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3wliya_maryam

What happens to a young woman who commits zina and repents?

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I think in a muslim society, if a girl is able to commit such a sin, that shows a few things. She is very brave, and intelligent, and she already has some power. Because for ordinary girls, it's just not possible to find a way to deceive their guardians and commit a sin like adultery. I am a little tired of such girls complaining because they don't really face any consequences. Men may not be willing to marry them but they appreciate their intelligence and their bravery. If a girl is not powerful, she will get killed in an honor killing. If she is not killed, and her only problem is reputation, then it's quite obvious she is powerful. Such girls are very popular among men and I think the reason men hesitate to marry a girl like that is because if they ever mistreat her, they will have to answer to so many men. And yes, they will have to deal with so much competition. 

I don't feel sympathy for such girls. They have so many essential life skills, they are mostly very successful. There is a slight inconvenience of reputation (frankly I don't see this having any effect on their lives), and they are always complaining about it and getting sympathy from men. I agree, it's a loss for men because such girls have all the qualities of making an ideal wife. All men secretly want them but they are just scared of competition or society. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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The thing is that anyone who commits zina, has to go through certain steps. That's why people start raising many questions and feel hesitant to marry such a person. There needs to be some context because and we also need to understand the deeper psychological issues which caused a person to commit zina. We need to look at it from a case to case basis. Remember that people can spend anywhere between a few days to months to plan out such an activity. Once a person does act out, there is this sudden shame and guilt. Then people try to make new resolutions - "I will never ever do such an act again". These statements could just come from their emotional state. There are guys who commit zina with multiple girls. In this case, one would naturally start taking this as a red flag, regardless of whether he repented.

My point is that it's not that straightforward and everyone has the right to properly investigate the person. However, if we truly feel sincerity and honesty from the person, then sure we shouldn't hold on to their past.

An important point - no one is determined by their past. It's unfortunate but I'd say most people define us by our past when our choices and actions in the present matter. We can't change how people think, that's why it's so careful for parents to educate their children and ensure they don't get into such activities.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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I don't think anyone's past should be anyone else's business. It was between them and Allah and if Allah can forgive, who are we humans not to. With that said, as just_passing_by has said above, the reality is different in this world unfortunately. Allah hides our sins. Everyone of us can just think of our past and count all the sins we have committed, may not be as grave of a sin as zina but still sins. If any of it were to come out, no matter how small of a sin you think it is, I don't think any of us will be able to live in this judgemental society.

If someone's sin did become public then they get MORE of a chance to repent. It perhaps is also a test for others in society to look at and they may very well be judged based on how they act with this person. A person like this may end up committing zina again because of the judgmental society and with no option of marriage left for her.

On 6/4/2020 at 3:41 PM, just_passing_by said:

A guy who committed a sin but hid it would also go for virgin girl (the thought process being if he committed a sin He should marry someone better than him).

For someone who has repented, this may be the thought process but they should also remember where they came from. I'd say usually it is because of their own trust issues. After all, it is the thief who will suspect everyone else of being a thief too and out of 10 people made to stand in line for theft, only the thief will be worried about getting caught.

I've known of case where the guy dates a girl, the girl is made to believe they will be marrying when he is able to but he'd dump her before his marriage to another, "virgin" girl and says straight to her face, you committed zina with me, who's to say you won't do it with another man after we are married.

Edited by Dreamcatcher

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Thanks for making this topic I’ve been saying it for many years. I find that the big problem is not enough awareness/Talk is given from say parents to children in a sense that yes it’s sad to say but when a women does 1 mistake good luck getting married. Another reason when’s guy does something with a girl the friends or other guys will cheer him on while calling the girl names also sharing girls and dropping their names making it harder for them in future. Now I’m not one who’s proud of what I’ve done but I never ever spread what I do especially because one day I knew that the girl will one day want to settle down and haram if I gave her such a bad image.

And the saying goes ... 

