Learning Disabilites, Akhlaq, and Allah's Mercy

[Sabrejet 564]

Note: This is just a random ramblings of someone who's make-or-break semester project is due in 14-16 hours. In the name of Bibi Zahra ((عليه السلام)), I pray to Allah that I make it.

It is a fact that all humans are not born equal. We have different physiques and genders. We are born to Muslim parents, or otherwise. We may be born healthy, or we may have some congenital defect. Sure we are all equal before the eyes of Allah, with those with Taqwa closer to Him than others.

Let's talk specifically about mental capabilities. Some are born with normal minds, some are brilliant and gifted, some are not. Some are born with Down's Syndrome. Others have dyslexia, ADHD, they are on the spectrum, or a combination of all these. There is schrizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorder, and clinical depression, and a whole host of other things.

I'd say that it is a mercy from Allah, rather than a random affliction. Someone who is afflicted with these will have rewards in the hereafter that will make them forget these tribulations in this temporary world. However, let's not pretend that this life is easy for them. As long as we are in this realm, these are harsh realities that we have to learn to live with.

As momineen, how should we treat such souls? How should momin parents handle such a child? How should their friends, families, teachers, colleagues, and bosses treat them? People will naturally react with pity towards them, or with contempt. As most of these people lack proper social and communication skills, they can't really express how hurtful this actually feels, even to their own parents.

I'll present my own example here. As someone who has both ADHD, and is on the spectrum, I've long since learned to shut up. The only place I will reveal my afflictions is to online strangers, not to garner sympathy, but to try to make them understand. To try to play my part in reducing the pain felt by people in my situation. In the past, I have attempted to open up and seek help, but have often faced well-intentioned but unneeded pity. Even worse, I have been accused of seeking attention and making excuses for my failures in this life. Before someone asks: yes, I have seeked professional help, and I've been severely disappointed.

What failures? The fact that I have been kicked out of one university, and I'm barely hanging on in the second. I'm entering my mid-twenties now. I have wasted tens of lacs of rupees of my dad's money on tuition, and so far I have nothing to show for it. My peers have long since gotten government jobs, military careers, jobs in fortune 500 companies. They have studied in Master's programs from exotic universities, or they are entering competitive PhD programs. Some have even bought their first apartment, and are recently married. The amount of mocking, ridicule, verbal lashings and beatings I've accumulated are something I wouldn't wish upon my enemies. I've had one woman enter my life, and ruthlessly dump me when she saw my struggles.

My mother, being a simple woman, failed to see that there was something off about me since childhood. She attributed my difficulty in studying to laziness, cowardice, lack of discipline, and stubbornness. The beatings have left me with physical and mental scars for life. Thankfully, she is aware now, but the damage is done. I've developed a deep lack of distrust towards women in general. My parents treat me with kindness and understanding now, something that frankly they should have done years ago. They are human, but when they decided to be parents, they should have done better research.

My ability to form loving bonds has been severely diminished. The only people I truly love are resting in Medina, Karbala, Najaf, Qom, Kazmain, and Samarra. I can't talk to them in the normal sense.

I've tried, over the years, to tell some of these things to my closest, bestest friends and parents. How did they react? Pity, and sympathy, "tough love" and even ridicule. "Get over it". "Don't make excuses" etc.

To anyone reading this, please don't do that. What we want above all is empathy, not sympathy or mock concern; there is a difference. We want understanding. We wanted to be treated normally. We don't want you fretting over how we are apparently failing in life. We don't you to scream our "shortcomings" to our face.

 

The thing that has given me hope is Islam. Allah has given hope by gifting humanity with Wilayat; He has provided us the door of Tawassul; He has promised a world far better than than the one we are currently in.

 

PS: to parents with "difficult" children, watch the movie "Taare Zameen Par", and "A Beautiful Mind". They will open up your minds. And for God's sake, don't beat your kids up or chew them out. There might be more to their story than you think.

Also, if a certain viscious commentator from a certain thread reads this: may Allah teach you firsthand what autism/Aspergers is really like. I'm talking about the thread by an autistic individual, who said things that are seemingly selfish/against social and compassionate norms.

