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In the Name of God بسم الله

Unsolicited istikhara results

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As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters,

Im asking a question for an acquaintance of mine who hasnt been able to get a clear picture of what she should do in this case. For ease and clarity of writing, i will call her Becca. Here is the gist of her situation:

Becca has been married for 5 years. Husband and wife are both good, observant muslims. They are older and have no kids. The marriage has its usuall ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Recently, its improved in a few ways. 

Becca has a close friend who from the very beginning of Beccas marriage, questioned whether this marriage was good for Becca as her friend saw stressfull changes in Becca that started exactly from the time Becca married.

Anyhow, her friend is well known for very accurate istikharas and over the course of Beccas marriage, this friend has done numerous UNSOLICITED istikharas regarding Beccas marriage and all of them came back as "good with difficulty". (Sounds like many marriages..:confused:)

Now the other day, Beccas friend called her out of the blue and said she had done another istikhara regarding Beccas marriage. Becca told her, "PLEASE dont tell me the results as i am under a lot of heavy emotional and mental stress due to some family problems and illnesses (all unrelated to the marriage) and i can not handle knowing your istikhara results, ESPECIALLY if it is "bad."

Her friend proceded to tell her that the istikhara result to NOT tell Becca the result of the first istikhara was "bad" and she couldnt just sit there and not say anything, so she told Becca the result anyway, that its "bad" for her to stay in this marriage.

Now Becca is stressed out even more, obsessing over the results and mostly terrified for the future as shes scared some terrible thing is going to happen if she stays in this marriage, which she has had NO PRIOR INTENTION of ending. 

Her question to me was: "Since NONE of these istikharas were solicited or requested by me from this sister, do i need to abide by this last one? Should i be worried about the result? Should i consider ending this marriage since the result to stay in it is "bad"?"

All i personally know regarding istikharas being done is that first, a person is supposed to request or WANT it done because they TRULY dont know what to do regarding a situation, and second, the person its being done for has to have their intention set on the question being asked. My PERSONAL opinion is since Becca never requested nor asked for these istikharas, nor did she have her intention set on the question being asked, that they are void and IN SHA ALLAH, of no significance or consequence.

Can anyone add to this so i can give this sister some more info and MAYBE ease her worried mind?

Thanks so much in advance!

@Abu Hadi @eThErEaL @313_Waiter @islam25@Qa'im@notme @Mohammad313Ali@hasanhh@starlight @Rohaniand anyone else. These are just the first names that came to my mind. There were others but i cant spell their screen names correctly enough to tag them:ko:

W/s

Edited by shia farm girl
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The first and probably the only thing 'Becca' needs to do is break off friendship with this person who is creating a rift in her marriage, which by the way is a very serious sin in Islam. 

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9 minutes ago, starlight said:

The first and probably the only thing 'Becca' needs to do is break off friendship with this person who is creating a rift in her marriage, which by the way is a very serious sin in Islam. 

I agree..when i heard of these unrequested istikharas, i was like????? That shouldnt even be being done:/ It didnt make sense to me cuz as far as im aware, thats not how it works.

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2 hours ago, shia farm girl said:

My PERSONAL opinion is since Becca never requested nor asked for these istikharas, nor did she have her intention set on the question being asked, that they are void and IN SHA ALLAH, of no significance or consequence.

Is the "istikhara lady" already married? 

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6 minutes ago, shia farm girl said:

Not to the best of my knowledge. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Could she be interested in marrying Becca's husband? Or does she have a friend or relative who wants to marry him?

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She certainly should not think too much of these istihkharas, for starters there are many ways to take an istikhara the best I believe is to perform a two rak'a prayer and recite a certain supplication before utilizing the method chosen for istikhara - even then the individual should not feel obliged to follow what comes out whether it be good or bad, the choice remains theirs.

I believe that before doing any type of istikhara a person should first ask themselves whether they have the power to generate the results they want, an istikhara is great when someone is at a crossroads where which ever path taken/chosen appears to be identical (50/50), therefore, one would take an istikhara as a form of invocation to Allah for guidance towards the unknown. 

