anyway somehow.

3) I have spoken to trans people online. I tried attending a dysphoria support group irl once recently but was told to go away because I was too depressing. What perspective do you think they'll bring? I think I've listened to and read the perspectives of many transgender women, detransitioners, and repressors/desistors. 

Are you trying to tell me to transition? It will break my parents' heart. It will ruin my relationship with my family and sister.

If there are things you can't say here please DM me. Because I don't understand your vague message.

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Guest Ahammed

After reading your words, I feel like I could cry. I can't imagine someone going through such a problem for most of their life. First let me say that English isn't my first language and I don't have the vocabulary to express myself properly so my words may not convey my thoughts exactly. I feel immensely sorry for you. It is not a feeling of pity I feel but empathy. I can empathize with your situation and I wish I could do anything at all to help you except for offering just words of compassion and support.

As our Muslim brothers and sisters have said above, rates of people who express dissatisfaction after transitioning is quite high and this is a serious decision which will affect your life in every possible way imaginable and will remain with you until death. So I suggest you get to know yourself better. Think things through. Analyze every aspect of your issue and take into account the effects transitioning will have on you thoroughly. Consider your future, your love life, your prospects, aspirations and dreams. Take one more year if your have to. Try living out your fantasy. See if dressing and behaving like a woman is really what you imagined. Experiment if you can, either in secret or away from your immediate society. Since you live in the States, something like taking a trip for a week to a different state or city where no one will recognize you. Once you are sure, once you know definitively how you want to live. Do it. Go through with it. And if it is to transition then do it because at least then you will have no regrets. Even if it ends up being not what you wanted, you can always take solace in the fact that it was your own decision and you left no doors unopened. Even if your family ends up being disappointed, you should know that you are old enough to make your own decisions and they should know that too. Even if you loose family and friends, know that we will all be judged by Allah based on our own merits, not based on what others think. Know that Allah is forgiving. That Even the smallest of good deeds can be enough to pave the road to Jannah and even an atoms worth of faith can be the difference between damnation and salvation.

Lastly, I want to say that I'm not writing this with the intention of condoning the subject of transitioning from one gender to another. I write this to express solidarity and support and respect for whatever decision you make, be it to transition or not to. Take care my friend.

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On 4/17/2021 at 12:05 PM, rocephin said:

 

 Male bodies are disgusting,

Ok that makes sense as men find women's bodies attractive. So at least your not Gay. But I think this and what you have written highlights your thought process.

It just seems you have alot of empathy towards women. Sounds like you could be a good husband. As you would not be abusive etc. 

You don't have to hate yourself or men to acknowledge womens troubles.

And you don't need to become a woman to enjoy the company of a woman.

I think there are maybe some deep issues. 

You need to love and except your self. Your searching for answers from the wrong angle. Surgery and clothes won't change who you are.

You were created a man be the best man you can be. Not preconceived ideas of what a man should be.

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14 hours ago, rocephin said:

I've read this before. Are you trying to say I should transition?
 

1) Gender abolitionism is an idealist antihuman notion usually propagated by men who think they're "nonbinary" because they use they/them pronouns while still being misogynistic and masculine in appearance and demeanor. Humans express gender because we have sex. Men and women are different biologically and sex-based oppression of women is real.

2) You are saying there's no need to rush anything. I am suicidal. I want to die because of this struggle. I am asking for help but you're just saying to explore my gender. I have already. I have already tried presenting as masculine for years in public since childhood but always I would be perceived as feminine anyway somehow.

3) I have spoken to trans people online. I tried attending a dysphoria support group irl once recently but was told to go away because I was too depressing. What perspective do you think they'll bring? I think I've listened to and read the perspectives of many transgender women, detransitioners, and repressors/desistors. 

Are you trying to tell me to transition? It will break my parents' heart. It will ruin my relationship with my family and sister.

If there are things you can't say here please DM me. Because I don't understand your vague message.

I'm sorry for my vague message, I honestly didn't really perceive properly at which point you are.

1/ gender abolitionism doesn't necessarily ignore the existence of the female gender and their oppression, though I prefer not to derail the thread as this is really unimportant to the case.

2/ I don't really know how dysphoria is really affecting your life. I cannot imagine it, literally. I just know some trans people found some relief in the fact that there isn't need to rush anything. But I guess it applies to those people who already started their transition (and don't want to rush certain changes that may be irreversible, such as hormone therapy or surgery). You are not at that point, and maybe that's why you need to choose what to do with your life.