Edited January 18 by Sabrejet

[I1I 5]

2 hours ago, Sabrejet said:

Note: This is just a random ramblings of someone who's make-or-break semester project is due in 14-16 hours. In the name of Bibi Zahra ((عليه السلام)), I pray to Allah that I make it.

It is a fact that all humans are not born equal. We have different physiques and genders. We are born to Muslim parents, or otherwise. We may be born healthy, or we may have some congenital defect. Sure we are all equal before the eyes of Allah, with those with Taqwa closer to Him than others.

Let's talk specifically about mental capabilities. Some are born with normal minds, some are brilliant and gifted, some are not. Some are born with Down's Syndrome. Others have dyslexia, ADHD, they are on the spectrum, or a combination of all these. There is schrizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorder, and clinical depression, and a whole host of other things.

I'd say that it is a mercy from Allah, rather than a random affliction. Someone who is afflicted with these will have rewards in the hereafter that will make them forget these tribulations in this temporary world. However, let's not pretend that this life is easy for them. As long as we are in this realm, these are harsh realities that we have to learn to live with.

As momineen, how should we treat such souls? How should momin parents handle such a child? How should their friends, families, teachers, colleagues, and bosses treat them? People will naturally react with pity towards them, or with contempt. As most of these people lack proper social and communication skills, they can't really express how hurtful this actually feels, even to their own parents.

I'll present my own example here. As someone who has both ADHD, and is on the spectrum, I've long since learned to shut up. The only place I will reveal my afflictions is to online strangers, not to garner sympathy, but to try to make them understand. To try to play my part in reducing the pain felt by people in my situation. In the past, I have attempted to open up and seek help, but have often faced well-intentioned but unneeded pity. Even worse, I have been accused of seeking attention and making excuses for my failures in this life. Before someone asks: yes, I have seeked professional help, and I've been severely disappointed.

What failures? The fact that I have been kicked out of one university, and I'm barely hanging on in the second. I'm entering my mid-twenties now. I have wasted tens of lacs of rupees of my dad's money on tuition, and so far I have nothing to show for it. My peers have long since gotten government jobs, military careers, jobs in fortune 500 companies. They have studied in Master's programs from exotic universities, or they are entering competitive PhD programs. Some have even bought their first apartment, and are recently married. The amount of mocking, ridicule, verbal lashings and beatings I've accumulated are something I wouldn't wish upon my enemies. I've had one woman enter my life, and ruthlessly dump me when she saw my struggles.

My mother, being a simple woman, failed to see that there was something off about me since childhood. She attributed my difficulty in studying to laziness, cowardice, lack of discipline, and stubbornness. The beatings have left me with physical and mental scars for life. Thankfully, she is aware now, but the damage is done. I've developed a deep lack of distrust towards women in general. My parents treat me with kindness and understanding now, something that frankly they should have done years ago. They are human, but when they decided to be parents, they should have done better research.

My ability to form loving bonds has been severely diminished. The only people I truly love are resting in Medina, Karbala, Najaf, Qom, Kazmain, and Samarra. I can't talk to them in the normal sense.

I've tried, over the years, to tell some of these things to my closest, bestest friends and parents. How did they react? Pity, and sympathy, "tough love" and even ridicule. "Get over it". "Don't make excuses" etc.

To anyone reading this, please don't do that. What we want above all is empathy, not sympathy or mock concern; there is a difference. We want understanding. We wanted to be treated normally. We don't want you fretting over how we are apparently failing in life. We don't you to scream our "shortcomings" to our face.

 

The thing that has given me hope is Islam. Allah has given hope by gifting humanity with Wilayat; He has provided us the door of Tawassul; He has promised a world far better than than the one we are currently in.

 

PS: to parents with "difficult" children, watch the movie "Taare Zameen Par", and "A Beautiful Mind". They will open up your minds. And for God's sake, don't beat your kids up or chew them out. There might be more to their story than you think.

