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In the Name of God بسم الله

I Am Sinful & Regretful

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  • Advanced Member

I find myself coming on here from time to time just to vent for some reason. So here I am.

Today I committed what I feel is a major sin. It’s a sin that pertains to a certain lifestyle I gave up a while ago.

I haven’t committed this sin for over 3 years & I was convinced that I was done with that lifestyle & that I was done sinning in that way.

What I learned is to never underestimate the devil, as he always has ways of deceiving you & getting you to do things you never thought you would do ever again. 
 

After I got home from committing that sin, I’ve just been crying & crying & balling my eyes out, pleading for forgiveness from God. I’ve never been such a baby like this in a long time. 
 

The guilt, shame, regret, anxiety has been eating me alive. The knowing that I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever that lead me to committing that sin, the clear defiance of the Creator, the just... I don’t even know what to say. I made a mistake willfully & I just can’t believe I did it.

I’ve never slipped up like that for over 3 years & have always said no to it, yet it just happened, totally unexpected. I cannot believe I did that, so random. Just like that. 
 

I never thought I would have ever committed this sin again, yet here I was, in my weakness. I committed a grave sin & I’ve been in my room & on my prayer mat just pleading & crying so much.
 

I ask the Lord to forgive me, even though I don’t deserve His forgiveness. I ask the Lord to have mercy on this soul that doesn’t deserve His mercy. I can’t believe I disobeyed the Lord like that. I can’t believe I did it.

The result = Crying & pleading all night on my prayer mat for His forgiveness. It was an emotionally unstable kind of pleading. 

I can’t begin to tell you just how awful I feel & how much pleading & crying I’ve done. This experience lead me to this much emotional pain. It takes a toll on me mentally & emotionally when I commit a major sin. 

Moral of the story - Don’t ever think you’re will power is strong enough to stay away from sin. Stay away from settings & people that may lead to such sins. And remember, anything can happen at any moment, and it can be the most unexpected thing ever, and before you know it, you’ve put yourself into a deep hole.
 

Don’t be that person who thinks they can stay away from any sin. We’re always vulnerable. At any place, at any time, with anyone. 

 

 

Edited by RepentantServant
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  • Advanced Member

I completely agree with you and have gone through what you went through. Sometimes we don't know how to deal with pain, life pressure and the way we get treated by our surrounding which can cause us towards sin.

It is important not to give up, on the Mercy of Allah. The fact you are crying and regret is good. Try and do good deeds. Keep doing your prayers, duas and reading Quran.

It is not easy I know but never give up. Good Luck. May Allah protect you and everyone from the whispers of Shaytan.

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  • Advanced Member

Thanks for your honesty.  It is so painful to lose a relationship with the God who loves us.

Jesus the Messiah told a story about a boy who took his inheritance and left home. (read it in Luke Chapter 15)  While away he squandered it on wild living.  In the end, when he was desparate, he decided to return to his father and ask to become one of his fathers servants.  His father saw him while he was a long way away and ran to him and reinstated him.

God loves us and wants to welcome us back into his family.

Yes the devil is strong and we are weak.  However, God is stronger than evil and if God is living in us we can resist temptaion and know complete restoration.

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RepentantServant – Humans Err and Sin. Humans turn to Allah Almighty and repent: Allah Almighty the Merciful forgives!  

O ye who believe! Turn to God with sincere repentance, in the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow ...— Quran, Sura 66 (Al-Tahrim), ayah 08

"Every son of Adam sins, the best of the sinners are those who repent."  Sunan al-Tirmidhi,Hadith no. 2499

Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard the Prophet (Peace and Blessings be upon him) saying, "If somebody commits a sin and then says, 'O my Lord! I have sinned, please forgive me!' and his Lord says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for it, I therefore have forgiven my slave (his sins).' Then he remains without committing any sin for a while and then again commits another sin and says, 'O my Lord, I have committed another sin, please forgive me,' and Allah says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for it, I therefore have forgiven my slave (his sin). Then he remains without Committing any another sin for a while and then commits another sin (for the third time) and says, 'O my Lord, I have committed another sin, please forgive me,' and Allah says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for it I therefore have forgiven My slave (his sin), he can do whatever he likes." Sahih al-Bukhari 7507

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Quote

 and Allah says, 'My slave has known that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for it I therefore have forgiven My slave (his sin), he can do whatever he likes." 

This is because he will always return to repentance when he do sins, he already acknowledge that God forgives and punish.

Edited by Abu Nur
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  • Advanced Member
On 9/14/2020 at 2:54 PM, RepentantServant said:

I find myself coming on here from time to time just to vent for some reason. So here I am.

Today I committed what I feel is a major sin. It’s a sin that pertains to a certain lifestyle I gave up a while ago.

I haven’t committed this sin for over 3 years & I was convinced that I was done with that lifestyle & that I was done sinning in that way.

What I learned is to never underestimate the devil, as he always has ways of deceiving you & getting you to do things you never thought you would do ever again. 
 

After I got home from committing that sin, I’ve just been crying & crying & balling my eyes out, pleading for forgiveness from God. I’ve never been such a baby like this in a long time. 
 

The guilt, shame, regret, anxiety has been eating me alive. The knowing that I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever that lead me to committing that sin, the clear defiance of the Creator, the just... I don’t even know what to say. I made a mistake willfully & I just can’t believe I did it.

I’ve never slipped up like that for over 3 years & have always said no to it, yet it just happened, totally unexpected. I cannot believe I did that, so random. Just like that. 
 

I never thought I would have ever committed this sin again, yet here I was, in my weakness. I committed a grave sin & I’ve been in my room & on my prayer mat just pleading & crying so much.
 

I ask the Lord to forgive me, even though I don’t deserve His forgiveness. I ask the Lord to have mercy on this soul that doesn’t deserve His mercy. I can’t believe I disobeyed the Lord like that. I can’t believe I did it.

The result = Crying & pleading all night on my prayer mat for His forgiveness. It was an emotionally unstable kind of pleading. 

I can’t begin to tell you just how awful I feel & how much pleading & crying I’ve done. This experience lead me to this much emotional pain. It takes a toll on me mentally & emotionally when I commit a major sin. 

Moral of the story - Don’t ever think you’re will power is strong enough to stay away from sin. Stay away from settings & people that may lead to such sins. And remember, anything can happen at any moment, and it can be the most unexpected thing ever, and before you know it, you’ve put yourself into a deep hole.
 

Don’t be that person who thinks they can stay away from any sin. We’re always vulnerable. At any place, at any time, with anyone.  

 

 

Salaam Brother, 

In Quran Allah says:

Say: O My servants who have been prodigal against yourselves; do not despair of Allah's mercy. Surely, Allah forgives all sins. Surely, He is the All-forgiving, the All-compassionate.

Allah will forgive you brother. The moment you realized you did a huge sin and made your mind to repent, Allah accepted it. Don't feel bad. 

And yes you are right, Abstaining for sins is the primary duty to become a devout believer. Nothing, not even becoming a  great scholar can prevent Satan from deviating a person. 

May Allah accept you repentence and bless you.

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