Family vs Love, Sushi marriages

[Guest Justtrynalive]

Salaam Sisters and brothers,

I know this question was asked so many times but I'm still confused on the matter. I'm a Shia Syed girl whose found someone whose Sunni. He believes in the basic shia thoughts but prays like a sunni. I honestly don't care how he prays since everyone has to go in their own grave. As long as he believes in the ahlulbayt and wants to do azaadari with me I'm fine. However my parents are not even giving him a chance. He has the most wonderful character, his actions are basically how any Muslim should be and i want my kids to be just like that. I come from a narcissist family dynamic*, where basically I'm the scapegoat. Even before this guy existed into my life, i was always treated as an outcast due to my mental disorder, which they think doesn't exist (But i have the doctor diagnosis that says otherwise). This guy takes his time with me and tries to understand me. I know he would do anything to keep me happy and loved. I have never met anyone like this in my life.

What I'm tryna ask is should I continuing fighting for him, even though my parents are crazy people? 

 

* "In a narcissistic family, on the other hand, the parents have long lost touch with their true self and are living through a narcissistic false self. For the narcissistic parent, the family represents two things; a status symbol and an entity which they have at their disposal. What should be a nurturing and loving structure intended to raise healthy children, instead becomes a well of narcissistic supply. In such a family, the needs of the narcissist outweigh those of everyone else, and the spouse and children must serve the narcissistic parent. The narcissist’s unquenchable thirst for control and narcissistic supply lies neatly under the guise of a loving family. The narcissist will relish their position of power. Narcissistic families use a scapegoat as a way to protect their own ego, discharge and distract themselves from their own negative emotions and create a "villain." These all leave them feeling self-righteousness and as though they are the "hero," even if created in their own heads and purely fictional."

[Zainuu 1,097]

2 hours ago, Guest Justtrynalive said:

Salaam Sisters and brothers,

I know this question was asked so many times but I'm still confused on the matter. I'm a Shia Syed girl whose found someone whose Sunni. He believes in the basic shia thoughts but prays like a sunni. I honestly don't care how he prays since everyone has to go in their own grave. As long as he believes in the ahlulbayt and wants to do azaadari with me I'm fine. However my parents are not even giving him a chance. He has the most wonderful character, his actions are basically how any Muslim should be and i want my kids to be just like that. I come from a narcissist family dynamic*, where basically I'm the scapegoat. Even before this guy existed into my life, i was always treated as an outcast due to my mental disorder, which they think doesn't exist (But i have the doctor diagnosis that says otherwise). This guy takes his time with me and tries to understand me. I know he would do anything to keep me happy and loved. I have never met anyone like this in my life.

What I'm tryna ask is should I continuing fighting for him, even though my parents are crazy people? 

 

* "In a narcissistic family, on the other hand, the parents have long lost touch with their true self and are living through a narcissistic false self. For the narcissistic parent, the family represents two things; a status symbol and an entity which they have at their disposal. What should be a nurturing and loving structure intended to raise healthy children, instead becomes a well of narcissistic supply. In such a family, the needs of the narcissist outweigh those of everyone else, and the spouse and children must serve the narcissistic parent. The narcissist’s unquenchable thirst for control and narcissistic supply lies neatly under the guise of a loving family. The narcissist will relish their position of power. Narcissistic families use a scapegoat as a way to protect their own ego, discharge and distract themselves from their own negative emotions and create a "villain." These all leave them feeling self-righteousness and as though they are the "hero," even if created in their own heads and purely fictional."

Salaam sister, 

Looks like you are really annoyed with your family. 

From Sharia, their is no problem and it is completely permissible to marry a Sunni (if not a Nasibi). From your description, he doesn't looks like a Nasibi. So, marriage is permissible. 

Problem lies with your parents. Please try to convince them because their consent is important.

[Mahdavist 3,457]

2 hours ago, Zainuu said:

From Sharia, their is no problem and it is completely permissible to marry a Sunni (if not a Nasibi). From your description, he doesn't looks like a Nasibi. So, marriage is permissible. 

It is actually makruh for a shia woman to marry a sunni man, and can even be haram if it results in her leaving her madhab.

Generally such marriages are not at all advised. 

[hasanhh 10,036]

56 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

Generally such marriages are not at all advised.

Then there are a lot of "ill-advised" people in lraq.

