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In the Name of God بسم الله

Ask her a second time if she wants to marry?

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Salam alaikum brother welcome to the forum. 

I would suggest that you request the sister who first spoke to her to talk to her again, and this time to mention your name. This way she knows that you are interested. 

If she gives positive feedback then your parents can approach her parents inshaAllah (or if this won't work then maybe the brother in charge of the youth group can help)

Your other question: posts can be edited by moderators if requested.

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Salam,

Perhaps start learning Lebanese Arabic as well, I'm sure it will come in handy.

You should also ask a Lebanese person how it works culturally, in some cultures in can be quite problematic if you arrange this with the girl before including her parents, aspecially at her age.

Edited by Ali_Hussain
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15 minutes ago, Ali_Hussain said:

You should also ask a Lebanese person how it works culturally, in some cultures in can be quite problematic if you arrange this with the girl before including her parents, aspecially at her age.

That is very true. Culture plays an impact and things usually have to be done a certain way if the parents are traditional, at least that’s the case in my culture in regards to marriage (Palestinian). But it seems her parents know you well enough for you to be offered to fly to Lebanon with them. I say go with brother @Mahdavist advice first and then see if that doesn’t work that you approach her parents or just tell your mother. You might be pleasantly surprised how much your mum might be able to help.

My cousin is married to a Lebanese man and he approached her with his mum coming to their house.. so it’s not odd.

Edited by Mariam17
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53 minutes ago, Mariam17 said:

That is very true. Culture plays an impact and things usually have to be done a certain way if the parents are traditional, at least that’s the case in my culture in regards to marriage (Palestinian). But it seems her parents know you well enough for you to be offered to fly to Lebanon with them. I say go with brother @Mahdavist

The thing with these kinds of invitations is that you can never be sure of the intended meaning behind them, in many cases the person just puts it out there without really meaning it. This seems like one of those times. If a girl were to ask her female friend it might be different, but I can't really see a Muslim girl offering a guy a holiday with her and her family.

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On 8/5/2020 at 2:40 PM, GermanMuslim said:

Assalamu aleikum,

Background: I am Shiite and 21 years old. I live in Germany (I already know the shia-forum.de) and have been active in a youth group there for 2 years. Because I always went to the mosque, I got responsibility in some areas of the youth group (organizing/leading). I met a Muslim girl there who was also very committed to the youth group. She is 18 years old and I think she is a very devout woman and takes her faith very seriously. I have to say that I found her "attractive" from the beginning, if you can say that so. 

In these two years it happened that I had to wear a suit at an Islamic event. When I was standing alone in the anteroom, she suddenly stood in front of me and said "You look good". A woman had never said this to me before, but "Thank you, you too" shot out of me and my eyes slipped from her eyes to her feet. I stared at the floor, didn't know what to do and went somewhere else. Afterwards I regretted this situation, because I think my reaction was not Islamic. 

Other situation: My father comes from Lebanon and my mother from Germany. Her parents are both from Lebanon. I told her in a conversation with others that I have not been to Lebanon yet, but I would like to go, but unfortunately my family does not fly there (I did not tell her that this is because of family problems). Because this is not the first time that I told her this, she told me that I have to go with her family (because they fly there every year). But why does she say this to me? I would not take someone who does not belong to my family, would I?

A few months ago, the youth group leader asked me who I would marry. Because of my work in the youth group, I know other women, but I chose her because my impression with her is that she takes faith seriously and she wants to engage for Islam. So I told him her name and asked him for his opinion. He told me that we were made for each other and he already wondered when I would ask her. His wife asked her if she wants to marry, but without giving my name. She said she didn't feel ready. Then the Corona lockdown came and the mosque was closed for the time being and we all stopped seeing each other.

Honestly, I don't know how to take her answer. Does she give me signals, do I misunderstand her or am I getting too involved? Besides, because I have never asked a woman before, I realized that I was rather the one who was not prepared enough. But since then I can't get her out of my mind and I feel even more attached to her. I would like to have a clear answer from her, either a "yes" or a "no", whether she wants to get to know my person or not.