3/ I really don't know what I would do in your place. If you choose to transition, you may start a journey to put an end to this constant pain (though dysphoria may still appear and thoughts such as "you aren't woman enough may appear as well). But whatever the results, even though you may not be able to bear a child or have much cis-passing, you aren't less of a woman. The worrying thing here is your family. This is a long and difficult process, and you will need the support of others. If you can't count with your family, you need a very solid support group that can be there until the end. I'm saying this mostly because your mental health will be at higher risk during the process.

If it helps or even matters a little, you have my full support if you choose to transition.

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8 hours ago, Guest Ahammed said:

After reading your words, I feel like I could cry. I can't imagine someone going through such a problem for most of their life. First let me say that English isn't my first language and I don't have the vocabulary to express myself properly so my words may not convey my thoughts exactly. I feel immensely sorry for you. It is not a feeling of pity I feel but empathy. I can empathize with your situation and I wish I could do anything at all to help you except for offering just words of compassion and support.

As our Muslim brothers and sisters have said above, rates of people who express dissatisfaction after transitioning is quite high and this is a serious decision which will affect your life in every possible way imaginable and will remain with you until death. So I suggest you get to know yourself better. Think things through. Analyze every aspect of your issue and take into account the effects transitioning will have on you thoroughly. Consider your future, your love life, your prospects, aspirations and dreams. Take one more year if your have to. Try living out your fantasy. See if dressing and behaving like a woman is really what you imagined. Experiment if you can, either in secret or away from your immediate society. Since you live in the States, something like taking a trip for a week to a different state or city where no one will recognize you. Once you are sure, once you know definitively how you want to live. Do it. Go through with it. And if it is to transition then do it because at least then you will have no regrets. Even if it ends up being not what you wanted, you can always take solace in the fact that it was your own decision and you left no doors unopened. Even if your family ends up being disappointed, you should know that you are old enough to make your own decisions and they should know that too. Even if you loose family and friends, know that we will all be judged by Allah based on our own merits, not based on what others think. Know that Allah is forgiving. That Even the smallest of good deeds can be enough to pave the road to Jannah and even an atoms worth of faith can be the difference between damnation and salvation.

Lastly, I want to say that I'm not writing this with the intention of condoning the subject of transitioning from one gender to another. I write this to express solidarity and support and respect for whatever decision you make, be it to transition or not to. Take care my friend.

1) Experimenting with it in public will just exacerbate my thoughts and dysphoria. I also don't have the time or money to travel right now. And I am worried about being perceived as grotesque and a freak by young girls and women who see me as a "male in a dress" perverting femininity.

2) Allah is Rahman and Raheem but how can I do this when this will knowingly hurt my parents deeply?

3 hours ago, Ali bin Hussein said:

Ok that makes sense as men find women's bodies attractive. So at least your not Gay. But I think this and what you have written highlights your thought process.

It just seems you have alot of empathy towards women. Sounds like you could be a good husband. As you would not be abusive etc. 

You don't have to hate yourself or men to acknowledge womens troubles.

And you don't need to become a woman to enjoy the company of a woman.

I think there are maybe some deep issues. 

You need to love and except your self. Your searching for answers from the wrong angle. Surgery and clothes won't change who you are.

You were created a man be the best man you can be. Not preconceived ideas of what a man should be.

1) My disgust with male bodies is mostly a projection of the disgust with mine. I don't want to talk about my sexual thoughts here but I have imagined myself as being with a man as a woman. I am attracted to women though.

I am also worried about "performing" with women as I find my privates' "functions" somewhat painful and strange feeling and not enjoyable like for other men.

2) I feel like I need therapy to resolve these issues but I don't know how to approach telling my parents I want therapy because they feel ashamed when I ask. Also I worry that the therapist will just say I should transition as well.

3) I want to learn to accept myself and become the best man I can be but I have no idea how. I have tried studying various self-acceptance and positive psychology books but none relieves the underlying thoughts or dysphoria.

I am sorry to say but I had to shave my body hair yesterday after iftar to feel better about myself. I couldn't handle it and I succumbed. I don't know what to do.

49 minutes ago, Bakir said:

I'm sorry for my vague message, I honestly didn't really perceive properly at which point you are.

1/ gender abolitionism doesn't necessarily ignore the existence of the female gender and their oppression, though I prefer not to derail the thread as this is really unimportant to the case.

