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In the Name of God بسم الله

I've disappointed God :(

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Guest sleepyhead

To the single guys out there that are trying to avoid sin. Or to the married guys that remember what it was like. I'm sure you have/had moments where you end up caving and you give in to your desires. How do you stop yourself from being overwhelmed with guilt? 

I'm trying to stop masturbating and I am doing very well. I went 3 months without it. But last week, I don't know why but I gave in. And I felt this immense shame, grief, and guilt over my head like I had just committed murder.

It's good to be guilty and ashamed when you sin. That's part of your conscience. But when it becomes overwhelming, how do you stop that? I have asked Allah to help me curb my desires and alhamdullilah I believe he has helped me a lot. But when I gave in, I felt like I'm wasn't holding up my end of the job, even after He has assisted me. 

And a second note, what do I do to avoid this sin IN THE MOMENT when I feel the urge? I do everything possible to reduce the urges. I don't watch porn, I keep myself very busy, work out, I fast. But these only reduce your urges, they don't kill them completely. When I feel that urge now n then, what exactly do I do?

 
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I think sometimes, its not knowing how to deal with the stress. Sometimes we don't know how to cope with problems in our lives with whispers of Shaytan it causes to go astray. Its even harder when you have no one to explain this hard ship face to face. Depression can also contribute to. Sometimes we got stuck in our problems, don't know how to deal with each or which one to deal with. Trying to live, trying to please everyone, trying to be obedience to parents, envy of cousins getting married or having good times or closer family ties whilst being a loner.

I am still struggling with the problem, despite numerous attempts to overcome it

Its hard when the adults/elders don't understand the struggle the youth that has to go through. Its hard, its hard. :(:sorry:

 

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Guest sleepyhead
1 hour ago, Meedy said:

Its hard when the adults/elders don't understand the struggle the youth that has to go through. Its hard, its hard. :(:sorry:

 

Yes. And they are partially to blame as well. It's unimaginable how many of our parents brushed these things under the rug and acted like these issues didn't exist. Like with pornography. So many parents just tell their kids its haram, but they don't explain WHY. They don't explain the dangers. So a kid hitting puberty, with an internal desire to see those images, won't hold himself back because he hasn't been educated sufficiently on the dangers of it. Or even just masturbation. I was never told it was haram and had I not found out on my own, I think those years of sin would have fallen on my parents for neglecting to give me that information at the appropriate time. Inshallah I plan to change this with my own children

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Guest sleepyhead said:

To the single guys out there that are trying to avoid sin. Or to the married guys that remember what it was like. I'm sure you have/had moments where you end up caving and you give in to your desires. How do you stop yourself from being overwhelmed with guilt? 

I'm trying to stop masturbating and I am doing very well. I went 3 months without it. But last week, I don't know why but I gave in. And I felt this immense shame, grief, and guilt over my head like I had just committed murder.

It's good to be guilty and ashamed when you sin. That's part of your conscience. But when it becomes overwhelming, how do you stop that? I have asked Allah to help me curb my desires and alhamdullilah I believe he has helped me a lot. But when I gave in, I felt like I'm wasn't holding up my end of the job, even after He has assisted me. 

And a second note, what do I do to avoid this sin IN THE MOMENT when I feel the urge? I do everything possible to reduce the urges. I don't watch porn, I keep myself very busy, work out, I fast. But these only reduce your urges, they don't kill them completely. When I feel that urge now n then, what exactly do I do?

 

if struggling with masturbation or pornography or both then check this out

https://easypeasymethod.org/

If you want to stop you aren't supposed to keep yourself busy or distract yourself. If you distract yourself from a thought it will be like trying to sleep. The harder you try the less able you are to sleep. You just gotta stop seeing value in these acts. Ask yourself what benefits there IS to this act? There is not a single one however you may subconciously believe there is and therefore you feel deprived when you stop indulging. Challenge these beliefs that there is a value to it. An example could be that you may find this act "satisfying" but is it really satisfying? The nature of addiction is to want more and more not less and less so it is in reality dissatisfying because you had no need to do it before you started and as time went on you wanted it more and more.

Compare it to drinking bleach or taking poison. Would you find that hard not to do? Do you feel obligated to stay busy in order not to consume poison? This is also poison brother it is harming your mind, body, connection to Allah etc.

In conclusion: By doing this act you lose both in this world and the hereafter. You lose your ability to focus and impulse control aswell as being punished in the next life. If you can see it this way you would immedieately stop.

 

Edited by Khurasani
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Guest sleepyhead
On 3/3/2021 at 11:46 PM, Khurasani said:

if struggling with masturbation or pornography or both then check this out

https://easypeasymethod.org/

If you want to stop you aren't supposed to keep yourself busy or distract yourself. If you distract yourself from a thought it will be like trying to sleep. The harder you try the less able you are to sleep. You just gotta stop seeing value in these acts. Ask yourself what benefits there IS to this act? There is not a single one however you may subconciously believe there is and therefore you feel deprived when you stop indulging. Challenge these beliefs that there is a value to it. An example could be that you may find this act "satisfying" but is it really satisfying? The nature of addiction is to want more and more not less and less so it is in reality dissatisfying because you had no need to do it before you started and as time went on you wanted it more and more.