A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a bad lock.

Men should be men and not give such images of women or play games saying I love you when really they don’t and women should be Smarter and understand that through Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) go get married to someone who is or trying to be the best Muslim possible and don’t fall for the traps that are so easy to notice. 
 

 Btw I’m not judgy just telling you what I experienced and what I know about guys and girls and just because someone isn’t a Virgin doesn’t mean they are bad people. You could marry a virgin and still go through a bad marriage lol. For the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) imagine marrying a widow/divorcee/someone who made mistakes but has pulled up imagine the rewards inshallah.

Edited by Ali2196

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29 minutes ago, Ali2196 said:

Men should be men and not give such images of women or play games saying I love you when really they don’t and women should be Smarter and understand that through Allah

These things only happen when girls search for potential spouses online with little or no experience interacting with men in the real world.

How do you expect such people to even know better? The online world is very deceiving and it's best if women and men stay away from it if they lack the real world experience. 

It's easier to figure out the character of men in real life. Proper investigation should always be done and parents should be involved. No dignified man would share pictures, unless he has a very shady character.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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On 6/4/2020 at 9:15 PM, rkazmi33 said:

, if a girl is able to commit such a sin, that shows a few things. She is very brave, and intelligent, and she already has some power.

Salam it's a totally wrong & unIslamic Idea & your idea is spreading  & encouraging to doing sin because doctrine of Islam is based on preventing from committing  sin then sicking repentance  after committing sins but doing sin then  from it repentance  must not become a habit anyway honor killing is a wrong practice that comes from wrong culture & has no connection  to Islam so you must separate  tradition from Islamic laws that prevents us from doing sins .

Edited by Ashvazdanghe

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48 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

These things only happen when girls search for potential spouses online with little or no experience interacting with men in the real world.

How do you expect such people to even know better? The online world is very deceiving and it's best if women and men stay away from it if they lack the real world experience. 

It's easier to figure out the character of men in real life. Proper investigation should always be done and parents should be involved. No dignified man would share pictures, unless he has a very shady character.

 

Actually bro it happens in front of me. Guys will give off such an image like wow he’s so good or even some girls keep going for bad guys thinking they’ll change for them. Yes there are many shady people. Idk but here in Sydney girls pictures get shared around and girls too. Shame wallah it’s very bad 

 

im still young (22) inshallah getting married next month so I know the goes about my generation and the oldies are too lenient on the people my age/younger. You can’t raise you kids based on your generation but rather on their generation because each time frame is different,people,lifestyle and that’s what the problem is today the oldies don’t know what’s going on especially with social media this leading to women making the worst of mistakes and get their pics or names shared around

Edited by Ali2196

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On 6/4/2020 at 4:04 PM, 3wliya_maryam said:

I just find it really unfair how most males are excused and can easily marry, but they will refuse to marry a girl whose lost her virginity in the past, even if she repented.

You will unfortunately find this double standard even against women who have lost their virginity through a previous marriage. So whilst she could have no Zina to repent for, she's still looked down upon as a 'divorcee'.

This is cultural ignorance and the hope is that the Akhalq we claim to follow, will help us overcome such double standard. 

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On 6/4/2020 at 8:04 PM, 3wliya_maryam said:

Salam everyone,

I rarely come to this server since I have exams coming up soon, but I decided to give myself a short break and introduce a topic about women who commit zina. We all know that it is a grave sin for both of the genders, but what we also know is that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the Most forgiving and merciful. Let's discuss a scenario where a young female has sinned in the past and fully repented to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), and is seeking for marriage. The entire community knows about her past and so no one will come asking for her hand, at this stage what must she do? Never get married? However when it comes to a young male, somehow he can still easily marry despite his past of committing zina or other unlawful acts. What are your thoughts on this?

