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In the Name of God بسم الله

The self stimulating pandemic of our ummah

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Guest Ahmad

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Salam Alaykom,

I’m a guy that grew up in the west like many others and I want to post this because I feel there’s a need for all of us to discuss this topic since a majority of us (male and female) are suffering from this disease and there’s a small amount of solutions being discussed. At the end I will state some points that helped me through this so scroll down if u don’t want to know my personal experience (and forgive me if I’m a bit too explicit (unintentionally of course)). I got to know about self stimulation in elementary school. It was part of our education when I was 11 years old and they told us to explore it. I came to realize it’s against islam way too late, at age 13/14 when I became a but more conscious about what’s halal and what’s haram. I tried to normalize it because I knew all my friends did it too and lies like “it’s healthy” and halal (it’s not). And again, I learned the “halal” lie through school. They gave us a website to learn about these topics and there was a section for muslims where it was claimed to be halal according to some random (and probably liberal) “scholars”. I continued like this until my grandfather passed away when everything in my life switched at age 14/15. He was the first close person in my life to pass away and I became aware about death etc. I started to contemplate and I started to hate my bad habits (be it listening to music or the secret habit). I changed myself but I couldn’t change the secret habit. I became addicted and I started hating myself every time it occurred. There were many attempts to stop. I tried a method of scheduling it where I tried to do it less a week and then less a month etc but that didn’t help since your nafs would make excuses such as “what do two days matter” etc. I tried stopping at once and I hit 40+ days twice and came back. This continued until last ramadan. What happened now was that I (unintentionally?) focused on purifying my soul rather than stopping a bad habit. I was sick of the idea of praying 5 times a day to The Creator of the heavens and the earths and disobeying Him every couple days. Whenever I was alone with my thoughts I would do istighfar and whenever I had an urge to do it I would continuously say “Allahu akbar min nafsi” “God is greater than my self” which is a logical thing but it meant a lot to me personally. It reminded that my nafs wanted something which Allah didn’t want. And that Allah is the one to be obeyed rather than my nafs. I did this along with reading duaa tawassol and asking Allah to help me in this battle against my desires. The last reset of the “streak” was one week before Ramadan. I felt really disgusted by the fact that Ramadan was around the corner and I was committing more sins. Ramadan helped me to grow spiritually. Ramadan is a breeze that lifts a leaf and our sins are stones. If there’s a stone on the leaf the breeze will not lift it. So we first need to remove the stone in order to be lifted by the breeze. I cut the habit and did sincere tawba and had yaqeen Allah will help me. I’m now confident that I quit the habit. It’s been 138 days and I don’t struggle with having control over my desires anymore. I wanted to be helpful for others that might be struggling with this and I will write down the steps you need to take in order to win this battle.

Step 1: Realize why your doing this and realize how bad this is on your soul and you mentality. Realize that there are many non believers that cut this habit too without spiritual help and that you, with Allah on your side will be able to do just the same.

Step 2: Now that you’ve realized who you’ve been disobeying ask for forgiveness. Repent and go back to Allah. Be genuine and talk to Him. You can talk in your own language and tell Allah how much you want to change and that you need His help since He is the one capable of saying “be and it is”.

Step 3: Whenever you’re free with your thoughts (so whenever you don’t need to focus on something like while studying), for example while driving or while working. Do istighfar even if you can specify a sin to do istighfar for or contemplate on your soul and your sins. Don’t let your mind wander far away because our fantasy can be traitorous and you sometimes don’t have control over it. 
 

Step 4: Whenever you’re in the dangerous haram mood say things like God is greater than my desires or God is greater than me or just Allahu akbar and control your breathing to lower your heart rate. (Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and repeat until your heart rate is normal). 
 

Step 5: Talk with a close spiritual friend about this. We’re all struggling with this so if you have a friend that could motivate and remind you if this when ur in the dangerous haram mood just text him or her provided that the other person is from the same gender of course.

Step 6: Fast. This really helps and I know we can’t fast every day. The reason why this helps is because:

- Because of the fasting you’re tired and don’t have energy for it

- While fasting you’re constantly being reminded of Allah

- Fasting gives you a discipline boost. (If you can stay away from the most essential things of life, food, then you can stay away from anything and everything)

- If you experience the dangerous haram mood the chance of acting on it would be normal than lower since it would break the fast and most of us don’t think it’s worth it to do that after 10 hours of fasting for example.

What I would recommend is to fast how often you can. If you’re able to fast for 40 days straight then do it. If you cant then take the amount of days between every time you do the bad act and make it the amount of days between every time you fast. So if you do it twice a week, then fast twice a week on the days you would’ve done it (or a couple days more to be sure).

Step 7: Realize that you will never be safe until you marry. You cannot win this battle as in you can never stop your desires (the thoughts). You can however stop acting on the desires but you will be battling constantly until marriage so start thinking about marrying and do it as soon as you’re able to and as soon as you’re ready.

I want to clarify that yes, it’s hard to get married in this day and age in the years that you need it but realize that marriage alone isn’t the solution. There are many men that continued this habit even after marriage so I would recommend stopping this habit before marriage (if you’re able to, if the reason of this habit is you not being married then it’s obligatory for you to marry).

I hope this will he useful for anyone and let me know what you guys did to overcome it.

WS

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