2/ I don't really know how dysphoria is really affecting your life. I cannot imagine it, literally. I just know some trans people found some relief in the fact that there isn't need to rush anything. But I guess it applies to those people who already started their transition (and don't want to rush certain changes that may be irreversible, such as hormone therapy or surgery). You are not at that point, and maybe that's why you need to choose what to do with your life.

3/ I really don't know what I would do in your place. If you choose to transition, you may start a journey to put an end to this constant pain (though dysphoria may still appear and thoughts such as "you aren't woman enough may appear as well). But whatever the results, even though you may not be able to bear a child or have much cis-passing, you aren't less of a woman. The worrying thing here is your family. This is a long and difficult process, and you will need the support of others. If you can't count with your family, you need a very solid support group that can be there until the end. I'm saying this mostly because your mental health will be at higher risk during the process.

If it helps or even matters a little, you have my full support if you choose to transition.

I have never had a good solid support group except for my family and relatives. Islamically this is the most important support group in our lives and we should show sila rahmi to them.

I've had multiple people from the transgender and larger LGBT community online say they would support me but that doesn't put food on the table. It doesn't give me love. It doesn't give me thawab and Allah's rahmat. It feels like I would be betraying Islam and my parents.

My mental health is already at a huge risk. I am wanting to die again though it's Shahr Ramadan filled with blessings. My thoughts are compounding on top of one another.

I just wish I died and made into a woman in Jannah married to some martyr raising his children.

I just wish I didn't have this dysphoria and these obsessive thoughts any longer.

I just wish I was a normal man.

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On 4/16/2021 at 8:12 PM, rocephin said:

اللاسم عليكم

I am a 26 year old who has been struggling with the desire to be a woman since my earliest memories at 5 or 6. I used to pray to Allah every night to make me a girl or a mother or that I would be celibate and never sin if He made me a woman. Puberty was very difficult for me and I developed OCD and anxiety during it. I started developing a very masculine body with lots of hair so I started to hate my body and myself. In university it got so bad that I developed very severe suicidal depression and had to take leave for a few semesters because of my mental state.

I have been on antidepressants since and tried to repress my thoughts for years since then. But now things are getting much worse. My hatred of my male body and desire to be a woman and a mother--my "dysphoria--has exacerbated severely. I constantly think of transitioning and starting the process of medical intervention to look more feminine but this will ruin my life.

I don't know who to talk to about this. I tried speaking to my father about it but just approaching the topic I could already see some worry and disappointment in his eyes so I lied about the issue to remove his fears. I asked my parents to help find a therapist but they refused and my health insurance does not allow me to see one. I also know they will just say I am a transgender and should transition. I tried speaking to people online but all say just to try transitioning to see how it feels but these are all non-Muslims who don't understand my life or my cultural duty to my parents as the first-born son. Some even say that I should resent my parents and hate them for not being able to accept me as a transgender if I were to become one.

I just want a family and to be normal. I want these thoughts gone. I don't want to ruin my life by transitioning and living a life distant from my parents and the Islamic community. I already have no friends or family in real life I can talk to and I definitely don't want my community to become transgenders. 

My parents have started the process of finding me a wife right now and that is also hurting me. Because I have desired to be a wife and a mother. And I am worried that in later life these thoughts will get worse and worse that it will ruin my marriage.

Please I need help. I don't know who to talk to. I wish I could be a normal man without these thoughts.

"Your wealth and your children are only a trial (fitnah). And Allah - With Him is a great reward (Paradise)." [Surah al-Taghabun, 15] 

 

 

"And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial (fitnah) and that surely with Allah is a mighty reward." [Surah al-Anfal, 28]

 

 

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1 hour ago, rocephin said:

1) Experimenting with it in public will just exacerbate my thoughts and dysphoria. I also don't have the time or money to travel right now. And I am worried about being perceived as grotesque and a freak by young girls and women who see me as a "male in a dress" perverting femininity.

2) Allah is Rahman and Raheem but how can I do this when this will knowingly hurt my parents deeply?

1) My disgust with male bodies is mostly a projection of the disgust with mine. I don't want to talk about my sexual thoughts here but I have imagined myself as being with a man as a woman. I am attracted to women though.

I am also worried about "performing" with women as I find my privates' "functions" somewhat painful and strange feeling and not enjoyable like for other men.

2) I feel like I need therapy to resolve these issues but I don't know how to approach telling my parents I want therapy because they feel ashamed when I ask. Also I worry that the therapist will just say I should transition as well.

3) I want to learn to accept myself and become the best man I can be but I have no idea how. I have tried studying various self-acceptance and positive psychology books but none relieves the underlying thoughts or dysphoria.

