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In the Name of God بسم الله

My wife creating issue without any reason.

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Guest Sibtain
20 hours ago, KulluNafsin said:

Bro, have some self-respect for yourself. This woman does not respect you at all. Considering you just got married and then she refused to come and her family doesn't even want to get involved with her? that should be a clear sign for you. 

This is absolutely not what a marriage should be. She probably likes someone else or is with someone else already. End this and move. 

On 11/21/2020 at 6:44 AM, Abu Hadi said:

Im sorry to say this, but this is a bad sign for your future together as husband and wife. If she is so easily influenced by some people around her, and doesn't bother to check the facts, then I don't know how happy you will be together as a couple. If she want to make a case that you are safer in Pakistan than Canada, What ? Most of the reason that Pakistani's left Pakistan is because of safety issues, especially if they are Shia. This is backed up by statistics which are so clear, I don't even feel like I need to post them, but if requested I will. Why does she think that any Pakistani, again especially Shia, who are able to are leaving ? Because they don't like the food or the weather ? Human nature dictates that people don't normally pack up and leave their home country except if there is a very good, strong, compelling reason to do that. 

As a last resort, I would discuss the issue with her. I would try to do it in a calm way, using data and statistics. If after presenting her with the evidence(which is overwhelming), she still refuses and insists that you move to Pakistan, at that point I would do the Talaq (Divorce) because it is not possible to live as husband and wife in two different countries that are on opposite sides of the world. If she refuses to live outside of Pakistan, and she knew that you lived in Canada when she met you then, excuse me but wth, she should have shared that little fact with you BEFORE you did the nikah, not after. This is irresponsible on her part.  Also, I don't recommend you go back to Pakistan, again especially if you are Shia, under the current circumstances where the government of Pakistan is actively working with terrorist organizations in order to do ethnic cleansing of followers of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). 

On 11/21/2020 at 8:14 AM, Abu Hadi said:

I was thinking that too, but we can only go on what he tells us. 

Sorry bro but what I wrote in my post is 100 percent true. I know there is 2 side of each story. But what's her side of story even I couldn't figure it out. I spoke to few of her family members but they kept refusing to tell me. But I found out through someone close to them and they told me that she got brainwashed by her friends and some of her relatives. 

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Guest Sibtain
9 hours ago, starlight said:

Always love it when the OP disappears after the first post and we continue to argue over it for days,sometimes weeks. :P 

Nope I'm still here. I just didn't know how to reply. But alot of people were trying to figure out the best possible solution. I'm glad their are people who love to help out in such horrendous situation. Anyway some people are confused weather I spent time with her in Pakistan or not. I actually made two visits to Pakistan and she barely spent 1 month with me. She kept running off to her parents house. I told her many times that she needs to spent some time with me so she can have better understanding of my life style etc. But she would not listen. I had to keep going to her parents house and literally request her family to send her with me. But they would all tell me that you can go on your own she will come whenever she likes. Her family is really messed up there older daughter is also divorced I had a little conversation with her and she told me your wife is under alot of influence her friends and some relatives have brainwashed her. She also said her friends and relatives are jealous of her moving to Canada. So they hatched a plan to mess her relationship with you. But there few people who tried to convince her but shes is not willing to listen to anyone. I came on this site hoping to find a beneficial response from fellow shia brothers. I did not intend to creat any nuisance at all.

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2 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

I actually made two visits to Pakistan and

That should have been all you needed to know.

My wife was from Africa and she acted entirely the opposite. We'd travel to her sisters' houses, aunts, brother's, etc.

And when l came back while we waited on her visa, she'd get depressed.

EDIT: We also exchanged a lot of email-cards, eskimo kisses, and such.

Edited by hasanhh
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I think you should move on from her. You can try all the best you can but you're not getting any help or effort from the family or herself in this relationship. Even if you manage to take her to Canada, how can you tell that she won't be influenced again by those around her or what troubles she might cause you.

You're better off turning this long story into a short story, move on from her. From you said, her family doesn't seem to care either. 

Also after whenever you moved on and she changed her mind back to liking you, don't go fall/go back to her, otherwise she will think she can use you however she wants.

Move On, Save yourself and I am sure you can find someone better (perhaps from different city of her, otherwise if you go back, she may comeback to haunt you lol). Also Thank God that you don't have kid/s with her.

It's experience with lessons to learn from.

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In your place I would not think for a minute longer. Divorce her on good terms now, and in three periodical repetitions. If you have consummated the marriage you must pay her the agreed upon dowry. Otherwise no. Do it before you lose the rest of your

On 11/20/2020 at 10:37 PM, Guest Sibtain said:

I lost half of my brain cells dealing with her nonsense.

