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In the Name of God بسم الله

My little sister supports LGBTQ+

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Guest Anon

Salamun Alaykom please treat this discussion forum in a very sensitive way. I’m seeking useful advice and not any unhelpful comments. I have an issue that I’m currently dealing with. I found my 10 year old sisters journal & I saw that she wrote she thinks she’s “bisexual” but she’s “not ready to come out” and the other day I was asking her if she supports the lgbtq and she said she did. Today I had a discussion with her about it and she says she believes “love is love” all that garbage you hear online. She doesn’t even know what the word homosexuality means for Gods sake. Then she went on about how she doesn’t want to wear the hijab and she doesn’t see a purpose of wearing it & how she doesn’t believe in “Muslim belief”, and “barely believes in the existence of God.” When I was discussing with her she says, “you’re just trying to convince me about your opinions” and that “it’s her choice”. 

 

I honestly dont know what to do or who to reach out to. I’ve tried to speak to her with an open-mind but honestly it’s not working. It’s extremely depressing & idk what to do. I can’t bring it up to my parents because they come from a very cultural background & they take religion very seriously (as they should, I do too of course) topics like these they don’t know how to handle. Any advice would be good 

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Salam. Children at this age don't come up with those things on their own. She is obviously being heavily influenced by someone in her life, a non muslim. The tv and the media also push this pro lgbtq message, I explained the reason in another post. At the same time, if her influence was only thru the media and she lives in a muslim family, it takes a much longer time for a child / young adult to start thinking in this way. I would find out who the person / persons are and try to cut off the contact with them or severely limit. It might be a teacher at her school. In that case, I would either change her class or leave the school all together. I would pull my child out and home school them rather than have them brainwashed like this. 

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19 minutes ago, Abu Hadi said:

Salam. Children at this age don't come up with those things on their own. She is obviously being heavily influenced by someone in her life, a non muslim. The tv and the media also push this pro lgbtq message, I explained the reason in another post. At the same time, if her influence was only thru the media and she lives in a muslim family, it takes a much longer time for a child / young adult to start thinking in this way. I would find out who the person / persons are and try to cut off the contact with them or severely limit. It might be a teacher at her school. In that case, I would either change her class or leave the school all together. I would pull my child out and home school them rather than have them brainwashed like this. 

You’re absolutely right, I’m aware it’s from social media. She has her own iPad, she plays games like roblox that’s filled with people who support this nonsense. She also has tiktok, that’s no help. I can’t just take her iPad away & have her cut off those sites, she’ll just act like some victim held hostage and would probably hate religion even more.  I’m trying to check out some Islamic programs to include her in but even with that she’s hesitant. I don’t wanna say it’s hopeless because she’s only 10 but I honestly don’t know what to do or who to reach out to for her to speak to. She says she doesn’t care & is uninterested in religion or anyone’s opinion/belief. It’s quite depressing 

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Salams,

 @Abu Hadi's advice is really good, there is obviously someone out there who she has regular contact with, first of all probably knows she's muslim so they're trying to get to her. I read a hadith before that along the lines of said, teach your children about religion before your enemies get to them. You have to try finding every possible solution that won't get her to hate religion even more. Maybe try talking to her about the great ladies of Islam, Fatima al-Zahra (عليه السلام) or Sayeda Zainab (عليه السلام), hopefully this will catch her eye. 

One thing I don't understand is she is ten years old, where is she getting this from. The school behind your backs might be teaching them about this stuff. Watch this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZWtQjQYvBU. It gives a small insight as to why the youth are turning away from Islam. I feel like we also need input from a religious scholar, try asking for help on https://www.al-islam.org/ask, maybe they could give some advice as to where to go from here.

I hope this helps. With Duas and Salams for your success. 

 

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1 hour ago, Abu Hadi said:

She is obviously being heavily influenced by someone in her life, a non muslim. The tv and the media also push this pro lgbtq message,

Suggestability --something young people are highly  susceptible to.

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30 minutes ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

 

Salams,

 @Abu Hadi's advice is really good, there is obviously someone out there who she has regular contact with, first of all probably knows she's muslim so they're trying to get to her. I read a hadith before that along the lines of said, teach your children about religion before your enemies get to them. You have to try finding every possible solution that won't get her to hate religion even more. Maybe try talking to her about the great ladies of Islam, Fatima al-Zahra (عليه السلام) or Sayeda Zainab (عليه السلام), hopefully this will catch her eye. 

