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In the Name of God بسم الله

Domestic abuse

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Fizz786

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On 1/1/2021 at 4:12 PM, Fizz786 said:

I had to save my life, thats why I left. 

Salam Sister

In that case it was obligated on you to leave him.. because your life was is danger... I don't see any chance of him getting back to his senses ...so better get professional counseling and involve your family if they are supportive they will definitely help you in this situation...you and your son don't deserve this.. actually no one should compromise in abusive relationships 

"God hates all forms of oppression. The Qur’an clearly allows divorce and provides details on the just manner in which a divorce should take place. Although Islam teaches that God dislikes divorce, he has not prohibited it. On the other hand, the Qur’an clearly prohibits injustice and oppression. The Qur’an has provided divorce as a peaceful solution (See Qur’an 2:227-242; 4:19 -21; 65: 1-8)."

Waslam

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On 12/29/2020 at 5:58 PM, shoelace said:

There is always two sides of a story no man is mad enough to beat a woman without a reason especially

 W H A T. . . .
 

Men can and do abuse women for no reason. Women can and do abuse men for no reason. Abusers don’t need *reasons* to abuse someone. 

Edited by Caroling
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2 hours ago, Caroling said:
 

 W H A T. . . .
 

Men can and do abuse women for no reason. Women can and do abuse men for no reason. Abusers don’t need *reasons* to abuse someone. 

I was talking about the sane people. insane people can do any thing they want

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On 1/2/2021 at 3:42 AM, Fizz786 said:

salams, 

Many people have requested some details. So in a nutshell, he has severe anger issues. he emotionally abused me so degradation, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, he stabbed himself with a knife and bled so much, then threatened to cut his neck in front of my 2 year old son! who panicked like I did. He was too tough on my son and wouldnt let him make a mess or drop water.  He'd throw the whole pan out if it wasnt cooked to his standards. he's get so angry, he's go 100 miles an hour in a second. He would punch walls damaging them, banging doors, breaking things.  He would make me give him all my passwords, face id for my bank, check my phone and emails then confront even if I wrote a general email. He was also physically abusive he grabbed me from the neck and pushed me hard. He also twisted my arm over something trivial that I didnt know he moved something and I tried to move it. But I didnt see him do it.  He threatened to kill me and my son! I had to save my life, thats why I left. 

wasalam

 

he is not fit to have a family right now, please get out for the sake of safety of your kid, I know this kind of mentality can turn nasty.

 

Dua for you from my end 

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  • 5 months later...
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salam alaikum,

inshaAllah you are all well. Thank you for your inputs. So an update, I stupidly went back 6 months ago to give it a chance despite everything that happened. Same rubbish. So blackmailing, emotional abuse, degradation. Now he turned physical. So I said to him to leave. I ended up in hospital due to shock and being unable to speak or move. I was in hospital for four days. I ended contact and he would contact me through various apps, emails, phone calls etc. Then he rings my workplace! and goes on a rant against me. Then the day before yesterday he emailed me saying he is going to kill himself! and has taken tablets to do so. And that he has left behind a note and videos. I had to save his life so sent the police to the house. He was fine they said. Such a nightmare! not to forget manipulative. So its over now. Atleast  Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wont say I didn't try. 

please pray for me and my three year old son.

JazakAllah

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Men like these are scum. I have once seen a video where a sayyed told a hadith that went like: "whoever raises a hand [as to hit] his wife, a hand will be raised for him in Hell". 

I think divorce was indeed the best solution. If he wants to kill himself, let him do so, it's not your fault. There are billions more men for you and billions more women for him. From what you told us, he was a lunatic and him "changing" will never happen.

All our sincere prayers, sister. May Allah let you find a far better husband and keep you away from men like him.

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29 minutes ago, Mohamad Abdel-Hamid said:

Men like these are scum. I have once seen a video where a sayyed told a hadith that went like: "whoever raises a hand [as to hit] his wife, a hand will be raised for him in Hell". 