Compare it to drinking bleach or taking poison. Would you find that hard not to do? Do you feel obligated to stay busy in order not to consume poison? This is also poison brother it is harming your mind, body, connection to Allah etc.

In conclusion: By doing this act you lose both in this world and the hereafter. You lose your ability to focus and impulse control aswell as being punished in the next life. If you can see it this way you would immedieately stop.

 

if you stop seeing value in the act, it still won't kill your natural urge, that will always be there. so what specifically do you do when the urge comes?

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10 hours ago, Guest sleepyhead said:

if you stop seeing value in the act, it still won't kill your natural urge, that will always be there. so what specifically do you do when the urge comes?

You need to seperate natural urges from drug/addictive urges. Yeah i do get sexual urges and thoughts but it isn't hard to deal with and i just get on with what i am doing. One is a urge to reproduce and the other is to do it with your hand which wont leave you fullfilled but in disgust. You dont need to have sex to get on with life, brother society has just brainwashed people to think that they must have it at all times or else they are missing out. I use it as extra energy to get productive work done. Understand it like this brother: Why do you need to use effort to not do this act? It requires the oposite of effort to not doing something. Picture it as a phone that is ringing. You are sitting and you can choose to ignore it or accept it. Why would you be bothered the slightest by it if you dont wanna accept? Does it require effort not to do anything? Nope. Infact you relax in not doing it.

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Posted (edited)

That feeling of overwhelming guilt is a healthy sign that your nafs is still mindful of Allah ((سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى))'s jalaal and not completely a lost cause. In fact, the traditions from Alhul Bayt (عليه السلام) describe it as the first step towards tawbah. There's a riwayah from Ameer ul-Mu'mineen (عليه السلام) that in order to repent, a sinner must feel so ashamed, sad and penitent that the flesh melts off from his body.

Instead of trying to get rid of the guilt and stop it from consuming you, try to get rid of the addiction and focus on dragging yourself out of the morass of sin.

Edited by AbdusSibtayn
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Guest Sleepyhead
On 3/5/2021 at 11:16 PM, Khurasani said:

 

 

21 hours ago, AbdusSibtayn said:

 

I agree with what you're both saying. There are things we can do to supress urges but it would be more effective if we are disgusted by these acts on a deeper level, then we wouldn't even consider doing it. 

With porn i see the clear harm.  Chasing a temporary high in exchange for screwing up your brain, soul, future marriage, its not worth it. 

But someone please educate me on the negative consequences of masturbation. I'm not saying there are none, I just want to know what they are so its easier for me to be disgusted by it. (Hairy palms and blindness are old wives tails)

Jazakallah brothers! 

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Posted (edited)
On 3/10/2021 at 5:36 AM, Guest Sleepyhead said:

But someone please educate me on the negative consequences of masturbation. I'm not saying there are none, I just want to know what they are so its easier for me to be disgusted by it. (Hairy palms and blindness are old wives tails)

Jazakallah brothers! 

Many harms. Curvature in the organ, reprogramming of the brain to hasten orgasm and ejaculation (whereas in actual intrcourse what happens is a delaying of the climax so that the partner is also satisfied), lack of interest in actual sex, loss of continence and erectile dysfunction is a few harms that I remember off my head.  Unfortunately, I cannot find you the references as I study for my own enlightenment and rarely keep references. But if you look hard enough you'll find them. Medical practitioners who would otherwise clearly tell you all of these are also reluctant to voice these harms publicly because of the current scientific consensus that it is "healthy" and has "no harms".

Edited by AbdusSibtayn
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On 3/10/2021 at 1:06 AM, Guest Sleepyhead said:

 

I agree with what you're both saying. There are things we can do to supress urges but it would be more effective if we are disgusted by these acts on a deeper level, then we wouldn't even consider doing it. 

With porn i see the clear harm.  Chasing a temporary high in exchange for screwing up your brain, soul, future marriage, its not worth it. 

But someone please educate me on the negative consequences of masturbation. I'm not saying there are none, I just want to know what they are so its easier for me to be disgusted by it. (Hairy palms and blindness are old wives tails)

Jazakallah brothers! 

the thing is you have got this wrong. You dont have to think about why you SHOULDN't do it. You have all along known you shouldn't have done it and you didn't need research to tell you that this is actually harmful. You should focus on WHY even doing it.

 

 

 

when we quit an addiction we usually face a tug of war. On one side we have the reasons to quit which are powerful they are usually Health, Time, Money and just being a slave to your desire. However on the other side we have reasons to continue our addiction which in our mind is pleasure, concentration, relaxation, relieving boredom. So now we got 4 powerful reasons to quit and 4 powerful reasons not to quit and that is why it is hard. However if we realise that it is not pleasurable, does not promote concentration, does not relax you and doesn't relieve boredom we now have 4 more reasons to quit and no reasons NOT to quit. By then it is easy so dont focus on why you should quit focus on why you would keep your addiction alive even though it isn't benefitting you the slightest.

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