One thing I don't understand is she is ten years old, where is she getting this from. The school behind your backs might be teaching them about this stuff. Watch this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZWtQjQYvBU. It gives a small insight as to why the youth are turning away from Islam. I feel like we also need input from a religious scholar, try asking for help on https://www.al-islam.org/ask, maybe they could give some advice as to where to go from here.

I hope this helps. With Duas and Salams for your success. 

 

 

I’ve tried doing that as well, exposing her to religion and speaking to her about the hijab long before she turned 9. She was into religion but idk what happened. I’ve made sure her school has nothing to do with it, so it’s definitly social media. It’s extremely disheartening. I might not be good at explaining certain things she might wanna ask but I also don’t know who to turn to, who can maybe answer her questions better than I do. All the English speaking “religious leaders” in the community don’t reply when you message them online. 

 

Thank you for the suggestion. I pray God rewards you

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1 hour ago, Guest Anon said:

You’re absolutely right, I’m aware it’s from social media. She has her own iPad, she plays games like roblox that’s filled with people who support this nonsense. She also has tiktok, that’s no help. I can’t just take her iPad away & have her cut off those sites, she’ll just act like some victim held hostage and would probably hate religion even more.  I’m trying to check out some Islamic programs to include her in but even with that she’s hesitant. I don’t wanna say it’s hopeless because she’s only 10 but I honestly don’t know what to do or who to reach out to for her to speak to. She says she doesn’t care & is uninterested in religion or anyone’s opinion/belief. It’s quite depressing 

Its definitely not hopeless. I raised three boys in the US, with all the same media / social media influences.  I agree it's a bad idea to take these devices away. In the old day (the 90s lol), that was an option, because noones life depended on them being online. It's different today, and especially with the pandemic going on, noone can afford to be disconnected in that way. Here are a few things you can do, these are the things I did

1. Try to have as many people around her who are positive influences, i.e. practicing muslims who are also part of the society, speak the language, etc. The ideal would be those who are close to her in age and grew up the same way she did but are not as heavily influenced by these toxic ideas, like lgbtq. A few of these people in her life will go a long way, by iteself, to counteract this influence. At least it will raise doubts in her mind about these things being right / correct. If she consistently sees people in her life who she considers to be 'like her' and yet don't share these beliefs that she is attempting to adopt. This is the number #1 most important thing. Young kids, and especially girls are influenced much, much more by their peers than they are by parents, teachers, sheik, etc. 

I grew up in Los Angeles, Ca. I loved living there and still consider it to be my home. At the same time, when me and my wife decided to have kids, we knew we needed to move to another muslim community because the one we were living in was first, not that large (the shia community anyway), and the community leaned heavily toward the materialistic (dunyiat) side and people talked much more about houses, zip codes, and shopping vs religion. So that's why we decided to move to Dearborn, for our kids not for ourselves because we were both comfortable living where we were living and we were both educated in the religion and were mature enough to deal with those influences, but we knew our kids would probably not be. So we decided to move, even though it was a sacrifice. I am not saying you have to do this, but consider it an option. Also, I am not saying Dearborn is the ideal community, there are alot of problems and issues here, but at least it is a large enough community where you can 'find your niche' of those who share your values and can have a positive influence on your children. I realize you are the sibling and not the parent, but share these ideas with your parents. 

2. Let her know that you are open to discussion on these topics. Don't make these 'taboo' topics that she would be ashamed to discuss with you. Have an open discussion and let her know why you think these ideas are false / wrong, and give her rational reasons why based on the religion. This, of course requires you to educate yourself enough in the religion so that you can discuss these issues in a way that is both rational and also correct, according to fiqh and ahkam of your mathab. Salam. 

 

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2 hours ago, Guest Anon said:

I honestly dont know what to do or who to reach out to. I’ve tried to speak to her with an open-mind but honestly it’s not working. It’s extremely depressing & idk what to do. I can’t bring it up to my parents because they come from a very cultural background & they take religion very seriously (as they should, I do too of course) topics like these they don’t know how to handle. Any advice would be good 

سلام

Here's why advice: Relax! She's 10! 