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3 hours ago, shia farm girl said:

Becca has a close friend who from the very beginning of Beccas marriage, questioned whether this marriage was good for Becca as her friend saw stressfull changes in Becca that started exactly from the time Becca married.

Obviously Becca spends less time with her "friend" after her marriage. For 5 years her "friend" has not been happy that Becca was married. She probably uses the istikhara as an excuse to contact her again. What a sad situation. Someone wants to control someone else. 

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41 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Could she be interested in marrying Becca's husband? Or does she have a friend or relative who wants to marry him?

Just questions. Maybe the reason is that her "friend" thinks that since Becca has no baby that she could marry someone else and have a child. 

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It sound that Becca have normal marriage with no problems and should continue it that way. As for her friend and her istihkharas, well marriage surely is not managed by istihkharas, rather it is all about compromise and others to mind their own business and not to interfere with married couples. 

I really don't know what is the intention of the friend, in worse case it could be this:

...that caused a rift ˹even˺ between husband and wife; 2:102

If this continues and get worse, then one need surely investigate the friend intention.

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4 hours ago, shia farm girl said:

As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters,

Im asking a question for an acquaintance of mine who hasnt been able to get a clear picture of what she should do in this case. For ease and clarity of writing, i will call her Becca. Here is the gist of her situation:

Becca has been married for 5 years. Husband and wife are both good, observant muslims. They are older and have no kids. The marriage has its usuall ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Recently, its improved in a few ways. 

Becca has a close friend who from the very beginning of Beccas marriage, questioned whether this marriage was good for Becca as her friend saw stressfull changes in Becca that started exactly from the time Becca married.

Anyhow, her friend is well known for very accurate istikharas and over the course of Beccas marriage, this friend has done numerous UNSOLICITED istikharas regarding Beccas marriage and all of them came back as "good with difficulty". (Sounds like many marriages..:confused:)

Now the other day, Beccas friend called her out of the blue and said she had done another istikhara regarding Beccas marriage. Becca told her, "PLEASE dont tell me the results as i am under a lot of heavy emotional and mental stress due to some family problems and illnesses (all unrelated to the marriage) and i can not handle knowing your istikhara results, ESPECIALLY if it is "bad."

Her friend proceded to tell her that the istikhara result to NOT tell Becca the result of the first istikhara was "bad" and she couldnt just sit there and not say anything, so she told Becca the result anyway, that its "bad" for her to stay in this marriage.

Now Becca is stressed out even more, obsessing over the results and mostly terrified for the future as shes scared some terrible thing is going to happen if she stays in this marriage, which she has had NO PRIOR INTENTION of ending. 

Her question to me was: "Since NONE of these istikharas were solicited or requested by me from this sister, do i need to abide by this last one? Should i be worried about the result? Should i consider ending this marriage since the result to stay in it is "bad"?"

All i personally know regarding istikharas being done is that first, a person is supposed to request or WANT it done because they TRULY dont know what to do regarding a situation, and second, the person its being done for has to have their intention set on the question being asked. My PERSONAL opinion is since Becca never requested nor asked for these istikharas, nor did she have her intention set on the question being asked, that they are void and IN SHA ALLAH, of no significance or consequence.

Can anyone add to this so i can give this sister some more info and MAYBE ease her worried mind?

Thanks so much in advance!

@Abu Hadi @eThErEaL @313_Waiter @islam25@Qa'im@notme @Mohammad313Ali@hasanhh@starlight @Rohaniand anyone else. These are just the first names that came to my mind. There were others but i cant spell their screen names correctly enough to tag them:ko:

W/s

Salam sister. To be precise I will sau why at first the friend of Becca will do Iskikhara when Becca didn't asked her to do so. The solution lies with Becca herself, she has to think and decide about her future life.Now if by thorough thinking she couldn't come final decision.Then she might ask for Iskikhara.

I don't feel doing rpeated Iskikhara is right.Ist result is last.

May Allah help and guide her in this situation.

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2 hours ago, starlight said:

The first and probably the only thing 'Becca' needs to do is break off friendship with this person who is creating a rift in her marriage, which by the way is a very serious sin in Islam. 

Couldn't have said it better. Why do people insist on having toxic people in their lives is beyond me.

