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In the Name of God بسم الله

How to convince your parents for an early marriage?

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5 hours ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

I don't think so...if it is hard to convince my mum...it will be more difficult for me to tell him....at least I need my mum's support

He will listen to my mum in this matter

Just tell your dad. Don't think about his reaction. Just do what you're supposed to do.

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11 minutes ago, Quran313 said:

Just tell your dad. Don't think about his reaction

Okay but this will take some time. I hope he sees this not bad as my mum did and still does

It's been five hours now that I have been in my room ...my mum hasn't come yet to me ..to ask if I'm doing fine...she is in her room ....my Nani is being our messenger ...and my lil sister is being my Reporter

This whole situation is getting really stressful for me.. it's like I have committed a major sin

 

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

Okay but this will take some time. I hope he sees this not bad as my mum did and still does

It's been five hours now that I have been in my room ...my mum hasn't come yet to me ..to ask if I'm doing fine...she is in her room ....my Nani is being our messenger ...and my lil sister is being my Reporter

This whole situation is getting really stressful for me.. it's like I have committed a major sin

 

Look, forget all that stress and everything that Satan puts into your mind. Go to your mum room, kiss her hsnd, and ask for her support. Once your dad comes in, tell him everything. Don't procrastinate. If you're afraid, you won't get what you want. Do what you're supposed to do. It is more promising if you be respectful and patient to your parents. Allsh helps you

Edited by Quran313
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Quote

How to convince your parents for an early marriage?

Maybe you can use the 'pandemic' and the “world is about to end soon” to convince your parents to let you marry early and to the man you like? :woot:

I am pulling out all the stops for you. 

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This is going to be hard guys... already the beginning seems so difficult to handle..what will happen next :cry: 

My mum is still in her room...why is she doing that ... I'm the victim here not she :confused: 

 

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3 hours ago, starlight said:

Well, maybe it will help with this caveat:

Why do people misnomer marring as "tied the knot?"

When actually it is "tied the noose".

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16 hours ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

Arab men has a lot ego- issues they can't see their wives independent ... I don't believe in those stereotypes ... anyways I don't know what to do

As an Arab man, that is true for the most part... listen to ur mum on that one. It’s Very rare to find an Arab guy who is open minded and is not a typical Bedouin in the jahliya days. 

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Justsomeone said:

@Ain-Al HayatI saw, you said he's 10 years older than you... are you sure about this? I've been told it's not a good idea to marry to marry someone much older... 

Its not that big difference.

Suppose if she is in her 30's, he is in his 40's. Close enough! 

:itsok:

Edited by Cool
Typo
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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Cool said:

Its not that big difference.

Suppose if she is in her 30's, he is in his 40's. Close enough! 

:itsok:

someone told me that it gets tough later on... they have 10 years difference in their marriage and they said it's the same for their siblings

but yeah....

 

Edited by Justsomeone
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22 minutes ago, Justsomeone said:

someone told me that it gets tough later on...

I have heard that there should be an age difference, because women before the age of 50, age twice as fast as men :confused:

I don't know if this is true or not but my mum looks older than my dad..just saying there age gap is of two years

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On 1/2/2021 at 9:46 AM, Ain-Al Hayat said:

I have heard that there should be an age difference, because women before the age of 50, age twice as fast as men :confused:

I don't know if this is true or not but my mum looks older than my dad..just saying there age gap is of two years

I've been told 6-7 is max...

On 1/2/2021 at 9:47 AM, Ain-Al Hayat said:

But, yes there could be a difference of mindsets

for sure

yes, that's what that person meant...

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Posted (edited)
39 minutes ago, Justsomeone said:

women before the age of 50, age twice as fast as men

Given that he didn't smoke or use drugs, and exercised regularly, even after 50 men don't age too fast. Life's just unfair that way :)

39 minutes ago, Justsomeone said:

I've been told 6-7 is max...

Note the demographic of those well wishers who tell you this: it won't be young or old men, or young women. That leaves just one group.

Edited by Sabrejet
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45 minutes ago, Justsomeone said:

I've been told 6-7 is max...

So I shouldn't consider him as a potential spouse just because the age difference:sorry:

7 minutes ago, Sabrejet said:

Life's just unfair that way :)

I call this a biological processes.

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1 minute ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

So I shouldn't consider him as a potential spouse just because the age difference

Nopes, you should totally consider him. This age difference thing is something made up by old women who are in their twilight years (somewhere after 30). (I'm going to get blasted for this).

7 minutes ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

I call this a biological processes.

Tom Cruise compared to Kelly Mcgillis

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Ain-Al Hayat said:

So I shouldn't consider him as a potential spouse just because the age difference:sorry:

Well it shouldn't be necessarily true. It's different for everyone... if you judge him best then go for it.

Although, if you can't convince your parents then it's probably just not meant to be...

Edited by Justsomeone
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Posted (edited)

 

20 hours ago, starlight said:

@Ain-Al Hayat Sister, what issue needs to be sorted here,is it that your parents don't want marrying you an Arab(or anyone from a different culture) or they don't want to getting married early? 