She's very early in the development stage. I am not sure how old you are yourself, but do not pressure her into anything. 

Be there for her, answer her questions gently, be a fantastic role model and brother, be kind to her regardless of what she believes or does, and pray to Allah to guide her, you, and all of us. 

Always remember, God informed the prophet that he can't guide anyone, only God can. So, if the prophet can't, then you shouldn't worry about your little sister being stubborn. 

You just be kind and gentle. This is more of a test for you than for her. God is testing you and your patience and attitude. 

God is merciful! 

 

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1 hour ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

One thing I don't understand is she is ten years old, where is she getting this from. The school behind your backs might be teaching them about this stuff. Watch this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZWtQjQYvBU. It gives a small insight as to why the youth are turning away from Islam. I feel like we also need input from a religious scholar, try asking for help on https://www.al-islam.org/ask, maybe they could give some advice as to where to go from here.

Schools typically don’t talk about sexuality like this in younger years—they only talk about sexuality in high school as fact/science-based rather than “you should all believe in LGBTQ”, not so that everyone believes in it, but lots of things are stated in the curriculum because there are sex topics that are typically covered, like what is rape vs consensual sex, how to have safe sex Ed, what birth control does, how your body functions, the fetus development, etc. None of sex Ed will apply to most students, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be talked about in school. It’s better to learn about scientific evidence from a trustworthy source, even if we don’t islamically believe that homosexuality is okay, than people discovering fake facts through their friends or online forums.

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5 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Salam. Children at this age don't come up with those things on their own.

No. I've known I was gay since I was 9, before I had even heard the word gay. People can know who they like without people telling them. People aren't born with hate in their hearts. You weren't born homophobic. Kids are born respecting all sorts of people. They're taught to be racist, to be Islamophobic, to be homophobic. What they don't come up with on their own is being homophobic. The fact that you think kids aren't capable of respecting gay people is honestly, pretty pathetic.

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Wa alaykum assalam,

My young sister is 9 years old. I asked her a month ago if she has seen a rainbow flag because I wanted to test her, she replied "yes and it's haram". Background info about her: She wore the hijab at 6 years of age, because she liked me and wanted to be as successfull and kind as me. I also wore it at 6 years of age right after entering elementary school because my mother told me so and I liked my mother even though sometimes I would get scolded at for some things. My young sister doesn't have a phone or an ipad she only has a nintendo switch where she watches youtube, no tiktok Instagram or anything of the like. Her friends are mixed, hijab-wearing muslims and scandinavians. I also have a diary from my younger days and everything that I have written in there I'm like Did I really write that?? So yes take Soroush's advice she's still young. Try to come up with something that'll distract her from her Ipad and the like Abu Hadi's advices are very good. I think what your sister needs is a good female role model! Also one more thing, there is this good artist named Nayzak on an art website called Deviantart, his islamic drawings are very effective! Search him up.

I will pray for you and your sister. 

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8 hours ago, gayboyanon said:

No. I've known I was gay since I was 9, before I had even heard the word gay. People can know who they like without people telling them. People aren't born with hate in their hearts. You weren't born homophobic. Kids are born respecting all sorts of people. They're taught to be racist, to be Islamophobic, to be homophobic. What they don't come up with on their own is being homophobic. The fact that you think kids aren't capable of respecting gay people is honestly, pretty pathetic.

Well you have to realise that homosexuality is against our religion and just because we have this view doesn't mean people have to try impose their beliefs on our children just because you don't agree with it. @Abu Hadiis right. Children don't come up with these things.

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23 hours ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

Well you have to realise that homosexuality is against our religion and just because we have this view doesn't mean people have to try impose their beliefs on our children just because you don't agree with it. @Abu Hadiis right. Children don't come up with these things.

What things? Respect? Not hating people for their sexuality? Do you seriously think that children are born with hate in their hearts?

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48 minutes ago, gayboyanon said:

What things? Respect? Not hating people for their sexuality? Do you seriously think that children are born with hate in their hearts?

But children are taught about homosexuality, if they weren't taught about it, it would never exist. Because they are taught to sympathise with them we have children becoming homosexuals.

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) created male and female for a reason, Surah 113 Ayah 2, "From the evil of that which he created". Unfortunately, homosexuality is an evil that came from humans, it is clearly unnatural.