5 hours ago, shia farm girl said:

As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters,

Im asking a question for an acquaintance of mine who hasnt been able to get a clear picture of what she should do in this case. For ease and clarity of writing, i will call her Becca. Here is the gist of her situation:

Becca has been married for 5 years. Husband and wife are both good, observant muslims. They are older and have no kids. The marriage has its usuall ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Recently, its improved in a few ways. 

Becca has a close friend who from the very beginning of Beccas marriage, questioned whether this marriage was good for Becca as her friend saw stressfull changes in Becca that started exactly from the time Becca married.

Anyhow, her friend is well known for very accurate istikharas and over the course of Beccas marriage, this friend has done numerous UNSOLICITED istikharas regarding Beccas marriage and all of them came back as "good with difficulty". (Sounds like many marriages..:confused:)

Now the other day, Beccas friend called her out of the blue and said she had done another istikhara regarding Beccas marriage. Becca told her, "PLEASE dont tell me the results as i am under a lot of heavy emotional and mental stress due to some family problems and illnesses (all unrelated to the marriage) and i can not handle knowing your istikhara results, ESPECIALLY if it is "bad."

Her friend proceded to tell her that the istikhara result to NOT tell Becca the result of the first istikhara was "bad" and she couldnt just sit there and not say anything, so she told Becca the result anyway, that its "bad" for her to stay in this marriage.

Now Becca is stressed out even more, obsessing over the results and mostly terrified for the future as shes scared some terrible thing is going to happen if she stays in this marriage, which she has had NO PRIOR INTENTION of ending. 

Her question to me was: "Since NONE of these istikharas were solicited or requested by me from this sister, do i need to abide by this last one? Should i be worried about the result? Should i consider ending this marriage since the result to stay in it is "bad"?"

All i personally know regarding istikharas being done is that first, a person is supposed to request or WANT it done because they TRULY dont know what to do regarding a situation, and second, the person its being done for has to have their intention set on the question being asked. My PERSONAL opinion is since Becca never requested nor asked for these istikharas, nor did she have her intention set on the question being asked, that they are void and IN SHA ALLAH, of no significance or consequence.

Can anyone add to this so i can give this sister some more info and MAYBE ease her worried mind?

Thanks so much in advance!

@Abu Hadi @eThErEaL @313_Waiter @islam25@Qa'im@notme @Mohammad313Ali@hasanhh@starlight @Rohaniand anyone else. These are just the first names that came to my mind. There were others but i cant spell their screen names correctly enough to tag them:ko:

W/s

Wasalam sister.

Let me tell you this. No istkhara is going to guarentee you a happy successful marriage. The only people who can make a happy successful marriage is the people who are married to one another, the people who are going to lay down and wake up to one another for the rest of their lives. I'm against spouses mentioning their marital troubles and problems with other people no matter how close they are because everyone has their own agenda. The harsh reality of this world is that no one really can stand the happiness of others. If someone is having a successful relationship, someone who isn't having a successful one will try to negatively affect the happy couple so they can be as unhappy as that person was. This is the way this society and world works now. Is it unfortunate? Yes. Is it true? Yes. The only people who should be discussing marital problems they are facing is the spouses themselves so they can resolve them. If they can't resolve them of their own, then get a third party like a parent(I think every parent wants their daughter or son to stay married and be happy. If you think your parent hates your spouse, then get a therapist or someone wise and trustful. Not just a random college buddy you use to share stories with at sleepovers from years ago. Perhaps even a religious scholar who has a reputation for being Just). That's how a marriage stays healthy by elimianting outside interference/influence. 

The second thing I'll say is that Islam is a religion about moderation. Is there anything bad about isthkharas? No. But if you only start relying on them and following them blindly then you're committing shirk by indulging in superstition. It is the same principle as relying on horoscopes than Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). You're denying the mercy of Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) which can be attained through salat and good deeds/patience. You're only associating His(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) glory with a certain practice when He(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has opened up a thousand doors of Mercy/Strength for mankind through so many things. Science says that people who rely on horoscopes, the way their minds start working is that they associate whatever the horoscope says with themselves even if it's true or not. They will trick their brain and even attempt to justify reasons why the horoscope applies to them via some obscure reason/fallacy. It's better to just stay away from such things if you develop dependency issues. It's better to stay away from people who always warn of gloom and doom because the mercy of Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is too great to think anything negatively. No harm can come except through Divine permission. Obligatory prayers are there for a reason so you always benefit more from mercy than punishment. I've only had one istkhara my whole life and I didn't even ask for it. And it turned out to be good. I have no curiousity or reliance about such things.

