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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Hi all, I've many questions which I'd like to ask in this thread, please bear with me and I'd kindly ask you, please please please, try not to judge me as much.

Before I get started, I'd like to let you know I'm a 14 year old boy who has fallen DEEP into committing the sin of masturbation. I'm not trying to return back to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and I'd like some advice and I had some questions.

Firstly, I'd like to know how I can quit of doing this sin. It's become very extreme, even to the point where I'm doing it even when I'm fasting in the holy month of ramadan. I've tried many ways, different techniques, but to no avail, I could barely go up to a week without pornography and/or masturbation. Furthermore, I follow sistani as my marja' so please when answering try to show as much proof.

Secondly, I had 2 questions. Regarding the masturbation that I did in ramadan and while I was fasting during daylight hours, no ejaculation has happened and when masturbating, I had no intention of ejaculation. This actually happened, so does that mean I have to do qaza fasts AND kafarah, or only qaza fast or even none of the above?

Thirdly, my other question is this. Because I used to masturbate before, I tried to keep in the ejaculation and most of the times it happened. I was also ignorant at the time, and I just searched my questions and based rulings and my sins and etc of a sunni basis. According to them, if no ejaculation happens, ghusl is not required and only wudhu would suffice, I'd like to know if it's the same for Shia islam too or would you have to do ghusl even when no ejaculation took place?

I'll be looking forward to your answers, please please please, once again, try not to judge me, I'm already disappointed and embarrassed enough. Thanks.

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Salam Alykum,

To answer your questions first, and then my personal advice will follow.

1.I don't think anyone can answer this question as we do not really know your intention/circumsance of the situation. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself. Did this happen intentionally, or unintentionally? Either way, this is Ayotullah Sistani's verdict below:

Does masturbating during daytime of Ramadhan invalidate the fast, regardless of whether or not it leads to ejaculation? What is the penalty that should be incurred by one who does so? What is the ruling for a woman who engages in masturbation during daytime of Ramadhan, irrespective of whether or not it leads to discharge?

Answer: If a person masturbates with the intention of ejaculating and actually ejaculates, his fast is rendered invalid and he must make it up by way of qadha as well as pay the penalty (kaffara) which is fasting for two successive months or feeding sixty poor people. If he masturbates with the intention of ejaculating but does not ejaculate, he must complete the fast with the intention of pleasing the Almighty and then do it qadha.
If he masturbates without the intention of ejaculating and he does not normally ejaculate, knowing that discharge is probable and it actually happens —he has to do qadha without the penalty. However, if such a person was confident that no discharge would take place and it actually happens — no qadha is required. In all these cases, there is no difference between a man and a woman". 

I think this explanation answers your first, and second question . Kaffarah falls into this and should be paid along with Qadha as mentioned below. 

Question: What are the areas where both Qaza of fast and Kaffarah become obligatory?

Answer: In the following situations, both qadha and Kaffarah become obligatory, provided these acts are committed intentionally, voluntarily and without any force or pressure, during the fasts of Ramadhan:
1. Eating
2. Drinking
3. Sexual Intercourse
4. Masturbation
5. Staying in the state of Janabat till the time of Fajr prayers
And as a recommended precaution, invalidating the fast due to reasons other than those mentioned above, should also be recompensed with Kaffarah, besides the obligatory qadha .

3. Ghusl Janabat is only obligatory if sexual intercourse took place , or ejaculation with semen. Sometimes men experience pre-ejaculation which you do not have to preform ghusl for. If no seminal ejaculation took place, than ghusl in not required. However, if masturbation took place, and some fluids came out, I think the precautionary measure would be to do ghusl ( this is at your own discretion has you know best what your intention was ). 

Personal advice- We've all been there, whether in our teens years, or within adulthood. However, we can take one example from the Quran, and the story or Prophet Yusef as mentioned in Surah Yusef verse 22 to 27: 

22. When he reached his maturity, We gave him wisdom and knowledge. We thus reward the righteous.23. She in whose house he was living tried to seduce him. She shut the doors, and said, “I am yours.” He said, “Allah forbid! He is my Lord. He has given me a good home. Sinners never succeed.”24. She desired him, and he desired her, had he not seen the proof of his Lord. It was thus that We diverted evil and indecency away from him. He was one of Our loyal servants.25. As they raced towards the door, she tore his shirt from behind. At the door, they ran into her husband. She said, “What is the penalty for him who desired to dishonor your wife, except imprisonment or a painful punishment?”26. He said, “It was she who tried to seduce me.” A witness from her household suggested: “If his shirt is torn from the front: then she has told the truth, and he is the liar.27. But if his shirt is torn from the back: then she has lied, and he is the truthful.”