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On 11/1/2020 at 2:25 AM, gayboyanon said:

No. I've known I was gay since I was 9, before I had even heard the word gay. People can know who they like without people telling them. People aren't born with hate in their hearts. You weren't born homophobic. Kids are born respecting all sorts of people. They're taught to be racist, to be Islamophobic, to be homophobic. What they don't come up with on their own is being homophobic. The fact that you think kids aren't capable of respecting gay people is honestly, pretty pathetic.

1) you’re not being helpful. I already said I’m not interested unhelpful comment, only interested in advice. 

2) this discussion isn’t about respecting gays. Being taught that homosexuality is not normal and against Gods laws is different to being taught to be “homophobic” and “hate” gays. So please, stop acting like a victim on my discussion forum, thanks.

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On 11/2/2020 at 9:16 AM, Guest Anon said:

1) you’re not being helpful. I already said I’m not interested unhelpful comment, only interested in advice. 

2) this discussion isn’t about respecting gays. Being taught that homosexuality is not normal and against Gods laws is different to being taught to be “homophobic” and “hate” gays. So please, stop acting like a victim on my discussion forum, thanks.

Oh, sorry. You only want an echo chamber. You know what makes you absolutely despicable? It's not the fact that you're homophobic. It's not even the fact that you're harassing your kid sister to force your opinions on her. It's the fact that you have the audacity to say you're depressed and yet have no regard to your sister's wellbeing. Do you have any idea how she must be feeling right now? To be bisexual and to know that if she came out to her family, you and her parents would hate her? You have no right to be upset when you are so selfish, not once in your post did you ask how you can help your sister feel better about herself, you only asked how you can change her.

 

And you really don't know how to read, can you? When have I ever acted like a victim? I barely ever talk about myself in these debates, only how other people would feel. Because yes, there are victims, especially gay Muslims, especially the gay Muslims who have committed suicide because of ignorant people like you. And maybe it's not your fault, but guess what, your harassment of your sister will only make her hate Islam. You want advice? Then take the only good advice you're gonna get on this forum. Stop trying to make her feel bad, stop harassing her, stop trying to force her to come out to you, stop being a bully. I have tried to be nice to you, but what you are doing is harassment, plain and simple. You need to stop. And you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really want to be the reason that your sister leaves Islam and grows up hating her own family. Take this piece of advice or you may never forgive yourself.

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56 minutes ago, gayboyanon said:

Oh, sorry. You only want an echo chamber. You know what makes you absolutely despicable? It's not the fact that you're homophobic. It's not even the fact that you're harassing your kid sister to force your opinions on her. It's the fact that you have the audacity to say you're depressed and yet have no regard to your sister's wellbeing. Do you have any idea how she must be feeling right now? To be bisexual and to know that if she came out to her family, you and her parents would hate her? You have no right to be upset when you are so selfish, not once in your post did you ask how you can help your sister feel better about herself, you only asked how you can change her.

If she is selfish and didn't care about her sister she wouldn't be asking for help on this forum, the love she has for her sister cannot be contained and this is evident because she is asking for advice on how to help her sister. 

Obviously we have to be careful in our approach so she doesn't hate Islam anymore but homosexuality isn't good either. @gayboyanonIt is better that you don't post on this forum anymore because you being here isn't helping. Every post you make is just going to be ignored because at the end of the day we as muslims don't want her to end up being homosexual and you're promoting her being bisexual and potentially homosexual is a good thing.

Edited by ShiaofAli12
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11 minutes ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

If she is selfish and didn't care about her sister she wouldn't be asking for help on this forum, the love she has for her sister cannot be contained and this is evident because she is asking for advice on how to help her sister. 

Obviously we have to be careful in our approach so she doesn't hate Islam anymore but homosexuality isn't good either. @gayboyanonIt is better that you don't post on this forum anymore because you being here isn't helping. Every post you make is just going to be ignored because at the end of the day we as muslims don't want her to end up being homosexual and you're promoting her being bisexual and potentially homosexual is a good thing.

Except guest anon's actions are dangerous. If, god forbid, guest anon's sister killed herself because of how her family treated her, do you have any idea how Guest Anon would feel? How she would hate herself? Did Guest Anon even ask how her sister was feeling? We as Muslims are supposed to practice Aqhlaq first and foremost. Guest isn't asking for advice on how to help her sister, she's asknig for advice on how to control her sister, how to make her sister hate herself, and how to get her to be unhappy for the rest of her life. That is the most unislamic thing I've ever heard.