I know the idea of divorce may sound horrible but you should have verified the most important qualities like presence of mental faculty and faith of your wife-to-be before you got married. She does not believe in obeying her husband, in fact the opposite, and in such a weighty decision like which country to live in. Her parents do not help means they also want it. (You didn't pay them/gift them a lot already, did you? Its a business these days.) Don't feel guilty. You tried your best. Unless you are also living a Bollywood movie which she probably is, move on and verify the next one, do not bother with ignorance like "syed shia ho" as you have most probably already seen the result of that. You do not want syed/shia in label, you need practicing partner to start a family and parent your children with.

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11 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

Nope I'm still here. I just didn't know how to reply. But alot of people were trying to figure out the best possible solution. I'm glad their are people who love to help out in such horrendous situation. Anyway some people are confused weather I spent time with her in Pakistan or not. I actually made two visits to Pakistan and she barely spent 1 month with me. She kept running off to her parents house. I told her many times that she needs to spent some time with me so she can have better understanding of my life style etc. But she would not listen. I had to keep going to her parents house and literally request her family to send her with me. But they would all tell me that you can go on your own she will come whenever she likes. Her family is really messed up there older daughter is also divorced I had a little conversation with her and she told me your wife is under alot of influence her friends and some relatives have brainwashed her. She also said her friends and relatives are jealous of her moving to Canada. So they hatched a plan to mess her relationship with you. But there few people who tried to convince her but shes is not willing to listen to anyone. I came on this site hoping to find a beneficial response from fellow shia brothers. I did not intend to creat any nuisance at all.

Salaam brother, 

I found myself the only one (maybe) who adviced to talk to her face to face. 

But as you conclude, 'she didn't listen to you or anyone'. She is not even willing to spend much time with you. 

Move on now. Divorce her. Their are many woman who are better than her. You will inshallah by the grace of Allah get a right woman.

Though, I rightly understood that she is brainwashed but even a brainwashed person should be willing to meet, talk and clear things up. You are her rightful husband and so much reluctance and arrogance is wrong. You are given her enough chances. 

She would always remain a problem for you. Move on now, she is not your purpose of life. 

Your purpose is to stay on the path of Allah. 

You are not responsible for this breakup. You tried your best and gave everything to it. 

Follow the ruling of divorce that suits your situation. 

 

Edited by Zainuu
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Guest Sibtain
13 hours ago, hasanhh said:

That should have been all you needed to know.

My wife was from Africa and she acted entirely the opposite. We'd travel to her sisters' houses, aunts, brother's, etc.

And when l came back while we waited on her visa, she'd get depressed.

EDIT: We also exchanged a lot of email-cards, eskimo kisses, and such.

This is it finally I got my answer. You see in Pakistan I only made visits to her family house. But didn't get a chance to make relationship with her relatives. I mean I didn't visit her relatives houses at all. This might have risen red flags for them and might have created doubts in her mind. Now I understand if I had made efforts to befriend with her relatives I might have saved my relationship with her. Anyway Thanks for amazing replies I'm planning another visit to Pakistan and I will surely follow some of the advices given here. Some people asked me to divorce her. Here is the reason I can't do that. My father fixed my marriage with her. He passed away this year and before his passing he told me that he chose her for me and I have to take care of her. My father made this promise with her father who also passed away 3 months before my father did. So it's kind of complicated matter. I'm just trying to keep my Dad's promise. Lastly Thank you all for your amazing help. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Sibtain said:

This is it finally I got my answer. You see in Pakistan I only made visits to her family house. But didn't get a chance to make relationship with her relatives. I mean I didn't visit her relatives houses at all. This might have risen red flags for them and might have created doubts in her mind. Now I understand if I had made efforts to befriend with her relatives I might have saved my relationship with her. Anyway Thanks for amazing replies I'm planning another visit to Pakistan and I will surely follow some of the advices given here. Some people asked me to divorce her. Here is the reason I can't do that. My father fixed my marriage with her. He passed away this year and before his passing he told me that he chose her for me and I have to take care of her. My father made this promise with her father who also passed away 3 months before my father did. So it's kind of complicated matter. I'm just trying to keep my Dad's promise. Lastly Thank you all for your amazing help. 

Salaam brother, 

Good luck brother with your life. I am sure by reading everything that it will hopefully be settled. 

May Allah protect you, bless you and lead you to prosperity. 

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5 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

He passed away this year and before his passing he told me that he chose her for me and I have to take care of her. My father made this promise with her father who also passed away 3 months before my father did.