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1 hour ago, Hameedeh said:

Obviously Becca spends less time with her "friend" after her marriage. For 5 years her "friend" has not been happy that Becca was married. She probably uses the istikhara as an excuse to contact her again. What a sad situation. Someone wants to control someone else. 

Passing Thought: Maybe her "friend", "well known for istikhara", is running the equivalent of a gypsy palm-reader operation.

?

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“And they followed what the Shaitans chanted of sorcery in the reign of Sulayman, and Sulayman was not an unbeliever, but the Shaitans disbelieved, they taught men sorcery and that was sent down to the two angels at Babel, Harut and Marut, yet these two taught no man until they had said, “Surely we are only a trial, therefore do not be a disbeliever.” Even then men learned from these two, magic by which they might cause a separation between a man and his wife; and they cannot hurt with it any one except with Allah’s permission, and they learned what harmed them and did not profit them, and certainly they know that he who bought it should have no share of good in the hereafter and evil was the price for which they sold their souls, had they but known this”. (2:102)

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We have to be open to the possibility that this friend may be right. Tell Becca to find a reputable and decent sheikh and have her take her own kheera and finally ask this friend to take a kheera on whether they should continue these unsolicited kheeras. If she hears a no from her own method then maybe she'll stop. 

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44 minutes ago, guest 2025 said:

We have to be open to the possibility that this friend may be right. Tell Becca to find a reputable and decent sheikh and have her take her own kheera and finally ask this friend to take a kheera on whether they should continue these unsolicited kheeras. If she hears a no from her own method then maybe she'll stop. 

This is ridiculous. What does Beeca need to do istikhara about? Istikhara isn't a joke. How many happily married couples just start doing istikharas whether they should continue their marriage or not? 

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52 minutes ago, guest 2025 said:

We have to be open to the possibility that this friend may be right. Tell Becca to find a reputable and decent sheikh and have her take her own kheera and finally ask this friend to take a kheera on whether they should continue these unsolicited kheeras. If she hears a no from her own method then maybe she'll stop. 

Wait! Maybe you were joking ? :worried:

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On 10/19/2020 at 4:54 PM, shia farm girl said:

As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters,

Im asking a question for an acquaintance of mine who hasnt been able to get a clear picture of what she should do in this case. For ease and clarity of writing, i will call her Becca. Here is the gist of her situation:

Becca has been married for 5 years. Husband and wife are both good, observant muslims. They are older and have no kids. The marriage has its usuall ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary. Recently, its improved in a few ways. 

Becca has a close friend who from the very beginning of Beccas marriage, questioned whether this marriage was good for Becca as her friend saw stressfull changes in Becca that started exactly from the time Becca married.

Anyhow, her friend is well known for very accurate istikharas and over the course of Beccas marriage, this friend has done numerous UNSOLICITED istikharas regarding Beccas marriage and all of them came back as "good with difficulty". (Sounds like many marriages..:confused:)

Now the other day, Beccas friend called her out of the blue and said she had done another istikhara regarding Beccas marriage. Becca told her, "PLEASE dont tell me the results as i am under a lot of heavy emotional and mental stress due to some family problems and illnesses (all unrelated to the marriage) and i can not handle knowing your istikhara results, ESPECIALLY if it is "bad."

Her friend proceded to tell her that the istikhara result to NOT tell Becca the result of the first istikhara was "bad" and she couldnt just sit there and not say anything, so she told Becca the result anyway, that its "bad" for her to stay in this marriage.

Now Becca is stressed out even more, obsessing over the results and mostly terrified for the future as shes scared some terrible thing is going to happen if she stays in this marriage, which she has had NO PRIOR INTENTION of ending. 

