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Guest Sarah

Divorce/seeking help

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Guest Sarah

Salam everyone. I've come on here after doing a lot of research and being very helpless. I'm looking for advice from a scholar or a moulana who can help or guide me with my situation. 

So I got Nikkahfied 2 years back and married about 7 months ago. My husband and I started having issues right after our marriage and found it best to separate for while. He moved to another state just after 2 and 1/2 months to live with his family and I stayed back with my family. He left on good terms and we missed each other incredibly. 2 months down the road things started to worsen again and the option of divorce came a few times on our tongues but we both knew that would never happen. My husband then decided to share everything with his family, all about the past events and past arguments that were private between us and ofcourse that caused hatred in his families eyes. His family totally cut off all contact with us including him and a month later he filed for divorce. He also went to court and got a court order saying my family or I are not allowed to contact him. Due to being in different states I've had to take legal actions as well, since he is demanding things that can ruin my future and career. My family has tried to put 2 mediators in between but they have denied all communication. It's been a month now where I have had a lot of time to think and know that divorce should not be an option as there are only misunderstandings between us. A divorce is something I'm 100% sure we both will regret 1 or 2 years down the road. But I have no idea how to stop this. Im sure if I stand in front of my husband today we both will be able to reconcile our differences but him being with his family right now he his tremendously brainwashed.

I feel totally helpless and have just been praying day and night for some miracle. Will anyone be able to advice what option I should take next?

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W. Salam 

Read Ziyarah of Ashura for 40 days it brings miracles. Inshallah 

And don't you have any common friend? Try to talk to your husband through his social media accounts... Or create a fake account, try calling him from a different number. You seem so hopeful to mend your relationship. Inshallah he will come around as well. 

It is very sad what his family is doing. Now a days people are very religious but yet not afraid of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)... Lack of fear of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) makes people do horrible things... And they don't even realize they are wrong. 

I hope and pray you are successful in reconciling with your husband. Ameen sum ameen. 

May Ahlul Bait (عليه السلام) help you. Ameen. 

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Guest Sarah

Ameen, thank you I have been reading ziyarat e Ashura on and off but will definitely start reading it everyday now. I did try through a common friend but when someone hears his side of the story they get confused and just back off. Hes bringing up things from 4-5 months ago for which we both promised will never bring up again and for which we both asked for forgiveness from one another. But I guess it wasn't from the heart for him. If I try to contact him that will go against the court orders and there could be a huge consequence for me, if him or his brother report me.

Exactly if you see them you would think "wow so religious" They don't see what they're doing wrong and how this can ruin lives in the future just because of their egos.

Inshallah please remember me in your duas, and if you know of any other dua or amaal please do share!

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Salam Alykum, 

In Islamic Laws point of view, you guys aren't technically divorced LOL, since the divorce formula has not been declared by you, or your husband in front of two adil (just men, or persons). Also if he is compelled by his family, or for example pressured into divorcing then the divorce is void. He must have full intention on his own accord to divorce, without outside pressure. 

Yes, maybe legally in your state or region you are divorced, but in terms of Islamic Law you aren't divorced until the divorce formula is read. 

I believe this is more of a domestic dispute that should involve legal parties, family, and or marriage councillors. As for now, the only Islamic Laws ruling that has been violated is that the divorce formula has not been read. 

Anyways, if the divorce takes place Islamically than a whole load of issues come into play such as maintenance money, mahr, etc... Hopefully you guys don't come to this..

Personal Advice:

I'm not sure how heated your arguments were, and for what reason.... however, if he has cut all communications, and has willingly gone in to file a divorce. Then you have done all you could have done in your power. I'm not educated in divorce laws as in the state law, so I'm not really sure how you can combat the divorce filling. This is why you would need to contact a professional who knows state law in terms of marriage/divorce. They can give you better guidance, and powers that you still have in terms of property, and such. They can also contact your husband and attempt to establish some sort of communication......

 I advice you to give it some time, talk to your local sheikh to be your islamic lawyer so to speak. If this gets way out of hand, this sheikh can give you face to face guidance, and in the worst case handle the divorce formula to ensure this divorce is valid in Islamic Law. 

You've done everything in your power, and if your "husband" isn't willing to also put in the work to mend things. Than do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this lad? This is a question you have to answer. 

I hope everything works out inshallah 

WS 

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37 minutes ago, Guest Sarah said:

Ameen, thank you I have been reading ziyarat e Ashura on and off but will definitely start reading it everyday now. I did try through a common friend but when someone hears his side of the story they get confused and just back off. Hes bringing up things from 4-5 months ago for which we both promised will never bring up again and for which we both asked for forgiveness from one another. But I guess it wasn't from the heart for him. If I try to contact him that will go against the court orders and there could be a huge consequence for me, if him or his brother report me.

