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In the Name of God بسم الله

A question for men

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Guest bonjour

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@OP I read through the thread and did not reply earlier because I could not come up with the right advice. Let me explain it to you now, what the thing is. See, during our early youth these days we can reach 30 eating out, consuming processed / junk food, consuming fake dairy milk and all the stuff in shops and restaurants. I have a 25 years old nephew who is like a little brother to me. His wife does not cook, and in summary she is like a pretty cat that he has to take care of round the clock. I pray for them as they are having a baby soon. They both consume commercially sold foods. They both have serious stomach problems that occur due to the lining inside the stomach getting eroded. The chemicals. preservatives, sauces, dressings, and everything by the capitalistic food industry does not care about our health, they care about earning more profit and selling cheap stuff for as much as possible while pharmaceutical companies love it because consumers then get to consume their medicines regularly after getting sick. Proton pump inhibitors, anti-gastric, statins to lower cholesterol, they all love it and are in it together, for money. My nephew also has cholesterol, hypertension and some other liver function problems and it is all because of their eating habits. At his age I was like a barbarian and did not know disease. It is alarming for me. I used to stop him but he never listened.

So, perhaps, in the west and in your time of early youths, irresponsible consumption of food might work for a little while. But you will pretty soon run into problems. You do not want a life where you regularly have to consume medicines in order to continue functioning. Who would?

This is why your mum advises you to learn to cook. So would I. It does not mean you will have to cook as well as do other tasks when you start your family.  But you should know cooking and stuff about eating healthy for your own sake and the sake of your loved ones. Even I know cooking and cook for my children sometimes. I know sewing and sew my clothes myself. I don't bother my wife with so many things, I do them myself. I learnt cooking when I was 12, as a hobby, along with a cousin of mine. We used to bake cakes and stuff. Its fun. Later when I was 19 and away from my folks for studies in another country I used to cook for myself as well as 8 other friends. I would cook stuff and put it in the fridge. I learnt how to slaughter chicken. I was the go to guy to plan BBQs ahead of time. Everybody loved me. I think its a very nice skill to have. I already mentioned that the food industry and its regulatory authorities like FDA should not be trusted with our lives. Otherwise bad things happen to our health.

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I have a very good friend who has two grown up daughters, not married yet, and a son. His wife died a few months earlier. His daughters and son can not cook and my friend now eats from commercial outlets. So soon he has developed hypertension and stomach ulcers, probably affected by H. Pylori. His son is a nice young man but he is getting thinner day by day because, as I see it, no more mum to feed him nice things. Being skinny he never ate often anyway and now I don't blame him for avoiding the food his sisters cook, if at all. My friend's daughters are receiving higher education and he has a good amount of land but I see very few if at all who would imagine their son marrying one of them. Or well that is how things are in our culture where women are expected to be house wives. But it is only prudent to avoid food not prepared in your own home.

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20 hours ago, notme said:

This is traditional,

Premise: lt is 'traditional' because it was always found to be the 'best' arrangement.

This is not an ad hominembut as much socialist ideas you have posted you are aware of Engles' writing on the family and society?  Quick ref: a natural division of labor based in the differences in manual dexterity.

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54 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

as much socialist ideas you have posted you are aware of Engles' writing on the family and society?  Quick ref: a natural division of labor based in the differences in manual dexterity.

I'm not exactly socialist. I'm just pushing your buttons. My entire political and economic ideology is based on the belief that humans are a social species and are most successful when we work together rather than against each other. I have read a little Engles, but not much. If I am socialist, it's by nature not by education. 

My current gig is as a housewife - obviously I don't oppose this arrangement. Actually, in spite of my complaints about lack of appreciation, I consider it a privilege to be able to dedicate my time to my home and family. I agree this is the best arrangement for most families, but it isn't feasible where there is poverty or in families that the spouses do not trust and take care of each other, and it doesn't work well when the adults hate it and are constantly unhappy. 

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On 10/2/2020 at 2:26 PM, Guest bonjour said:

Are there men out there who don't care if their (future) wife is not into cleaning or dish washing or cooking?

