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In the Name of God بسم الله

Useful Parenting Tips

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6. Dont tell your child "you are the best child or you are the most intelligent...". Tell him "you are a good child or you are smart".

 

7. Young children dont have the mental ability to analyze, reason and reflect (in the same way we do). Their behaviors and actions are based on their feelings.

You can explain things for them in simple words, yet you cannot expect them to always behave rationally. They are very emotional and sensitive.

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8. Two essential keys to bringing up small children:

1. Ignore their misbehaviors (dont pay attention to them when they misbehave)

2. Admire them when they show good behaviour ( this includes the moments when they are painting or reading a book or playing with their toys in silence).

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Guest Persian Warrior

Love the tips, thanks for this much needed thread.

Also another simple advice which covers many areas - "show your child don't tell them".

Little children learn by seeing us do the things that we preach. 

If we tell our children "stop lying" and we're openly lying whenever we feel it's convenient, then they'll learn from us.

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4 hours ago, Guest Persian Warrior said:

Love the tips, thanks for this much needed thread.

Also another simple advice which covers many areas - "show your child don't tell them".

Little children learn by seeing us do the things that we preach. 

If we tell our children "stop lying" and we're openly lying whenever we feel it's convenient, then they'll learn from us.

Exactly!

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After l baby-sat my nephew, a year or so later l did it again. He did that temper-tantrum, on-the-floor stuff they all do.

l just stood there. Then when he got quiet l kinda quietly said, "Now you know that doesn't work with me."

He didn't try that with me again.

Another time, another boy when he was four started this cry-cwap because l said "no" to his wanting to follow me into the basement. My ex and her friend both said a "let him go or he will cry."

"Let him cry."

Which is also what my Dad said when l was that age.

Both cases, a stop on the cry-cwap.

 

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57 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

After l baby-sat my nephew, a year or so later l did it again. He did that temper-tantrum, on-the-floor stuff they all do.

 

Sometimes when we say "no!" to our son (he is a toddler), he drops himself to the floor and starts crying. His face and gesture are funny in such moments. Little children behave very similarly. They share the same softwares in their brains!

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12. Instead of saying-for example-"if you eat your meal or if you tidy up your room, I will play with you", you can say "after you eat your meal/..., we will play together".

Sometimes, it is necessary to use "if" clauses, but dont say too many "if"s.

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14. If you dont want to damage your child's self-esteem:

1. Give him some independence and the right to choose (for example, to choose which clothes to wear, which toys to play with, how to play with a certain toy, ...)

2. Dont get angry when he asks many questions

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1 hour ago, shadow_of_light said:

13. When your child doesnt listen to you, dont say things such as "I dont like you anymore", "you dont like me...", "you are a bad child", "I am not your mother/father anymore", ... .

Children believe these words. Dont hurt their feelings.

The "opposite." When they get into that "you don't love me", then respond with a "not when you act like this/that."

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On 1/31/2021 at 9:01 PM, hasanhh said:

The "opposite." When they get into that "you don't love me", then respond with a "not when you act like this/that."

No, we must not say it. We always love our kids. We can say "we dont like that behaviour" or "we are more happy when your behaviour is good".

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Guest Persian warrior

When our kids experience a strong emotion, we shouldn't dismiss it or make it seem that it's uncomfortable for us. Rather, we should acknowledge that emotion and ask them questions around it. It's about showing empathy.

If we always dismiss any emotion our child experiences, they'll grow up to feel that it's "wrong" to feel that way. They will always do stuff to place a blanket over these emotions.

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On 2/4/2021 at 2:22 AM, Guest Persian warrior said:

When our kids experience a strong emotion, we shouldn't dismiss it or make it seem that it's uncomfortable for us. Rather, we should acknowledge that emotion and ask them questions around it. It's about showing empathy.

If we always dismiss any emotion our child experiences, they'll grow up to feel that it's "wrong" to feel that way. They will always do stuff to place a blanket over these emotions.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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16. Beating your child (even mildly, slapping him on his hand/back of his neck or his face) damage his brain. Children who have experienced physical punishment have smaller brains.

Children who feel belittled, dont grow up. They physically grow but not mentally and psychologically.

 

 

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20. Hugging, kissing, showing good behaviour, saying kind words, giving presents, ....never compensate for and neutralize physical punishment or offensive behaviour. Your child will never forget that you beat or offended him). 

 

21. If your child is very timid and doesnt leave your hand whereever you go, it may be because you always help him. Sometimes, let him think and try to solve his problems on his own (you can guide him if necessary).

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24 minutes ago, shadow_of_light said:

20. Hugging, kissing, showing good behaviour, saying kind words, giving presents, ....never compensate for and neutralize physical punishment or offensive behaviour. Your child will never forget that you beat or offended him). 

 

21. If your child is very timid and doesnt leave your hand whereever you go, it may be because you always help him. Sometimes, let him think and try to solve his problems on his own (you can guide him if necessary).

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum sister.

I hope you are well and in good health.

Sister for tip number 20, what is recommended to compensate against the offensive behaviour?  Have you heard of Dr. Gabor Mate?

I would like to share with you his recommendations.

 

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26 minutes ago, shadow_of_light said:

giving presents

Yes, ofc we can gift our children but some times if you gift them a lot and then u stop because of financial issues, then they will start disliking you. Already happened to my father cousin who is my aunt husband. 
 

 

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On 1/31/2021 at 12:31 PM, hasanhh said:

The "opposite." When they get into that "you don't love me", then respond with a "not when you act like this/that."

"I don't love your behavior right now."

This is usually older children, not toddlers or preschoolers. It is intentional emotional manipulation but they're still developing their brains so you have to proceed with caution to avoid damage. 

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