To me, if the fathers are gone the 'promise' is gone. She probably inclines toward the same.

l made a couple of promises to two of my grandparents and followed through after they passed. People in the family thought l was 'stupid', but no matter. ln you case, you live in Canada, so "so what?" if the family says something negative.

Quran reveals that a couple lives be in relative 'peace'. Ayats 2:229, 236

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On 11/20/2020 at 5:37 PM, Guest Sibtain said:

Aslamoalikum. Ya Ali Madad. I just need help in resolving an issue with my wife. I live in Canada and she is currently in Pakistan. I applied for her immigration to Canada and everything went fine. Everything was going great until she decided not to migrate to Canada. I tried convincing her multiple times but she kept refusing. It's been one year and she still hasn't changed her mind. I kept asking her the reason but she would always refuse to tell me. The only thing she would say was I will never come to Canada but if you want to migrate to Pakistan then that's ok. I told her there is nothing in Pakistan that I could do there. But she kept insisting that I move to Pakistan but I refused Cuse I have a very good life here in Canada. I spoke to her family members and they also don't want to meditate in this matter. Recently some one told me that she is afraid to move to Canada because her friends told her that she might get killed or severally beaten and locked up there. I was surprised to hear such nonsense then I tried to convince her that in Canada you will be well protected but she said she doesn't believe me. Now she is becoming aggressive and telling me that she will take legal action for forcing her to migrate. Now my question is how do I deal with this matter? I don't want to divorce her but her attitude is annoying and stressful. Recently she asked for khulha and I told her since I can't have her here in Canada l'm more than happy to give it to her. Now she telling me she doesn't want khullah and she doesn't want to be with me here in Canada. I lost half of my brain cells dealing with her nonsense. So what should I do? Please help me I have tried everything but failed.

How did you even get into this mess? You are in Canada, she is in Pakistan?

If you had this arranged for you, you my friend, have just been royally screwed. 

Why did you let this happen? 

If it was arranged, get them to arrange the divorce, and never trust their opinion again.

They didnt even bother working out if she wanted to come to Canada?!

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7 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

My father fixed my marriage with her. He passed away this year and before his passing he told me that he chose her for me and I have to take care of her. My father made this promise with her father who also passed away 3 months before my father did. So it's kind of complicated matter.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, with all due respect to your father and his wishes; The fact that she disrespects you and her parents aren't involved or are simply apathetic to your frustration over a lack of communication doesn't bode well for you, Sibtain. They are also disrespecting your father by being this passive about what their daughter is doing. I would still reconsider this marriage if I were you.

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So basically this was something that your and her father agreed on. Did he talk to you before he made this wish? I can understand you want to fulfill your father wish and her father wish. So what happens if she doesn't have the same feeling as you do, what then?

I wish you best of luck of whatever you do. I seriously do. Its not easy. I don't know man.

Maybe consult with a senior community leader or sheik about this.

Perhaps our parents should not make such wishes anymore without talking to us :confused:

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21 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

This is it finally I got my answer. You see in Pakistan I only made visits to her family house. But didn't get a chance to make relationship with her relatives. I mean I didn't visit her relatives houses at all. This might have risen red flags for them and might have created doubts in her mind. Now I understand if I had made efforts to befriend with her relatives I might have saved my relationship with her. Anyway Thanks for amazing replies I'm planning another visit to Pakistan and I will surely follow some of the advices given here. Some people asked me to divorce her. Here is the reason I can't do that. My father fixed my marriage with her. He passed away this year and before his passing he told me that he chose her for me and I have to take care of her. My father made this promise with her father who also passed away 3 months before my father did. So it's kind of complicated matter. I'm just trying to keep my Dad's promise. Lastly Thank you all for your amazing help. 

I am not trying to degrade your father, may Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) have mercy on him, but I am just saying that as a father this is offensive to me. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) gave us a choice as to who to marry and when to divorce (of course, with conditions). I would never do something to attempt to take that choice away from my children, even if I was dying, and especially if I was dying. As a father, you want your children to be happy. If they are not happy with their spouse, then you would want them to divorce rather than spend the rest of their lives with someone they are not happy being with. It seems like common sense to me. If you are happy with her, then that is a different story, but if you are staying with her ONLY because of this promise that your father made with her father, then you should know that you are not bound by promises one person made to another person regarding you, unless you also promised. If your promise was only made because those two decided then compelled you to promise by threat or some other means, then the validity of this promise that you made is questionable. So you may not be bound by it, again, if this is the only reason you are staying with your wife. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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2 hours ago, Meedy said:

Perhaps our parents should not make such wishes anymore without talking to us

Actually, such promises and wishes don't matter in these cases.