[Zainuu 1,097]

58 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

It is actually makruh for a shia woman to marry a sunni man, and can even be haram if it results in her leaving her madhab.

Generally such marriages are not at all advised. 

Salaam brother, 

But if you look in the OP, it clearly doesn't appear to be a problem.   

Further:  

From the books of Sayed Al Sistani (رضي الله عنه)  

As for a Muslim woman, she is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man at all.

A Muslim woman cannot marry a man who is a disbeliever (kāfir), be it in a permanent marriage or a temporary one. It makes no difference whether the man is from among the People of the Book (ahl al-kitāb)(2) or not.

However, is their any fatwa where it is said makrooh or haram for a woman to marry a sunni??? 

 

[ali_fatheroforphans 6,074]

4 hours ago, Zainuu said:

However, is their any fatwa where it is said makrooh or haram for a woman to marry a sunni??

The fatwa always places some sort of condition before (I've seen many) that if we fear being misled by the Sunni whom we wish to marry, then it's not permissible. 

To the OP:

Lets assume that you are certain that your faith won't be affected, what makes you think that your children will remain Shi'a? before marriage it's hard to tell these things, everyone is willing to compromise for some reason. The real test is after marriage. His care and affection doesn't mean much, alot of guys try to be superheroes and understanding before marriage. It's all about the biochemicals at this point and the feeling. 

My humble advice would be to find some decent Shi'a guy of your choice, but definitely keep your parents in the loop. Inshallah they'll accept a decent Shia guy. It's not worth fighting for a Sunni guy at the expense of your parents becoming upset (if they become upset). I don't mean to sound negative, just being honest and this is my opinion.

 

Edited December 4, 2020 by ali_fatheroforphans

[Mahdavist 3,457]

6 hours ago, Zainuu said:

 

 

However, is their any fatwa where it is said makrooh or haram for a woman to marry a sunni??? 

 

Yes, a few are listed here:

 

[eThErEaL 3,085]

11 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Then there are a lot of "ill-advised" people in lraq.

lol...   

[YaAli.313 9]

19 hours ago, Guest Justtrynalive said:

Salaam Sisters and brothers,

I know this question was asked so many times but I'm still confused on the matter. I'm a Shia Syed girl whose found someone whose Sunni. He believes in the basic shia thoughts but prays like a sunni. I honestly don't care how he prays since everyone has to go in their own grave. As long as he believes in the ahlulbayt and wants to do azaadari with me I'm fine. However my parents are not even giving him a chance. He has the most wonderful character, his actions are basically how any Muslim should be and i want my kids to be just like that. I come from a narcissist family dynamic*, where basically I'm the scapegoat. Even before this guy existed into my life, i was always treated as an outcast due to my mental disorder, which they think doesn't exist (But i have the doctor diagnosis that says otherwise). This guy takes his time with me and tries to understand me. I know he would do anything to keep me happy and loved. I have never met anyone like this in my life.

What I'm tryna ask is should I continuing fighting for him, even though my parents are crazy people? 

 

* "In a narcissistic family, on the other hand, the parents have long lost touch with their true self and are living through a narcissistic false self. For the narcissistic parent, the family represents two things; a status symbol and an entity which they have at their disposal. What should be a nurturing and loving structure intended to raise healthy children, instead becomes a well of narcissistic supply. In such a family, the needs of the narcissist outweigh those of everyone else, and the spouse and children must serve the narcissistic parent. The narcissist’s unquenchable thirst for control and narcissistic supply lies neatly under the guise of a loving family. The narcissist will relish their position of power. Narcissistic families use a scapegoat as a way to protect their own ego, discharge and distract themselves from their own negative emotions and create a "villain." These all leave them feeling self-righteousness and as though they are the "hero," even if created in their own heads and purely fictional."

Does his family agree to this?

cause to most sunnis shia is not even muslims.

 

 

[smma 84]

Imo don't take the risk, he may be good to you and respect your believes rn, but he may try to make your children ahle sunnat

[Ain-Al Hayat 271]

On 12/4/2020 at 1:38 AM, Guest Justtrynalive said:

Salaam Sisters and brothers,

I know this question was asked so many times but I'm still confused on the matter. I'm a Shia Syed girl whose found someone whose Sunni. He believes in the basic shia thoughts but prays like a sunni. I honestly don't care how he prays since everyone has to go in their own grave. As long as he believes in the ahlulbayt and wants to do azaadari with me I'm fine. However my parents are not even giving him a chance. He has the most wonderful character, his actions are basically how any Muslim should be and i want my kids to be just like that. I come from a narcissist family dynamic*, where basically I'm the scapegoat. Even before this guy existed into my life, i was always treated as an outcast due to my mental disorder, which they think doesn't exist (But i have the doctor diagnosis that says otherwise). This guy takes his time with me and tries to understand me. I know he would do anything to keep me happy and loved. I have never met anyone like this in my life.