Prophet Yusef ran away from committing this sin. And one of the hardest sins a human has to conquer is his own sexual desires, and trust me for men it's quite hard especially for teens. Because you're so young, and marriage is not in your reach, the only practical thing you can do it limit yourself from committing masturbation until you reach the age of marriage. Below are some tips 

1: Understand what triggers these urges- could be you are bored etc. And that factors exposure 

2. Whenever you get an urge, drop the phone, laptop, tablet etc and do something. Maybe go out for a walk, pray, make dua ect. Something that distracts you 

3. Try not to be alone in your room LOL, remember Satan is waiting to whisper. 

4. Marry young- I don't mean marry at age 16, but try to marry with your parents consent at around 20-25. Our prophets, the Quran, and Imams recommend marrying young to avoid sin. 

Anways, I hope my comment help. Wish you all the best. 

WS

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The brother above has answered the jurisprudential questions and also shared some advice on how to protect yourself from this sin. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) reward him.

I think it's important to analyze and understand how you enter into these situations. Are you strict with performing the wajib acts and do you avoid all (other) haram acts?

Is your social environment driving you towards such actions?

Typically such sins are done alone/privately. One of the tips given is to avoid being in such situations. Leave your door open, use your computer/phone where others are present. 

By placing some 'obstacles' for shaitaan you will make it harder for him to distract you from righteousness.

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Another point worth noting here is that the Islamic law states that if someone has fear of falling into sin, then it becomes obligatory to get married. But it is almost a practical impossibility to get married at age of 14. So if someone knows that it is not possible for him to get married, then he should make sure that he doesn't put himself in a situation where marriage would become wajib on him while he is not be able to perform this wajib action. When a person knows that marriage is beyond his reach, he should make sure that not only he doesn't commit any sin, he also should not develop any fear of sinning because this fear would make it wajib on him to get married, which he then would not be able to do - complicating things even further. 

Ofcourse, it is very difficult to reach a level where an unmarried person neither commits a sin nor has even the fear of sinning because the man's nafs commands him to evil, but if Allah helps, chastity can be possible even without marriage, even for very extended periods, or for decades, like Hazrat Yousaf(عليه السلام). 

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20 hours ago, IDon'tWannaSay said:

 

Secondly, I had 2 questions. Regarding the masturbation that I did in ramadan and while I was fasting during daylight hours, no ejaculation has happened and when masturbating, I had no intention of ejaculation. This actually happened, so does that mean I have to do qaza fasts AND kafarah, or only qaza fast or even none of the above?

If there was no ejaculation and there was no intention of ejaculation than I don’t think that meets the criteria of Masturbation. Someone can correct me as my understanding is masturbation by definition means from Aya Sistani laws: “masturbation, meaning that a man – either with himself or by means of something – does something other than having sexual intercourse that results in ejaculation.”

 

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Posted (edited)

Hey, 14 year old . . .

Blank Damn Boy, it's the Last Ten Days and almost Eid.

Ain't you got nuttin' better to occupy your gray-matter with?

Don't worry, l will self-report my post under the category of "necessary belligerence".

Edited by hasanhh
spelin'
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Something else worth noting here. Apart from the negative spiritual/religious impact, there is also a negative psychological/emotional impact (depression, behavioral issues with the opposite gender) and potentially also physical impacts (sexual performance). 

This habit can potentially harm you on all fronts in life so you really must try to protect yourself from it immediately and continuously. 

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18 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

Something else worth noting here. Apart from the negative spiritual/religious impact, there is also a negative psychological/emotional impact (depression, behavioral issues with the opposite gender) and potentially also physical impacts (sexual performance). 

This habit can potentially harm you on all fronts in life so you really must try to protect yourself from it immediately and continuously. 

Now here are key words in summary:

negative . . . negative . . . potiential field . . . terminal ballistic impact . . . harm potentiality . . . bio-fronts . . . cover from fire

Conclusion: An army medic ?  -or-  College lnstructor ?

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On 5/20/2020 at 7:33 PM, YoungSkiekh313 said:

Salam Alykum,

To answer your questions first, and then my personal advice will follow.