Her question to me was: "Since NONE of these istikharas were solicited or requested by me from this sister, do i need to abide by this last one? Should i be worried about the result? Should i consider ending this marriage since the result to stay in it is "bad"?"

All i personally know regarding istikharas being done is that first, a person is supposed to request or WANT it done because they TRULY dont know what to do regarding a situation, and second, the person its being done for has to have their intention set on the question being asked. My PERSONAL opinion is since Becca never requested nor asked for these istikharas, nor did she have her intention set on the question being asked, that they are void and IN SHA ALLAH, of no significance or consequence.

Can anyone add to this so i can give this sister some more info and MAYBE ease her worried mind?

Thanks so much in advance!

@Abu Hadi @eThErEaL @313_Waiter @islam25@Qa'im@notme @Mohammad313Ali@hasanhh@starlight @Rohaniand anyone else. These are just the first names that came to my mind. There were others but i cant spell their screen names correctly enough to tag them:ko:

W/s

First, in order for an Istikhara to be valid, some conditions must be met.

1. The person who is having the istikhara done must ask for it and must have a clear picture of what they are asking in their mind (#1 condition). The question must be specific and a binary (yes / no) choice. For example, should I marry this person ? should I go on this trip ? should I take this job ? should I divorce this person ? 

2. This must be a situation where the decision cannot be made thru aql (rational thought). If the decision can be arrived at thru a process of rational thought (harms vs. benefits, evidence and research, etc), then the istikhara is not valid because Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) prefers you use your aql, the thing which he gave you to make decisions. 

3. The person should do it themselves, or if someone else is doing it, they must ask them to do it and the person must be mumin / a, understand how to do it, and must be objective (i.e. not doing it with a preset conclusion in their mind). 

If any one of these or any part of these are violated, the istikhara is not valid at all and should be disregarded. This istikhara violates the first condition, and it sounds like also the third condition. The istikhara is not valid. Tell your friend feel free to ignore this friend and any further istikhara she does. 

About the accuracy thing. Remember, a broken watch is telling the right time twice a day. Also, people who are good at 'spinning' their predictions can convince enough people their 'istikhara' was right to fool a few people, and those people talk. Thus, some buzz starts. If you really sat down and looked at the facts objectively, you would find that most of these istikharas were wrong. 

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

This is ridiculous. What does Beeca need to do istikhara about? Istikhara isn't a joke. How many happily married couples just start doing istikharas whether they should continue their marriage or not? 

I say that because I don't know all the details, Becca and her friend may know details that even OP doesn't. People have proven that the kheera isn't valid, but I have to wonder why Becca even entertained this in the first place. And what it is her friend sees. Of course it could all be nonsense, but we still have to triple quadruple check with something as serious as divorce.

Edited by guest 2025
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Salaam sister @shia farm girl

The response of the Sheikh is as follows:

Quote

Alaykum assalam
All what she did is nonsense 
No body has the right to do istekhara for others without their request 

 

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Ask Becca to ask her friend to take out an istekhara if they can still be friend. I am sure it would be bad. 

Istekhara is normally done after you did your research about a matter and asked opinions of others and u r still in confusion. And its better if we approach a pious ulema to do istekhara then any random person 

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@shia farm girl   Salam Uhty . . .  this is your third avatar that l can remember. You need to warn people . . . or at least me . . . because this old dotard starts looking at the avatars to identify who is writing and it took me over a day to realize it was you. Subnote: l still remember the one with the lamb.

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23 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

@shia farm girl   Salam Uhty . . .  this is your third avatar that l can remember. You need to warn people . . . or at least me . . . because this old dotard starts looking at the avatars to identify who is writing and it took me over a day to realize it was you. Subnote: l still remember the one with the lamb.

I am SOOO sorry to have caused you any stress brother!!! Im thinking im going to switch it back to the other one just for the reason you mentioned. 

Dotard, lol:grin:

 

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43 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

@shia farm girl   Salam Uhty . . .  this is your third avatar that l can remember. You need to warn people . . . or at least me . . . because this old dotard starts looking at the avatars to identify who is writing and it took me over a day to realize it was you. Subnote: l still remember the one with the lamb.

Salaam brother, im back to Sheikh Sekaleshfar again. :) 

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