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In the Name of God بسم الله

I like a lot of guys my age still have the maturity of a kid.

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Posted (edited)

 

I guess what prompted me to write this post is that I'm looking for advice. I'm 22 and to be honest me and my friends were all the same. We work low end job with no real future in sight. We dont care about getting married, getting houses or anything like that at all.  My family want to get married soon, but I can't even talk to women, I don't feel like interacting with family in law and stuff. It's not just me who feels like this but alot of my friends, we dont have to pay bills, we just eat sleep, and just spend our days on our phones or playstations. I tried to cut it and create a fulfilling life but I just cant be bothered, I don't know why.  Religiously, religion is all I really have to be honest, apart from that I just can't seem to care. I was wondering if anyone has ever been like this and how they climbed out of it?

It's not depression because I feel content and dont really feel low mood. Maybe its just the impresison that people give of like thats how LIFE has to be, not what it is? This is quite common around people my age, especially in Muslim communities, is this a concern?

Edited by Labbayka
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It's called laziness and it's highly disliked and discouraged in our religion. 

Select a profession or a field of study, commit to it and work hard to establish yourself so that you can support yourself and your future family with a halal income.

Avoid wasting your life on play and false discourse, spend time on spiritual, physical and intellectual development. 

This is the only way out of the slippery slope that you are on. 

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If you want to be more religious begin by ceasing any sins you may be committing, after doing so seek to be cognizant of what other sins you may be doing unwillingly and as an intellectual and necessary bonus seek to understand why such sins are immoral and why Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has commanded us to cease committing them. In doing so you will not only increase in religiosity, you will also reach a serene state of conviction and a necessary position of capability when it comes to defending your Islamic creed and dismissing any doubts that may revolve around the Halal and Haram of Islam. The pathways are many and the destination is one - Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) - therefore, begin where you believe is necessary and do not surround yourself with those who promote sin or sloth, begin at once to act and act purposefully. 

اللهم صل على محمد وعلى ال محمد 

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Guest Hmmm

I think you might be enjoying life right now but in the future you'll have wished that you didn't spend all your time idle. Think about your future family and how they will need a mature provider, and work towards being that kind of man. I'm only 20 but I'm constantly focusing inwards because now is the best time for us to do so. Like you said, right now we have no worries in life. Our parents take care of everything. This time can either be used to spoil ourselves or it can be used to build ourselves. Go to the gym, get some hobbies, educate yourself and your future self will thank you. 

Not trying to sound mean, but OP sounds like the rich kid who ends up spoiled because his parents have always taken care of him and he becomes a man-child. Not saying that's the case! But you could very easily become like that OP

You say you work a low end job with no future in sight? Are you working on furthering your education? If not, why? 

You might not be interested in marriage right now, and that's fine if you are avoiding sin. But if, one day, it becomes harder for you to avoid sin and you want to get married, it will be hard to find a woman to marry if you don't have your life together. 

If your friends are bums, maybe find other friends. I'm honestly not sure what advice to give since OP seems content with the lifestyle? I think you either have to force yourself to change or you will want to change once you see negative effects. 

Inshallah its the former and not the latter. Take care brother!

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Nowadays, 22 years old is considered very young. In Muslim families, the teenage years unofficially extend beyond the legal beginning of adulthood (usually defined as 18-21), into the 20s and even 30s. It’s culturally how it is, and it can clash with society at times, who expect people to “grow up” at a certain age. But if you’re surrounded only by others like yourself, what’s normal and acceptable can change. 

1. Are you in university or trade school? It will take a few years, so you have to start sometime, even if slowly. You have to at least say, “I’m in something” with a general roadmap.

2. Start by living alone in an apartment. If parents pay for it at the beginning, that’s fine. You are still acquiring independent living skills. Then eventually you can support yourself financially.

3. Seeking marriage will require some effort, even if all parties are compatible and accommodating. Has any bond or reaction been created with no energy to power it? (Remember that from chemistry). 

4. Record your phone screen time, and delete or restrict the worst offending apps.

5. Give yourself little rewards for progress in the important stuff.

6. List your small successes and accomplishments here on ShiaChat, no matter how “insignificant". We’re looking forward to reading them.

7.  Realize your current life is non-sustainable in the long run. Eventually things will have to change. You can make it an easier, gradual ride by choice or a highly uncomfortable shock later in life by force. 

8. Religious discipline as others have said should translate into discipline in other areas of life.

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Posted (edited)

It's really hard to work at low end jobs. I used to work with the college graduates and I have also worked at odd jobs. Working environment is sooooo different at both kind of jobs. I was only able to work for 6 months at the odd jobs and I was relieved when they ended my contract. Working at odd jobs is not easy, it takes so much of your energy and they really expect you to remain busy every single moment, and then  you have to deal with co-workers. People are so mean to each other and constantly fighting. Every day I feel like I am going to fight a battle. You are not left with any motivation or energy to try to improve your life after working at such jobs. With increasing inequality, the working conditions are getting worse and worse. There are two extremes of people, there are some people who look down upon people working at odd jobs and consider them a waste of humanity like the posters above. (Not everyone can become doctor or successful businessman and you don't know what home environments are like for such people. I used to be ambitious and so much eager to learn, but I was stuck with a mean sister who took away my ambition and all my zest for life, and I am pretty sure my IQ level has dropped significantly due to all the stress and constant fighting). 

