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In the Name of God بسم الله

Lost motivation for life.

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When I was younger the ways I would get what I would want was mainly dishonesty and being cruel. I was a depressed kid but I had a sense of inner peace knowing that I was creating my own life. This did eventually lead to my downfall however I messed up a few things got in trouble with the police for assault and basically stopped me pursuing   university education, in a way it did ruin my life as I wanted to be a doctor but now I work in a warehouse get below minimum wage. I still think about my old ways and the likes but yeah it’s not healthy and I try to ease my mind by knowing that the ways I followed as a youngster was a dunya chasing tyrant and now I’m trying to follow Islamz
 

Now I’m religious, I pray 5x a day, I don’t listen to music, I don’t want TV, I try to be honest as much as I can (for example I broke something and I left my contact details for the owner to phone me so I would pay for the repair).
 

Has this bought me inner peace? Prayer has been an issue, I’ve posted numerous times on Shiachat before about the waswas and the anxiety it gives me during prayer so no, prayer has not eased my issues, I don’t feel like I’m praying to God but my mind goes into ADHD mode and no response has helped.
 

Being honest and integrity has labelled me a “good guy” as well as being friendly and nice but I hate being the doormat that everyone walks over it’s nice for a bit to know you have a good reputation but now people think I’m a coward as I don’t speak to people who I view as corrupt etc people think I’m scared of them.

I’m having a hard time getting married, the choices my father has don’t appeal to me, and no one likes my online Muslim matchmaking profile. So if I get married I’ll probably go with my fathers choice of a girl I haven’t seen even if she’s not to my taste I’m just going to treat her like a housewife. It seems like religious girls marry into there families or the sons of sheikhs or someone highly educated. I have none of these three and my religiousity comes across as “unappealing”

I don’t have any plan for the future. I just want to sleep pray eat and die and that’s it. Raising a family starting a career isn’t appealing to me, I’ve lost the thing that makes me human. I believe in Allah and I don’t know why my mind is like this. I’m only sympathetic to myself and to my immediate family but for anyone else? I’ve lost sympathy even for my best friend.

 

Everyday my biggest peace is sleep I work 8 hours a day and then try come home relax for 2-3 and then try sleep until fajr. I’ve tried a lot of things, numerous duas, watching all my actions during Ramadan and Moharram etc but it didn’t give me inner peace.

See I can’t seem to deal with things like a normal functioning early 20s adult can, I think it’s partly down to loneliness that I harbour needing a partner but as I explained earlier why it’s not possible. By the way I’ll only marry my ethnic group before anyone ask to expand my perimeters as a coward like I am it will be easier for me and my wife if I do get one to deal with family 

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5 hours ago, Guest SB9 said:

When I was younger the ways I would get what I would want was mainly dishonesty and being cruel. I was a depressed kid but I had a sense of inner peace knowing that I was creating my own life. This did eventually lead to my downfall however I messed up a few things got in trouble with the police for assault and basically stopped me pursuing   university education, in a way it did ruin my life as I wanted to be a doctor but now I work in a warehouse get below minimum wage. I still think about my old ways and the likes but yeah it’s not healthy and I try to ease my mind by knowing that the ways I followed as a youngster was a dunya chasing tyrant and now I’m trying to follow Islamz
 

Now I’m religious, I pray 5x a day, I don’t listen to music, I don’t want TV, I try to be honest as much as I can (for example I broke something and I left my contact details for the owner to phone me so I would pay for the repair).
 

Has this bought me inner peace? Prayer has been an issue, I’ve posted numerous times on Shiachat before about the waswas and the anxiety it gives me during prayer so no, prayer has not eased my issues, I don’t feel like I’m praying to God but my mind goes into ADHD mode and no response has helped.
 

Being honest and integrity has labelled me a “good guy” as well as being friendly and nice but I hate being the doormat that everyone walks over it’s nice for a bit to know you have a good reputation but now people think I’m a coward as I don’t speak to people who I view as corrupt etc people think I’m scared of them.

I’m having a hard time getting married, the choices my father has don’t appeal to me, and no one likes my online Muslim matchmaking profile. So if I get married I’ll probably go with my fathers choice of a girl I haven’t seen even if she’s not to my taste I’m just going to treat her like a housewife. It seems like religious girls marry into there families or the sons of sheikhs or someone highly educated. I have none of these three and my religiousity comes across as “unappealing”

I don’t have any plan for the future. I just want to sleep pray eat and die and that’s it. Raising a family starting a career isn’t appealing to me, I’ve lost the thing that makes me human. I believe in Allah and I don’t know why my mind is like this. I’m only sympathetic to myself and to my immediate family but for anyone else? I’ve lost sympathy even for my best friend.

 

Everyday my biggest peace is sleep I work 8 hours a day and then try come home relax for 2-3 and then try sleep until fajr. I’ve tried a lot of things, numerous duas, watching all my actions during Ramadan and Moharram etc but it didn’t give me inner peace.