 

Even if it matters, this man has already fulfilled the will of his father by marrying  her. Now, if the things become extremely complicated and the relationship is impossible to handle then he is free to divorce her. 

Edited by Zainuu
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21 hours ago, Meedy said:

Perhaps our parents should not make such wishes anymore without talking to us :confused:

It's not a matter of if but when, it's a horrible thing to burden your children with.

19 hours ago, Zainuu said:

Even if it matters, this man has already fulfilled the will of his father by marrying  her. Now, if the things become extremely complicated and the relationship is impossible to handle then he is free to divorce her.

What exactly has he fulfilled by marrying a woman who drives him crazy and refuses to talk about her issues with him?

Without communication or mutual respect, there is no marriage 

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actually she is right to think like this, my own sister is stuck in US and we married her to my cousin and now that [Edited Out] has cut off her completely from us, my dad and mom cant even talk to her on mobile unless she is out and call them secretly, there are many such cases where people take innocent girls to canada US and london and then treat those girls unfairly and dont allow them to keep any contact with their family members.

 

I am not judging you but yes her concern is REAL.

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I don’t comment on the marital issues  threads because without knowing all sides, it’s impossible to give a good advice.

But I do read them whenever I get time, because who doesn’t like to read soap opera (sorry bad joke for the topic). 

Brother OP: Please know that throwing money at the problem never solves the problem. There is no cultural expectation to visit her relatives in order to have a favorable relationship with a wife. It’s the most absurd high school level advice I learned on SC. 
 

Also long distance relationships only work when both parties are reasonable and understand the limitations of it. Yours is LD relationship until she moves here. But in your case, as in some other cases, when she starts creating trouble only because she is so negativity filled in her heart, then it’s not worth continuing it. For all it’s worth in words, she doesn’t deserve a man who is loving. If she is so inclined to throwing away the naima’ of a loving Momin husband, then let her be that. 
 

I mostly don’t advice separation, but yours is the case where you seem to be forcing this blessing of marriage on a woman who clearly doesn’t want it to begin with. Even the Mann-o-Salwa of Prophet Moosa’s nation used to stop descending at the time of Fajr-end. Those who used to oversleep used to end up remaining hungry for that 24hr period. You can’t play god for anyone. Respectfully cut it off without wasting your life and move on. Allah’s world has a million more, and better people than her. Marriage is, like any other contract, a place where one unwilling party is enough to call it off. It’s never worth forcing hateful, spiteful people in your life. 

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1 hour ago, shoelace said:

 

I am not judging you but yes her concern is REAL.

Then she shouldn't have married someone from US/Canada. It's wrong of her to keep him in this state of uncertainty.

1 hour ago, shoelace said:

my own sister is stuck in US

I hope things get better for her. My sincere duas.

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Guest Sibtain
On 11/28/2020 at 10:42 AM, shoelace said:

actually she is right to think like this, my own sister is stuck in US and we married her to my cousin and now that [Edited Out] has cut off her completely from us, my dad and mom cant even talk to her on mobile unless she is out and call them secretly, there are many such cases where people take innocent girls to canada US and london and then treat those girls unfairly and dont allow them to keep any contact with their family members.

 

I am not judging you but yes her concern is REAL.

Yes her concern is real. There is no question about it. But before marrying her we made it clear that she will be settling in Canada. We only proceeded after her family agreed. This was not a forced marriage we even told them if they ever change their mind they must let us know. However after just 3 days of  marriage her father made a request that they wanted to see their daughter I took her to her fathers house. She told me she will come back after one day. That one day turned into 10 days. In this case she has been creating issues. But the worst part is she never tells me what is her problem?  But just recently the good news is her family finally decided to get involved however she is still hell bent on her decision. And just a last thing her family did full investigation on us before accepting our proposal. They even had links in Canada. And those links told them that they didn't find anything negative about us. But as you can see she got influenced by those who were jealous.

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Guest Sibtain
On 11/28/2020 at 11:47 AM, starlight said:

Then she shouldn't have married someone from US/Canada. It's wrong of her to keep him in this state of uncertainty.

I hope things get better for her. My sincere duas.

On 11/28/2020 at 11:47 AM, starlight said:

Then she shouldn't have married someone from US/Canada. It's wrong of her to keep him in this state of uncertainty.

I hope things get better for her. My sincere duas.