Exactly if you see them you would think "wow so religious" They don't see what they're doing wrong and how this can ruin lives in the future just because of their egos.

Inshallah please remember me in your duas, and if you know of any other dua or amaal please do share!

I don’t know either of you and just from reading so far there are many red flags and I feel Both sides of story should be available. If things are so bad that he has restraining order against you than ... there is more to this than a simple misunderstanding. Especially when you say “...when someone hears his side of story they get confused and back off.”
If you think the situation is salvageable, reach your local moulana for mediation but that would require your husband cooperation but it seems he is not interested in that. 

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Guest Sarah
3 hours ago, YoungSkiekh313 said:

Salam Alykum, 

In Islamic Laws point of view, you guys aren't technically divorced LOL, since the divorce formula has not been declared by you, or your husband in front of two adil (just men, or persons). Also if he is compelled by his family, or for example pressured into divorcing then the divorce is void. He must have full intention on his own accord to divorce, without outside pressure. 

Yes, maybe legally in your state or region you are divorced, but in terms of Islamic Law you aren't divorced until the divorce formula is read. 

I believe this is more of a domestic dispute that should involve legal parties, family, and or marriage councillors. As for now, the only Islamic Laws ruling that has been violated is that the divorce formula has not been read. 

Anyways, if the divorce takes place Islamically than a whole load of issues come into play such as maintenance money, mahr, etc... Hopefully you guys don't come to this..

Personal Advice:

I'm not sure how heated your arguments were, and for what reason.... however, if he has cut all communications, and has willingly gone in to file a divorce. Then you have done all you could have done in your power. I'm not educated in divorce laws as in the state law, so I'm not really sure how you can combat the divorce filling. This is why you would need to contact a professional who knows state law in terms of marriage/divorce. They can give you better guidance, and powers that you still have in terms of property, and such. They can also contact your husband and attempt to establish some sort of communication......

 I advice you to give it some time, talk to your local sheikh to be your islamic lawyer so to speak. If this gets way out of hand, this sheikh can give you face to face guidance, and in the worst case handle the divorce formula to ensure this divorce is valid in Islamic Law. 

You've done everything in your power, and if your "husband" isn't willing to also put in the work to mend things. Than do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this lad? This is a question you have to answer. 

I hope everything works out inshallah 

WS 

WS yes I know we're not divorced till its done islamically, hes just filed for it and it won't go through till a while. Yes you are right but I feel like hes doing this all out of anger. There's also an issue of where he was brought up as well, I was born and raised in the US and he's from Pakistan. So we had a lot of miscommunications and difficultly understanding eachother. Also now his family is scared that he will lose his greencard status so they're trying to do anything in their will power to fight. I just don't know where to find a local sheikh who can help me. Looks like I'll have to do some research and try finding a 3rd party to communicate.

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3 hours ago, Guest Sarah said:

WS yes I know we're not divorced till its done islamically, hes just filed for it and it won't go through till a while. Yes you are right but I feel like hes doing this all out of anger. There's also an issue of where he was brought up as well, I was born and raised in the US and he's from Pakistan. So we had a lot of miscommunications and difficultly understanding eachother. Also now his family is scared that he will lose his greencard status so they're trying to do anything in their will power to fight. I just don't know where to find a local sheikh who can help me. Looks like I'll have to do some research and try finding a 3rd party to communicate.

Ahhh, I hope this isn't the case, but I've also heard of many stories where spouses from abroad come over just for the green card with no intention of long term marriage. I have heard a lot of these horror stories within my own community , and it can be really stressful. Not saying this is your husbands intention BTW, Allah knows his intention best, and I don't want to put anything into your head that isn't 100% facts. 

You should try to locate a Shia mosque in your area, whether it be a hussania, or a full out masjid, they should have a resident moulana, or can put you in contact with a moulana. You do not have to tell them the full out story, just ask them for the contact information of a moulana for urgent questions. 

Wish you the best. 

WS 

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Guest Sarah
7 hours ago, just_passing_by said:

I don’t know either of you and just from reading so far there are many red flags and I feel Both sides of story should be available. If things are so bad that he has restraining order against you than ... there is more to this than a simple misunderstanding. Especially when you say “...when someone hears his side of story they get confused and back off.”
If you think the situation is salvageable, reach your local moulana for mediation but that would require your husband cooperation but it seems he is not interested in that. 