I just find it really unfair how most males are excused and can easily marry, but they will refuse to marry a girl whose lost her virginity in the past, even if she repented. Men may think its risky to marry her, but I don't think it is if she has asked for Allah's forgiveness and is inclined more towards her faith. Girls who have sinned in the past can't even tell their future husband because they fear they may get rejected if they find out she isn't a virgin. And if they do find out, it becomes problematic. People can change from bad to good and from good to bad. We all need to stop labelling people who have already changed based on their past, and this isn't just for women but for some men too. If a man owns up to his past sins towards his future wife, then that is a good sign. If he or she has changed for the better, then that tells you something. So to all the men who believe that it is wrong or risky to marry a woman whose lost her virginity; stop judging her based on her past. If she has fully repented and is seeking marriage, she is most likely doing so for the sake of Allah.

I'm not here to start any drama, its just something thats been going through my mind lately.

fee amanillah

How would such a girl guarantee her "husband to be" not to repeat it again or she has changed completely? 

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On 6/5/2020 at 12:45 AM, rkazmi33 said:

I think in a muslim society, if a girl is able to commit such a sin, that shows a few things. She is very brave, and intelligent, and she already has some power. Because for ordinary girls, it's just not possible to find a way to deceive their guardians and commit a sin like adultery.

Faith itself is bravery and intelligence. I don't know where you got this idea from, because majority of Muslim societies are conservative and your point should apply to western societies in my opinion. But also even if a girl did that in the west, she would still get bullied and get called names similar to that being a prostitute.  

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5 minutes ago, Flying_Eagle said:

How would such a girl guarantee her "husband to be" not to repeat it again or she has changed completely?

Through his increased level of faith and him being able to stand up for his past actions, there is also a period where you get to know him before marriage.

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2 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

Through his increased level of faith and him being able to stand up for his past actions, there is also a period where you get to know him before marriage.

If a good man find her actions to be in accordance with her faith, he may ignore her past. The only problem for the virtuous man is that he doesn't want his children to be raised by a female of bad-habits because there is no other wealth he leaves behind except his charity and virtuous children. That's a wealth for afterlife. 

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A virtuous man will not take liability of leaving bad children for which he will be constantly tormented in his grave. Children can both be goodness and punishment. So, he be cautious about it lest his children be such that they kill others and do bad deeds. 

So, the day the girl change herself in accordance with the teachings of Allah through her acts, Allah (عزّ وجلّ) would put her love in somebody's heart. 

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If that person wasn't yet a Muslim & was living in a state of Jahaliya, I don't see why it should even matter what they've done before they came into Islam.

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is oft-forgving and most merciful, am I right? So let's start trying to view others as Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) views them: with forgiveness and mercy.

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On 6/4/2020 at 6:45 PM, rkazmi33 said:

I think in a muslim society, if a girl is able to commit such a sin, that shows a few things. She is very brave, and intelligent, and she already has some power.

How in the world is such behaviour an act of bravery and intelligence?

Wouldn't it be bravery and intelligence obeying the commands of Allah despite shaytans whispers and temptations?

 

Edited by AkhiraisReal

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To be honest, I don't know what I can add to this topic. It's just very sad.

On a personal level I wouldn't want to marry a muslim woman who has commited zina. Imaging having child with such woman, even if they have repented. That's just on a personal level. Others might disagree.

Just the thought of a woman having been with someone else sexually, is enough for me to reject them. If it's was done through halal measures, then it's another story.

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1 hour ago, AkhiraisReal said:

To be honest, I don't know what I can add to this topic. It's just very sad.

On a personal level I wouldn't want to marry a muslim woman who has commited zina. Imaging having child with such woman, even if they have repented. That's just on a personal level. Others might disagree.

Just the thought of a woman having been with someone else sexually, is enough for me to reject them. If it's was done through halal measures, then it's another story.