I am sorry to say but I had to shave my body hair yesterday after iftar to feel better about myself. I couldn't handle it and I succumbed. I don't know what to do.

I have never had a good solid support group except for my family and relatives. Islamically this is the most important support group in our lives and we should show sila rahmi to them.

I've had multiple people from the transgender and larger LGBT community online say they would support me but that doesn't put food on the table. It doesn't give me love. It doesn't give me thawab and Allah's rahmat. It feels like I would be betraying Islam and my parents.

My mental health is already at a huge risk. I am wanting to die again though it's Shahr Ramadan filled with blessings. My thoughts are compounding on top of one another.

I just wish I died and made into a woman in Jannah married to some martyr raising his children.

I just wish I didn't have this dysphoria and these obsessive thoughts any longer.

I just wish I was a normal man.

You possess the body u possess it’s a test don’t base your faith life whatever else on that which will decay and perish and be eaten by worms , point of life isn’t to have the perfect family etc that’s a blessing but also a test but nevertheless it’s a trial that will end that will perish that will die not before falling apart becoming dysfunctional and not working anymore as once it did, look at it this way God have u a gift to skip all that and go straight to Him , not have to worry about that but rather go against it and move to spiritual concerns 

we all will die but before that our bodies will decay and give us problems, it’s not like someone with what we known as normal lives a happy pleasure filled life , no rather it’s all a burden and many tests and temptation to deal with, u have been spared to ignore all that and go straight to spirit and overcome the flesh, because that’s all that it is, flesh and ego all of the things u described , they are temporary and not important and not the reason we’re here to begin with

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10 hours ago, theEndIsNear said:

You possess the body u possess it’s a test don’t base your faith life whatever else on that which will decay and perish and be eaten by worms , point of life isn’t to have the perfect family etc that’s a blessing but also a test but nevertheless it’s a trial that will end that will perish that will die not before falling apart becoming dysfunctional and not working anymore as once it did, look at it this way God have u a gift to skip all that and go straight to Him , not have to worry about that but rather go against it and move to spiritual concerns 

we all will die but before that our bodies will decay and give us problems, it’s not like someone with what we known as normal lives a happy pleasure filled life , no rather it’s all a burden and many tests and temptation to deal with, u have been spared to ignore all that and go straight to spirit and overcome the flesh, because that’s all that it is, flesh and ego all of the things u described , they are temporary and not important and not the reason we’re here to begin with

I wish I was dead now so I wouldn't have to worry about this body any longer.

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Does anyone know any knowledgeable Muslim scholars who will speak to me quickly and on phone?

I tried using the app Ask Those Who Know but have received no response.

My parents are starting to suspect things about me and are trying to confront me and I need help as soon as possible. I can't divulge these things to them.

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On 4/16/2021 at 3:12 PM, rocephin said:

اللاسم عليكم

I am a 26 year old who has been struggling with the desire to be a woman since my earliest memories at 5 or 6. I used to pray to Allah every night to make me a girl or a mother or that I would be celibate and never sin if He made me a woman. Puberty was very difficult for me and I developed OCD and anxiety during it. I started developing a very masculine body with lots of hair so I started to hate my body and myself. In university it got so bad that I developed very severe suicidal depression and had to take leave for a few semesters because of my mental state.

I have been on antidepressants since and tried to repress my thoughts for years since then. But now things are getting much worse. My hatred of my male body and desire to be a woman and a mother--my "dysphoria--has exacerbated severely. I constantly think of transitioning and starting the process of medical intervention to look more feminine but this will ruin my life.

I don't know who to talk to about this. I tried speaking to my father about it but just approaching the topic I could already see some worry and disappointment in his eyes so I lied about the issue to remove his fears. I asked my parents to help find a therapist but they refused and my health insurance does not allow me to see one. I also know they will just say I am a transgender and should transition. I tried speaking to people online but all say just to try transitioning to see how it feels but these are all non-Muslims who don't understand my life or my cultural duty to my parents as the first-born son. Some even say that I should resent my parents and hate them for not being able to accept me as a transgender if I were to become one.

I just want a family and to be normal. I want these thoughts gone. I don't want to ruin my life by transitioning and living a life distant from my parents and the Islamic community. I already have no friends or family in real life I can talk to and I definitely don't want my community to become transgenders. 

My parents have started the process of finding me a wife right now and that is also hurting me. Because I have desired to be a wife and a mother. And I am worried that in later life these thoughts will get worse and worse that it will ruin my marriage.

