Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Torn, shredded and destroyed between parents and wife

Rate this topic


Guest anothamarriedbrutha

Recommended Posts

  • Veteran Member
8 hours ago, Guest Wait said:

Yes, there should be.

Men who don’t put their wives ahead of their parents will suffer the consequences and experience marital collapse. It’s usually because these men never set healthy boundaries on their parents enough to form a healthy relationship with their wife. They enable their mothers and fathers to gang-up on their wives and they become passive and afraid to make a stand for their wives. 
 

The men that do make a stand for their wives often find that their marriages are healthier and that their parents are less likely to meddle because he won’t put up with it.

As a married woman, my husband had to lay some serious boundaries after they showed their true colors. After I gave them so many chances, for my own well-being, I cut them out of my life. I’ve never been happier, and my husband supports my decision because he has seen first hand the agony they’ve caused me. He always stands up for me and they’ve learned that if they want to be a part of his life, they need to respect the boundaries he’s placed. 

Ok, but if when your son grows up and gets married and for whatever reasons (God forbid) there is an issue between you and his wife. If his wife is obviously in the wrong, do you really think it's healthy for him to back her up in spite of that?

I can understand when there is a situation where it isn't really clear who is to blame and in that situation the husband backs his wife up, and I would also hope that the parents are mature enough to understand why their son needs to support his wife.

But giving anyone a carte blanche to do whatever they want and expect to be backed up isn't beneficial in the long run.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Wait
7 hours ago, Ali_Hussain said:

k, but if when your son grows up and gets married and for whatever reasons (God forbid) there is an issue between you and his wife. If his wife is obviously in the wrong, do you really think it's healthy for him to back her up in spite of that?

I can understand when there is a situation where it isn't really clear who is to blame and in that situation the husband backs his wife up, and I would also hope that the parents are mature enough to understand why their son needs to support his wife.

But giving anyone a carte blanche to do whatever they want and expect to be backed up isn't beneficial in the long run.

So if it’s a fight between a husband and wife, they both mutually have to work on being a listening ear and come-up with a solution that will minimize the fight from happening again. I, as a mother-in-law, will never meddle. If, they in fact, call me or ask for my help, I will de-escalate the situation by not siding with anyone. Rather, encouraging them to calm down and take their mind off the fight like watching a funny video on TV, or going for walks together, or just breathe and drink some  water. 
 

I’d raise my son to remember that his wife and family come first. That it doesn’t matter who he marries as long as he’s happy. My approval doesn’t matter. His happiness matters. If I’ve raised my son well, his wife and kids will always be number one. When a son sides with his mother, it only ensures chaos in their marriage. And I will not raise my son to feel like he’s caught in the middle.
 

When push comes to shove, a son will most likely begin to distance himself from his mom if she causes problems, and in the end, mother-in-laws will always lose. They’ll have a strained relationship with their son, a daughter-in-laws who curses her, and sometimes lose access to grandkids.
 

If a son has been raised to view his parents as a bigger priority than his wife, then either the son will have to choose between his wife and his mother who acts like a jealous “other woman” (and it won’t be his mom that he chooses when he’s caught in the middle) then he will choose his wife OR he will allow his mother to meddle and he will lose his wife.
 

Even if my future son’s wife and I were to have a fight or some other issue or misunderstanding, I would want my son to back up his wife, and even if I felt like she was wrong, I’d apologize and move-on and never do or say anything that I know would bother her. In the end, my son’s happiness and well-being in the marriage matters more than anything. No good comes from arguing with a daughter-in-law and proving that you’re right. 
 

Daughter-in-laws always want to have a good relationship with their mother-in-law. Always. It’s always mother-in-laws who start problems and also raising their sons to believe that Mommy comes first and that no one can replace Mommy’s love. These moms typically don’t respect or understand boundaries and become very territorial and jealous when their son has a woman in his life. I can already see it now with some moms I know “oh my son is my life, my amazing son, my son is the best human on the planet.” And you’d be hard-pressed to see that kind of adoration for their daughters; including from some, but not many, non-Muslims. It’s so disgusting and wrong. Not only are they spoiling their son to think they can do no wrong, but they also actively teaching their son that he’s responsible for Mommy’s happiness.
 

I’ll give you an example. I know someone who has a lot of sons. She could have been a typical mother-in-law raising hell, but instead, even to this day, her daughter-in-laws always say that their mother-in-law was the kindest and sweetest woman and the best mother-in-law they’ve ever had.
 

Another example was when a mother in law told her daughter in law, “My own mother-in-law was terrible and I’d never want to do that do you.” Now, because of their amazing daughter in law/mother-in-law relationship she lives with her mother-in-law happily as if she was her daughter. To this day, that woman praises her mother in law. 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest anothamarriedbrutha

Salaamalaikum,

 

I am sick right now and will inshallah go through this thread and reply to everyone.

I genuinely respect the time everyone has taken to help me and my family.

 

Kindly keep me in your duas please and I'll reply back within a week.

Jazakallah.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...