I get where you are coming from as not many people want a used person if you know what I mean. But what if it was a new Muslim so her last wasn’t the best especially being of a another faith and sex being so normalised then she becomes Muslims then what? End of the day I’m sure there is more rewards in being with a someone who made a change In Their lives for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I’m telling you I know people who married a Virgin and had the worst marriage whereas marrying someone who wasn’t too good in her younger days to end up being the best couple alhamdullilah. All Naseeb 

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3 hours ago, Ali2196 said:

But what if it was a new Muslim so her last wasn’t the best especially being of a another faith and sex being so normalised then she becomes Muslims then what?

In US of A, you aren't going to be finding a whole lot of virgins older than 18, male or female.

Our popular culture tells people that they're weak and stupid if they wait for marriage, its one of the things I want to change the most because that started in my lifetime and nobody really noticed it until it was already too late and the damage was done. It's one of the reasons why I make the claim that "Christianity has failed America", but I don't know whether the blame should be focused on advertising agencies/Madison avenue or Hollywood & the pornography industry (that often uses trafficked/drug addicted women).

What we have going on here in my country is pretty awful. It's a sickness in the minds & the souls of the people and I don't know who is left to blame anymore.

Edited by Abdul-Hadi
Quoted entire above post accidentally

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1 hour ago, Ali2196 said:

I get where you are coming from as not many people want a used person if you know what I mean. But what if it was a new Muslim so her last wasn’t the best especially being of a another faith and sex being so normalised then she becomes Muslims then what? End of the day I’m sure there is more rewards in being with a someone who made a change In Their lives for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I’m telling you I know people who married a Virgin and had the worst marriage whereas marrying someone who wasn’t too good in her younger days to end up being the best couple alhamdullilah. All Naseeb 

I am excluding the reverts. I am talking about the ones who commited zina while being muslims, while knowing the truth and the command of Allah and the prophets and ahlul bayt.

 

 

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@3wliya_maryam This is a man's world. Men will always have an edge over women in most cases and people will generally be more forgiving towards their shortcomings. I am not saying there aren't exceptions, there are zulaykhas too in this dunya but the generally women are in weaker position than men - socially, financially and of course physically and consequently injustice and oppression towards them is greater. 

Of course Allah knew this was going to happen and about all the other classes of people that were going to face oppression. This is why there are repeated reminders in the Quran about the rights women and orphans, poor, needy and travellers. Allah knew which creation of His was most prone to injustice. There are whole Surahs in the Quran about treating women justly. Chapter 58 Mujadilah was revealed when a woman came complaining to RasulAllah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) about her husband's treatment. We don't see such reminders about rights of men in general so this is something which we all need to ponder but especially men in our society. 

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6 hours ago, starlight said:

Men will always have an edge over women in most cases and people will generally be more forgiving towards their shortcomings.

That's the real issue here. No wonder why they go on to abuse their wives. Girls just don't look for any red flags.

Past can be an indicator of the future. But unfortunately Muslim women are becoming so naive and open-minded that they believe "bad boys" have repented and khalas... all good. 

I feel men shouldn't be able to get away and we should hold them accountable. Maybe this is the reason why they "date" multiple women before committing to their perfect "hijabi" wife. They know people will not care about their past mistakes. 

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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3 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Girls just don't look for any red flags.

One can't pick up red flags until they have some experience with men. I believe this is why there is the condition of Wali in Islam. 

3 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

 

Muslim women are becoming so naive and open-minded that they believe "bad boys" have repented and khalas... all good.

Should go both ways,not just for men with a past.

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The sister has raised an important fiqhi point that needs to be further investigated. Some have been quick to say 'we cant define anyone by their past' but we do have verse 3 of Surah Nur which says:

The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.

 

 

It would be interesting to understand the jurisprudential implications of this. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect us all from such sins. 

Edited by Mahdavist

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16 hours ago, starlight said:

@3wliya_maryam This is a man's world. Men will always have an edge over women in most cases and people will generally be more forgiving towards their shortcomings. I am not saying there aren't exceptions, there are zulaykhas too in this dunya but the generally women are in weaker position than men - socially, financially and of course physically and consequently injustice and oppression towards them is greater. 

