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Fatima123456789

Would marry someone who had a temporary marriage?

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Salam

my cousin is talking to a potential rishta right now, and he revealed he has had a mutah previously with one person.

As it is technically permissible and the man seem pretty interested in deen and justified it through deen as well, would you guys be ok with this? She is very conflicted and not sure what to do as she has never done anything like this nor had any experiences like this before. 

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1 hour ago, Fatima123456789 said:

Salam

my cousin is talking to a potential rishta right now, and he revealed he has had a mutah previously with one person.

As it is technically permissible and the man seem pretty interested in deen and justified it through deen as well, would you guys be ok with this? She is very conflicted and not sure what to do as she has never done anything like this nor had any experiences like this before. 

Walaykum as Salam, 

Islamically there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t understand why she’s conflicted about it. Nikah mutah is a valid marriage that comes with a set of rules and regulations. He clearly didn’t engage in haram acts, like many do. She is free to marry him. 

Edited by OrthodoxTruth

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2 hours ago, Fatima123456789 said:

Salam

my cousin is talking to a potential rishta right now, and he revealed he has had a mutah previously with one person.

As it is technically permissible and the man seem pretty interested in deen and justified it through deen as well, would you guys be ok with this? She is very conflicted and not sure what to do as she has never done anything like this nor had any experiences like this before. 

Why conflicted?

Muta'a is mustahab and a Sunnah. 

She should be grateful that this man has enough faith to avoid sin and seek what is lawful. 

 

If he knew she's conflicted because of his previous Muta'a, he'd have every right to be conflicted about her faith.

Edited by SoRoUsH

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On 5/23/2020 at 1:26 AM, SoRoUsH said:

Why conflicted?

Muta'a is mustahab and a Sunnah. 

She should be grateful that this man has enough faith to avoid sin and seek what is lawful. 

If he knew she's conflicted because of his previous Muta'a, he'd have every right to be conflicted about her faith.

It’s a fairly taboo topic - her alarm seems warranted as a girl who has never had any experience. 

Let’s not call her deen into question as she is allowed to have an opinion 

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On 5/23/2020 at 5:28 AM, Fatima123456789 said:

I believe it was a “12 hour” marriage - and since she is young and inexperienced in that arena she feels uncomfortable. 

thoughts?

If I were in her position I wouldn’t marry person who has done mutah, she should find someone else, their is a video by hassanain rajabali which he talks about the dating scene and he mentions the negative effects of mutah. 

If she’s a virgine then she should find someone who is also pure, a complete reflection of her regarding that touchy area. 

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On 5/23/2020 at 5:28 AM, Fatima123456789 said:

I believe it was a “12 hour” marriage - and since she is young and inexperienced in that arena she feels uncomfortable. 

thoughts?

Meaning it was the result of a pre-existing relationship that culminated in a temp marriage for a few short hours in the night ... hopefully u understand. It seems it was primarily to meet specific urges.   

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26 minutes ago, Fatima123456789 said:

It’s a fairly taboo topic - her alarm seems warranted as a girl who has never had any experience. 

Taboo for whom? The ignorant? Her alarm is Islamically unjustifiable. There’s really no more to it. 

Quote

Let’s not call her deen into question as she is allowed to have an opinion 

On the fiqh, jurisprudential rulings, we do taqlid to the maraji’. If she is so worried about marrying a brother who previously was married, she should contact the office of her marja’ and ask about it. Her deen can be questioned if she is religiously ignorant on such a basic matters. Her opinion doesn’t matter in regard to the Islamic jurisprudence, she isn’t a marja’. She can marry him and there’s no more to it. 

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On 5/23/2020 at 6:02 AM, OrthodoxTruth said:

Taboo for whom? The ignorant? Her alarm is Islamically unjustifiable. There’s really no more to it. 

On the fiqh, jurisprudential rulings, we do taqlid to the maraji’. If she is so worried about marrying a brother who previously was married, she should contact the office of her marja’ and ask about it. Her deen can be questioned if she is religiously ignorant on such a basic matters. Her opinion doesn’t matter in regard to the Islamic jurisprudence, she isn’t a marja’. She can marry him and there’s no more to it. 

Ignorance is a stretch. It would be naive to pretend the practice of temporary marriage is not used in inappropriate contexts, jumping from partner to partner and/or without the proper guidelines being met. Popular TV shows and movies such as “Ali’s Wedding” illustrate this. 

