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In the Name of God بسم الله

Permanent or temporary marriage.

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Guest Howtoidont

Salam Brothers and Sisters, 

I am in a predicament, I was married for several years and we had issues that were not addressed over the years. This took a toll on me and I ended up engaging in Mut'a with a Christian woman. My wife found out and we got divorced. I have continued the Mut'a but recently my ex wife and I had an open conversation and the time and space apart has really changed both of us. She's ready to reconcile but on the basis I end the Mut'a and promise to never engage in it again. Now the predicament is that I don't know how to end it, the lady hasn't done anything wrong to me, she also has been fully committed, bcoz to her its a relationship. I'm a bit scared that if I dump her just like that, it will come back and bite me. 

It may seem easy but you see with thr Mut'a, it was just no stress at all. I see her few times a week and we hang out and that's it, everyone goes about with work and stuff. I don't have to deal with any finances or even consider her in my future plans but with my ex, I had to be conscious of everything, making decisions together which sometimes would lead to fights etc. So I could say, I have a bit more of peace with the Mut'a lady than my ex wife. Although, with my ex wife we went thru a phase of financial difficulties and other outside factors that don't exist with my Mut'a relationship. 

Anyway I really need advice. 

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From what you say, it seems as though you shouldn't reconcile with your ex wife for the obvious reason being you don't seem able to handle the responsibility that a permanent marriage gives you. 

Let her live in peace and stick with muta until you are ready to be responsible for another person fully.

Consider this episode a lesson. 

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This will not win me kudos here but if she is really into you ask her to convert and marry her.Reconcile with your first wife and tell her you want to have two wives but if do ask yourself why are you running away from a permanent marriage.Everyone has his/her own share of woes in permanent marriage but that comes with the package.

Last words you can't have easy going life and have fulfillment of permanent marriage together.Own your decisions and think what would be better for your hereafter. 

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According to narrations, in marriage, permanent and temporary, when you have the option to choose, you should choose a Muslim woman over non-muslim, and a Mu'min woman over muslim. In other words, if you have the choice, choose a woman that has more faith in her heart. 

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3 hours ago, peace4alltheworld said:

you can't have easy going life and have fulfillment of permanent marriage together

Yes. The responsibility that married life brings with it is immense. It is not easy to fulfill all the duties of married life so easily. Marriage is considered half of religion. Can we expect that this half of religion will be completed without going through any hardships? Presicely because the burden of marriage is so great that one who agrees to bear this burden is considered as having completed half his religion and is also rewarded by Allah with the comforts that married life brings with it. Otherwise, if marriage had not provided any comfort, then completing this half of religion would have been an even more difficult target to achieve. 

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On 3/7/2021 at 1:06 PM, Guest Howtoidont said:

Salam Brothers and Sisters, 

I am in a predicament, I was married for several years and we had issues that were not addressed over the years. This took a toll on me and I ended up engaging in Mut'a with a Christian woman. My wife found out and we got divorced. I have continued the Mut'a but recently my ex wife and I had an open conversation and the time and space apart has really changed both of us. She's ready to reconcile but on the basis I end the Mut'a and promise to never engage in it again. Now the predicament is that I don't know how to end it, the lady hasn't done anything wrong to me, she also has been fully committed, bcoz to her its a relationship. I'm a bit scared that if I dump her just like that, it will come back and bite me. 

It may seem easy but you see with thr Mut'a, it was just no stress at all. I see her few times a week and we hang out and that's it, everyone goes about with work and stuff. I don't have to deal with any finances or even consider her in my future plans but with my ex, I had to be conscious of everything, making decisions together which sometimes would lead to fights etc. So I could say, I have a bit more of peace with the Mut'a lady than my ex wife. Although, with my ex wife we went thru a phase of financial difficulties and other outside factors that don't exist with my Mut'a relationship. 

Anyway I really need advice. 

In Islam, the preferred type of marriage is permenant marriage(zawaj tul nikah) because it builds muslim families and societies. So if you have a choice between the two and you can only choose one(which it sounds like is the situation here) then you should choose permenant. Mutah is only for specific situations where permenant marriage is not an option or there is some good reason why it is necessary due to a specific situation or circumstance.

If you would like to reconcile with your wife and you agree to the condition that you must end the Mutah then you must end it. A muslim is one who fulfills the trusts and agreements. So you have two options and although one is preffered it doesnt mean you have to pick the one that is preffered. You could choose to stay in the mutah relationship and not reconcile with your wife. Islamically that would be perfectly fine and legal though not preferred. But if you are going to pick the other option then you must end the mutah relationship if this is your wifes condition

As for your other wife if she is sincere in seeking out truth Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will guide her toward the truth, whethere that is thru you or some other way it will happen. Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guides the Mukhliseen, the sincere people who seek out the truth

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