Please I need help. I don't know who to talk to. I wish I could be a normal man without these thoughts.

Brother, get married. This problem will get fixed. I think you have remained too much in the company of women or have watched deep documentary and movie stuff. This is all because of that please avoid that and live a normal life. It is because of this that Prophet (PBUHHP) said do not sit in the company of women too long. I see men who are makeup artist, giving me goosebumps when they talk like in the female way, but they neither look female nor look male, they seem horrific. So, change your circumstances. 

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On 4/19/2021 at 2:29 PM, rocephin said:

Does anyone know any knowledgeable Muslim scholars who will speak to me quickly and on phone?

I tried using the app Ask Those Who Know but have received no response.

My parents are starting to suspect things about me and are trying to confront me and I need help as soon as possible. I can't divulge these things to them.

The Imam at my mosque and his son who is also a Scholar are very good at being available to speak to. You can easily call their mosque and book a phone appointment. Their number is (313) 432-8722 and this is their website https://www.iiofa.org/.

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On 4/18/2021 at 5:33 PM, rocephin said:

I've had multiple people from the transgender and larger LGBT community online say they would support me but that doesn't put food on the table. It doesn't give me love. It doesn't give me thawab and Allah's rahmat. It feels like I would be betraying Islam and my parents.

My mental health is already at a huge risk. I am wanting to die again though it's Shahr Ramadan filled with blessings. My thoughts are compounding on top of one another.

The lack of a proper support group for such a long journey is a significant risk, but not something you shouldn't keep exploring in your life, because dysphoria isn't going to disappear all by itself, and you know that.

I'm not trans but I am gay, and I was Muslim (didn't leave Islam because of this, though). People who love you should love you by who you are, regardless of your gender condition or sexuality. And probably your family loves you, but they lack the tools or knowledge to bypass a deep education and visceral hate against non-normativity or queerness. Some end up bypassing that after some years, and others can't get over it. But this is something that is not in your hands, nor your responsibility, to be honest. The only reason this matters is because you, as almost any human being, need a solid support network and love. And this takes years to build, in the best of cases, along with some luck. Patience and some hope are a must.

Regarding Islam. I no longer follow this religion, but I am certain that suicide isn't better than transitioning. Don't belittle suicidal thoughts, because they are a serious warning. Take genuine care of yourself by taking real steps to a real solution. If you aren't a man, you aren't becoming one by wishing it, or by hitting the gym, or by acting masculine. I wish I could recover all the lost time worrying about being straight.

For real, if this is conducting you to suicide, you should start considering talking to your family. Killing yourself isn't any better. And keep whatever friends you have really close.

I don't know where this path is going to take you to, but you can't either do nothing, because you know where that ends. Nonetheless, I do believe there is a difference between being patient and do nothing. I didn't confront parents and society about my homosexuality when I needed to, but when I was able to. If someone dares to tell me anything or disrespect me in anyway nowaday, I will gladly humilliate that person and put them in their place, because I won't tolerate anyone to treat me with less than equal respect. But when I was a teen, I had to shut up out of fear and material risks. Earn your money, build your support network, and be the woman you are freely. God won't disappear from your life, but always be with you.

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Dear friend,

In this brief life, do good with what Allah has given you in this world, and for the good you do, He will give you what you desire in the next.

One born blind in this world should do good even when blind and not commit suicide, but trusting that Allah will reward him in the next with sight to see heavenly visions.

Feelings of motherhood and female affection for a husband are good in female bodies, and if He has deprived you of a female body in this short life, and if He has put a repulsion in you for your masculine body, then for your goodness in this short life, He will Godwilling reward you eternally either by turning that repulsion into unending great satisfaction, or by giving you forever what He deprived you of in this.

Allah is just and merciful and in our short period on this earth we are all deprived of something. It's a test to see which of us will show empathy and sacrifice and charity, doing good despite our individual needs. But then Allah, in his mercy, gives us a taste of death and whisks us away to fulfill those needs forever.

If you do marry in this life, be honest with your spouse, and have children and raise them and play with them and raise them to be honourable Muslims, and they too will join you in that heaven, not caged as you are now, but free as a bird.

Accept your thoughts as a desire that will be fulfilled in eternity, in return for a short earthly life of doing good with the limited and less-than-ideal resources that you have. 

Do not think of suicide. Suicide kills your chance to do some charitable work. Live and do charitable work, accept your thoughts. They are a promise of an afterlife gift. Do charitable work and wait, ready for that gift to arrive in God's own good time.