Why should we not question the motivation behind someone doing a temporary marriage? Was it done the halal way or a quick whisper before the act? Context is important. Using a blanket statement to declare all temporary marriage permissible is reckless. 

you seem very learned in this matter so must appreciate that there are specific guidelines and conditions to be met. Please don’t be so quick to judge. No one is saying they know more than their Marjah. At the same time we need to be educated about our practices and the nuances that make them permissible. The Muatah described here does not appear to meet the basic guideline as detailed on a certain Marjah’s website. 

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On 5/23/2020 at 5:28 AM, Fatima123456789 said:

I believe it was a “12 hour” marriage - and since she is young and inexperienced in that arena she feels uncomfortable. 

thoughts?

I think she shouldn't worry much about a 12 hours marriage or however long it may have been. He did disclose it and he hadn't done Haram so that earns him respect if anything. There are guys that go on to indulge in all sorts of stuff prior to marriage and their wives have no idea.  

I also wouldn't be so quick to judge her faith or suggest ignorance, the OP alluded to her inexperience and opinion being uncomfortable with the fact rather than questioning the validity of a temporary marriage. She's after opinions not judgement.

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How do people actually get the opportunity to do a 12 hour mutah? How are they able to find someone independently with whom they get so close that they get to the point of doing mutah and that too for such a short term?

Most people around me are those who I believe neither have the opportunity to do any haram sex (even if they wanted to) nor can they have any access to any member of the opposite gender with whom they can establish such a close relationship which can extend to the point of mutah. Adultery, fornication as well as halal mutah are all options which are very difficult for many people to engange in, even if they desired to.

I reckon perhaps in some parts of the world, halal as well haram sex is very easily available and freely accessible for anyone who wants anything. 

In other parts of the world, neither halal nor halal sex is available and even getting married is one of the most difficult objective to achieve in life. 

So there seems to be an extreme variation in the opportunity men have around the world, to engage in nikah and mutah and fornication. 

Some men can do a 12 hour mutah whenever they want, and others cannot get married for years despite trying their best. Allah definitely tests people in different ways - some with easy access to all types of sex and for their ability to restrict themselves to what is allowed....and some with long periods of complete non-availability of any sex, whether halal or haram. 

This leads to the question.....if a person has the option to be in a situation where he might be able to do mutah, but might also have the opportunity to do fornication, should he then prefer to be in this situation rather than being in a situation where he is sure that he will neither be able to do mutah nor fornication?

The general rule in Islam is that a person should avoid situations where there is risk of haram. Following this rule, a man may be required to choose to be in a situation where he knows he can neither do mutah nor fornication, than choosing to be in a situation where mutah might be available but at the risk of opportunity for fornication. 

Edited by Azadar-e-Ali

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I have a little different view on this compared to others. The status of temp marriage is same as permanent marriage. Hypothetically speaking, Would I as a women want to marry a man who was married before? This is about preference, not about halal/haram issue. If I as a women kept myself virgin, there is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring someone same. Would I want to marry a guy who was married? Probably not. 
Again, this is not about what’s halal/haram or rejecting based on any other factor. It’s also not about doubting the mans character (he might have done a noble act by avoiding haram).  It’s about preference and Islam gives full right to marry someone you like. If the girl is already feeling uncomfortable right now, this doubt/suspicion would never go away after marriage. So save the misery and take the path of least issues. As marriage itself is a life long commitment with compromises you don’t want to add more from the get go. 

Edited by just_passing_by

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I owe you a response from another thread.

10 hours ago, SoRoUsH said:

Muta'a is mustahab

If it was mustahab, it would have been much more widely practiced during the days of the Prophet {s} and the Imams {a} (especially considering that it predates Islam - in some form). This is the nature of similar mustahab institutions (e.g. the giving to charity or congregational prayers). You are telling us that this act is mustahab but its practice was rare during the time of the aforementioned leaders?

You cannot simply bring a handful of ahadith which talk about the reward of doing mutah and then deem it mustahab - regardless of how authentic the chains are. You already know that some learned people deem those ahadith to be context bound for the sake of reviving a wrongfully abrogated practice. They say that these ahadtih contradict other ones which discourage it. Regardless of what you think about the authenticity of those latter ahadith, the evidence from the general lives of the divine leaders and the shia community indicates that it is not mustahab.

There is a need to balance some evidence against other evidence. 

In my opinion, since this act is not benign and reason leads us to believe that practicing mutah as a generally recommended act would lead to much psychological and social harm, then the evidence required for it to be considered mustahab needs to be a lot stronger. In this context, an extraordinary claim that requires extraordinary evidence. If this was a benign act or one that reason considers beneficial, then perhaps we could accept weaker evidence.

Quote

 he'd have every right to be conflicted about her faith.

How good are you at defending the authenticity of your own religious beliefs? E.g. the existence of God, the authenticity of your religious books, the authenticity of the books of rijal etc?