I'm here because I don't want Guest Anon to make his sister feel even worse than she's probably already feeling. Islam isn't made of robots, humans have feelings, and the path Guest Anon is going down will lead to a lot more harm than the alleged good she's doing. She's willing to sacrifice her relationship with her sister for the sake of her pride.

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53 minutes ago, gayboyanon said:

We as Muslims are supposed to practice Aqhlaq first and foremost.

 

On 10/31/2020 at 11:25 AM, gayboyanon said:

I've known I was gay since I was 9

Name: gayboyanon Religion: Shia Islam

1 hour ago, gayboyanon said:

That is the most unislamic thing I've ever heard.

This kid is trolling.

Islam has nothing to do with the likes of you. Know your place.

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9 hours ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

If she is selfish and didn't care about her sister she wouldn't be asking for help on this forum, the love she has for her sister cannot be contained and this is evident because she is asking for advice on how to help her sister. 

Obviously we have to be careful in our approach so she doesn't hate Islam anymore but homosexuality isn't good either. @gayboyanonIt is better that you don't post on this forum anymore because you being here isn't helping. Every post you make is just going to be ignored because at the end of the day we as muslims don't want her to end up being homosexual and you're promoting her being bisexual and potentially homosexual is a good thing.

Thank you brother. I’ve tried some of your advice and Alhamdulilah I think she’s slowly starting to come to her senses. I request your duas. May Allah bless you!

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4 minutes ago, gayboyanon said:

What I think you meant to say is that your sister now knows that she can’t trust you and is going to not tel you anything anymore.

You need therapy. Wasalam. 

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On 10/31/2020 at 12:09 PM, Guest Anon said:

Salamun Alaykom please treat this discussion forum in a very sensitive way. I’m seeking useful advice and not any unhelpful comments. I have an issue that I’m currently dealing with. I found my 10 year old sisters journal & I saw that she wrote she thinks she’s “bisexual” but she’s “not ready to come out” and the other day I was asking her if she supports the lgbtq and she said she did. Today I had a discussion with her about it and she says she believes “love is love” all that garbage you hear online. She doesn’t even know what the word homosexuality means for Gods sake. Then she went on about how she doesn’t want to wear the hijab and she doesn’t see a purpose of wearing it & how she doesn’t believe in “Muslim belief”, and “barely believes in the existence of God.” When I was discussing with her she says, “you’re just trying to convince me about your opinions” and that “it’s her choice”. 

 

I honestly dont know what to do or who to reach out to. I’ve tried to speak to her with an open-mind but honestly it’s not working. It’s extremely depressing & idk what to do. I can’t bring it up to my parents because they come from a very cultural background & they take religion very seriously (as they should, I do too of course) topics like these they don’t know how to handle. Any advice would be good 

The only thing you can do is to be good role model and be kind to her and always guide her to rightfulness and justice and do not force her any beliefs. People will always value good actions and principles and mostly it will help them to shape their self and beliefs.

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11 hours ago, Guest Anon said:

You need therapy. Wasalam. 

You know, maybe I do. Having a homophobic family takes its toll, but you know what? I'm seriously lucky. I don't have an emotionally abusive sister. I am so glad I don't have a sister like you. You're a liar. You don't care about your sister, or the therapy she's going to have to get because of your emotional abuse. You don't care about her mental health, you only care about what makes you feel good, even though it's turning you into someone you should really hate. Please, leave your sister alone before you do something you'll seriously regret.

 

9 hours ago, Abu Nur said:

The only thing you can do is to be good role model and be kind to her and always guide her to rightfulness and justice and do not force her any beliefs. People will always value good actions and principles and mostly it will help them to shape their self and beliefs.

This is the sort of person you should aspire to be like, Guest Anon. I don't know whether Abu Nur is homophobic, and I genuinely don't care. Because if he treats me, if he treats gay people with respect, then his beliefs about homosexuality aren't important. Even hating gay people as fine, as long as you don't show it in your actions. Guest Anon, please don't continue belittling your sister for her beliefs and who she is. If you won't take it from me then take it from someone who's more religious than I. You can't force your beliefs on someone, and if you treat your sister cruelly, and you think that she's gonna listen to you even then, then I don't know what that makes you. Best-case scenario it's naivity. More likely it's your narcissism Guest Anon. You think you're the most important person in the room, and that's causing you to forget about treating your sister like... A sister.