Death will naturally come to us all, and if we have loved God and loved our neighbor, then when it comes knocking, it comes to gift us with the fulfilment of our deepest desires.

God bless you. You're not a freak. You're just a person who needs someone to talk to. You're caged up in a body that causes you pain, and in a family that feels uncomfortable to discuss things with you, and in a web of suggestions that leave your mind whirling with doubt and desperation. 

Focus on learning ways of doing charitable work and let your thoughts promise you fulfilment in the afterlife. In your prayers, ask Allah to make your life in this world an act of charity and your life in the next a satisfying abode, with the right sort of body, the right sort of mind, the right sort of spouse, and the right sort of friends. 

Allah is too merciful to abandon those who do good. There's nothing to worry when it comes to Allah. You're in safe hands. Do charitable work. Be a noble human being. Act with the resources at your disposal. And wait for the fulfilment of the promise. Allah is truthful and fulfills His promises.

We're all in safe hands when we sweat to do the little good that we can. And though the good we can do is little and anonymous, like a tiny seed hidden in the ground, yet Allah rains down His grace and turns our little good into a great harvest, and we shall taste of it Godwilling in paradise.

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You need to talk with a medical professional, not strangers on the internet. I understand the appeal of relative anonymity, but we lack the expertise to give the detailed advice that you want. 

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Guest Concerned

Regarding suicide

OP seems to be highly articulate, intelligent, god-fearing, religious and informed. Yet he has attempted suicide inspite of loving his parents and ahlul-bait dearly. Brother I do not know what you must be going through mentally, but believe me, suicide is not the answer, not matter what.

 

Let those 3 words sink in. NO MATTER WHAT 

 

No matter what happens, mentally or emotionally or physically or socially, an intelligent individual like you surely knows what suicide means for the believer. I'm sure your mind would conclude that suicide is not worth it.

 

You are afraid of hurting your parents, suicide would devastate their entire lives, even more so than you actually coming out as a woman, a million times more. Your suicide compared to your coming out, is probably a drop in the ocean compared to the ocean of pain your parents would feel when they have to perform ghusl on your lifeless body, when your father lifts you to your grave, when he will lower you down, comes back home to your empty room. Imagine your loving mother has to come to the graveyard to her loving son's grave to offer fateha. Allahoakbar, my brother I feel for you, and I am concerned for you, and I cannot estimate the mental anguish you are bearing at the moment, but believe me, your parents would rather see you in a dress with makeup and long hair and alive to hug and kiss and spend evenings with, than your corpse and you in a photograph on the wall.

 

Think of all this as a test.

Imagine that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has decided to test you. He tests some people with financial problems, maybe he makes someone lose their business to test whether or not he tries to earn back his wealth through illicit ways.

Maybe he tests someone socially, he makes you lose your authority and respect at work to test whether or not you still have faith in him

Maybe he tests someone physically where he makes them ill or lose a limb to see whether they still keep up the wajibat.

So many ways that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in his infinite and immeasurable wisdom can send down tests on his creation. So you could just convince yourself that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has decided to test you emotionally. And your only goal is to control yourself, break your heart, and simply carry on with life all while keeping up the wajibat and keeping hope with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Brother it is ok to be heartbroken and not blame anyone for it. It is ok to be sad while pleading and begging Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to take the sadness away. Indeed we have nothing except our tears and open hands with which we beg the almighty.

 

I promise you with my entire belief in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and the 14 masoomeen, one day you will wake up and feel normal again (whatever normal means to you my brother)

But no suicide, NO MATTER WHAT

 

I hope I didn't hurt any feelings, as this is the first time I ever posted on this site in many years.

 

Salams to all.

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Posted (edited)
On 4/19/2021 at 5:55 AM, rocephin said:

I wish I was dead now

Don't kill your self. That is your worst option. Your life belong to God and if you take your own life you can not be sure that your suffering will end.
The fact that you have felt this way since your early childhood is a good indication that your are genuinely transgender and what you are describing sounds like gender dysphoria.
You are lucky to be a follower of the Ahl ul Bayt because most Shia Maraja allow for gender change in genuine transgender as well as in Intersex people. This means that you are not doing anything haram if you decide to transition. I am not going to advise you either way because that is for a professional doctor to do. I think the fatwas in this field demand that a qualified medical professional recommend the procedure. However at the end of the day it will be your own decision.
Your situation is a challenge from God and he will not test you beyond your capability. Why he has given you this challenge is only for him to know, but I am sure that he has something good for you in the end. The best thing you can do is to pray to God to guide you to the best outcome. Stay focused on God and he will help you. He might even give you a hint as to which way you should go.
The only known cure for gender dysphoria is transition. They have tried medication of different kinds, electroshock and psychotherapy, but non of it helped. The only thing that worked was to align the body to the inherent gender of the brain. On the other hand you will not, with the state of the art surgery, be able to bare children. You might have trouble finding a good husband that is not in it for the lewd activity. You might even regret some day, so it isn't going to be an easy life. On the other hand it is a question if it is worse that the life you you would have if you didn't transition.
You say that your sexual orientation is towards women. That will mean that if your orientation does not change you will have gay feeling to deal with after the transition. That will be a challenge too and no different from what cis-people who is struggling with gay feelings experience.  Being transgender is not haram according to most Shia Maraja, but homosexual acts is. People who is struggling with gay feelings is not necessarily bad people if they abstain from haram acts, but in the west many such people make homosexuality a lifestyle.
Unfortunately in the west genuine transgender and Intersex people is lumped together with those who has a homosexual lifestyle in the LGBTQ+ umbrella. To a large extend the transgender term has been hijacked by the queer ideology who's stated goal is to abolish gender. A goal they will never succeeds in, but in stead they will promote indecency in society and make peoples lives miserable in the process. As a transgender Muslim you don't have to identify with the queer ideology nor with the LGBTQ+ umbrella.
What you have to do about your parents? If they are good parents they will support you no matter what you choose to do. They may be sad if you transition, but I think they will be even more sad if you kill your self. Maybe this is also a challenge from God for your parents.

Edited by Revert1963
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5 hours ago, Guest Concerned said:

Regarding suicide

OP seems to be highly articulate, intelligent, god-fearing, religious and informed. Yet he has attempted suicide inspite of loving his parents and ahlul-bait dearly. Brother I do not know what you must be going through mentally, but believe me, suicide is not the answer, not matter what.

Let those 3 words sink in. NO MATTER WHAT 

No matter what happens, mentally or emotionally or physically or socially, an intelligent individual like you surely knows what suicide means for the believer. I'm sure your mind would conclude that suicide is not worth it.

You are afraid of hurting your parents, suicide would devastate their entire lives, even more so than you actually coming out as a woman, a million times more. Your suicide compared to your coming out, is probably a drop in the ocean compared to the ocean of pain your parents would feel when they have to perform ghusl on your lifeless body, when your father lifts you to your grave, when he will lower you down, comes back home to your empty room. Imagine your loving mother has to come to the graveyard to her loving son's grave to offer fateha. Allahoakbar, my brother I feel for you, and I am concerned for you, and I cannot estimate the mental anguish you are bearing at the moment, but believe me, your parents would rather see you in a dress with makeup and long hair and alive to hug and kiss and spend evenings with, than your corpse and you in a photograph on the wall.

Think of all this as a test.

Imagine that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has decided to test you. He tests some people with financial problems, maybe he makes someone lose their business to test whether or not he tries to earn back his wealth through illicit ways.

Maybe he tests someone socially, he makes you lose your authority and respect at work to test whether or not you still have faith in him

Maybe he tests someone physically where he makes them ill or lose a limb to see whether they still keep up the wajibat.

So many ways that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in his infinite and immeasurable wisdom can send down tests on his creation. So you could just convince yourself that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has decided to test you emotionally. And your only goal is to control yourself, break your heart, and simply carry on with life all while keeping up the wajibat and keeping hope with Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Brother it is ok to be heartbroken and not blame anyone for it. It is ok to be sad while pleading and begging Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to take the sadness away. Indeed we have nothing except our tears and open hands with which we beg the almighty.

I promise you with my entire belief in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and the 14 masoomeen, one day you will wake up and feel normal again (whatever normal means to you my brother)

But no suicide, NO MATTER WHAT

I hope I didn't hurt any feelings, as this is the first time I ever posted on this site in many years.

Salams to all.

I don't plan to commit suicide ان شاء الله. It's just that I wish Allah would remove me from this world.

Yes I see this as a test but it's becoming unbearable now. Like I've honestly considered starting hrt.