A wife who doesn’t cook? That’s like a car without wheels.

Can't drive it, what's the use of owning one?

Edited by Cherub786
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Salams,

I'm pretty sure this was previously mentioned but I'm just gonna lay it all out. Marriage requires commitment from both parties otherwise it won't work. I hate when I see the husband returns from work only to just sit down and eat. It really annoys me, obviously a full-time job is hard, but doing household work is similar, the only difference is that you don't get paid. Cooking, laundry, cleaning and many more that I don't even know exist yet.

Okay, back to the topic of this post. Honestly, there has to be fair share of work being done by both the husband and wife, wife doesn't do all the work nor the husband. Yeah sometimes you come back from work tired but you can't use that excuse everyday, you have to help. I don't know how to cook, but I'm willing to do all other chores and without a shadow of a doubt willing to learn how to cook as well because I see it as a great honour to be able to do such a thing for you family. If I get married to someone who doesn't know how to cook as well, we'll just learn together there's no problem with that, after all spending time together is really healthy for the marriage. I read a hadith that said (paraphrased), sitting down with your family is better than doing seventy acts of worship. When you say you don't plan on doing any chores, this isn't good because just as I believe that the husband should still do chores whilst working, the wife must as well if she is going to work. As I mentioned before, marriage requires the commitment to its success from both parties. As others have mentioned as well, if you're going to have children, you have to show them the value of hard work because getting maid to do chores, will make your children lazy in a way, they would just want some else to do their work and won't truly learn the value of hard work at the end.

If both you and husband are going to be working and at the end of day come back home tired, (when you say you don't plan on doing any household chores) you have to realise that your spouse as well will be tired so you can't put everything on them. You have to help equally because it's not right to let one person do everything whilst the other is relaxing. Hope this helps.

With Duas and Salams

 

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On 10/8/2020 at 8:55 PM, The Green Knight said:

I have a very good friend who has two grown up daughters, not married yet, and a son. His wife died a few months earlier. His daughters and son can not cook and my friend now eats from commercial outlets. So soon he has developed hypertension and stomach ulcers, probably affected by H. Pylori. His son is a nice young man but he is getting thinner day by day because, as I see it, no more mum to feed him nice things. Being skinny he never ate often anyway and now I don't blame him for avoiding the food his sisters cook, if at all. My friend's daughters are receiving higher education and he has a good amount of land but I see very few if at all who would imagine their son marrying one of them. Or well that is how things are in our culture where women are expected to be house wives. But it is only prudent to avoid food not prepared in your own home.

 

On 10/10/2020 at 3:51 AM, ShiaofAli12 said:

Salams,

I'm pretty sure this was previously mentioned but I'm just gonna lay it all out. Marriage requires commitment from both parties otherwise it won't work. I hate when I see the husband returns from work only to just sit down and eat. It really annoys me, obviously a full-time job is hard, but doing household work is similar, the only difference is that you don't get paid. Cooking, laundry, cleaning and many more that I don't even know exist yet.

Okay, back to the topic of this post. Honestly, there has to be fair share of work being done by both the husband and wife, wife doesn't do all the work nor the husband. Yeah sometimes you come back from work tired but you can't use that excuse everyday, you have to help. I don't know how to cook, but I'm willing to do all other chores and without a shadow of a doubt willing to learn how to cook as well because I see it as a great honour to be able to do such a thing for you family. If I get married to someone who doesn't know how to cook as well, we'll just learn together there's no problem with that, after all spending time together is really healthy for the marriage. I read a hadith that said (paraphrased), sitting down with your family is better than doing seventy acts of worship. When you say you don't plan on doing any chores, this isn't good because just as I believe that the husband should still do chores whilst working, the wife must as well if she is going to work. As I mentioned before, marriage requires the commitment to its success from both parties. As others have mentioned as well, if you're going to have children, you have to show them the value of hard work because getting maid to do chores, will make your children lazy in a way, they would just want some else to do their work and won't truly learn the value of hard work at the end.