I think divorce was indeed the best solution. If he wants to kill himself, let him do so, it's not your fault. There are billions more men for you and billions more women for him. From what you told us, he was a lunatic and him "changing" will never happen.

All our sincere prayers, sister. May Allah let you find a far better husband and keep you away from men like him.

I agree brother. The funny thing is he is a sayyid himself! nice hadith. I agree 100% brother. its the only solution. Ive been there, done that. 

ilahyameen thank you for your duas :)

may Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless you.

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Posted (edited)
On 12/29/2020 at 6:00 PM, shoelace said:

incite her to break her house

The house was broken the minute her husband began beating her, especially since children are involved. A Muslim man is supposed to honor and protect women, not beat them because he's angry about something that's probably something stupid to be angry about in the first place.

It doesn't matter what "culture" you come from, hitting women makes you a pathetic worm and has the added negative effect of making Islam look horrible & barbaric. Wife-beating is yet another one of the factors that plays into Western tropes that "Muslim men are animals and cannot control themselves", so no, I don't care what she supposedly "did to deserve it". Women never deserve to be hit and if you think that there is ever a single instance in which they do, there is something that you obviously need to work through with a therapist.

Edited by Abdul-Hadi
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12 minutes ago, Abdul-Hadi said:

The house was broken the minute her husband began beating her, especially since children are involved. A Muslim man is supposed to honor and protect women, not beat them because he's angry about something that's probably something stupid to be angry about in the first place.

It doesn't matter what "culture" you come from, hitting women makes you a pathetic worm and has the added negative effect of making Islam look horrible & barbaric. Wife-beating is yet another one of the factors that plays into Western tropes that "Muslim men are animals and cannot control themselves", so no, I don't care what she supposedly "did to deserve it". Women never deserve to be hit and if you think that there is ever a single instance in which they do, there is something that you obviously need to work through with a therapist.

Thank you so much for your support. its so true. its wrong whatever the situation! 

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2 hours ago, Fizz786 said:

please pray for me and my three year old son

Lots of duas for you both. May Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect you from all harm, remove any difficulties that come your way and send kind and compassionate people into your life.  

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On 1/2/2021 at 3:42 AM, Fizz786 said:

salams, 

Many people have requested some details. So in a nutshell, he has severe anger issues. he emotionally abused me so degradation, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, he stabbed himself with a knife and bled so much, then threatened to cut his neck in front of my 2 year old son! who panicked like I did. He was too tough on my son and wouldnt let him make a mess or drop water.  He'd throw the whole pan out if it wasnt cooked to his standards. he's get so angry, he's go 100 miles an hour in a second. He would punch walls damaging them, banging doors, breaking things.  He would make me give him all my passwords, face id for my bank, check my phone and emails then confront even if I wrote a general email. He was also physically abusive he grabbed me from the neck and pushed me hard. He also twisted my arm over something trivial that I didnt know he moved something and I tried to move it. But I didnt see him do it.  He threatened to kill me and my son! I had to save my life, thats why I left. 

wasalam

 

Leave him. He is mad. File a divorce. Sorry Sister, I was unable to check. But the time you said it is a drug problem, iit became clear to me.

You are living with a psychopath, he can kill you, your son and maybe himself n one breath. Leave him.

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5 hours ago, Fizz786 said:

please pray for me and my three year old son.

Inshallah. We will pray for you and all will be good. 

Where are you living now? Not asking location but is it safe? Do you have someone for support in this situation?

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Posted (edited)

Thank you everyone for your kind support. 

6 hours ago, Zainuu said:

Inshallah. We will pray for you and all will be good. 

Where are you living now? Not asking location but is it safe? Do you have someone for support in this situation?

I am staying with my mother and siblings. They are happy to let me with them until I get my own place inshaAllah. I am safe thank you for asking. They are very supportive as they know what he is really like.

Edited by Fizz786
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On 12/29/2020 at 8:58 PM, shoelace said:

There is always two sides of a story no man is mad enough to beat a woman without a reason especially when you already have a kid together. it is obvious 50 percent of issue is with you and rest 50 with him, try to talk and try to pin point the main cause of problem with him.

if he is drunk or drug addict then above advice wont help.