Also, if a certain viscious commentator from a certain thread reads this: may Allah teach you firsthand what autism/Aspergers is really like. I'm talking about the thread by an autistic individual, who said things that are seemingly selfish/against social and compassionate norms.

Hey I have been diagnosed with autism too... and I love it! lol I believe till this day that had Allah created me otherwise, I would have ended up like one of those typical teenagers in school. Having many friends, going out partying perhaps later in life, lacking curiosity, etc. I even look at my sister with pity. She has such a normal and boring life. It lacks knowledge or curiosity. It lacks ambition. She doesn’t care about Islamic philosophy, logic, theoretical physics or maths. I see emptiness in her and others around me. They constantly show me logical fallacies and illogical behaviour. All of it makes me realize that it isn’t those who are like me that are strange. It is people who are typical that are strange! They truly miss what makes a human a human and that’s the intellect and curiosity. My only wish is that I had my parents teach me better as a child. They gave me too much freedom. I was not forced to pray. I was not forced to learn calculus before I began secondary school. I was not told about the beauty of theology and philosophical reasoning. I did not have my mind stimulated enough nor get forced to lead a Godly life enough as a child so I had to learn it all late. Very late. Both worlds. The world of physics/maths and the world of religion/philosophy. My injustice is, in a way, the opposite of your injustice because your parents stepped over the line of “forcing” you by beating you up. My parents on the other hand went under the line of “forcing” me by being idle and letting me live a typical life of a teenager with no higher meaning for a long time. In the end however, we were both sincere enough to get back to where we were supposed to be. I think you don’t hate autism but rather the reaction you had as a result of the “disability”. 

[El Cid 997]

3 hours ago, Sabrejet said:

 

What failures? The fact that I have been kicked out of one university, and I'm barely hanging on in the second. I'm entering my mid-twenties now. I have wasted tens of lacs of rupees of my dad's money on tuition, and so far I have nothing to show for it. My peers have long since gotten government jobs, military careers, jobs in fortune 500 companies. They have studied in Master's programs from exotic universities, or they are entering competitive PhD programs. Some have even bought their first apartment, and are recently married. The amount of mocking, ridicule, verbal lashings and beatings I've accumulated are something I wouldn't wish upon my enemies. I've had one woman enter my life, and ruthlessly dump me when she saw my struggles.

 

Remember that picture I posted in the "time is running out" thread about time-zones? It really doesn't matter whether your peers got accepted into the Illuminati and are now running the world with them whilst you're still in university. You'll achieve your own level of success when the time comes just like the picture said that Muhammad Shah became emperor at 17 and died at 45 whilst Aurangzeb became emperor at 40 and died at 88. Some people taste success early and some people taste success later on in life but every one can achieve success if they keep working hard towards their end-goal. This is true for every field in life no matter which career path you want to look at for example Leonardo DiCaprio has been getting hollywood roles as a teenager and tasted success whilst Alan Rickman got his first big break in his mid 40's in the movie Die-Hard when he played Hans Gruber. I'm in my mid-twenties as well and I'm still in university right now whilst people my age are in their professional careers right now. When people try to make me feel bad no matter who they are whether they are doing so in malice or to "motivate" me. When I get rejected by families of women because I don't have the same educational/career qualifications as their daughters or the men around me. I simply tell them my time of success will come because I will make it happen and when it does, there's no stopping me. And these very same people who annoy me or reject me will be on the side-lines watching me and wishing they were nicer to me. 

The reality of this world is that when you're struggling, everyone treats you like a sub-human no matter how righteous you are. When you're successful, these same people stand outside your door and salute you. The same people who laughed at you will be running behind you calling you "Sir" when you're successful so don't let anything which people have said to you affect you to the point you feel dead inside because when you turn it around, they'll be at their feet hoping to get some sort of benefit from you. Those venomous words will be honey-filled words. 

[inneedofprayers 98]

On 1/19/2021 at 12:06 AM, Sabrejet said:

Note: This is just a random ramblings of someone who's make-or-break semester project is due in 14-16 hours. In the name of Bibi Zahra ((عليه السلام)), I pray to Allah that I make it.