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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28 minutes ago, Muhammed Ali said:

I owe you a response from another thread.

If it was mustahab, it would have been much more widely practiced during the days of the Prophet {s} and the Imams {a} (especially considering that it predates Islam - in some form). This is the nature of similar mustahab institutions (e.g. the giving to charity or congregational prayers). You are telling us that this act is mustahab but its practice was rare during the time of the aforementioned leaders?

You cannot simply bring a handful of ahadith which talk about the reward of doing mutah and then deem it mustahab - regardless of how authentic the chains are. You already know that some learned people deem those ahadith to be context bound for the sake of reviving a wrongfully abrogated practice. They say that these ahadtih contradict other ones which discourage it. Regardless of what you think about the authenticity of those latter ahadith, the evidence from the general lives of the divine leaders and the shia community indicates that it is not mustahab.

There is a need to balance some evidence against other evidence. 

In my opinion, since this act is not benign and reason leads us to believe that practicing mutah as a generally recommended act would lead to much psychological and social harm, then the evidence required for it to be considered mustahab needs to be a lot stronger. In this context, an extraordinary claim that requires extraordinary evidence. If this was a benign act or one that reason considers beneficial, then perhaps we could accept weaker evidence.

How good are you at defending the authenticity of your own religious beliefs? E.g. the existence of God, the authenticity of your religious books, the authenticity of the books of rijal etc?

I won't go over the topic of Muta'a again. There are multiple threads on this topic in which I've participated in discussions. The bottom line is: Muta'a is Mustahab and a Sunnah. If you don't wish to believe this, then don't. Up to you. 

Wassalam

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Guest lol?Monad

so men marry to hold hands?. It would be better if everyone just admitted some basic truths such as biological functions play a large part in relationships, be it within a contractual agreement or not. A thiest cannot have a partner in order to satiate them selves, thus knowing the impact on social aspects , the marriage condition was instituted. The marriage instituion it self is controlled based on social class, unless the person is of beauty or of high qualitative worth.

The prophet had eleven wives and the divines had the many plus slave girls. So why is it socially acceptable for one class to have the many and not say others?. Because they claimed they were special and better then the rest?. History has shown the upper class always had more and demanded more as if it was their given right. But it was they who claimed, just as we see today.

2 hours ago, Muhammed Ali said:

In my opinion, since this act is not benign and reason leads us to believe that practicing mutah as a generally recommended act would lead to much psychological and social harm

you need to provide statistical evidence for this. The harm would come if the said individuals were irresponsible. I am sure studies would prove the type of brain that is over indulgent in such behaviors and the effect as a whole. I also doubt that short terms relationships are the sole problems. If we eradict one, then we must eradict the whole. In religion we like to point fingers at our own bias's because we heard so and so's story, but never try understand it as a whole. If we deny one then we must deny the whole. Four wives is not just to take care of someone, it is also done to indulge using law. If it was just for the sake of compassion as all like to claim, then the wives would not be so hesitant over it. After all it is for the greater good of society. So why is it not a social harm in having more then one woman?.

To the op, what is your friend concerned about?. That she isn't as special as she thinks she is?. That he might just use her?. Or he may indulge in it in the future?. So in truth this all really about her worth in his eyes?. If so, then walk away. How can she be conflicted? If someone is offered oranges and wants apples, they dont eat the apple.

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On 5/23/2020 at 6:15 PM, SoRoUsH said:

Muta'a is Mustahab

It may be mustahab in general but every person would have to decide whether it is mustahib in his particular case or not. If a married man is away from his wife for a very long period, several months or years and wishes to do mutah, it may be mustahib for him. But if he strongly fears that if he does mutah, it will negatively affect his relationship with his first wife - i.e, he fears that when the mutah ends, and he returns to his wife, his love for his wife will reduce.... or he will start comparing his first wife to his mutah wife and his bond with his wife will weaken ....what should he do in this situation? ...would it remain mustahib when the man is sure that he will develop stronger feelings of love for his new mutah wife and when the mutah ends, he will not be able to feel as contended with his original wife as he did with his mutah wife? 

While a man may temporarily enjoy mutah when he is already married, but when the mutah ends, he may feel that he now likes his mutah wife more than he likes his original wife.....so when the man is sure that this will happen if he does mutah, would it remain mustahib for him ? 

If yes, it would imply that a mustahib action may cause the marriage bond to grow weaker. This doesn't make sense as no mustahib action should result in weakening the marriage relationship. 

And if not, it would imply that mutah is not mustahib for each and every person - it may be for some people in specific situations, but it may not be mustahib for other people, for example if they fear that original marriage may weaken as a result. 