How can you think like this!? That just does not make sense in my opinion a man loses his humanity the moment he lays a hand on her. Imam ali says to treat women with respect. You cant justify hitting a woman.

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On 12/30/2020 at 12:44 AM, Meedy said:

I find it amazing how some men try and justify the use of violence against women. I wonder if about these men this (if they were born as women, lets say they did something wrong, would they be okay their husband to use violence against).

If its the woman's fault, it does not justify the use of abuse/force or violence, there is such thing called as marriage counseling and all that.

In regard to your situations, as you have seen, there has been 1 or 2 suggestions that does not help at all.

Do NOT Rush back into getting back to him, he should see a psychologist and sort out his issues.

Seek advice for Marja and women counseling group

Take care and God Bless

EXACTLY. I completely agree. Hitting a woman or child can not be justified. IT IS NOT HUMAN. Can also cause a lot of damage someone's mental health. HITTING A CHILD WILL NOT TEACH THEM. It will only make them HATE you.

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On 1/1/2021 at 5:12 PM, Fizz786 said:

salams, 

Many people have requested some details. So in a nutshell, he has severe anger issues. he emotionally abused me so degradation, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, he stabbed himself with a knife and bled so much, then threatened to cut his neck in front of my 2 year old son! who panicked like I did. He was too tough on my son and wouldnt let him make a mess or drop water.  He'd throw the whole pan out if it wasnt cooked to his standards. he's get so angry, he's go 100 miles an hour in a second. He would punch walls damaging them, banging doors, breaking things.  He would make me give him all my passwords, face id for my bank, check my phone and emails then confront even if I wrote a general email. He was also physically abusive he grabbed me from the neck and pushed me hard. He also twisted my arm over something trivial that I didnt know he moved something and I tried to move it. But I didnt see him do it.  He threatened to kill me and my son! I had to save my life, thats why I left. 

wasalam

 

Sister your husband needs help. Do you know why he does this?

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On 1/1/2021 at 6:03 PM, Ain-Al Hayat said:

Salam Sister

In that case it was obligated on you to leave him.. because your life was is danger... I don't see any chance of him getting back to his senses ...so better get professional counseling and involve your family if they are supportive they will definitely help you in this situation...you and your son don't deserve this.. actually no one should compromise in abusive relationships 

"God hates all forms of oppression. The Qur’an clearly allows divorce and provides details on the just manner in which a divorce should take place. Although Islam teaches that God dislikes divorce, he has not prohibited it. On the other hand, the Qur’an clearly prohibits injustice and oppression. The Qur’an has provided divorce as a peaceful solution (See Qur’an 2:227-242; 4:19 -21; 65: 1-8)."

Waslam

Completely agree this is exactly why marriage scares me. 

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On 1/1/2021 at 4:12 PM, Fizz786 said:

He would make me give him all my passwords, face id for my bank, check my phone and emails then confront even if I wrote a general email.

So does your husband have your shiachat password? Is he reading this topic? 

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2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

So does your husband have your shiachat password? Is he reading this topic? 

lol no. He doesnt. Im not living with him either. so its all cool.

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6 hours ago, ServantOfTheHousehold said:

Completely agree this is exactly why marriage scares me.

Marriage scares me because I feel like no matter what I do, my wife would eventually leave me. I'm one of those people who needs a lot of "alone time" to read, study, and generally just be by myself with my thoughts. In past relationships, this has always been the cause of failure of the relationship but I get overwhelmed if I am around other people constantly. Even with my own mother and sister, so I spend most of my time in my room.

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14 hours ago, ServantOfTheHousehold said:

Completely agree this is exactly why marriage scares me. 

Marriage scares me too because I have seen cases around me of good respectful men who are extremely humble and polite. But there life got destroyed due to the kind of partner they got and now there family is broken. 

I can't even comprehend what goes through there mind.

But still. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) bless us all with good partners. 

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salam,

it has been confirmed by the police and a life coach that he is a narcissist. And narcissists never change.

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