It is a fact that all humans are not born equal. We have different physiques and genders. We are born to Muslim parents, or otherwise. We may be born healthy, or we may have some congenital defect. Sure we are all equal before the eyes of Allah, with those with Taqwa closer to Him than others.

Let's talk specifically about mental capabilities. Some are born with normal minds, some are brilliant and gifted, some are not. Some are born with Down's Syndrome. Others have dyslexia, ADHD, they are on the spectrum, or a combination of all these. There is schrizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorder, and clinical depression, and a whole host of other things.

I'd say that it is a mercy from Allah, rather than a random affliction. Someone who is afflicted with these will have rewards in the hereafter that will make them forget these tribulations in this temporary world. However, let's not pretend that this life is easy for them. As long as we are in this realm, these are harsh realities that we have to learn to live with.

As momineen, how should we treat such souls? How should momin parents handle such a child? How should their friends, families, teachers, colleagues, and bosses treat them? People will naturally react with pity towards them, or with contempt. As most of these people lack proper social and communication skills, they can't really express how hurtful this actually feels, even to their own parents.

I'll present my own example here. As someone who has both ADHD, and is on the spectrum, I've long since learned to shut up. The only place I will reveal my afflictions is to online strangers, not to garner sympathy, but to try to make them understand. To try to play my part in reducing the pain felt by people in my situation. In the past, I have attempted to open up and seek help, but have often faced well-intentioned but unneeded pity. Even worse, I have been accused of seeking attention and making excuses for my failures in this life. Before someone asks: yes, I have seeked professional help, and I've been severely disappointed.

What failures? The fact that I have been kicked out of one university, and I'm barely hanging on in the second. I'm entering my mid-twenties now. I have wasted tens of lacs of rupees of my dad's money on tuition, and so far I have nothing to show for it. My peers have long since gotten government jobs, military careers, jobs in fortune 500 companies. They have studied in Master's programs from exotic universities, or they are entering competitive PhD programs. Some have even bought their first apartment, and are recently married. The amount of mocking, ridicule, verbal lashings and beatings I've accumulated are something I wouldn't wish upon my enemies. I've had one woman enter my life, and ruthlessly dump me when she saw my struggles.

My mother, being a simple woman, failed to see that there was something off about me since childhood. She attributed my difficulty in studying to laziness, cowardice, lack of discipline, and stubbornness. The beatings have left me with physical and mental scars for life. Thankfully, she is aware now, but the damage is done. I've developed a deep lack of distrust towards women in general. My parents treat me with kindness and understanding now, something that frankly they should have done years ago. They are human, but when they decided to be parents, they should have done better research.

My ability to form loving bonds has been severely diminished. The only people I truly love are resting in Medina, Karbala, Najaf, Qom, Kazmain, and Samarra. I can't talk to them in the normal sense.

I've tried, over the years, to tell some of these things to my closest, bestest friends and parents. How did they react? Pity, and sympathy, "tough love" and even ridicule. "Get over it". "Don't make excuses" etc.

To anyone reading this, please don't do that. What we want above all is empathy, not sympathy or mock concern; there is a difference. We want understanding. We wanted to be treated normally. We don't want you fretting over how we are apparently failing in life. We don't you to scream our "shortcomings" to our face.

 

The thing that has given me hope is Islam. Allah has given hope by gifting humanity with Wilayat; He has provided us the door of Tawassul; He has promised a world far better than than the one we are currently in.

 

PS: to parents with "difficult" children, watch the movie "Taare Zameen Par", and "A Beautiful Mind". They will open up your minds. And for God's sake, don't beat your kids up or chew them out. There might be more to their story than you think.

Also, if a certain viscious commentator from a certain thread reads this: may Allah teach you firsthand what autism/Aspergers is really like. I'm talking about the thread by an autistic individual, who said things that are seemingly selfish/against social and compassionate norms.

You're such a strong and wise person. I'm glad that you're living your life with such a positive attitude. Hope keeps us alive. My prayers are with you. May you be blessed with the best very soon.