Edited by Azadar-e-Ali

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Regardless of what one's position is on temporary marriage, I find it weird that many men prefer to marry a virgin woman, but when the woman has the same preference, her faith is questioned. If a woman doesn't want to be with a man who has been with other women before, she is entitled to her preference. 

Edited by thegreenleaf

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On 5/23/2020 at 6:33 AM, Fatima123456789 said:

Salam

my cousin is talking to a potential rishta right now, and he revealed he has had a mutah previously with one person.

As it is technically permissible and the man seem pretty interested in deen and justified it through deen as well, would you guys be ok with this? She is very conflicted and not sure what to do as she has never done anything like this nor had any experiences like this before. 

Conflicted for reason, because we are living in times where we know those who uses mut'ah have desirable issues with sexuality and they try to make it halal. So she fears that if he have done this act then it is high possible that he will do it again when they are married. It is possible yes and if she can not tolerate such a thing, then there will be a lot arguments and torture that can lead to divorce for nothing. 

If she is in doubt about him then it is better for her to choose another man.

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On 5/23/2020 at 11:33 PM, Guest lol?Monad said:

The prophet had eleven wives and the divines had the many plus slave girls. So why is it socially acceptable for one class to have the many and not say others?. Because they claimed they were special and better then the rest?. History has shown the upper class always had more and demanded more as if it was their given right. But it was they who claimed, just as we see today.

Salam your post is a little slanderous because prophet didn't marry with them because his "upper class  " right for doing it but he did it for peaceful spreading Islam by making wedding relationship with Arab tribes by order of Allah not because of his desire anyway the most notorious elite people for misusing Muttah were Qajar dynasti that it said Naser al-Din Shah Qajar had 50 wives by misusing Mutah. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naser_al-Din_Shah_Qajar

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1 hour ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

 it said Naser al-Din Shah Qajar had 50 wives by misusing Mutah. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naser_al-Din_Shah_Qajar

Fath-Ali-Shah Qajar beats his record:
Fath-Ali Shah is reported to have had more than 1,000 spouses.[17] He was survived by fifty-seven sons and forty-six daughters, along with 296 grandsons and 292 granddaughters.[3] 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fath-Ali_Shah_Qajar

Edited by thegreenleaf

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12 hours ago, AkhiraisReal said:

what about the other way around, if a female had been in mutah relationship, would you guys marry her?

The answer obviously no, the issue with us guys some of us are hypocrites....., these type of guys need to step back and put them selves in their shoes and think what decision would they make.

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On 5/23/2020 at 8:03 PM, Guest lol?Monad said:

you need to provide statistical evidence for this. The harm would come if the said individuals were irresponsible. I am sure studies would prove the type of brain that is over indulgent in such behaviors and the effect as a whole. I also doubt that short terms relationships are the sole problems. If we eradict one, then we must eradict the whole. In religion we like to point fingers at our own bias's because we heard so and so's story, but never try understand it as a whole. If we deny one then we must deny the whole. Four wives is not just to take care of someone, it is also done to indulge using law. If it was just for the sake of compassion as all like to claim, then the wives would not be so hesitant over it. After all it is for the greater good of society. So why is it not a social harm in having more then one woman?.

This would need a long discussion and I am not in a position to get into that.

To address a few of your points:

  1. Some studies show that those who engage in short-term "relationships" tend to have weaker marriages. But I don't remember if those studies show that it is causation or correlation. Common sense tells me that it is likely both. If a person has in the past had mutah then they are more likely to do it when married - because the gates have been opened. Perhaps to you that isn't a problem.
  2. From the first point they are more likely to find their spouse less special. Ayatullah Mutahhari has this view too. Thus weakening the marriage.
  3. Some studies also show that those who engage in short term relationships have higher levels of depression. Some even show that the cause has been established and it is not correlation.
  4. Why is alcohol for women such a major component of short-term relationships? To mask the brain's signals that tell her that this is a bad idea. The woman's brain releases hormones which makes her attached to the future father of her child. This is not a factor that we should brush aside or belittle. 
  5. "then the wives would not be so hesitant over it." not true. You can't destroy human nature so easily. I am not of the view that women should just be asked to tolerate polygamy if they dislike it. It's callous.
  6. "So why is it not a social harm in having more then one woman?." It is a social harm when you take away from other single men. And it is for other reasons too.
  7. There is a reason why people think of these things as dirty or shameful. It is deeply wired into us. You cannot just put it down to social conditioning. The human mind knows that this thing can lead to pregnancy, diseases, emotional hurt, social instability, jealousy etc.
  8. The Lindy effect dictates that short-term relationships should be avoided. If I explain why, it would be controversial.