What do you think? Can/should I ask her a second time? If so, how should I proceed, how should I ask her? Or is it possible to ask the first time and count as the first time because she didn't know that it was me? Or should I forget that all?

If a further procedure is possible: Our families do not know each other. She knows my parents by sight and I know her parents by sight. Once her mother didn't get the door close of the mosque and I helped her. Once I was with my father in the mosque and she came suddenly, asked if that was my father and introduced herself. Another situation I don't understand why she did that. It is very difficult to ask to her via my family because my father is rather distant from the mosque and my mother converted. So I have the possibilities: To ask her personally directly, to ask her father in the mosque personally directly (what do I do if I have language problems?) or again via the wife of the youth group leader but with the request to mention my name (but how do I tell her that I am still interested?), but apparently she wants me to ask her family directly, otherwise she wouldn't have said she didn't feel ready. 

My parents don't know anything about this, but of course I was going to tell them if she had been interested in marrying. But I've never talked to them about marriage before or anything like this respictevly they never talked to me about this. Therefor I ask you for consulting. 

 

By the way: Can you edit posts you have created as a guest afterwards?

The 'I am not ready' answer is easy to explain. In almost all cases that I know of, this is the standard answer of a muslim women when she doesn't know the 'who' in the situation of marriage. If you have done the checks (Iman, Taqwa, and the third one, 'attractiveness'  seems to be already ok) then be straightforward an send a proposal either with this brother's wife or another lady and tell her to say your name and not give a generic 'are your ready to get married' line. The worst that could happen is that she could say no. If she says 'no', like you said, you know other sisters and have other opportunities. If you have the sincere intention to get married, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will help you. The help might not come in the way you expect, so don't get too attached to one particular lady before you know if the marriage is going to happen. Just make the niyyat and go forward. You will succeed, with the help of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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1 minute ago, Abu Hadi said:

The 'I am not ready' answer is easy to explain. In almost all cases that I know of, this is the standard answer of a muslim women when she doesn't know the 'who' in the situation of marriage. If you have done the checks (Iman, Taqwa, and the third one, 'attractiveness'  seems to be already ok) then be straightforward an send a proposal either with this brother's wife or another lady and tell that to say your name and not give a generic 'are your ready to get married' line. The worst that could happen is that she could say no. If she says 'no', like you said, you know other sisters and have other opportunities. If you have the sincere intention to get married, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will help you. The help might not come in the way you expect, so don't get too attached to one particular lady before you know if the marriage is going to happen. Just make the niyyat and go forward. You will succeed, with the help of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

I told this story on the forum before, but I will tell it again because it explains the 'not in the way you expect' part. I am American, a revert to Islam, and spent my whole life living in the US, although I have traveled to other countries (but never lived in any of them). In the US, about 80% of the reverts to Islam are women, only 20% are men. So I fully expected to marry another American Sister, revert to Islam. I wanted to marry someone with the same language / culture as me, like most men do, and didn't expect that this wouldn't happen, again, like most men do. I met quite a few American revert sisters before I married my wife, and some of these almost led to marriage, but there was always a 'hitch' that stopped the marriage from happening. Various things, I won't go into details about this. Anyway, I got to the point where I was extremely frustrated and thought that maybe I would never meet someone and get married. It was at this point that some of my friends decided to take a vacation to Lebanon, and I decided to go, at the last minute. I was there for three weeks over the winter holidays from university, I was in the third year. Then on the last day, before I was supposed to fly back to the US, thru a strange series of events, I ended up meeting my wife, who is Lebanese. This time, unlike the other times, although we were from different countries and cultures, things went better and we ended up getting married. We have been married now for over 10 years and have three kids together and are still happy. So there is the point that things don't always go as you planned, but they always work out in the end if you have a good niyyat and rely on the help of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

 

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