What I'm tryna ask is should I continuing fighting for him, even though my parents are crazy people? 

 

* "In a narcissistic family, on the other hand, the parents have long lost touch with their true self and are living through a narcissistic false self. For the narcissistic parent, the family represents two things; a status symbol and an entity which they have at their disposal. What should be a nurturing and loving structure intended to raise healthy children, instead becomes a well of narcissistic supply. In such a family, the needs of the narcissist outweigh those of everyone else, and the spouse and children must serve the narcissistic parent. The narcissist’s unquenchable thirst for control and narcissistic supply lies neatly under the guise of a loving family. The narcissist will relish their position of power. Narcissistic families use a scapegoat as a way to protect their own ego, discharge and distract themselves from their own negative emotions and create a "villain." These all leave them feeling self-righteousness and as though they are the "hero," even if created in their own heads and purely fictional."

Salam sister

The problem could be your mental disorder, sorry if it sounds offensive but first of all I would advise you to get some really good medical help. As you said you are not on good terms with your family it can be that you are suffering from some sort of complex of not been given that much attention or that love you expected from your parents. And maybe you feel loved and cared by the sunni guy...and those feelings could be temporary. So please make it clear and then take any step. First of all solve your internal family issues with some professional help or some kind of family therapy.

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) helps you through every step of your life

Ameen

[realizm 2,728]

Sorry if I sound rude but... 

In such a case, the issue is not about marry or not a Sunni man, which has been discussed over and over x1000, it's about a sister with mental disorder who is convinced her parents are sick. 

She made a quite complete description of her case yet you guys all stopped at the fiqh/madhab issue. 

[Guest Justtrynalive]

On 12/4/2020 at 3:02 PM, YaAli.313 said:

Does his family agree to this?

cause to most sunnis shia is not even muslims.

 

 

His family really wants me. His mom asked my parents to give them a year to prepare an apartment for us and that she can come to North America, but my parents want it to happen within a month when he has nothing here yet. 

[Guest Justtrynalive]

9 hours ago, Syeda Batool Rizvi said:

Salam sister

The problem could be your mental disorder, sorry if it sounds offensive but first of all I would advise you to get some really good medical help. As you said you are not on good terms with your family it can be that you are suffering from some sort of complex of not been given that much attention or that love you expected from your parents. And maybe you feel loved and cared by the sunni guy...and those feelings could be temporary. So please make it clear and then take any step. First of all solve your internal family issues with some professional help or some kind of family therapy.

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) helps you through every step of your life

Ameen

 

7 hours ago, realizm said:

Sorry if I sound rude but... 

In such a case, the issue is not about marry or not a Sunni man, which has been discussed over and over x1000, it's about a sister with mental disorder who is convinced her parents are sick. 

She made a quite complete description of her case yet you guys all stopped at the fiqh/madhab issue. 

its ADHD type 1 (inattentive) and yes I am receiving help from psychiatrists behind their backs. I'm not tryna make it seem my parents are monsters, they use religion as their justification for everything, so I just wanted to know if our religion is really like that. 

ADHD is more complex than "talkative" or "can't sit down". If i try to explain it would be a whole essay and to many it's imaginary. So i rather not. 

[Ain-Al Hayat 271]

3 hours ago, Guest Justtrynalive said:

His family really wants me. His mom asked my parents to give them a year to prepare an apartment for us and that she can come to North America, but my parents want it to happen within a month when he has nothing here yet. 

Salaam 

That's a good sign that his parents really like you. 

Your parents are going to agree if it happens in a month....it doesn't make any sense...the only issue for them is the time limit...what is baseless..for me it sounds more like an excuse. If your family is really religious then they should know that rejecting a good proposal for any useless reasons is Nashukri.

Sister I would recommend you to sit down with your parents and discuss this matter in detail and clear every misunderstanding. If they don't trust that guy then get some help from a third party who knows them and your family. Maybe another perspective can clear your parents doubts.