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In the Name of God بسم الله

Friendship between a Male and a Female

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Guest Artemis

Assalamualaikum. 

I have a question. Is is permissible to have a female best-friend as per the Shia school of thought? The thing is like we have been friends since 2008 and it is rly tough for me to stop talking to her. 

Her whole family knows about it, and they don't have a problem. Neither do my parents. Can somebody help?

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Salam, 

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with men, and women interacting with one another when it comes to daily encounter such as out in public, school, work, or various other life encounters. One must remember to keep it respectful, halal, and be mindful to lower their gaze/motivates. If you are living in the West, or Europe it's almost impossible not to talk to the opposite gender as school, and work requires some sort of interaction through projects, and what not. 

In Islam, the friendship with a none mahram person is forbidden, as these sorts of friendship usually develop into more intimate friendships that may lead to sin further down the road, or risk of attraction. However, ultimately you must first consider that risks of continuing this friendship, and whether both parties are on a balanced page. Most Ayatollahs, Shiekhs and religious people will tell you it's haram to have a best friend who is an opposite gender, and others might say it's okay if the follow is practiced: 

1. Both parties understand this is a friendship, and there are no hidden attractions, intentions etc

2. No physical touching

3. Keep it respectful

Islam isn't a reactive religion, but more proactive. It stops sin before it can be committed such as drinking or doing drugs that may impair ones ability to make good decisions, mingling between opposite genders that may result in sin down the word, and etc. 

Remember if there is a man, and woman in a room alone, the third party is shaytan ! However, if you find this person as a best friend who you see spending your entire life with, why not marry her? Of course this may be challenging if she isn't Shia- muslim, but in this situation you should either stop, or set barriers that will stop any risky behaviour down the road. If you keep it respectful, have a good intention, and keep your hands to yourself, I believe it's alright ( however this is my own personal opinion, and not of miraja). 

WS

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4 hours ago, Guest Artemis said:

Assalamualaikum. 

I have a question. Is is permissible to have a female best-friend as per the Shia school of thought? The thing is like we have been friends since 2008 and it is rly tough for me to stop talking to her. 

Her whole family knows about it, and they don't have a problem. Neither do my parents. Can somebody help?

As the brother said above, the issue with men / women being friends is that you have to define what 'friends' means. If 'friend' involves interacting in ways that are not allowed for non mahram, then the friendship itself is haram, otherwise it is ok. At the same time, there is a strong tendency with these types of 'open' relationships between men and women to slide into haram territory. This is something to be aware / cautious of. When I say 'open' relationship, I mean a relationship that is not connected to a particular job or task. 

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You can do a Muta'a and establish rules between yourselves, such as no sex. You can establish that hugging and touching are okay, but no kissing or sex.

With Muta'a, together, you can choose how exactly you want your relationship to be. 

This way not only you're not sinning, when you're alone or when you touch her, you'd have nothing to worry about. 

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Actually a man should be such that he should not even recognize the face of any non mehrum women, let alone be friends with her. Some of the most top ranking Shia scholars are such that they don't recognize the faces of women other than their wives, mothers, sisters, daughters etc. 

This may be practically impossible for people like us but at least we should know that what our aim should be. 

If you cannot marry her, then try to not even look at her or talk to her, unless for some extremely important reason. 

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3 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

You can do a Muta'a and establish rules between yourselves, such as no sex. You can establish that hugging and touching are okay, but no kissing or sex.

With Muta'a, together, you can choose how exactly you want your relationship to be. 

This way not only you're not sinning, when you're alone or when you touch her, you'd have nothing to worry about. 

The interesting (and unfortunate) thing is that many would probably be ok with the (haraam) friendship, but most would probably protest at the (halal) suggestion you made above. 

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43 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

The interesting (and unfortunate) thing is that many would probably be ok with the (haraam) friendship, but most would probably protest at the (halal) suggestion you made above. 

Although mutah is a great option, it has become very hard to convince parents especially in the west to give it a shot....mutah has gotten a bad rep due to misinformed brothers not following the correct procedures, more specifically the rulings/commitment to the contract.... I know many brothers within my community who attempted mutah, but that parents would rather want a marriage...... not sure why the brothers did not go with marriage...... but hey who am I to judge. 

Edited by YoungSkiekh313
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30 minutes ago, YoungSkiekh313 said:

Although mutah is a great option, it has become very hard to convince parents especially in the west to give it a shot....mutah has gotten a bad rep due to misinformed brothers not following the correct procedures, more specifically the rulings/commitment to the contract.... I know many brothers within my community who attempted mutah, but that parents would rather want a marriage...... not sure why the brothers did not go with marriage...... but hey who am I to judge. 

I agree that permanent marriage is a highly recommended practice and should indeed be taken more seriously.

What I meant was that mut'ah is looked down upon while haraam friendships are still considered ok. 

But of course ultimately permanent marriage is the best way forward unless there is really a good reason against it. 

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2 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

The interesting (and unfortunate) thing is that many would probably be ok with the (haraam) friendship, but most would probably protest at the (halal) suggestion you made above. 

Yes. Absolutely! And that's the insanity that prevails in Shi'a communities. Their aversion against Muta'a is pathological. 

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