Are men designed for monogamy?

[Guest Guest]

Are men biologically designed to be polygamous?

If this is the case, what actions should we, as men, work towards to move away from that base instinct and live a happy monogamous life? Do married men (and maybe women to an extent but I'm not entirely sure) eventually get tired of having the same partner? 

I think it's a common theme in Islam that we may have base instincts that aren't ideal and we need to behaving in a higher more dignified manner. 

[Berber-Shia]

45 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Are men biologically designed to be polygamous?

No

[Abu Hadi]

I can hear the creaking of the hinge of Pandora's Box. To the OP, are you sure you want to open a topic about this. 

[layman]

2 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Are men biologically designed to be polygamous?

 

Men by nature are capable to be monogamous or polygamous given right circumstances.  Not conveniently invented circumstances by men.

If by nature men are only polygamous, then having many partners is the only way.  Otherwise they will go against their nature. I don't think it is right to say men is by nature is polygamous.

Edited March 1, 2021 by layman

[Zaydism]

Biologically - Men can reproduce more children then a women can, a women has to wait 9 months, while a man can simply continuously reproduce it, however, a cap of 4 women is placed. 

• Islam is the only religion which sets a limit on the amount of spouses a man can have.
• Looking at this through a materialistic worldview, I don't see females objecting to being the 3rd or 4th wife of a socially elite member within society. We also see polyandrous relationship being high between secularists nowadays.

Socially - At times there is a social need which ought to be met, which can stem from a variety of reasons

• Many widows, divorcees, or simply a population of females that exceed that of males, without polygamy being permitted there couldn't be a means to satiate this gap.
• Muslim population could be suffering a disparity in numbers, which would then necessitate a more increased rate of reproduction which could be achieved by means of polygamy.

Emotionally - Nobody is forced to partake in such a relationship.

• Women have the choice to accept marrying someone with more then one wife.
• A first wife can request of her husband to not marry a second wife, however, if the means is legitimate then there is no point of protest. In the end he is obligated to provide for her physically and financially.  
• Think of all the women who have lost husbands to war, disease, and the list goes on. It is important to understand that this rosy ideal of a couple in 'love' is completely nonsensical, if such love is centered around selfishness - on both ends - the man ought to marry for the sake of Allah and the benefit of the Muslim Ummah and the Women ought to accept such decisions for the sake of Allah and the Muslim Ummah.
• If there is an emotional harm that is unbearable the women can (a) request that the husband not go through the marriage via legitimate reasons, or (b) explain to the judge that she cannot withstand being a part of a polygamous relationship - adding as a marital condition that the husband should not marry could be very helpful.

These are few of a plethora of reasons which stem from a deep psychological and social reality in respect to a certain threshold that ought to be addressed, may we seek to look at matters through that which benefits Islam and the Ummah, rather then looking at such convoluted and necessary realities through a shorted-sighted lens.  

[SoRoUsH]

3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Are men biologically designed to be polygamous?

If this is the case

No. This is not the case. 

Men are designed to worship Allah. Under some circumstances polygamy is more helpful to reach that goal, and under other circumstances monogamy is more helpful. 

If within a certain context polygamy results in the breakdown of the family, which ruins the future of the children in that family, and brings unnecessary hardship to people involved, then clearly in that context polygamy would take individuals farther away from Allah.

So, a more proper question to ask is, "in the context I live in, would it be polygamy or monogamy that would bring me closer to Allah?" 

Raising healthy, God-conscious children, in a healthy and loving family, brings men closer to Allah.

Edited March 1, 2021 by SoRoUsH

[BleedKnee]

Sexuality is a complicated subject. To say men are naturally inclined to have multiple partners is as massive assumption, especially when we live in a world where most folks are in monogamous relationships (be they married or not). 

There really is no point in having multiple wives unless you're in that special camp of needing to build political allegiances. I understand that the Quran gives the okay, but it should be noted that the Quran didn't introduce polygamy like a prescription, or a suggestion. The Quran only limited a practice that was already in full swing in 7th century Arabia. 

Quote

If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹content yourselves with˺ one1 or those ˹bondwomen˺ in your possession.2 This way you are less likely to commit injustice. 4:3

I think, however, its safe to say that most men in the world are perfectly fine with having one, great wife. 

[Tamammulam]

I don't believe we can say all men are not monogamous by nature. 

There is definitely benefit to polygamy both for males and females. 

Some men are more aware of the fact that they are made to practice a polygamous life and if they communicate that with their wife then on their happy way. 

I personally think we need to help the men who want to be polygamous more so that there isn't issues when it happens.

[Anonymous-Male]

This question can be reversed: 

Are women biologically designed to not accept polygamous husbands? 

If that is the case, then the wives who do accept polygamy for their husbands must be those who sacrifice their own desires and remain patient for the sake of Islam. Their reward will be with Allah for accepting something which is against their nature. 