On 11/28/2020 at 10:42 AM, shoelace said:

actually she is right to think like this, my own sister is stuck in US and we married her to my cousin and now that [Edited Out] has cut off her completely from us, my dad and mom cant even talk to her on mobile unless she is out and call them secretly, there are many such cases where people take innocent girls to canada US and london and then treat those girls unfairly and dont allow them to keep any contact with their family members.

 

I am not judging you but yes her concern is REAL.

Yes her concern is real. There is no question about it. But before marrying her we made it clear that she will be settling in Canada. We only proceeded after her family agreed. This was not a forced marriage we even told them if they ever change their mind they must let us know. However after just 3 days of  marriage her father made a request that they wanted to see their daughter I took her to her fathers house. She told me she will come back after one day. That one day turned into 10 days.  The worst part is she never told me what caused her to stay there for that long?  But just recently the good news is her family finally decided to get involved they told her to pack up and leave for Canada. However she is still hell bent on her rotten decision. And one more thing her family did full investigation on us before accepting our proposal. They even had links in Canada. And those links told them that they didn't find anything negative about us. I also bought a phone for her and asked her to stay in touch with her family. But her family members worried about her so much that they would make 2 visits per day. And 13 calls per hour. I asked her that you need to cool down on calls. But she would always ignore. We even told her family to cool down on their worries. But guess what they also ignored. My own family even didn't interfered  but hers was always sticking their legs in. And remember we never told her to stop communicating. We only told her to cool down a little.

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3 hours ago, Guest Sibtain said:

Yes her concern is real. There is no question about it. But before marrying her we made it clear that she will be settling in Canada. We only proceeded after her family agreed. This was not a forced marriage we even told them if they ever change their mind they must let us know. However after just 3 days of  marriage her father made a request that they wanted to see their daughter I took her to her fathers house. She told me she will come back after one day. That one day turned into 10 days.  The worst part is she never told me what caused her to stay there for that long?  But just recently the good news is her family finally decided to get involved they told her to pack up and leave for Canada. However she is still hell bent on her rotten decision. And one more thing her family did full investigation on us before accepting our proposal. They even had links in Canada. And those links told them that they didn't find anything negative about us. I also bought a phone for her and asked her to stay in touch with her family. But her family members worried about her so much that they would make 2 visits per day. And 13 calls per hour. I asked her that you need to cool down on calls. But she would always ignore. We even told her family to cool down on their worries. But guess what they also ignored. My own family even didn't interfered  but hers was always sticking their legs in. And remember we never told her to stop communicating. We only told her to cool down a little.

Salam brother, 

To be honest. Leave her. Their appears to be no hope in keeping it alive. If their is then you know it better. According to me, you tried everything. You are too good. May Allah bless you and give you a good partner. May Allah help you. 

But let us be straight here. She is not gonna change like you want her to be. I was the first one to advice over here to go to pakistan and know what the matter is. But after all what you are revealing, it's utterly useless to carry on. She is responsible for this. And she will regret this. Let it happen. You are too good for her. And about the will or promise you made to your father or her father. You already have done a lot to stay on that promise. You married her so that you can care of her. So, the promise is fulfilled. Now, care about yourself. 

May Allah help you. 

 

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On 11/30/2020 at 5:45 PM, Guest Sibtain said:

. However after just 3 days of  marriage her father made a request that they wanted to see their daughter I took her to her fathers house. She told me she will come back after one day. That one day turned into 10 days. The worst part is she never told me what caused her to stay there for that long? 

 

But just recently the good news is her family finally decided to get involved they told her to pack up and leave for Canada. However she is still hell bent on her rotten decision. And one more thing her family did full investigation on us before accepting our proposal. They even had links in Canada. And those links told them that they didn't find anything negative about us. I also bought a phone for her and asked her to stay in touch with her family. But her family members worried about her so much that they would make 2 visits per day. And 13 calls per hour. I asked her that you need to cool down on calls. But she would always ignore. We even told her family to cool down on their worries. But guess what they also ignored. My own family even didn't interfered  but hers was always sticking their legs in. And remember we never told her to stop communicating. We only told her to cool down a little.

Brother,

I know and I understand you want to do the right thing but can  you tell us this:

Does she wants you? Does she likes you? Does she has the same feeling as you do?  At the moment, it does not like she interested and making your life hell.

Do you feel the love from her? 

But just recently the good news is her family finally decided to get involved they told her to pack up and leave for Canada.  Yeah her family may make her to go to Canada, but questions are, will be she going because her family made her or she wanted to be with you?.

I don't know. My apologies to you or anyone if I sounded rude. Just trying to help. Maybe I am wrong but some questions are worth to be considered I suppose.

 

 

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