 

Tell me, Guest Anon, why do you think I'm arguing with you? To protect your sister, and not just that, to protect you. To protect your sister from a lifetime of distrust and hatred at her own family. Oh, and to read your sister's journal? That's such a huge invasion of privacy and that's so messed up and it just shows how little you value your sister. I'm trying to tell you that what you're doing is wrong. You'll learn the lesson one way or another. You either learn the lesson now or you learn the lesson when your sister never speaks to you again. If you continue down the path you're going, your sister will hate you. And then you'll hate yourself...

 

But then again, I'm starting to think you're a troll. No one could treat their sister so coldly and still think they're a good person...

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15 hours ago, Guest Anon said:

I’ve tried some of your advice and Alhamdulilah I think she’s slowly starting to come to her senses. I request your duas. May Allah bless you!

Salam

I am very happy to hear this. I prayed for her and you and hope it has made a difference. You gotta be your sister's best buddy from now on so you can be her light and role model.

1 hour ago, gayboyanon said:

You know, maybe I do. Having a homophobic family takes its toll, but you know what? I'm seriously lucky. I don't have an emotionally abusive sister. I am so glad I don't have a sister like you. You're a liar. You don't care about your sister, or the therapy she's going to have to get because of your emotional abuse. You don't care about her mental health, you only care about what makes you feel good, even though it's turning you into someone you should really hate. Please, leave your sister alone before you do something you'll seriously regret.

 

Salam

Don't take this as an insult, but you need to see a therapist. And show them this thread. When I read this thread my heart broke for this poor brother and his sister, and you react in this disgusting way? See how you latching on to homosexuality has warped you? Here's some painful advice: If you give something up you love for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. Delete your account, don't throw coal into the fire of your sexual persuasion, and see what happens. Complaining on Shiachat every time someone says the g word isn't going to do you any good.

 

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8 hours ago, guest 2025 said:

Salam

I am very happy to hear this. I prayed for her and you and hope it has made a difference. You gotta be your sister's best buddy from now on so you can be her light and role model.

 

Salam

Don't take this as an insult, but you need to see a therapist. And show them this thread. When I read this thread my heart broke for this poor brother and his sister, and you react in this disgusting way? See how you latching on to homosexuality has warped you? Here's some painful advice: If you give something up you love for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something better. Delete your account, don't throw coal into the fire of your sexual persuasion, and see what happens. Complaining on Shiachat every time someone says the g word isn't going to do you any good.

 

You haven't read a word I said, have you? Disgusting way? By trying to stop Guest Anon from giving his sister depression? Or worse, what happens if Guest Anon's sister commits suicide because of Guest Anon's abuse? Has your heart really been so blackened that you think an emotionally abusive sibling (Guest Anon) is in the right here? Is your heart so full of hate that you think a therapist would say that an abuser is in the right? If Guest Anon treated their sister the way they treated me? I hope their sister gets out of this toxic household as soon as they can. Abu Nur is religious, and he realises you can't treat your sister terribly and force your opinions on her. Why don't you try actually reading my posts instead of just going to personal attacks? Why don't you actually think about what will happen and try to stop Guest Anon from coming back in 10 years complaining about how he has no relationship with his sister?

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Guest Anon
9 hours ago, guest 2025 said:

Salam

I am very happy to hear this. I prayed for her and you and hope it has made a difference. You gotta be your sister's best buddy from now on so you can be her light and role model.

Appreciate the duas! 

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12 hours ago, gayboyanon said:

You haven't read a word I said, have you? Disgusting way? By trying to stop Guest Anon from giving his sister depression? Or worse, what happens if Guest Anon's sister commits suicide because of Guest Anon's abuse? Has your heart really been so blackened that you think an emotionally abusive sibling (Guest Anon) is in the right here? Is your heart so full of hate that you think a therapist would say that an abuser is in the right? If Guest Anon treated their sister the way they treated me? I hope their sister gets out of this toxic household as soon as they can. Abu Nur is religious, and he realises you can't treat your sister terribly and force your opinions on her. Why don't you try actually reading my posts instead of just going to personal attacks? Why don't you actually think about what will happen and try to stop Guest Anon from coming back in 10 years complaining about how he has no relationship with his sister?