[Abu Hadi]

I think from what I have read from hadith and also my study in biological sciences, I have concluded

The 'nature' of men (and women also) is much more flexible than animals, say for example a monkey. A monkey acts according to his instinct(desire), or the way he was programmed to act by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). His instinct is to reproduce, so if he gets a chance to do this, he will. Human beings have instinct(desire), but it is bounded by their aql (higher intellect).Part of the aql is the value system. So a man is similar to a monkey in that he has the desire to reproduce, and he will do this. But the the difference between an man and a monkey is that he will only do it , if, this act is in accordance with his value system, unless he is severely affected by elements outside his value system, such as intoxicants. 

So the value system of a muslim man is based on Islam. Most men and women also have other value systems besides Islam (such as culture) which nullify or compete with it, but lets assume for purposes of the discussion that there is only Islam. Islam says that men can be married to one women, or multiple women (polygamy). They have the choice of either and both are within their value system. At the same if they choose polygamy, there are more conditions (such as being able to financially support two or more households, treating all the wives equally, etc) which most men cannot fulfill and stay within the value system. So unless the man was blessed by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in an extraordinary way with wealth and patience, he cannot choose polygamy and stay within the value system. although he may prefer polygamy. So in that case, if he values his value system more than polygamy, he will choose monogamy, and if he values being in a polygamous relationship more than his values, he will choose polygamy. The man is perfectly capable of living a life of polygamy or monogamy in a happy and fulfilling way, otherwise Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), who is Just, wouldn't give the option. 

If you look at the life or Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h), he spent most of his married life in a monogamous relationship, married to Sayyida Khadija((عليه السلام)). It was only for the last years of his life, after the death of Khadija((عليه السلام)), that he became polygamous. At the same time, Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) spent most of his life in polygamous relationships, and that was because of circumstances(the death of Sayyida Fatima((عليه السلام)) at a young age). 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Abu Hadi

[Guest Guest]

21 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

Do married men (and maybe women to an extent but I'm not entirely sure) eventually get tired of having the same partner? 

What about this^

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

[Abu_Zahra]

On 3/2/2021 at 11:43 AM, Guest Guest said:

What about this^

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

It depends on the foundation of your marriage. If you are working together to get closer to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) then you have embarked on a continuous journey which won't get boring for those who are sincere. 

[SoRoUsH]

45 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

Work on creating positive experiences together. Exercise together. Cook together. Travel together. Complete home improvement projects together. And have sexual intercourse regularly. Although sex is an essential component of a marriage, and good sex must be had frequently, there are many other components within a marriage that contribute to making the marriage bond stronger and long-lasting. 

Building a strong bond requires work and compassion. If it was easy, it wouldn't be so rewarding in the hereafter. It's immensely rewarding, precisely because it takes time and effort to keep it strong. Just like holding and strengthening the faith in your heart. 

 

Note: I am not saying you ought to remain in an abusive and harmful marriage/relationship. 

[AbalFadhl]

Salam , 

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

What about this^

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

Study together , Pave each others path towards God , Ponder on the Qualities of Muhammad Wa Aale Muhammad (عليه السلام) , Travel , Ziyarah (there are plenty) , Picnics , raising children and many more 

[hasanhh]

On 3/1/2021 at 5:10 PM, Abu Hadi said:

I can hear the creaking of the hinge of Pandora's Box.

l believe Abu Hadi is referring to me.

[smma]

Monogamy is superior to polygamy. But if god allowed polygamy to:

1) prevent man from sinning

2) support to widows

[SoRoUsH]

6 hours ago, smma said:

Monogamy is superior to polygamy.

This is obviously not true, considering how our Imams (عليه السلام), our prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)), and many other holy men were in polygamous marriages. 

[notme]

19 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

What about this^

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

What's wrong with boring? Boring is stable. Boring is secure. Boring is reliable. Boring is consistent. 

But to answer, be friends with your spouse and appreciate each other's company. Do you get bored of hanging out with your best friend? 

[Khurasani]

On 3/2/2021 at 6:43 PM, Guest Guest said:

What about this^

How do you prevent a marriage from becoming boring?

you avoid getting dad body so your wife still finds you attractive

[MexicanVato]

On 3/1/2021 at 5:57 PM, Mohammad313Ali said:

These are few of a plethora of reasons which stem from a deep psychological and social reality in respect to a certain threshold that ought to be addressed, may we seek to look at matters through that which benefits Islam and the Ummah, rather then looking at such convoluted and necessary realities through a shorted-sighted lens.

Very intelligent response akhi. Barakallah feek. 

[Zaydism]

3 minutes ago, MexicanVato said:

Very intelligent response akhi. Barakallah feek. 

JazakAllah Akhi, thank you for your kind words may Allah bless you.