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In the Name of God بسم الله

Being with a girl but I still always pray.

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  • Basic Members

Salaam, 

I hope everyone is keeping well and healthy amidst COVID. As stated in the title, this is going to be a personal post.

I’m currently in my 20’s/female, when I was younger I was groomed by a female authoritative figure. I come from an abusive household, (my father), I’m still vulnerable not sure if that’s relevant. She is also a Shia too. I never understood what it was or meant but all I knew was I felt it deep in my heart I was meant to be with her. It left a massive scar in my heart and I think I’m unable to ever understand why it even happened but alhamdillah, it could’ve been much worse. I even prayed to get over the heart break and find someone new or at peace.

Here comes the part none of you will like, I’ve got a girlfriend of almost a year now. She’s been so patient with everything. She’s so strong hanging on whilst I make the choice. Fully take her out of my life for my sake in the next life or risk it all, given how merciful Allah is. Im currently keeping back on track with prayers and trying to closer myself to God inshAllah. I know this sounds so stupid, but I just want to know are my prayers valid at all whilst being with a girl or am I just being a bad person while continuing to pray ? I don’t understand why I can’t have both and it’s really hurting me. I’m not carrying out any sexual acts with her or myself. 

Ive recently just had a major freak out about how The End will come, like is it painful ? What will it look like, will the Blast of the trumpet deafen me ? I’m just so scared about dying and ending up in Hell. I understand Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is so so so merciful! This is why i’m so confused about being with a girl whilst I continue to pray. I am aware of homosexuality being haram in every religion.

Thank you for reading my dilemma, any advice is always useful. Please don’t hate on me, I’m crying myself to sleep every night and making dua that things will work out for the best. If anyone could pass this onto a scholar, I would really appreciate that inshAllah. Stay safe everyone!

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Guest Dana
1 hour ago, NJRS312 said:

Salaam, 

I hope everyone is keeping well and healthy amidst COVID. As stated in the title, this is going to be a personal post.

I’m currently in my 20’s/female, when I was younger I was groomed by a female authoritative figure. I come from an abusive household, (my father), I’m still vulnerable not sure if that’s relevant. She is also a Shia too. I never understood what it was or meant but all I knew was I felt it deep in my heart I was meant to be with her. It left a massive scar in my heart and I think I’m unable to ever understand why it even happened but alhamdillah, it could’ve been much worse. I even prayed to get over the heart break and find someone new or at peace.

Here comes the part none of you will like, I’ve got a girlfriend of almost a year now. She’s been so patient with everything. She’s so strong hanging on whilst I make the choice. Fully take her out of my life for my sake in the next life or risk it all, given how merciful Allah is. Im currently keeping back on track with prayers and trying to closer myself to God inshAllah. I know this sounds so stupid, but I just want to know are my prayers valid at all whilst being with a girl or am I just being a bad person while continuing to pray ? I don’t understand why I can’t have both and it’s really hurting me. I’m not carrying out any sexual acts with her or myself. 

Ive recently just had a major freak out about how The End will come, like is it painful ? What will it look like, will the Blast of the trumpet deafen me ? I’m just so scared about dying and ending up in Hell. I understand Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is so so so merciful! This is why i’m so confused about being with a girl whilst I continue to pray. I am aware of homosexuality being haram in every religion.

Thank you for reading my dilemma, any advice is always useful. Please don’t hate on me, I’m crying myself to sleep every night and making dua that things will work out for the best. If anyone could pass this onto a scholar, I would really appreciate that inshAllah. Stay safe everyone!

Salam sister, I don’t have an input to your specific dilemma but I will add this; You are human. Don’t feel less than that. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) Is all merciful and no matter what you’ve done in your past he will InshaAllah forgive you. Keep your imaan strong. My thought goes out to you.

w/s

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Salam,

I understand the difficulty, you imagine that whilst praying but in sinning at the same time you are a hypocrite and as such as you said you question whether your prayers will be accepted. However there are few things worse than being someone who abandons prayer (tarik al-salat) so in all cases you should cling to it and Allah knows best whether He will accept it or not. What you described doesn't seem to be something that negates the validity of your prayer.

As to your other issue, you know that that path leads to only one place, and that the longer you continue with it the harder it will be to break off, so you should just end it now. By the sounds of it it won't come as much of a shock to this other girl.

Also being attracted to people of your own sex isn't haram in itself, acting upon it is, so even if you can't get over it there is you won't be in some state of constant sin by having those feeling.

Good luck insha'Allah

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  • Advanced Member (With Brothers Forum Membership)
8 hours ago, NJRS312 said:

This is why i’m so confused about being with a girl whilst I continue to pray.

Salam praying is an obligatory  act that you must do it even you are doing any sin like running  away from battlefield or doing other great sins .

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  • Moderators

Salaam Aleikum,

We live in time where these things seems to be norm, but in reality we are living in our end of times, where we have been warned about and there would be no excuse for us. You are sincerity in your religion and take it seriously which is good thing, but many times our nafs incline to our forbidden desires and can lead us to wrong path, in this matter we need to repent and revalue our actions and think what is the best deeds that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) love and are benefit to us, or if we don't we will regret in the day of Judgement. 

In your situation, your relationship can easily bring hardship and regrets and can continuously bring you stress. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) have blessed the relationship/love/marriage of male and female, and thus for such a relationship it will bring ease and calmness.

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  • Moderators

Salam alaikum

As brother @Ali_Hussain has mentioned, abandoning an act of worship, especially something as fundamental and indispensable such as the obligatory prayers, is never a good option. So do continue to pray and thank Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that He has given you the guidance to perform this essential obligation.

We all face our own challenges in life. Your challenge is to overcome your attraction and abandon what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has disallowed. The first step is to want to abandon it, because it won't happen on its own. Pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that He gives you the strength and courage to step away from it, regardless of how good it makes you feel. This world is only temporary and our one and only chance to sacrifice what tempts us and submit completely to our Creator, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). We will never again get this opportunity. 

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) give you the courage to free yourself from this challenge. 

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