If both you and husband are going to be working and at the end of day come back home tired, (when you say you don't plan on doing any household chores) you have to realise that your spouse as well will be tired so you can't put everything on them. You have to help equally because it's not right to let one person do everything whilst the other is relaxing. Hope this helps.

With Duas and Salams

 

 

Thanks for your replies. Yeah of course I know eating outside is bad, and I barely do because I don't trust other people when it comes to hygiene. You guys are all probably right and maybe I should start learning how to cook, properly. 

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29 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Why did l write it this way?

Yap is about the only thing femies know.

Geez, I thought "The Left" was the cause of gender confusion. Here we've got @hasanhh telling me I'm not female. Nearly 2 pm and I've not uttered 10 words so far today, but I have planted tomatoes and peppers, sprayed some poison ivy, and done some touch-up painting on my car, so if females "only know yap" I clearly am not one. 

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If a woman is not willing to cook and clean than I don't want her. I don't want a slave but cleanliness is basic. If I can work 40+ hours a week, go to the gym 4 times a week, attend masjid and still cook and clean for myself why can't a wife? Sure I can cook for her too at times but if shes not willing to do anything then she can enjoy this womans world and be miss independent with 40 cats.

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54 minutes ago, MexicanVato said:

If a woman is not willing to cook and clean than I don't want her. I don't want a slave but cleanliness is basic. If I can work 40+ hours a week, go to the gym 4 times a week, attend masjid and still cook and clean for myself why can't a wife? Sure I can cook for her too at times but if shes not willing to do anything then she can enjoy this womans world and be miss independent with 40 cats.

Hahahahha brother well said this comment alone raised my respect for you a lot. I dont know who it was but someone on shiachat once said something like "people now a days think not being able to cook or clean is a personality trait"

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2 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Who did you spray poison ivy on?

:grin:

Seriously, you are about the only gurl on S.C that ever mentions doing anything practical.

Not telling. 

-----

That's because it's routine and doesn't warrant a mention except from really boring people like me. 

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On 10/2/2020 at 5:26 PM, Guest bonjour said:

Are there men out there who don't care if their (future) wife is not into cleaning or dish washing or cooking?

Just the FOOD thing. 

Do you understand that 'HIS" Physical Well-being is to your Advantage. ? 

Don't feed him, have a weak man. Not to your advantage. 

 

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On 10/2/2020 at 5:26 PM, Guest bonjour said:

Are there men out there who don't care if their (future) wife is not into cleaning or dish washing or cooking? Because I don't do any of those things, I don't like it and I'm actually never planning to do. My mum sometimes says that my future husband is unlucky with someone like me because I don't like to clean or cook. But why is he unlucky? He gets an educated girl with a good job.  

What do y'all prefer?

Woman with a good job and career or a woman who loves to take care of the house and that kind of stuff.

Because in my point of view, most men rather have the last option. I think marriage might not be for me looll.

i prefer someone who has a good job, cooking and cleaning is so OVERRATED 

and I'm a minimalist so I can feed and clean myself 

with kids yes both partners can take turns, i love taking care of kids too

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On 4/10/2021 at 12:08 AM, Guest Psychological Warfare said:

Just the FOOD thing. 

l said a couple of nights ago during lftar that if l made it into Heaven and got my request, my little sister would be my cook.

Y'all know: A fantastic kitchen. Multiple ovens. Big enough so she doesn't feel cooped-up. (For you non-Americans, this comes from 'chicken coop'.) With dine-in and take-out entrances. Big, long menu. And of course a dishwasher. And a laundry for the table linens.

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4 hours ago, hasanhh said:

l said a couple of nights ago during lftar that if l made it into Heaven and got my request, my little sister would be my cook.

Y'all know: A fantastic kitchen. Multiple ovens. Big enough so she doesn't feel cooped-up. (For you non-Americans, this comes from 'chicken coop'.) With dine-in and take-out entrances. Big, long menu. And of course a dishwasher. And a laundry for the table linens.

There are people to whom such a kitchen would be a dream of paradise. 

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