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In the Name of God بسم الله

Asking for forgiveness of a non-believer female

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I want to keep this short and straight to the point. 

My friend wronged a female “friend” of his by saying he slept with her to a friend of his when the matter of fact is he didn’t. 

She became aware of this gossip which isn’t even true and called him threatening and abusing him verbally in a fit of rage. 

She kept calling him but my friend realised she was recording the conversation with a device. Not only that she was fishing for him to admit this so abused him verbally so much so he got angry from the violent, malicious things she was saying about him.

Alas, he did not respond and stayed silent.

He texted her saying I know you’re recording and she keeps messaging telling him to admit his actions.


He feels he has wronged her, he is sorry for spreading a lie but now she is acting out of order. He feels that he must apologise because of what Islam states.

But he is stuck. If he texts her she may screenshot it and post it all over social media and tell people like she has threatened to do. 

If he calls her he is scared that she will record the conversation or worse perhaps anger her more and make the situation worse

He shouldn’t even be talking to her in the first place. 


What steps should he take here? He is deeply sorry but is cautious for what to do. 

If anyone has any advice, please drop below. Thank you.

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14 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

The solution is very simple, but might be difficult to do (for him). He has done Thulm (oppression) on this woman and slandered her reputation. The fact that she in not muslim doesn't change this fact. So there is a kaffarah for that, and the kaffarah (based on hadith that I am familiar with) is to publically admit (thru talking to those he told, social media, etc) that he lied in this case and that he never slept with her, and he is the one who is wrong and worthy to be blamed, not her. He must do this publicly, and not just to her, because if he doesn't do it publicly, then there will still be this question mark over her reputation and the effects of his act of injustice will continue into the future, making him liable for punishment, either in this life or the next life or both, for this. In these modern times, this involves posting this on all his social media accounts where she is involved. This will harm his reputation in the short term, but I believe in the long term, it will help it because people will see him as someone who is willing to admit his mistakes. People who admit their mistakes are trustworthy, whereas those who don't admit them and try to cover them up are not. 

Slandering the reputation of a woman in this way, even if she is not muslima, is a very serious thing and not something to be taken lightly. She has the right to be angry. Oppression and injustice are opression and injustice. It doesn't matter if the person is a muslim or not. 

Thank you for the response. He has already told the people he told that he has lied. Everyone involved knows. But he has not spoken to her due to her threats over the phone saying “I know where you live” etc. So will there be any need to publicly address this when all parties involved included those he told are aware that he lied he admitted everything to everyone but her. Should he still call her and apologise? Or leave it in case it gets worse?

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On 2/28/2021 at 11:25 AM, Bimmer2Benz said:

My friend wronged a female “friend” of his by saying he slept with her to a friend of his when the matter of fact is he didn’t. 

Something a very insecure person would do or a person who talks a lot.... 

he should’ve thought of the consequences and put himself in her position before doing such a silly act. 
 

consequences can be a form of divine punishment in this world..... going by the first few paragraphs in abu hadi’s comment that seems to the case....

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If he admitted everything publicly, then yes, the final step is for him to apologize to her. Just a simple email or post to her saying that he is sorry and that he was wrong and wishing her happiness and success in the future (lol, I probably already wrote it for him) is enough. He doesn't need to go further than this. If he admitted publicly and apologized to her then her nastiness will probably diminish with time, and he shouldn't be too concerned with it since it won't have any resonance in the community and most people will consider it 'mean spirited' on her part since he already did what he needed to do. 

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8 minutes ago, Abu Hadi said:

If he admitted everything publicly, then yes, the final step is for him to apologize to her. Just a simple email or post to her saying that he is sorry and that he was wrong and wishing her happiness and success in the future (lol, I probably already wrote it for him) is enough. He doesn't need to go further than this. If he admitted publicly and apologized to her then her nastiness will probably diminish with time, and he shouldn't be too concerned with it since it won't have any resonance in the community and most people will consider it 'mean spirited' on her part since he already did what he needed to do. 

Thank you. He’s concerned when you say publicly. Thinking he must announce it to the world lol.

 When you say publicly you mean to the parties involved correct? Because he has already admitted this to them. He has a final step of apologising to do.

 

kind regards.

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10 minutes ago, Bimmer2Benz said:

Thank you. He’s concerned when you say publicly. Thinking he must announce it to the world lol.

 When you say publicly you mean to the parties involved correct? Because he has already admitted this to them. He has a final step of apologising to do.

 

kind regards.

Yes. Whoever he told this lie to, he also must admit to them that he lied. If he posted it on social media, he must also post a correction / retraction of his statement on that same social media platform. 

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He doesn't sound like he is truly ready to admit his mistake. His biggest fear seems to be that she records his apology. Why is this an issue? If he is truly sorry then why is he concerned about his apology being recorded?

He has to apologize to her, regardless of whether she is recording his apology or not. 

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4 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Whoever he told this lie to, he also must admit to them that he lied.

I feel a need to add: if he told only one or two people, and each of them told a few people, and each of those people told a few until it was a widely spread rumor, he's going to have to confess his lie to more than just the first two, until his confession becomes at least as widely spread as the initial lie. 

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5 hours ago, notme said:

I feel a need to add: if he told only one or two people, and each of them told a few people, and each of those people told a few until it was a widely spread rumor, he's going to have to confess his lie to more than just the first two, until his confession becomes at least as widely spread as the initial lie. 

How would he even know if they have spread it or not . And to be fair he has apologised to her wholeheartedly and she just didn’t want to speak to him and said I’ll call you back but never did. Would that suffice as an apology?

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1 hour ago, Bimmer2Benz said:

How would he even know if they have spread it or not . And to be fair he has apologised to her wholeheartedly and she just didn’t want to speak to him and said I’ll call you back but never did. Would that suffice as an apology?

If he has apologized, he has apologized. She isn't obligated to forgive him and even if she does she isn't obligated to be friendly with him. 

As for whether the rumor has spread, that isn't difficult to find out. 

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5 hours ago, notme said:

that isn't difficult to find out. 

Ahaha I the “completely agree” expression is not enough from how true this is, some people just try to find a loophole to minimise the consequences that THEY BROUGHT to themselves. 

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19 hours ago, Bimmer2Benz said:

Should he still call her and apologise? Or leave it in case it gets worse?

Quote

Q: If a person (A) expresses bad and untrue information about another person (B) in public, for example in shared emails, and discredits him, how can person a make up for his mistake and fully claim right of (B)? Should (A)  sends an email to all those who have received an insulting email about  (B) and removes the insult? If (A) did not do so and (B) insisted that he apologizes in public, would a be forgiven even if (B) insisted that he apologize in front of all those who witnessed the insult?
A) Must denies his statements to anyone who has delivered the emails and receives consent  of the person who insulted him/her.

https://farsi.khamenei.ir/treatise-content?id=307#4378

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