Yeah I get what you're saying. There is a lot more to the story and of course both sides should be heard. But thats the main issue we don't have an elder who can be that mediator role. Hes just always good at playing the victim and really knows how to make a small issue into a big one. Whenever we had arguments when we were together he would only be sorry if I told his mother about it. But now that hes living with his mother. His mother is only taking his side because it's the whole "mamas boy" game going on. His elder brother was also on the verge of a divorce due to the mother but only got saved because they had a kid. Family interference really ruins a relationship and for that reason it's just hard to let go of someone I've spent 2 years of my life with knowing we would've  been fine if we lived on our own. Anyways I am going to contact the local moulana and get  their opinion as well.. 

Thanks!

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Guest Sarah
On 5/25/2020 at 5:02 PM, YoungSkiekh313 said:

Ahhh, I hope this isn't the case, but I've also heard of many stories where spouses from abroad come over just for the green card with no intention of long term marriage. I have heard a lot of these horror stories within my own community , and it can be really stressful. Not saying this is your husbands intention BTW, Allah knows his intention best, and I don't want to put anything into your head that isn't 100% facts. 

You should try to locate a Shia mosque in your area, whether it be a hussania, or a full out masjid, they should have a resident moulana, or can put you in contact with a moulana. You do not have to tell them the full out story, just ask them for the contact information of a moulana for urgent questions. 

Wish you the best. 

WS 

So I guess he was after his green card after all. He sent a msg thru someone that he would withdraw from all the allegations if I pay him 10,000 dollars and if don't touch his greencard in the future. When I denied he threatened to put me in jail. So surprising what these guys can do just to come here. Hopefully i can get a good immigration lawyer now lol. 

Also putting this on here so other girls keep their eyes open especially after getting married to someone from out of country. Please do your full investigation! 

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35 minutes ago, Guest Sarah said:

So I guess he was after his green card after all. He sent a msg thru someone that he would withdraw from all the allegations if I pay him 10,000 dollars and if don't touch his greencard in the future. When I denied he threatened to put me in jail. So surprising what these guys can do just to come here. Hopefully i can get a good immigration lawyer now lol. 

Also putting this on here so other girls keep their eyes open especially after getting married to someone from out of country. Please do your full investigation! 

Sister! Why did you want to stay married to such a black mailer? Now he is asking for $10,000. Imagine, if he stays with you, how much money he will try to get from you. Yes, you should get an immigration lawyer and send him back. 

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2 hours ago, Guest Sarah said:

So I guess he was after his green card after all. He sent a msg thru someone that he would withdraw from all the allegations if I pay him 10,000 dollars and if don't touch his greencard in the future. When I denied he threatened to put me in jail. So surprising what these guys can do just to come here. Hopefully i can get a good immigration lawyer now lol. 

Also putting this on here so other girls keep their eyes open especially after getting married to someone from out of country. Please do your full investigation! 

Very sorry to hear this. May Allah grant you patience, and blessings in these stressful/ difficult times. 

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8 hours ago, Guest Sarah said:

So I guess he was after his green card after all. He sent a msg thru someone that he would withdraw from all the allegations if I pay him 10,000 dollars and if don't touch his greencard in the future. When I denied he threatened to put me in jail. So surprising what these guys can do just to come here. Hopefully i can get a good immigration lawyer now lol. 

Also putting this on here so other girls keep their eyes open especially after getting married to someone from out of country. Please do your full investigation! 

If what you say is true than you have a documented proof that he married for green card. It would be so easy to get him shipped back and I think you should do that. You can report him for immigration fraud. 

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13 hours ago, just_passing_by said:

If what you say is true than you have a documented proof that he married for green card. It would be so easy to get him shipped back and I think you should do that. You can report him for immigration fraud. 

Do you think what he said on the phone is documented proof tho? I don't have a recording of it. I did get a restraining order based off of that though.

@YoungSkiekh313 ameen thank you for your kind words!

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37 minutes ago, Sarah929 said:

Do you think what he said on the phone is documented proof tho? I don't have a recording of it. I did get a restraining order based off of that though.

@YoungSkiekh313 ameen thank you for your kind words!

Oh I didn’t realize that it was through phone call. Either way, you should at least get authorities involved as you have been threatened and also you don’t want to be involved in green card fraud (with the assumption that the marriage took place to obtain green card)

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Abandonment of a wife is a valid reason for divorce. Seems to me like there’s a general lack of understanding of Islam. Certainly, the way he and his family acts is not in accordance with the sharia law. If I was you, I would of seek an alim who could give you a divorce and then sought a new partner who would be religious and lovely etc. If everything else fails, it’s better to divorce than live like that. 

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