Didn't read. Go waste someone else's time.

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57 minutes ago, guest 2025 said:

Didn't read. Go waste someone else's time.

As I thought. I'm trying to save Guest Anon's sister from a life of depression, but if she kills herself because of Guest Anon's abuse, you're the one who's going to tell them it's not their fault. Try reading opinions that aren't your own, and maybe you'll learn something, like how to actually be a good person. Instead, you are willing to let Guest Anon's sister hate herself for the sake of your own pride. That makes you evil. And mods, don't try to delete the post for calling an evil person evil, because I've never seen you once delete the posts that have called me much worse, degenerate, unnatural, calling someone who supports emotional abuse evil isn't anywhere near that bad. If you delete this post, I hope you'd delete all the genuinely abusive posts.

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51 minutes ago, dragonxx said:

Desist from propagating and attempting to validate your fasad in the name of Islam. Know your place.

We disagree, but we both want what’s best for Guest Anon’s family, don’t we? I know from experience that what Guest Anon is doing will cause their sister to be more distant from them. Can you look past your biases for one moment to see that what I’m saying makes sense? Guest Anon’s sister has clearly made up her mind on who she is. When she’s at that stage of self-understanding, then what Guest Anon is doing will merely hurt their relationship. Please stop fighting with me for a moment. This isn’t about whether homosexuality is right or wrong. This is about whether it’s right to make a 10-year old hate herself.

 

Fine. I can’t stop Guest Anon from fighting with his sister. But please Guest Anon, I am begging you, for both yours and your sister’s sake, treat her with respect. Even if you try to change her views, don’t do it by harassment and bullying. Don’t spy on her journal again cause that’s a serious violation of her trust.

 

And most of all, if your sister isn’t swayed by you, and is keeping it a secret from you now, and one day she comes out to you because she feels she can finally trust you again, and if her mind can’t be swayed and if you know for a fact she’s bisexual and can’t be changed, then please don’t stop being her sibling the way so many Muslims would.

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People usually mature when they reach their 35 years old and will understand how many things in past is nonsense and regretful. For 10 year old, such a age is still child and need proper guidance and she really have no idea what she is even talking about. It is just a cool moment for her that friends have been influenced her. Happened to all of us and it is not something that parents should support such a decision but rather guide them in way of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and not forcing them. 

Edited by Abu Nur
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On 10/31/2020 at 11:09 AM, Guest Anon said:

Salamun Alaykom please treat this discussion forum in a very sensitive way. I’m seeking useful advice and not any unhelpful comments. I have an issue that I’m currently dealing with. I found my 10 year old sisters journal & I saw that she wrote she thinks she’s “bisexual” but she’s “not ready to come out” and the other day I was asking her if she supports the lgbtq and she said she did. Today I had a discussion with her about it and she says she believes “love is love” all that garbage you hear online. She doesn’t even know what the word homosexuality means for Gods sake. Then she went on about how she doesn’t want to wear the hijab and she doesn’t see a purpose of wearing it & how she doesn’t believe in “Muslim belief”, and “barely believes in the existence of God.” When I was discussing with her she says, “you’re just trying to convince me about your opinions” and that “it’s her choice”. 

 

I honestly dont know what to do or who to reach out to. I’ve tried to speak to her with an open-mind but honestly it’s not working. It’s extremely depressing & idk what to do. I can’t bring it up to my parents because they come from a very cultural background & they take religion very seriously (as they should, I do too of course) topics like these they don’t know how to handle. Any advice would be good 

I was born in 1992, in a very conservative family. Media by that time didn't show any diversity or non-normative models if it wasn't to mock them, or show them as a joke or humiliating characters. I accepted Islam and became a very committed muslim, one of those who never missed even the night prayers. I knew I was homosexual and there wasn't a day I didn't ask God to cure me. Never told anyone by that time.

But when I grew up, I realized I was trapped in a loop, and I would be like that forever. I saw the same happening to a Christian friend who went to conversion therapy and started lying about how he got cured.