Then there are other extreme of people, who think that all rich people should get married to the people working at odd jobs and solve all their problems. This is unrealistic because there are not enough rich people in the world to be saviors for all the poor people. I think poor people, who choose to have kids are stupid. If people are constantly telling you that you are  a waste of humanity, why should you take such big responsibility of raising a kid? Since rich people are so good and responsible and hard working, they should be the ones having all the kids. When poor people stop having kids, and population declines, and economy will suffer, then people who think like posters in this thread will wake up and they will stop this victim blaming. Are you all trump followers because you sound exactly like him? Getting an education is not a guarantee that you will get a good job. I got a college degree, still I work at positions mostly which don't require college degrees. Even if I do get a job at a good company, I am not able to survive there for more than 6 months or one year. I cannot even articulate what I am trying to say and it's because my brain is so burned out. 

Edited by rkazmi33
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Guest Hmmm
2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

there are some people who look down upon people working at odd jobs and consider them a waste of humanity like the posters above. (Not everyone can become doctor or successful businessman and you don't know what home environments are like for such people

I simply asked OP if he had plans to change his job situation. I didn't say anything else. He's young and spends his days eating and playing video games. Most likely case is that his easy life has killed his motivation. There's a saying: "Give a man consistent sex, good food, and entertainment and all his ambitions go out the window". To a certain extent that MIGHT be the OPs case. He's so well taken care of that he can't imagine taking on adult life. But I don't know if that's the case. You don't either. Please don't make rude assumptions about OP or about those who replied to him. Jazakallah

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Salam brother

 

I was in your position a little over a month ago but february 1. 2021 i decided to change my life

 

i calculated how much time in a day i spend on social media: insta, snap, fb etc. and how much time i spend on videogames and how much time i spend on youtube

the amount of hours was frightening and i calculated how much it would be in 10 years. I was in shock

 

On a whim i instantly deleted all social media, videogames stopped watching so many videos and i thought "is this really where i wanna go in life?" i gave it some deep thought. From that day i decided to change my life. 

 

I started reading a lot. Have read 2 books since (better than 0) and im learning farsi 2 hours a day, i code for 1 hour a day, i stopped drinking sugary drinks. I now have my day planned out every hour. I sleep at 9 and get up at 5am to strive towards my goals. It is a drastic change and even my parents noticed and are suprised asking me how i before was too tired waking up at 10am but now i can get up 5am full with energy.

 

It really boils down to 2 primary things this discipline. 1 being mindset and the other being dopamine. Let us start with dopamine. I was overstimulating my brain with so much dopamine from sugary foods, videogames etc. that i did not have any motivation or desire to improve my life. I instantly wrote down things that overstimulate my brain this way. And as for the mindset i was in the mindset of "I WANNA CHANGE MY LIFE AND I WILL DO IT TODAY" my mindset was and is insane and is getting better. When you are in a good mindset to grow, learn, progress and you are willing to do so much you WILL CHANGE.

In 1 day i pretty much made the decision to go from a lazy bum to a disciplined guy who strives daily for the goals. 

 

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Posted (edited)

It's just stupid trends people try to adopt. Last year everyone was watching more tv. People were even telling me to watch more tv. This year people haveo decided watching tv is a waste of time. People, who don't watch tv, have other ways to waste time. They have meaningless long conversations for hours, and since they need someone to listen to those conversations and they know people, who like to spend their time on phones to hide from evil bullies in this world, are going to be the best people for their ego boost, they decide to criticize those people. Having long and meaningless conversations is also over stimulating for brain and waste of time. Even if those conversations are about knowledge, I don't learn anything and if these conversations are with people who are energy vampires like people in this thread, they can suck all your energy for even a whole week.  No one can be productive 24/7 and people need some time to relax. 40 hours work week was designed for a reason so that people don't get burned out. It' s just that people, who are successful, make up these stories to tell pelople that their success is all because of their hard work and they also want to control the lives of their slaves so that they never have time to think or fight for their rights. And who are the best people to make your slaves? Of course the people who hide behind their phone screens, they are the ones least likely to fight and resist. Anxiety, stress, loud people, mean comments like lazy bum, waste of humanity can all overstimulate brain but of course we will only CHOOSE to focus on social media. Social media gives voices to people who are always told to shut up in real life conversations, that's why it annoys  bullies so much. 

I have been listening to conversations people have and most of them are meaningless. The conversation that you can have in 5 minutes is stretched to half an hour. Some people are just cruel and cold hearted, they get their entertainment from exchanging mean comments with their friends, for other people, these seemingly harmless comments can ruin their whole day or week. You cannot be productive or learn anything when you are dealing with sadness, anxiety, fear and bullies, who intentionally create fear in others may not face consequences in this world, but they know their crimes and they will pay in the next world. 

Edited by rkazmi33
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  • Advanced Member
13 hours ago, Khurasani said:

Let us start with dopamine. I was overstimulating my brain with so much dopamine from sugary foods, videogames etc. that i did not have any motivation or desire to improve my life. I instantly wrote down things that overstimulate my brain this way.

Very interesting point brother.

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