See I can’t seem to deal with things like a normal functioning early 20s adult can, I think it’s partly down to loneliness that I harbour needing a partner but as I explained earlier why it’s not possible. By the way I’ll only marry my ethnic group before anyone ask to expand my perimeters as a coward like I am it will be easier for me and my wife if I do get one to deal with family 

Salam Brother, 

If you think about it for a second, if someone became religious then their life became spectacular immediately (their material life in this world), everyone would do it, and there would be no test. You have to understand that you were created for a purpose. At one point you were nothing, not even a thought in someone's mind, then Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) brought you into this world while you were completely helpless and unable to do anything for yourself. Then gradually, you learned gradually how to do things for yourself, and eventually how to make a living and support yourself without needing other people to do that for you. So what was the purpose of all this ? So you could eat, drink, sleep, go to the bathroom, breath, move around ? No. Any animal or insect can do that. The purpose of your creation is to First, Recognized that you have a creator, which is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), He(s.w.a) is Ahad(one with no possibility of a second, third, etc), Samad(Unique and without peer), Begets none nor is He Begotten, and there is nothing equal to Him(s.w.a). Then find out what He(s.w.a) wants from you and then try your best to fulfill that completely. In order to find out what He(s.w.a) wants from you and follow it, you must find those people who have already done this and follow their example, that is Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) and Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). That is the meaning of Siratul Lithina an amtu alehim ('The path of those you have blessed and guided', part of Surat Al Fatiha). If you are doing that, then you have fulfilled the purpose you were created for. If you continue on that path, Paradise awaits you in the next world, and even in this world. In this world, Paradise is a state of mind and not a physical thing. Paradise in this world is certainty (Yaqeen), certainty in your beliefs and actions. Once you have that, and if you continue on the path you will get that eventually, then it becomes quite irrelevant to you what others are doing around you or what they have or don't have, except when it comes to issues of Haqq. 

The fact that those who have fulfilled these conditions and yet are without many material things is the last stage of the test. It is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) asking you 'Can you still stay on My(s.w.a) path even though you lack many of the things I have given to other people (who are not on the the right path) and even though there are many people in this world who are actively trying to misguide you and take you away from the path you are on'. The Holy Quran says 'Don't strain your eyes after the decorations of this world that I have given certain groups in order to test them'. In other words, these decorations are not a blessing, they are a test, a test which most people don't pass. Its not to say that you don't need certain things to live and have a happy life. You need food, shelter, cloths, and some other things which will make your life better like a relationship with a spouse. Ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for your needs, and He(s.w.a) will give them to you. Once you get them then be thankful. If you are thankful, and you are satisfied with what fulfills your needs and you can defer most of your wants till the next life, then happiness is the natural conclusion that will happen. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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- Look at all the things to be thankful for. If you have a roof over you, be thankful. If you are literate, be thankful. If you have a refrigerator in your house, be thankful (70% of the world doesn't). If your loved ones are alive, be thankful. There are countless things to be thankful for and we humans have this weird feature to ignore every single one of it sometimes. My grandfather used to tell us to prefer being with people less fortunate than us partly so we may realize how much we are blessed with to be thankful. Its an attitude that has to be learnt. There is a Dua Joshan in which we repeatedly thank Allah for not being ill, for not being in prison, for not being at war, for not being cut off from loved ones and pray for those who are in such states and so on.

Btw I'm not thinking that you seem to be not thankful, I just want to point out that there is always a lot of things to be thankful for whatever the situation and we all need to develop the attitude to find out and focus upon the green spots in the pictures of our lives while ignoring the brown stuff, you know. The latter attitude does not help, and is rather harmful and makes us think its all "brown". There are so many things that are slipping by unnoticed. A hot meal for instance, even if its just a handful in peace or shared with a loved one. Think of Africa when you are taking it. This change if you implement it will help you immensely.

- Forgive and make peace with yourself. Take a break from each thing that does not help you, even if its the thinking process.

- Give yourself a break. Give yourself attention and respect. Have a change of scenery. Go fishing, visit a hill station, go on pilgrimage, pursue your hobby, do some house repairs if you like that. Whenever you feel cornered by circumstance break the monotony with such something.

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Salam,

We all make mistakes, big, small, behind the scenes, and right in front of the cameras. The important thing is you've come to realize the mistake, and have changed your ways. This is a mercy, and blessing from Allah in disguise. 

No matter where you are in life, having patience, and trust in Allah will take you a long way my friend. Sometimes we look at ourselves, and discredit, or are ashamed of where we are in the stages of our life. I've come to realize for some people success comes in a very short time frame, and for others it may take longer. At the end of the day Inshallah we all reach that level of success we desire. 

You need to stop feeling ashamed of where you are in life, and begin to action that will enable yourself to grow into the person you wish to be. Maybe enroll in some online courses, build your self esteem back up, look into some hobbies, and actively try to find a spouse by in person muslim matching events. 

I've also realized these worldly things will never truly make you happy, money, career, big house, nice wife, all of these things are factors in happiness..... but... true happiness is self content, and your relationship with Allah.... once you are happy with all of gods blessings in your life, brother I am telling you, you will reach happiness. Your career as a warehouse worker is nothing to be ashamed about- Allah loves the one who wakes up in the morning to go do hard work and earn money the halal way. At the end of the day your actions should be based around "is Allah happy with me"... not "is man happy with me" because you can never make man happy with your actions. 

I highly recommend you read the biography of the prophet, and the Imams such as Imam Ali, Imam Hasan, Imam Hussain, and Imam Zain ul Abideen, you can learn a lot from their character.... if you follow their character you will be known as the "good guy", but also understand how to respond against oppressors, and the ignorant people that may be presented in your life. 

I would advise take baby steps, make short term/long term goals, look into some online courses, try to go to in person matching events, look into some new hobbies, mediate, exercise, eat healthy, and start writing in a journal all the things you are grateful for. Most important, ask yourself is allah happy with me, and if the answer is yes- you are winning in life. 

WS/ 

 

Edited by YoungSkiekh313
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