2 hours ago, Revert1963 said:

Don't kill your self. That is your worst option. Your life belong to God and if you take your own life you can not be sure that your suffering will end.
The fact that you have felt this way since your early childhood is a good indication that your are genuinely transgender and what you are describing sounds like gender dysphoria.
You are lucky to be a follower of the Ahl ul Bayt because most Shia Maraja allow for gender change in genuine transgender as well as in Intersex people. This means that you are not doing anything haram if you decide to transition. I am not going to advise you either way because that is for a professional doctor to do. I think the fatwas in this field demand that a qualified medical professional recommend the procedure. However at the end of the day it will be your own decision.
Your situation is a challenge from God and he will not test you beyond your capability. Why he has given you this challenge is only for him to know, but I am sure that he has something good for you in the end. The best thing you can do is to pray to God to guide you to the best outcome. Stay focused on God and he will help you. He might even give you a hint as to which way you should go.
The only known cure for gender dysphoria is transition. They have tried medication of different kinds, electroshock and psychotherapy, but non of it helped. The only thing that worked was to align the body to the inherent gender of the brain. On the other hand you will not, with the state of the art surgery, be able to bare children. You might have trouble finding a good husband that is not in it for the lewd activity. You might even regret some day, so it isn't going to be an easy life. On the other hand it is a question if it is worse that the life you you would have if you didn't transition.
You say that your sexual orientation is towards women. That will mean that if your orientation does not change you will have gay feeling to deal with after the transition. That will be a challenge too and no different from what cis-people who is struggling with gay feelings experience.  Being transgender is not haram according to most Shia Maraja, but homosexual acts is. People who is struggling with gay feelings is not necessarily bad people if they abstain from haram acts, but in the west many such people make homosexuality a lifestyle.
Unfortunately in the west genuine transgender and Intersex people is lumped together with those who has a homosexual lifestyle in the LGBTQ+ umbrella. To a large extend the transgender term has been hijacked by the queer ideology who's stated goal is to abolish gender. A goal they will never succeeds in, but in stead they will promote indecency in society and make peoples lives miserable in the process. As a transgender Muslim you don't have to identify with the queer ideology nor with the LGBTQ+ umbrella.
What you have to do about your parents? If they are good parents they will support you no matter what you choose to do. They may be sad if you transition, but I think they will be even more sad if you kill your self. Maybe this is also a challenge from God for your parents.

Thank you for your advice. I know the only current cure for dysphoria proposed by the medical establishment and the maraja is transitioning. It's just that it will hurt my family and cause them so much undue pain. I know that being transgender isn't sinful in the eyes of many Shia scholars (not all) but I think hurting my parents like this is sinful.

Honestly my sexual orientation is towards both. It's mostly my disgust to my own body that makes me somewhat disgusted with men. I can imagine myself as a woman with both men or women. As man I can't imagine myself with either but would rather be with a woman to have children.

I tried bringing this up with my father and his solution was to drug me for a week which made me unable to function so I threatened suicide and got him to get me to see a therapist.

My parents will never accept this and it will hurt them a lot. Even having depression hurt them a lot.

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Revert1963 said:

To a large extend the transgender term has been hijacked by the queer ideology who's stated goal is to abolish gender.

I was with you until that paragraph. No one's trying to abolish gender. People only want to get rid of gender stereotypes, you know, the stuff that caused the West to not allow women to vote for a long period of time?

But yeah, the general advice is good. Thank you for being non-judgmental and kind to OP.

Edited by gayboyanon
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3 hours ago, rocephin said:

My parents will never accept this and it will hurt them a lot. Even having depression hurt them a lot.

If you know this and it bothers you, which clearly it does, then abandon the idea altogether. As I mentioned to you earlier in this thread, you never seemed too inclined towards this option to begin with - so forget about it.

You don't always get what you want in life. Be thankful for what you do have. 

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السلام عليكم

Praise be to Allah who is the most Merciful and the most Beneficent.

 

My father told my mother about my thoughts without my permission. She confronted me and said many hurtful things out of shock and cursed me. 

Then she had a dream where she pulled me out of fire.

So she prayed so much for me to remove these thoughts from me.

 

By Allah's mercy I am cured. For the first time since I am 13, I can look at myself in the mirror. I feel like my body is my own. 

I feel like me. Not a woman trapped in a man. Just a Muslim with a male body he's accepted because Allah gave it to him.

 

Thank you Allah for saving me and for giving me my mother with these powerful prayers.

 

I am sorry if I caused any concern on this forum. I have just been dealing with this for so long and this last few weeks have put me to the breaking point of wanting to transition. 

BUT ALHAMDULILLAH IT IS ALL GONE

I AM CRYING TEARS OF JOY NOW

May Allah bless all of you and I will pray that we all go to Jannah and you will see me as a man there

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