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In the Name of God بسم الله

Controlling your tongue

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Hello.

I have a very hard time controlling my tongue. I can't say one sentence without cursing. I've unfriended all friends which I've learned to curse from, but I still can't. Can you give me any advice? Have you ever been like me, and have now stopped? How do I stop??

JazakAllah

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  • Advanced Member
1 hour ago, Kalepaceh said:

Hello.

I have a very hard time controlling my tongue. I can't say one sentence without cursing. I've unfriended all friends which I've learned to curse from, but I still can't. Can you give me any advice? Have you ever been like me, and have now stopped? How do I stop??

JazakAllah

Lol had the same exact problem. It's no biggie, just remove a bad habit with a new good habit. So start actively using good words or dhikr and with time you're gonna lose the bad habit.

Wasalam

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Keep a weekly tally of each time you curse.  And pay £1 or $2 or whatever currency applies to you and pay it in the local mosque without expecting any rewards. In sha Allah in 3 weeks time, you will actively and consciously put stop to this habit. 
Or promise to pray 2 rakats for every 2 curses. This is going to upset shaytaan – the cursed.  So he will actively refrain you from cursing. 

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Make a conscious decision to ponder over the words you say before you say them, irrespective of the significance or insignificance of that which you may say. 

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It takes time, don't be frustrated that you haven't kicked the habit right now. As long as you're decreasing the number of swear words as time goes on, I'm confident that you will eventually get it.

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I don't completely remember how I stopped. I think I slowly (but deliberately) started to swear less and less until before I knew it I beat the habit. Some friends would bring it out of me, so I have to be conscious about the triggers. For example, if I make racist jokes, eventually I will say the n word. So to prevent that, I have to avoid that trigger. Or if I whine, then there is a real risk of getting frustrated to the point of swearing, so I have to avoid the trigger of whining. In case of an emergency, I'll try to substitute these words. "Freaking", "stinking", "rotten", "lousy", etc. But I really try to control my emotions to not even get to that point.

Another thing is to just talk less lol. Speaking frivolously is a trait of a foolish person, wise men are silent and only speak when it's appropriate. Compare this to going to the gym and eating healthy. If you stop going to the gym, chances are you'll start to eat unhealthy; and if you start to eat unhealthy, chances are you'll get lazy and stop going to the gym. Bad habits that are related to each other like to go down as a team, so if you want to stop swearing perhaps avoid all the mistakes you can commit with your mouth (frivolous speech, gossip, backbiting, bad dental hygiene, saying mean thing, lying). 

I used to have a horrible, rotten mouth. So if I can kick the habit then there's no reason why you can't either. I used to uncomfortable if I didn't say certain swear words, now I physically flinch when I hear bad words. I hope you find success in kicking this bad habit, and I'm confident that you can as long as you maintain your sincerity. 

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I believe that the Pure Spirit of God living with in you will give you the power to change.

Jesus the Messiah used the picture of trees (Luke 6)

43 ‘No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognised by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn-bushes, or grapes from briers. 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Untill you get your heart sorted and right befoere God all your efforts to control your tongue will be fruitless. Even if you do it will just be a superficial venner.

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