[Edit] Don't know why I even asked this because with typical desi parents, best of luck trying to change their opinions on either :dry:

They will try their best that you get a degree in STEM or medicine , then marry a desi who has a degree in STEM or medicine and hence give birth to desi STEMMY doctor hybrid kids. I hope your parents and Nani aren't the 'log Kiya kahenge(what will people say' type of people because then there is no getting around them.

Apologies if my advice is unhelpful but that's what my observation has been.

This is 100% false. It's not just an issue with "typical desi parents" as you're putting it. The truth of the matter is every race no matter who and where they are or what their social standing is even are all sensitive when it comes to their daughters/females marrying someone or being with someone of another race. Let me give you some examples from what I've observed. My ex temporary wife was German/Irish and her mother was the most disgusting person ever. She constantly said demeaning things about me and my race. And her favourite phrase was "Have all the good men died that you're dating this Brown guy now." I always practiced patience and showed her kind-ness. One of my friends is Black who dates white or korean men mostly but her father constantly tells her to find a "nice black guy" to settle down with. One of my friend is from Pakistan, his wife is a Jewish convert to Shi'a islam and her entire family has disowned her.  This is also the same case with another friend of mine who is Chinese and his family shames him for dating women of White or Black descent. So you can see this mentality is present in every race on the planet and this has more to do with:

1. Blood/Race mixing. 

2. Racism as they see the attached stereotype of a person rather than the person itself or they consider themselves superior to that race. I've seen the latter a lot in Vietnamese/Chinese people. I haven't met any japanese people so far(not that I'm aware of)

This whole "different culture" and "Log Kiya kahenge" is just an excuse. Though a fun fact is even my ex wife's mother was saying "Log kaya kahange" to her. So even that is universal. 

Edited by El Cid
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25 minutes ago, El Cid said:

The truth of the matter is every race no matter who and where they are or what their social standing is even are all sensitive when it comes to their daughters/females marrying someone or being with someone of another race.

So true

Anyways my mother is ignoring me... I'm giving her silent treatment.... I told that guy about the whole situation..now I'm waiting for his answer ... I have left this matter now on Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) he knows the best

Let's hope for the best

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1 minute ago, Mahdavist said:

I wouldn't do that. It would be best to behave normally with her. 

I'm trying..but she doesn't want to talk to me...so I'm staying silent..if she starts.. obviously I'm going to reply her back..but at the moment she doesn't talk to me ..so I'm silent as well

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If there is one thing I've learnt last year during the pandemic, is that you gotta do what you gotta do. You have to nag and beg and go through the worse crap in order to achieve what you want. Its the only way. I still haven't experienced the stage of getting married yet, but throughout time know that cultural beliefs are often evolving.

But sister please try and find out more information about him and whether he has a massive ego, most Arab men you find are like that. I know I sound like I'm generalising because a lot of ethnic communities tend to have prideful men, but just be careful.

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8 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

But sister please try and find out more information about him and whether he has a massive ego, most Arab men you find are like that. I know I sound like I'm generalising because a lot of ethnic communities tend to have prideful men, but just be careful.

Yes I have asked my brother to get me more information about him ... thanks for your concern:)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Ajiya

I am a 21 years old female and my family is looking for matches to get me married. I am a Sunni Muslim coming from a strict background. They have shown me a few matches and I have met a few of them. As islam teaches that when you look for a spouse the first thing you should see that he is a good Muslim, follows faith and prays regularly. My parents have shown me a guy who fits into that criteria, and is also my first cousin..he prays namaz regularly and is a man of faith. But he is known for abuse and hitting. ( as he is my first cousin we know this) How can a woman risk her life for that. And then there’s another match ( also my first cousin) who follows islam, is a man of faith, humble, respectful but doesn’t pray namaz due to youth negligence and work but understands its importance, have strong hold on religion and has a willingness to pray regularly. In that case who should I choose as a spouse. Please help

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10 hours ago, Guest Ajiya said:

I am a 21 years old female and my family is looking for matches to get me married. I am a Sunni Muslim coming from a strict background. They have shown me a few matches and I have met a few of them. As islam teaches that when you look for a spouse the first thing you should see that he is a good Muslim, follows faith and prays regularly. My parents have shown me a guy who fits into that criteria, and is also my first cousin..he prays namaz regularly and is a man of faith. But he is known for abuse and hitting. ( as he is my first cousin we know this) How can a woman risk her life for that. And then there’s another match ( also my first cousin) who follows islam, is a man of faith, humble, respectful but doesn’t pray namaz due to youth negligence and work but understands its importance, have strong hold on religion and has a willingness to pray regularly. In that case who should I choose as a spouse. Please help

I don't think it's very hard to choose. Of course you should choose the person who is not abusive. A person, who is abusive and thinks it's okay to be violent is NOT  a good muslim. He has learned nothing from his prayers.

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21 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

I don't think it's very hard to choose. Of course you should choose the person who is not abusive. A person, who is abusive and thinks it's okay to be violent is NOT  a good muslim. He has learned nothing from his prayers.

Thank you so much for your valuable opinion. Means a lot

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