Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

Guest Basheera

Assalam Alaykum, my name is Basheera and I am a Shia woman. I was born into an incredibly strict Sunni family, but happily I converted a few years ago when I was 18. I had severe depression trying to figure out my identity and purpose of life until I found Shia Islam, and luckily now I am much healthier, mentally and physically. However though, I have a big problem. Please please read this whole thing before you comment and don't insult me because I've been seeking help for years, from imams (all Sunni though) and Muslim friends. This may be a bit long but I am seeking answers and help. While I am a Muslim, I am lgbt. I have known since I was 11, almost 12 years ago. I tried to stop it and told myself that I was only attracted to men, that this was a phase and I'd get over it, and I tried to force myself to look into husbands. I break down thinking about it and cry over my future. I have known for years and it wasn't a problem at first, but because now I am a practicing muslim I feel... fake? I'm not sure how to feel but I cannot stop my feelings. I know now, 12 years later, that it is not a phase and I cannot ignore it no matter how hard I try. People told me that I choose the way I feel, but wallahi I would never ever choose to feel like this. I worry about my future and if I truly am a Muslim. I talked to imams and read the Quran and many Hadiths regarding lgbt. The imams told me that lgbt muslims do exist, however they must hold back their feelings to stop themselves from committing haram, and in a way it is a form of Jihad. I understood that and I have done that for years, holding myself back and hiding in secret. As I said before I am a convert and a practicing muslim, I love islam but this problem has always been in the back of my mind and I don't think I can hold it back/ignore it anymore. My question is, does being lgbt automatically mean I'm not a muslim? Does it contradict Islam? (Wallahi I've been lgbt for many years and I swear on the Quran I would not feel this way if it was a choice. I hate it so much). Would I ever be accepted as a muslim by a Shia scholar? Am I haram? Even when I keep my feelings to myself? I am crying writing this, I have talked to many Sunni imams, but now that I'm Shia I want an answer from Shias. I hope nobody thinks ill of me or insults me, I am trying my best. Please someone help me and answer me, do I contradict Islam? Am I a fake muslim? Should I leave Islam (am I making Islam look bad)? Thank you so much for reading and please give your honest opinion, shukran. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderators

Walaikum as salam. 

Your feelings or thoughts do not take you outside of the fold of islam. The important thing is to control your temptations in the same way as any other person would. 

Acting upon these feelings, viewing haram material, staring lustfully at any man or woman is of course not allowed. 

Your challenge therefore will be to avoid the above things altogether. If you feel that you can be a good wife, then seek marriage and hopefully this will help you to manage these challenges in a better way. 

By all means keep up your ibadah. Don't abandon religion. Shaytan tries to distract us in various ways. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

It’s a matter of you manifesting the haram act (this includes all acts not just penetration/grinding), while you do have those feelings that does not make a non-Muslim and even when you commit the act (Godforbid) you don’t go out of the fold of Islam but rather you have committed one of the grave sins. Committing such grave sin has big consequences in the hereafter and possibly in this world aswell so avoid it at all costs. 

You just need to see someone who specialises on such issues in hopes to make you attracted to men again. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderators
1 hour ago, THREE1THREE said:

You just need to see someone who specialises on such issues in hopes to make you attracted to men again.

I don't think such a thing exists. It's an internal challenge that the sister will inshaAllah have to overcome. 

I doubt any specialist can influence what attracts you. If anything, then a non muslim counsellor will simply tell you that it's normal. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
23 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

I don't think such a thing exists. It's an internal challenge that the sister will inshaAllah have to overcome. 

I doubt any specialist can influence what attracts you. If anything, then a non muslim counsellor will simply tell you that it's normal. 

Isn’t their a rehab for such illness ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member (With Brothers Forum Membership)
12 hours ago, Guest Basheera said:

I'm not sure how to feel but I cannot stop my feelings. I know now, 12 years later, that it is not a phase and I cannot ignore it no matter how hard I try. People told me that I choose the way I feel, but wallahi I would never ever choose to feel like this.

My heart breaks for you, sister. It breaks because I understand things differently now than I did even a week ago.

I am not LGBT, so I can't speak to that struggle and I cannot imagine the pain that you must be going through, but as a "rolling stone"; I can to an extent sympathize with what you're suffering. The Most Important Thing: is that through these trials and sufferings, that we cling to God (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)... that we flee from the temptations & the lies of the satan and run toward Him (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), not losing sight or concept of how He (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) created us to live and realize that in him, we do have the power and freedom to be the person he created us to be.

I'm not saying that you have to force yourself into life as a wife, nor do I recommend that for you due to the harm it could do to a husband & children. I have reasons of my own why I will likely never be married or father children & while I sometimes lament, I understand that God (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has a greater plan for me and that the things that happened to me in my past were necessary to lead me to be where I am now. Remember that His (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) plans are better than we can imagine, even if we do not understand them and they are not what we want for ourselves, or what our families and friends want for us.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderators
Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, Guest Basheera said:

Assalam Alaykum, my name is Basheera and I am a Shia woman. I was born into an incredibly strict Sunni family, but happily I converted a few years ago when I was 18. I had severe depression trying to figure out my identity and purpose of life until I found Shia Islam, and luckily now I am much healthier, mentally and physically. However though, I have a big problem. Please please read this whole thing before you comment and don't insult me because I've been seeking help for years, from imams (all Sunni though) and Muslim friends. This may be a bit long but I am seeking answers and help. While I am a Muslim, I am lgbt. I have known since I was 11, almost 12 years ago. I tried to stop it and told myself that I was only attracted to men, that this was a phase and I'd get over it, and I tried to force myself to look into husbands. I break down thinking about it and cry over my future. I have known for years and it wasn't a problem at first, but because now I am a practicing muslim I feel... fake? I'm not sure how to feel but I cannot stop my feelings. I know now, 12 years later, that it is not a phase and I cannot ignore it no matter how hard I try. People told me that I choose the way I feel, but wallahi I would never ever choose to feel like this. I worry about my future and if I truly am a Muslim. I talked to imams and read the Quran and many Hadiths regarding lgbt. The imams told me that lgbt muslims do exist, however they must hold back their feelings to stop themselves from committing haram, and in a way it is a form of Jihad. I understood that and I have done that for years, holding myself back and hiding in secret. As I said before I am a convert and a practicing muslim, I love islam but this problem has always been in the back of my mind and I don't think I can hold it back/ignore it anymore. My question is, does being lgbt automatically mean I'm not a muslim? Does it contradict Islam? (Wallahi I've been lgbt for many years and I swear on the Quran I would not feel this way if it was a choice. I hate it so much). Would I ever be accepted as a muslim by a Shia scholar? Am I haram? Even when I keep my feelings to myself? I am crying writing this, I have talked to many Sunni imams, but now that I'm Shia I want an answer from Shias. I hope nobody thinks ill of me or insults me, I am trying my best. Please someone help me and answer me, do I contradict Islam? Am I a fake muslim? Should I leave Islam (am I making Islam look bad)? Thank you so much for reading and please give your honest opinion, shukran. 

Salam, just consider for a moment this fact.

I am a man and I have lived on this earth more than 40 years. In that time I have had many friends who are men who talk to me in a frank and open way (I don't know why but I make people feel comfortable so they open up to me about things they don't normally talk about. Maybe this is my 'Superpower', lol). 

I have had friends tell me they are attracted to muslim women who are married, are attracted to their own nieces,  attracted to girls who are below the age of marriage. So sexual attraction by itself is a 'wild beast', i.e. part of the nafs al ammarah (the animal self). It doesn't distinguish between halal and haram. It is only when the nafs al Ammarah( the animal self) is controlled by the nafs al mumainnah (the perfected or God seeking self) that it become a productive force that can actually elevate the human being to a higher spiritual level. This concept of different selves and controlling one aspect of the self by another aspect is part of Islam and has been there from the beginning (it has been talked about by Imams of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) as well as many Sunni Scholars). So sexual attraction to the same gender is another aspect of the nafs al ammarah (the animal self). Not everyone has this attraction as part of the nafs al ammarah (I don't personally have this, which is why I had problems in the beginning conceiving of this), but everyone has parts of their nafs al ammarah that if they were not constrained by their higher levels of nafs would quickly destroy their lives. That is the main test of being in the dunya (the lower world). So my friends had other parts of this nafs that I don't have and I have other parts of it that they don't have. But it is basically the same thing and the religion of Islam gives us a goal, which is to subjegate our nafs al Ammarah to the higher levels of ourselves, but at the same time knowing that we do not have the ability to destroy our nafs al Ammarah (as some mystics say) so it is something we will have to deal with for the entirity of our lives. But if you get into the habit of subjugating your nafs al Ammarah to your higher 'selves' thru the practicing of the main tenants of the religion of Islam (prayer, fasting, reflection and contemplation, giving charity, helping others, etc) this 'subjegation' will become easier over time. That is the main benefit to practicing these tenants of the religion. 

The new thing in this is that there were some groups (beginning in the 1960s in the US and other parts of the world later) that put forward a supposition that same sex or same gender sexual attraction was something that is inherently good and equivalent to opposite gender attraction (just a preference) and should be approved of and celebrated by society. When they say 'I was born this way' i.e. born with this attraction, that is entirely possible, although actually they were not 'born this way' because sexual attraction does not begin until puberty, but they acquired this attraction one way or another in the time period of puberty just as others have acquired different sexual attractions in the period (listed above) that are not considered 'normal' and are haram. These groups that promote lgbtq have an agenda, which has nothing to do with the spiritual elevation of the human being (the goal of Islam). Their agenda is either entirely political (they are associated with a certain political party, the Democrat party here in the US) or self serving (because they have this attraction and they want everyone to 'accept them) or ideological (they are secularists or atheists and they want to promote this ideology). 

The ideological problem with lgbtq is that it is not logically consistent. If their supposition is that any sort of sexual attraction is ok 'You be you' based solely on the fact that someone has it, then there is no reason why they should not accept  adultery, incest, pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, etc. It leads down a 'slippery slope' in which all forms of these would be accepted and we would live in a society full of chaos and disorder which even they themselves don't want to live in. Also, if the majority of society became lgbtq , then the birth rate would be less than the death rate and eventually society would collapse due to decreasing and aging population. 

So you need to see the incositencies in this philosopy and understand that the goal of Islam is to elevate you spiritually and elevate the whole of humanity. In order to do that, limits must be placed on the nafs al Ammarah, which is why we have the halal and haram. That is to ensure that all aspects of society function properly the way they should. It ties into the concept of Haqq (everything is put in it's proper place). Haqq means justice and truth but it is more than that. It is a universal and overarching concept for the elevation and prosperity of humanity, if understood properly. Islamic sexual ethics is part of that concept of Haqq. If you understand that, then you will also understand why this concept of same sex attraction is condemned in the region and not promoted. 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I believe you can definitely overcome this issue. If your sincerity guided you to the Ahlulbayt like that, then why should this be the end of the world?

10 hours ago, Guest Basheera said:

Should I leave Islam (am I making Islam look bad)?

The opposite, you make us look good. I can barely think of people who strive to overcome their issues like that. Most people would have just accepted themselves as is and went on with their lives as if there is no issue. God doesn't give us burdens we can't handle so if this is the card you were dealt then you're inherently stronger than most people

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...