We were both people who were educated in very conservative and religious families, in a time where being gay was nothing but an insult or a joke. Our lives were terribly damaged by our undesired condition, and nothing we could do could change that. Nonetheless, I see many shameless experts in this thread, saying people like us are influenced by the media. And they are partly true. We are influenced to know we are wrong, we are influenced to feel we are evil, to know we don't deserve to be loved nor love who we want. To remember forever that a real good future isn't for us. That we won't live too much, nor too comfortable, nor too free. That we don't deserve to lead, nor to be sincere about who we are, nor to be heard on topics about realities that only us experience. We are influenced by the media to get used to be seen as a joke, as clowns. When TV "changed" by the end of the 90s and early 00s, we were influenced to believe there was only one type of "homosexuality", that we had to follow a stereotypical white rich gay male lifestyle.

There are experts on TV and media who have done deep research on LGBT representation on the screen. And it has nothing to do with the nonsense you can read in SC. SC is not a reliable source of information of this topic. It may be an "Islamic" forum, but that doesn't mean it's a forum with intelligent or at least people with reliable information. I've been here for over a decade, and the majority of LGBT-related topics are just full of bigotry and hatred. I wouldn't care if you were talking about queer people you don't care about (I'm not aspiring to see that level of humanity here), but you are talking about your own sister in a random forum full of homophobes. I'm not here to praise you for your unfair assumptions about your sister's private life, but to tell you the unpleasant truth. You are acting unjustly, cowardly and stupidly by coming to ShiaChat, becauae you perfectly know this isn't a diverse forum. Diverse voices like mine or @gayboyanon are systematically bashed and silenced here, in many aspects in a humiliating way. The intellectual level of SC members is asking behind my back if I do anal sex.

Now it's up to you. If you have doubts about what you should do, you can just ignore the topic, stop enjoying how exotic it may sound, and leave your sister alone. Or you can in fact inform yourself properly, without prejudices, and try to understand your sister by who she really is, and value the confidence she has had with you by being so honest about something so difficult.

I also invite you to judge yourself morally what you have just done by coming here to SC and speak so lightly about this topic. How would you feel if your sister talked about your life, your beliefs, and your sexual condition as a Muslim women in front of non-Muslim friends who aren't empathetic nor reasonable with any aspects of Islamic culture? I would consider that treason and very low and loser behaviour. And this is what you have just done. Be better than that by starting listening to your sister.

As a side note, it was my sister the first person I told I was gay. I wrote a note and gave it to her, then ran to my room. And she saved my life. I will be eternally thankful for those 5 minutes the 9th of March or 2007, at 23:00 in my room, when she came and told me to be strong, to wait until I have some economical and psychological independence to be who I am.

My sister always thought gays were sick people before that. But when her young brother gave her that note, she knew what my father used to say about gay worms and sexually abused kids must be all wrong. Because she knew who I am. Don't let random idiots in SC tell you who your sister is. Just listen to her, with a sincere and loving heart.

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2 minutes ago, ShiaofAli12 said:

Islam says no to homosexuality, that's it. 

That may be it for you. Simplistic and legible approaches are not a synonym of religion. You can be religious or not, moral dilemmas will always be complex. Choosing to simplify them as you did is a moral choice by itself, and morally questionable.

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28 minutes ago, Bakir said:

That may be it for you. Simplistic and legible approaches are not a synonym of religion. You can be religious or not, moral dilemmas will always be complex. Choosing to simplify them as you did is a moral choice by itself, and morally questionable.

Many of us are subject to ailments and afflictions this is the reality of life, it is troublesome and filled with turmoil. While one is pained by lustful inclinations towards the same sex, others are hurt by the inability to see, walk, and the list of trifles goes on. The fact of the matter is that to varying degrees we all suffer varyingly in accordance to our variance, to bludgeon ourselves over the fate we have received will serve no benefit, however, to be virtuously Stoic in regard to all that may befall us will allow our spirits to ascend to the highest realms. Yes, this topic like many others are filled with bigotry and insensibility, but that is all the more reason for us to come together and seek to address such topics by means of a course which gives man and woman alike an opportunity to fulfill their purpose - much can be enunciated over this important matter, which a plethora of our brothers and sisters in Islam are facing - Insha'Allah when there is ample time I will hope to create a thread in attempt to address this topic in a respectful, undemeaning, considerate way that seeks to rectify the plight of those afflicted with such a reality and those who toil with the moral implications that surround it.

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