Of course Allah knew this was going to happen and about all the other classes of people that were going to face oppression. This is why there are repeated reminders in the Quran about the rights women and orphans, poor, needy and travellers. Allah knew which creation of His was most prone to injustice. There are whole Surahs in the Quran about treating women justly. Chapter 58 Mujadilah was revealed when a woman came complaining to RasulAllah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) about her husband's treatment. We don't see such reminders about rights of men in general so this is something which we all need to ponder but especially men in our society. 

I think it is wrong terming bad women "Zulaykkhas" of this world because there are mentions of her repentance present.

6 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

The sister has raised an important fiqhi point that needs to be further investigated. Some have been quick to say 'we cant define anyone by their past' but we do have verse 3 of Surah Nur which says:

The fornicator shall not marry any but a fornicatress or idolatress, and (as for) the fornicatress, none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolater; and it is forbidden to the believers.

It would be interesting to understand the jurisprudential implications of this. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect us all from such sins. 

Yes, you cannot define anyone by their past. It was between them and Allah and if they repented sincerely and did not repeat the offense then it is their own matter. No one is suggesting going to strip clubs and coming out with a stripper to marry. This verse in particular is talking about habitual offenders and does not include those who have repented. This is why there are commentaries and aHadith present about ayahs. From a fiqhi point of view, the Maraja say it is not permission to marry as an obligatory precaution unless they have repented so it is not Haram. There are many ahadith mentioned in Major Sins for Zina and some of it mention how badly the person who committed Zina will smell in the hereafter but mention unless they repented before their death.

Surah Nur, also says, "[Yusufali 24:26] Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable."

If you just want to go by one Ayah's translation without context or understanding then what does it mean for the above Ayah when a woman or man may be pure when they marry but one of them becomes a fornicator after marriage. Does that mean it makes that one good person impure too because they are married to a person who becomes vile later. How many times have pure women or men been married to the opposite in this world? Because sins happen behind closed doors and no one knows of another's past sins.

There are also numerous Ayahs present that indicate someone who has lost hope of repentance from Allah, lost hope of mercy from Allah, that act is called kufr too. This thinking of considering someone vile for the rest of their lives based on a past sin will make them lose hope in the mercy of Allah. These days there are also false accusations of zina on women, which may just very well be rumors and hearsay.

Then there's this Hadith, the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) said, “Be careful of backbiting because backbiting is worse than adultery, in that a person who commits adultery can repent and ask forgiveness from God, and Allãh can forgive him whereas Allãh will not forgive the backbiter until the person who was at the receiving end forgives him.”

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On 6/6/2020 at 11:57 AM, starlight said:

@3wliya_maryam This is a man's world. Men will always have an edge over women in most cases and people will generally be more forgiving towards their shortcomings. I am not saying there aren't exceptions

Wrong. Zina is zina both for men and woman.

Any man in this world, would prefer a virgin woman. Even a non virgin woman and by non virgin I mean through halal relationship.

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On 6/7/2020 at 5:03 AM, Dreamcatcher said:

wrong terming bad women "Zulaykkhas" of this world because there are mentions of her repentance present.

Isn't this thread about the same category of women? 

On 6/7/2020 at 5:55 AM, AkhiraisReal said:

Wrong. Zina is zina both for men and woman

I never said it wasn't. It's just that society is more forgiving towards men with a past.

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On 6/7/2020 at 6:04 AM, starlight said:

I never said it wasn't. It's just that society is more forgiving towards men with a past.

I am against zina for both men and woman, but I feel that I would be able to understand why society is more forgiving towards men with a past. And on a personal level I am in line with that, even though I am against zina. A muslim woman who commit zina somehow makes me feel more disgusted than a muslim man who commit zina. Maybe this has to do with honor and reputation. Or maybe there is something else, like biology or that I can understand men more than I understand woman.

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