I am not of the opinion that mutah is haraam. I am of the opinion that it is certainly not mustahab (otherwise why wasn't it done more during the time of the Prophet {s}?) and it is to be avoided except for those people who are in a situation where the benefits outweigh the harms. Like people who have no hope of finding a suitable permanent marriage in the future. Or jaded old people who may have gone though a few marriages and this wont harm them as much as finding another spouse. Or certain "sahabah" who came from jahiliyyah and were already affected by promiscuity in their past. Or maybe even a divorced young person who had a bad marriage and wants to do mutah out of caution before deciding upon a permanent one. People are different and the way that they will be impacted by mutah is different. I don't think people should be tricked into it by being told it is mustahab. 

I am missing out many details here.

Edited by Muhammed Ali

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Guest ali_fatheroforphans

Salam,

A lot of questions can be asked if a guy got into a temporary relationship and had the guts to do that. If your cousin only care about the Islamic opinion, she shouldn't  have any issue.

However, if she cares about other aspects and has high expectations such loyalty, commitment and unconditional love etc. My advice would be that she should take a step back before making a life-long decision.

Nothing guarantees that he's not gonna have future mutah partners- he has the experience and any trip away from his wife will motivate him to take action. Trust me, some guys love the novelty and there isn't a shortage of potential mutah partners for married men in this world. 

Also, any guy who enters marriage just for sex, that's a RED FLAG. If he just did mutah for sex, start to raise some questions and investigate his deep motives. What is it about this long-term relationship that really means a lot? Does he value other aspects? Emotional connection? Intimacy? His responsibilities etc. 

Again, your cousin has every right to ask questions. She shouldn't ignore other aspects simpl cos it's "halal". 

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On 5/23/2020 at 9:32 AM, OrthodoxTruth said:

Walaykum as Salam, 

Islamically there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t understand why she’s conflicted about it. Nikah mutah is a valid marriage that comes with a set of rules and regulations. He clearly didn’t engage in haram acts, like many do. She is free to marry him. 

Salam I think it's a cultural problem because in case of marriage men want to marry with a virgin girl that wasn't in contact with any man & women prefer a man that wasn't in contact with any woman but doing Mutah by them is a good thing which proves they care about religious values & keeping their chastity.

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1 hour ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Salam I think it's a cultural problem because in case of marriage men want to marry with a virgin girl that wasn't in contact with any man & women prefer a man that wasn't in contact with any woman but doing Mutah by them is a good thing which proves they care about religious values & keeping their chastity.

Walaikum as salam

The prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) didn't seem to have this notion of wanting to marry women who had never previously been married. 

If we followed our religion instead of making up our own list of virtues perhaps we wouldn't be facing the social issues we face today. 

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Guest ali_fatheroforphans
12 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

The prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) didn't seem to have this notion of wanting to marry women who had never previously been married. 

The topic is about temporary marriage. You're relating this to permanent marriage.

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On 5/26/2020 at 4:54 AM, thegreenleaf said:

Regardless of what one's position is on temporary marriage, I find it weird that many men prefer to marry a virgin woman, but when the woman has the same preference, her faith is questioned. If a woman doesn't want to be with a man who has been with other women before, she is entitled to her preference. 

@thegreenleaf

Perhaps it’s because women, in their native state, are considered deficient in judgment, being more emotionally driven than men?

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8 hours ago, Guest ali_fatheroforphans said:

there isn't a shortage of potential mutah partners for married men in this world.

This really depends on which part of the world you come from. For many men, finding any partner, whether for nikkah or mutah is one of the most difficult targets to achieve in life. In fact, this is not limited to halal ways, many people would not even find ways to do indulge in fornication if they wished to. This can be a blessing of Allah - a test of sexual patience when men cannot find any woman for either nikah or mutah, and a divine protection when Allah saves men from fornication by not providing them the means to indulge in it. 

So, to say that mutah is freely available to married men is not completely accurate. Maybe yes in Iran/iraq and the US....but not everywhere. 

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On 5/22/2020 at 11:33 PM, Fatima123456789 said:

Salam

my cousin is talking to a potential rishta right now, and he revealed he has had a mutah previously with one person.

As it is technically permissible and the man seem pretty interested in deen and justified it through deen as well, would you guys be ok with this? She is very conflicted and not sure what to do as she has never done anything like this nor had any experiences like this before. 

In my opinion, depends how recent and if he is still emotionally involved. She doesn't want to be her husband's second choice. But if some time has passed and he isn't thinking about his previous wife anymore, all other things being good, she should consider him. He could have lied. His honesty and openness is a good sign. 

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