1.I don't think anyone can answer this question as we do not really know your intention/circumsance of the situation. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself. Did this happen intentionally, or unintentionally? Either way, this is Ayotullah Sistani's verdict below:

Does masturbating during daytime of Ramadhan invalidate the fast, regardless of whether or not it leads to ejaculation? What is the penalty that should be incurred by one who does so? What is the ruling for a woman who engages in masturbation during daytime of Ramadhan, irrespective of whether or not it leads to discharge?

Answer: If a person masturbates with the intention of ejaculating and actually ejaculates, his fast is rendered invalid and he must make it up by way of qadha as well as pay the penalty (kaffara) which is fasting for two successive months or feeding sixty poor people. If he masturbates with the intention of ejaculating but does not ejaculate, he must complete the fast with the intention of pleasing the Almighty and then do it qadha.
If he masturbates without the intention of ejaculating and he does not normally ejaculate, knowing that discharge is probable and it actually happens —he has to do qadha without the penalty. However, if such a person was confident that no discharge would take place and it actually happens — no qadha is required. In all these cases, there is no difference between a man and a woman". 

I think this explanation answers your first, and second question . Kaffarah falls into this and should be paid along with Qadha as mentioned below. 

Question: What are the areas where both Qaza of fast and Kaffarah become obligatory?

Answer: In the following situations, both qadha and Kaffarah become obligatory, provided these acts are committed intentionally, voluntarily and without any force or pressure, during the fasts of Ramadhan:
1. Eating
2. Drinking
3. Sexual Intercourse
4. Masturbation
5. Staying in the state of Janabat till the time of Fajr prayers
And as a recommended precaution, invalidating the fast due to reasons other than those mentioned above, should also be recompensed with Kaffarah, besides the obligatory qadha .

3. Ghusl Janabat is only obligatory if sexual intercourse took place , or ejaculation with semen. Sometimes men experience pre-ejaculation which you do not have to preform ghusl for. If no seminal ejaculation took place, than ghusl in not required. However, if masturbation took place, and some fluids came out, I think the precautionary measure would be to do ghusl ( this is at your own discretion has you know best what your intention was ). 

Personal advice- We've all been there, whether in our teens years, or within adulthood. However, we can take one example from the Quran, and the story or Prophet Yusef as mentioned in Surah Yusef verse 22 to 27: 

22. When he reached his maturity, We gave him wisdom and knowledge. We thus reward the righteous.23. She in whose house he was living tried to seduce him. She shut the doors, and said, “I am yours.” He said, “Allah forbid! He is my Lord. He has given me a good home. Sinners never succeed.”24. She desired him, and he desired her, had he not seen the proof of his Lord. It was thus that We diverted evil and indecency away from him. He was one of Our loyal servants.25. As they raced towards the door, she tore his shirt from behind. At the door, they ran into her husband. She said, “What is the penalty for him who desired to dishonor your wife, except imprisonment or a painful punishment?”26. He said, “It was she who tried to seduce me.” A witness from her household suggested: “If his shirt is torn from the front: then she has told the truth, and he is the liar.27. But if his shirt is torn from the back: then she has lied, and he is the truthful.”

Prophet Yusef ran away from committing this sin. And one of the hardest sins a human has to conquer is his own sexual desires, and trust me for men it's quite hard especially for teens. Because you're so young, and marriage is not in your reach, the only practical thing you can do it limit yourself from committing masturbation until you reach the age of marriage. Below are some tips 

1: Understand what triggers these urges- could be you are bored etc. And that factors exposure 

2. Whenever you get an urge, drop the phone, laptop, tablet etc and do something. Maybe go out for a walk, pray, make dua ect. Something that distracts you 

3. Try not to be alone in your room LOL, remember Satan is waiting to whisper. 

4. Marry young- I don't mean marry at age 16, but try to marry with your parents consent at around 20-25. Our prophets, the Quran, and Imams recommend marrying young to avoid sin. 

Anways, I hope my comment help. Wish you all the best. 

WS

Thanks for your comment, it both makes me feel better and thanks for sending some advice - regarding the ramadan daylight masturbation, it kinda happened unintentionally and I'm certain that no ejaculation came out. The intention I had was for no ejaculation, but I knew discharge could be probable, and it actually happened - So does that mean only qadha because: 

If he masturbates without the intention of ejaculating and he does not normally ejaculate, knowing that discharge is probable and it actually happens —he has to do qadha without the penalty.

Once again, thanks for the comments everyone, greatly appreciated. Also if it matters, I'm in the UK, England for the others that were asking.

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